A QUIET PLACE is one of the best horror/thrillers of the year, if not already THE best. Every year, horror/thrillers come and go by the way side, with maybe a max of three making the “great” cut, and one of those three making the “masterpiece” of the cut. In my gut, this is already the “masterpiece” of 2018. This movie is very scary. Every jump scare is earned, no tricks and no making the audience feel like morons and cheated out. Oh and uh, I absolutely LOVE this film mainly because it is the first movie in a long long while that REQUIRES you to shut the fuck up during the movie. If you are a movie talker (or texter) and have no respect for the people you don’t know trying to watch the movie around you, I already think you are a piece of shit. But if you try to pull that crap during this film, you are going to have others possibly beat the shit out of you if you open your mouth.

There are possibly less than 10 lines of dialogue in this movie. And maybe about 20 to 25 sentences are sign language with subtitles for the audience. The rest is pure score, albeit used very sporadically, and the rest is dead fucking silence. You cough in the theater, you are going to be noticed. The movie takes its title literally. The theater, which was sold out by the way, was so quiet, I could hear the end credits of Ready Player One playing in the other theater. All the silence, noises where they need to be, and the score coming on where it needs to, completely amplifies your experience where you feel like you are actually there. It’s incredible.

Most of you know that real life married couple John Krasinski and Emily Blunt are in this film, but few of you probably know that Krasinski co-wrote this film, and also completely directed it. Yeah, Jim from The Office directed a horror movie. You have to hand it to the guy, I wouldn’t want to be known for playing one character my entire life. He tried to play something different at the end of Detroit, which didn’t work out really well, and the other films he co wrote (Promised Land) and directed (The Hollars) were ok, but he was basically Jim in those. Except for 13 Hours Michael Bay film, he definitely wasn’t Jim in that. And with this, and if he keeps on doing pieces of art like this, he is going to break completely free. He hardly speaks in this movie at all, and yes I was like “oh hey Jim, long time no see, how’s Dwight?” at the beginning, but less than a minute in, I knew he was a different survivalist type character, and Jim completely vanished. He could either do roles like that, or get out of acting and go completely behind a pen or completely behind the camera. Time will tell.

After a very emotional opening, the movie is about a family living secluded in the year 2021-2022, where most of the human population is dead. See there are these alien/creatures that are blind and can hunt you down like a motherfucker if you make any sound, so you have to be completely quiet and not make any sound above a dull whisper. The family is getting ready to have a child and (according to the billboard the survivalist dad has in the basement of the house to monitor these alien/creature sons of bitches) three are confirmed in the area. That is all I will tell you. If you hope to get a complete origin story about the aliens/creatures that are killing off the human race, prepare to be disappointed. But if you are easter egg lover like me and pay attention to the movie and look very carefully, there origin is completely spelled out in ink. Just look closely.

What’s really funny about the family getting ready for the birth of a child is that having the child is really only the dumb horror movie mistake that this family could have made (there is one other at the beginning but I won’t spoil it). And that’s another thing I love about this movie, the rest of the actions in the movie of the family are just and sound and not stupid. In fact, they are put into situations by outside influences, not their actions, and have to retool what they do in order to survive these new impending situations. I was never slapping my forehead wondering why a character as being so stupid. I was slapping my forehead because this family keeps getting the shaft and it really isn’t their fault at all.

The movie has done a good job in the marketing of keeping the full view of the creatures/aliens out of the promotional material. Good, these things are fucking frightening, and I am not going to ruin their look by describing it on here. Let’s just say whoever design them did a hell of a fucking job. Every human actor, what few there are, is great in this, Krasinski and Blunt bring their A game, but the show is completely stolen by their oldest daughter who is deaf herself (she’s deaf in real life too). Her performance here is amazing and show stopping whenever she is featured on the screen.

The movie runs a really really tight 95 minutes. There is no fat, no filler. Everything on screen is important and I was on the edge of my seat the entire time, never bored. The movie ends right when it needs to. In my mind I was shouting, please end here, if you end here, you will be a near perfect movie. And it ended there. I almost even teared up. A Quiet Place is required viewing in the theater if you can respect those around you. It is an exhilerating experience seeing it with a sold out crowd and nobody making a sound except when the jump scares (again, all earned) frighten them. If you can’t shut the fuck up or not take out your phone during the movie, then don’t go. You won’t like it at home as much I think, but come on, it’s only 95 minutes. Can you not have ADD, shut off your fucking phone, and close your fucking mouth? It isn’t that hard. Damn. Sorry. Yeah, go see A Quiet Place. It’s a quiet masterpiece.

Either your love Wes Anderson or you hate him. Actually, I believe there is a secret third category: where you accept him. I’m in that category. By accepting that all of his films from now on are going to contain that symmetry diorama signature style of his, I can now decide whether or not I enjoy the story and characters and sometimes animation (in this case) to say whether I love or hate one of his films. Out of all of Wes Anderson’s filmography, I only can’t stand three of his films. I didn’t care much for The Darjeering Limited. I didn’t care much for Bottle Rocket. And I can’t fucking stand The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. Since Darjeering and Life Aquatic came out one after the other with each other, there was a point where I thought he was losing his touch, going the way of M. Night Shyamalan.

But then Fantastic Mr. Fox came out and all was forgiven. My top three favorite films of his are Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums, and Fantastic Mr. Fox. ISLE OF DOGS is my very, very strong 4th favorite. (Don’t worry Andersonites, I still have an affinity for Grand Budapest Hotel and Moonrise Kingdom, a strong 5th and 6th). Isle of Dogs only proves beyond a reasonable doubt that after 2 live actions films he should always come back to stop motion animation and give us all a quirky tale with wonderful visual talent. Isle of Dogs story is simple. A dog flu epidemic has hit globally, all dogs have been shipped to this deserted trash island in order for them to live out the rest of the sad days and once they are all dead the virus is gone. A little boy pilot, named Atari Kobayashi hijacks a small personal craft and flies to the island in search of his dog Spots. Once landing, he doesn’t find Spots right off the bat but meets this alpha male dog pack led by Chief, voiced brilliantly by Bryan Cranston. There, Chief and the pack go in search for spots. Meanwhile, on the mainland, Mayor Kobayashi (he is the uncle to small boy), doesn’t want any of the dogs back ever again, even if a cure is found.

If you are a huge Wes Anderson fan and expect that very dry, weird and quirky humor you know all too well from him. It is here and it is here in spades. No disappointment on that front. Also, of course, so is his symmetrical shots and diorama like cinematography. However, while I have come to accept his style over the past several years, sometimes it still annoys me. But with Isle of Dogs, his style only enhances what is on the screen. The stop motion animation is simply beautiful, and Anderson makes sure you are too caught up with the story and characters for any of his visual style to truly take you out of the film (I think his visual style only really took me out of Life Aquatic, Darjeering limited, and parts of Grant Budapest, very small parts of that film).

The voice work, story, and characters here win the day. There are too many famous people and too many characters to list here, but Bryan Cranston, Liev Schriber, Scarlett Johansson, Greta Gerwig, and Edward Norton steal the show. The story takes a few nice twists and turns to keep everything lively and the audience on their toes. Is it a family film? With a couple of “bitches” said throughout the film, maybe. But if you are offended by the Peter Rabbit poisoning that human and part of that #ButtHurt brigade, this film isn’t for you. People die and animals die. But it’s the closest family film that Wes Anderson has made yet.

If I get anymore into the film I’m going to spoil it. Let’s just say, if you are a huge Wes Anderson fan and love stop motion animation, with charming characters and a good story. Don’t miss this. I wouldn’t say it is theater essential, but it is a definite much watch for you at some point. One thing is for certain, Wes Anderson is a very talented filmmaker. The only catch is that you have to truly understand him to understand his movies. I came around several years ago and have enjoyed the ride since. If you have never gotten on the ride, this is not likely to change your mind. If you are on the ride, this is a nice big fun roller coaster type exhilarating dip that makes you want to throw your hands up in the air and cheer.

Steven Spielberg is the only director that could’ve made the film version READY PLAYER ONE as great as it is. Although there are many, many fans of the book, there are detractors out there (you know who you are) that thinks the book is nothing but pop culture reference after pop culture reference with not much characterization, story, or any other kind substance. I for one, love the book, love it. I also though can see why the haters of the book don’t like it very much. They have some valid criticisms. Absolutely they do. That’s why Spielberg, and screenwriters Zak Penn and the author himself Ernest Cline, change not the core idea or overall story, but they do change most of the novel. Did…did you cringe there? Are you a fan of the book and want a shot by shot adaptation? Well, you don’t get one. But guess what? That is a great thing. Because Steven Spielberg has done it again. He managed the rare feat of taking a novel, and making the film version much, much better. That’s right, one of my favorite fun novels of all time has been turned into a film adaptation that is even better.

He’s done it several times already (aka Jaws & Jurassic Park), so I trust The Beard. But I can say that the marketing of this film isn’t really helping. The marketing is completely fooling you. It makes it seem like it’s going to be an exhausting ride of “oh look! There’s an Overwatch character, oh look! The Joker, oh look! A Gremlin!” And yes, some of that is in there, especially an in your face sequence that was my favorite part in the movie (I’ll get to that later). But instead of just being a Easter Egg movie where it’s just nostalgia knocking at your front door, the movie changes a bunch of things, where now a lot of the references serve the characters and the story, and the ones that really don’t are more subtle. And yes, I’ll admit, there are times where I was like “OH MAN! LOOK! IT’S THE WINNEBAGO FROM SPACEBALLS!” but fortunately the characters and story pulled me out of my hunting phase and had me focus on everything the movie truly had to offer: the story, the great great fix of characterization in this, and of course Spielberg’s fantastic camera work and special effects.

Let’s get to that fix in characterization. A lot of the people that think the book is a one trick pony feel like the novels focuses way too much on Wade Watts (which it does, but he’s the protagonist so get over it) and not enough with Artemis, Aech (all of the High Five in general), and especially the villain Nolan Sorrento. This is the main thing the film fixes. But that requires some change, because if you’ve read the novel, you know that *spoiler alert* Wade doesn’t really meet the real life Artemis until the very end of the novel *end spoiler* Because of that, you really don’t feel like Wade and Artemis fell in love and are smitten on each other, that it feels forced. Well, if you’ve seen the trailers, you’ve probably been wondering, “wait, why is the human Artemis (played exquisitely here by Olivia Cooke) in the trailers and tv spots so much?” Well, easy, there is a twist that makes her character come much much earlier into the real world fold, and it now makes the audience believe now that these two characters could fall in love. Especially with Tye Sheridan (Wade) and Olivia Cooke having great chemistry on screen with each other.

Also, you know that Nolan Sorrento is basically a faceless villain in the novel. In the novel, he’s just an over arching presence that is scary but since he’s the head of a major competing corporation, and is trying to actually kill people from getting the Easter Egg and control of the Oasis, he stays out of the spotlight. Not here. Here is he played to perfection by the great Ben Mendolsohn. He makes Nolan Sorrento is true villain, being in most of the film and hamming it up acting wise. I actually felt like Wade actually had a pretty good nemesis in this, where in the book it felt like Wade could pretty much beat anybody no matter how big or small. Also, the character of James Halliday (basically the Willy Wonka of the novel, where if you find his keys and Easter Egg, you win control of his creation) is greatly expanded here as well. In the novel, he’s more of a jolly little Willy Wonka type figure that is more in the background, and you only read about him a couple of times in news articles or dialogue from other characters. Here, he is in the film quite a bit with archival “flashbacks” and near the very end, where he has a fantastic conversation pay off with Wade. Also, there is a character named I-Rok that is maybe two pages in the novel, he’s throughout the whole movie here and is played menacingly yet hilariously by T.J. Miller. I could talk about this all day, but I don’t want to get too deep into spoilers, so to sum it up, if you didn’t like the novels treatment of them, might want to give the film a try.

This movie is Spielberg coming back to just make a fun blockbuster for his audience. He isn’t trying to make a masterpiece or perfect film (even though yes, I do unashamedly admit I find this film a masterpiece), he’s trying to entertain, while also not selling out, while also trying to change and make a film that audience of all ages will enjoy. In fact, I know the references in the novel are mainly from the 80s, but Spielberg does plug in a lot of references in the decades forward, just to make sure people born way after the fact can appreciate some of the ol’ Spielbergian magic without having to know everything about the past they didn’t grow up in. The acting in this is top notch. Tye Sheridan inhabits a perfect Wade Watts but it is Olivia Cooke as Artemis and Ben Mendolsohn that steal the show. Whether the characters in the Oasis were motion capture or not, everything flowed smoothly, with all the actors voice over work being exquisite to say the least.

And the action sequences in this are amazing. The beginning race (which isn’t in the novel at all) is fantastically shot by Spielberg. It isn’t Michael Bay type shit where you can’t tell what the fuck is going on, and it doesn’t slow down to try to spoon feed the audience either. Spielberg just knows how to shoot an action scene, where it is fast and furious in real time, but you can see every hit, slam, or explosion. He’s 71 and his direction in films haven’t lost a step. Also, the final battle is pretty fucking sweet too, especially a hilarious bit from a little horror icon you may or may not be familiar with. But my favorite sequence takes place in the middle of the film. Now, minor spoilers from the book here, but you know that Wade’s path to one of the keys involves basically reciting line for line of the movie WarGames right? And you are probably thinking, how the fuck is Spielberg going to shoot something like that and actually make it entertaining for his audience to watch? Well, he doesn’t do WarGames, he does something with another movie, and he makes it more of a tiny scavenger hunt within the movie more than having Wade or any of the other characters recite line for line. Also, remember how Wade in the novel has to play Joust for one of the keys? Yeah, you can’t really film that unless Spielberg and company made Joust with like updated graphics with 3D and shit, and not just some character that plays the original 2D game until he beats it. That’s what the race near the beginning of the film replaces. Don’t worry there is a 2D game moment where a character or two or three is playing very old Atari games, but it doesn’t drag on, and Spielberg twists it in a way that makes it completely intrigal to the story and not just a, “oh look, here this is!” Reference.

Now, let’s talk about the Oasis. Everyone reading the book has in their head what the Oasis looks like. From Ernest Cline’s description, everything is supposed to look very, very much real life, but with characters and shit from all of the pop culture experiences from the past several decades. When seeing footage from this film, you are probably scratching your head, because the Oasis looks more like a video game than it does with Cline’s description. Honestly, if Spielberg had tried to do exactly what Cline described, it probably wouldn’t have worked on screen. So yes, in the Oasis, it looks like a really really really fantastically graphically made video game, but it completely works. I was sucked into the Oasis. But here’s the even greater thing: you know how in the novel when you were with Wade in the real world you would keep reading just so you could go back into the Oasis? Not here, both the Oasis and the real world protions of the film are exciting to behold. Spielberg changes some of the aspects and adds twists to the story to make the real world seem more of a character and a central figure.

Two quick other things: John Williams was busy doing The Post for Spielberg at the time so Alan Silvestri does it here. And he does an amazing job. He makes Ready Player One musically his own, and doesn’t just blow up the score with giant rip off of other musical scores from other films, it is completely original with a little beat or two referencing another film every now and then, but not too noticeable. Also, I loved how Spielberg only has one direct reference to one of his films in the movie. The guy really is that humble. He didn’t even want to have the T-Rex in the film but finally succumbed because it made one cool obstacle in the race at the very beginning. Give this film to a guy like fucking Michael Bay, and he’d just over load it with references to The Rock or Bad Boys 1 and 2. By the way the race is the best highway/street race since Bad Boys 2.

Which brings me to this and it is a complaint I happen to agree with. The ending of the novel kind of clashes with what Ernest Cline I think was trying to get at with his novel. That while escaping reality can be loads of fun, it could be dangerous and you need to get off your phones, gaming devices and enjoy the real world once in awhile. The ending kind of muddles it because nothing really happens with the Oasis, it still exists and people still play and earn their living off of it. Spielberg, I guess you can say, kind of, fixes this problem near the end of the film. He actually changes just a couple of lines of dialogue and aspects of the ending where Cline’s message comes across a little better. Granted, it doesn’t fix the entire message, in some ways both the book and the movie could’ve focused on the message that “technology isn’t everything and in actuality can be dangerous and cut you off from your life” a little better, but what Spielberg minor fixes wise does help. I don’t think it fixes it majorly because if it did, I think the entire novel and story in general would have to be changed, but the ending in this is much better than the novel.

And so, with this review being a novel itself, we get to my concluding paragraph. If you want to have a rational discussion with me and disagree with me on the film but in a polite way, I’m more than happy to discuss more of it on social media with you in a private message. There is loads of stuff to talk about with this film, what I’ve talked about isn’t even the tip of the ice berg. But in conclusion, yes, I loved this movie. LOVED it. It is currently at the top of my list (yes, past both Game Night and Black Panther) for my favorite film of 2018 so far, and even though I don’t think it will be #1, it will stay on this list. Steven Spielberg rarely has ever disappointed me, so I knew he wouldn’t here, I just didn’t know how much they would change the novel and with all of his signature story telling devices, how much I would love another Spielberg film this much. Probably since Minority Report. Ready Player One is essential viewing in the largest screen possible with the best sound (3D was actually pretty damn decent here as well). But even when watching at home, Ready Player One is an adventure I would happily and am already ready to watch over and over again.

Hello there! This is your normal zany reviewer Zach, doing a short intro for my wife. Diane, who will  be reviewing the few films in the theater this year (and from now on) that I refuse to see, such as Mamma Mia 2, Overboard, and this film for which you are about to read, Midnight Sun. I did not not write this review, this is completely her, but I feel like she has a pretty good taste in movies (I married her didn’t I?) so trust me when I say that I believe whatever she has to say about a film. So here is her review below (future reviews will not have intro’s, just this one, and I will just replace my name with my wife’s):

MIDNIGHT SUN is a cute romantic movie that would be appreciated by sappy teenagers. If you do not like romance movies this is not the film for you. I hear others are comparing it to A Walk to Remember and that is very true. Almost exactly.

One of the good things is Rob Riggle. His performance is so great. You just want him to be your Dad. Patrick Schwarzenegger did well, he is a much better actor than his father. You can see that he takes after his mother. Bell Thorne was great once she started dying. Before that, her portrayal of a teen was just not believable. She was just too pretty and poised to play the awkward home schooled girl.

Of course if you look too closely at the movie you could tear it apart. There is no way the main character gets drunk at her first party and just walks casually into the house without a confrontation with her father. There is also no way that the boyfriend would not have found out somehow what her deal/disease was.  Teenagers talk too much for that not to have happened.  If she didn’t tell him, he would have asked around and found out from another source.

If all you want a mind numbing cliche romantic teenage movie, Midnight Sun is perfect. Just as long as you don’t look too closely and are ready for a good cry. Ultimately, I’d give it a C-, but as a romantic movie, a C+.  It’s nowhere near The Notebook or Rachel McAdams territory, and it will make you long for a better life altering movie romance that changes your world.

Was Steven Soderberg saying he was retiring from directing several years ago just like complete bullshit? Or maybe he retired for a couple of months and realized that he is kidding himself and misses the game? I don’t know, but if he ever talks about retirement again I am not going to believe him. His new film is UNSANE, which has the unique distinction of being completely shot with an iPhone. That’s right, an iPhone. And needless to say, he did a pretty damn good job. The movie is entertaining enough and the iPhone does bring about a claustrophobic feel when it comes to the actual story. Would I say it is one of Soderberg’s greatest films? Hell no. Would I watch it multiple times? Certainly not. But it was a heck of a one time watch, and I could see maybe watching it one more time to study the iPhone camera work that he does.

If you aren’t in the know Unsane stars Netflix’s The Crown’s Claire Foy, who after just moving and receiving good marks at a new job she has gotten, is involuntarily/voluntarily? committed to a mental institution where she thinks a very creepy, icky, weird, disgusting stalker has followed her from Chicago and is now trying to finally have her at said institution. But is he really there, or is it all a figment of her insane imagination. That’s for you to decide. The movie, at the beginning, does a really good job of trying to get you to double back whether you think this is really happening to her or not. If I do have one complaint about the film is that it shows all of its cards wayyyyy too early and should’ve waited another 15 to 20 minutes to let the audience in on the whole story.

But that is only a minor complaint. Even with the reveal, the story flows at a break even pace and doesn’t let the audience even a chance of nodding off or completely fall asleep. The acting too here is why this movie doesn’t just flow into the mediocre abyss of all the other crazy/not crazy wild mind trick films. Claire Foy (I haven’t seen any of The Crown but heard she is extraordinary) is great here too, playing a vulnerable, but ultimately strong and capable young woman that doesn’t know what she has gotten/forced herself into and just wants to escape this epic nightmare of utter lunatic proportions. I do want to shout out here though ex-SNL’s Jay Pharoah, who does an extremely good job as a likable inmate named Nate Hoffman. He had pretty good chemistry with Foy. Oh and the creepy stalker that may or may not be there, is played to utterly icky and cringe worthy brillance by Joshua Leonard.

There is one thing that almost took my out of the movie. A very, very, very, very well known actor/actress makes a very quick and short cameo in this movie, and it almost completely took me out of the movie. I won’t say who it is or what he/she was doing, but if I told you it wouldn’t end up being spoiler worthy at all. It really is a pointless cameo and I think it should’ve been played by a unknown actor/actress and a better result would’ve come from that quick 2-3 minute scene. The fact that the actor/actress was too recognizable, and a Soderberg MVP, took me completely out of the film, as I was trying to guess if he/she had anything to do with what would happen in future events (minor spoiler: No, he/she doesn’t, it really is a pointless cameo, nothing a la Kevin Spacey in Se7en).

The real star of the movie is the iPhone, for which this was shot in its entirety (probably not edited with though). The limitations of the iPhone works for the films advantage when it comes to Claire Foy being in a mental institution with really small rooms and big walls to lose your mind in. I could never really see anything big budget being shot with an iphone, but I do look forward to several films in the future being shot with just this device, but unfortunately instead of good pieces like this, we’ll get the era if iPhone horror schlock (watch, it will happen).

So yeah, I liked Unsane, not enough to buy it, but enough to watch it another time but this time watch the iPhone camera work. The story is interesting yet nothing you really haven’t seen before, and the performances take it out of being lost in the mundane see of endless films that are put out into theaters nowadays. And the cameo may or may not take you out of the film. Some people and critics have said this is better than Get Out. HA! Not by a long shot, but you might be pleasantly surprised that this film does work. It is an interesting watch to be sure.

Ok, listen, I’m probably going to get my ass ripped apart by some of you but I didn’t think PACIFIC RIM: UPRISING is as bad as the critics are making it out to be. But, if you didn’t like the first one (I actually happen to find the first one quite engaging), you aren’t going to like this one at all. But if you did like the first one, have an open mind but then leave it at the theater entrance door, and know that it at least can’t be as bad as the last two Transformer movies, you might come out of it thinking it was “‘aight.” Also, if you focus on the special effects, the fights, and John Boyega’s performance, you might not hate it as much as some official critics would allow you to believe. Of course, if you focus on the major problems, like the film completely ruining Charlie Day’s character from the first one, Scott Eastwood cannot act, and that the final ultimate objective of the kaiju is quite dumb in its Avatar-esque type plot device, you will REALLY hate this film.

So am I recommending this? Because it sounds like above that I can’t make up my mind. I’m going to give this a shrug. It’s completely harmless. It doesn’t really destroy the reputation or anything the first one built, but it doesn’t exactly expand upon it either. It is something to play in the background in a get together party in the garage or basement of someone’s house. It’s a literally shrug. It has its moments, but in the end you really couldn’t give a shit less. Maybe my expectations were just low going into the theater. I will give the film a little bit of merit for trying to do something different other than the rift just opening up again and the kaiju just coming out to play again. It tries to come up with a side story that thinks it is bolder than it actually is. It’s bold, but then it is ruined by what the kaiju have really been seeking all along. I really want to tell you what it is, but you’ll know it the second it comes out of Burn Gorman’s mouth. And you’ll roll your eyes.

Anyway, the set up plot is really basic bitch in nature. The son of Idris Elba from the first film, tried Jaeger school but failed and is now living the drunk, stealing, I don’t give a fuck life. He tries to steal something, crosses path with a young girl that is looking to steal the same thing (she actually builds a small jaeger herself), they get caught and to avoid jail she has to enter the Jaeger academy and he has to go back to train the lot of them. As you can tell it is very basic plot set up fair. And the more I think about it I can’t fucking believe writer/director Steven S. DeKnight fucking left Daredevil to do this. But then the movie gets a bit interesting once they get all that shit out of the way, and the story goes into a way to somehow bring the kaiju back. Again, I won’t tell you what it is. It seems pretty interesting at first, but then you get to the finale finale and its a bit of a let down. It’s basically blue balls when it comes to that plot structure.

But the action is actually pretty good this time around too, I saw it in 3D and I actually recommend seeing it in that format and in the largest screen possible. In those regards it brings you into its atmosphere and sucks you a little bit into the movie even though there are so many things going against it. Like Scott Eastwood. God damn, that kid is riding his father’s coattails and is just not coming up to snuff. He’s terrible in everything he is in, and he’s terrible in this. I want to tell him to get off Hollywood’s lawn. And Charlie Day. Fuck. They completely ruin what good will his character had in the first movie. Basically, take Charlie Day from the first movie, and have him fuck Charlie from It’s Always Sunny, and you get the monstrosity this movie deals his characterization. And almost unforgivable, thankfully he isn’t in the film too much. He’s in a lot, but thankfully its fleeting, if you catch my drift.

But John Boyega completely saves this movie from being total trash. He is not Finn in this, not at all. He makes Jake Pentecost his own character, using his native tongue, and you don’t even see a hint of Star Wars in him. I also like the Jaegar building girl Cailee Spaney. Usually a girl like that would be annoying but here she gives off some pretty good attitude. I just didn’t like that basically they recycled the plot line of the junk girl from the last Transformers movie into this. It makes it seems somebody was copying somebody else and that there was no originality when it came to her storyline. Another two actors that come back from the original are Burn Gorman and Rinko Kikuchi. Burn Gorman’s character is thankfully the same good old comic relief from the first film. But if you are excited that Rinko is back, hold back your expectations. You should know what happens by now to original characters that come back in sequels where the sequel takes place a decade after the first one…you’ll know what I’m talking about when you see the cliche.

So meh. Shrug. It’s not as bad as the critics are saying, but the film isn’t great by any means. It’s a mindless time while sick in bed on Netflix or perusing movie channels at home (if you still subscribe to that shit). There is a right after the end credits sequence that hints at another different way that the film could go, but I say let it die. The first film didn’t need a sequel. It was and is completely unnecessary. If they do do a third though, get Guillermo Del Toro back on board and fire the rest, because I don’t think my ass will be back in the seat if the same people from this are brought back. While this didn’t destroy the franchise, there were definite seeds planted that ultimately could bring about the apocalypse. But for now, *shrugs* whatever.

The first question you are going to ask me in reviewing this new TOMB RAIDER might be: does it break the video game movie curse (if you believe in such things)? No, it doesn’t, but it knocks a big dent into the curse door and is a huge step in the right direction. Since I am a movie person, I go along with this ‘curse’ deal, but in actuality, I just don’t think video games were meant to be turned into movies, because video games themselves are one giant movie to begin with. And yes, I have played two of the old Tomb Raider games and I have played the two fantastic masterpieces that are the two recent newer Lara Croft adventures all the way through as well. This film is the closest any film has gotten to actually feeling like the videogames it is portraying. It is definitely now my favorite video game movie, but does that necessarily mean anything considering my favorite one before this was 1995’s Mortal Kombat?

And yes, this movie is SO much better than the two terrible films we got more than a decade ago starring Angelina Jolie. I watched those two films again recently and they are just too silly to be taken not only seriously, but turn your brain off entertainment. They are just slogged down in incoherent drivel that makes absolutely no sense. The only reason they are remotely watchable is because of Jolie’s charisma after the time, having just won an Oscar. And speaking of just having won an Oscar, Alicia Vikander is more than half of the reason this film works at all. She looks like she wants to be there, even did her own stunts, and she has the charm and wit of Lara Croft from the newer games. She’s the closest we could possibly get without Camilla Luddington (she voices Lara in the new games) leaving Grey’s Anatomy and doing it herself. Unfortunately Luddington is too old for the part on screen now, seeing as we are starting out with Lara in her very early 20s.

Now, this movie does have problems. Like any video game movie does. The story, which actually sounds interesting at first, is more of a MacGuffin with a few lines of dialogue here and there trying to give it more of a background but not quite getting where it needs to be to be decent. If you know anything about the games, you know Lara Croft has daddy issues, and that is essentially the beginning here too, with her finding out that the last time she saw him 7 years ago, he was going in search of Himiko, Queen of Yamatai who seemingly had the power over life and death. She finds old research of his journey and goes out in search to see what happened to him. She takes a drunk captain, Lu Ren, and his shoddy boat to the island, where she meets Mathias Vogel, having been on the island because of her father for the past 7 years, still unable to find Himiko. He thinks that Lara can unwillingly help him.

And the story goes from there. I do have to admit, marketing is keeping one huge thing from the audience, and I did appreciate that it did, as it added a little bit more layer to an overall story that would’ve been flatter without it. Here is the main problem with the whole story. I wanted to know more about the history of Himiko, Queen of Yamatai, and I wanted searching her tomb and solving the riddles and puzzles more of how the game does it. The video games has these riddles and puzzles that you have to solve throughout it, and you are with Lara and she is talking out loud while you solve the puzzles, linking it to the history of the MacGuffin, where as you find out more about everything, and everything becomes a tad bit more interesting. They don’t really do that here. They do do it in one scene where a floor is falling underneath them, and that scene is really good, and I wanted more of that. A lot of it, Lara is just looking, moving, and pushing stuff, and “wha-la!” it opens, and we don’t get any substantial information on how she figured it out.

Basically I’m saying I want a Tomb Raider movie to have the good action and stunts that it had (some shoddy CGI in places but that is to be expected), combined with National Treasure-esque puzzles and clues. The National Treasure series is a great treasure hunting movie, it only lags when it tries to bring ho-hum action into the mix. Tomb Raider is a decent action film, but it needs that National Treasure charm. And with the one scene that it does get right, I feel like it could master it with a better and tighter screenplay. Even though National Treasure combined fictional clues with factual history, it made learning the things that were true fun. I feel like these new Tomb Raider movies can duplicate that but with solid action.

There is still a lot to like about this movie. They say something to the line of “there is some truth in myths,” and they don’t just say it for dialogue sake, it does have a good huge surprising payoff in the end. I did like the subtle nods to the video games. And I did like the not too in your face world building they have for Trinity, Lara Croft’s main enemy corporation in the games. Walton Goggins plays a decent bad guy, although he plays it a little too straight here. I mean, the guys has been on the island for 7 straight years, they should’ve wrote in some wacky quirks that his character had developed from cabin fever or something.

But this is all Alicia Vikander’s show. She is great in this and I really hope they make sequels and that she comes back and reprises her role. This isn’t the excellent be all end all of great video game movies. But it is a great step in the opposite and now right direction from shit we have gotten in the past. But what do I know? This review is coming from a guy that thinks the Super Mario Bros. film was ahead of its time and instead of seeing it as a shoddy production with writers and directors that didn’t know what the fuck they were doing, sees it instead as a accidental tiny little weird fucked up triumph. And this is coming from someone that has watched the Mortal Kombat film a hand full of times and still enjoys it (I can’t stand the sequel though) (I did enjoy the recent live action shorts but nothing really came out of those big screen wise). Anyway, Tomb Raider is a little nice March 2018 escapism that finally shines some light on videogame movies that could be. Hollywood might be finally turning this thing around, although Rampage could turn it right back again, we’ll see.

 

Let’s get this out of the way right now, you don’t have to be gay to love LOVE, SIMON. (I don’t know why some morons on social media are saying that you have to be. They are either homophobic assholes or just don’t know shit and need to leave the human race). In my opinion, this movie could be loved by everyone, anyone. Also in my opinion, but I look at this as absolute truth, if you don’t come out of Love, Simon either loving it or getting choked up at certain moments, maybe you need to reexamine yourself as a human being. I know this is pretty early in the year but there is always one high school/school comedy/dramedy each year that comes out on top and above all the mediocre rest. 2016 was The Edge of Seventeen, 2017 was Wonder, and I have a feeling Love, Simon has already won 2018.

If your head is up your ass, or you don’t watch TV or go to the movies much, the film is about a high school guy named Simon that knows he has been gay for about 4 years, but is hiding it from everyone: family, friends, etc. He doesn’t know when or the right time to come out. On the high schools own social web page this other student named Blue writes a post about being gay and having to keep the  secret from everyone, not knowing what to do. Simon sees this post and decides to respond, using an alias himself, and after his post his life is thrust into a whirl wind of revelations, some heartfelt, some filled with heartache, and he might have to make a decision sooner rather than later to come out to everyone.

Since I am not gay, and I am not in high school at this time, I don’t know whether to tell you whether or not this is the quisisential movie of our time about knowing you’re gay when you are young,  having to deal with it with others, keeping it a secret, when to come out etc.  I do know that the movie felt real, with a little light splash of Hollywood glitz and glam here and there (especially toward the very very end). It felt real with the acting, the dialogue, and the story. If I have one complaint about the film, is that I would think that it might be a little bit darker of an experience once you come out to everyone in real life. I have a feeling that high school kids would be meaner or someone like that would have a tougher time. But then again, like I said, I didn’t go through that, so I don’t know. I’m just doing a movie review here and letting you know that I really liked it.

What did I really like about it then? I really liked that the movie kept me guessing the identity of Blue, and when revealed, was actually shocked. Its marketing has kept the identity very well hidden and I hope that it isn’t spoiled for others. I loved the acting. You think the guy that plays Simon, Nick Robinson, is a fresh face, but you are wrong. He has been in some high profile stuff, like Jurassic World, Everything Everything, and The Kings of Summer, but with his amazing performance in this, he is likely to shoot up to the big time quick. Katherine Langford is also in this, you know, the main suicide girl in 13 Reasons Why, and even though she isn’t in this too much, she actually shows she has some range, by playing someone completely different from Hannah Baker and pulling it off. Jennifer Garner is great in her role as Simon’s mom, and I only wish that TV spots weren’t giving away some of her very sentimental speech near the end of the film to her son. And if you’ve ever had a doubt about Josh Duhamel, like I have countless times, this is his best role to date, playing Simon’s dad, but having some playful edge to him and actually feeling like his first true character he has ever inhabited.

The movie is a tight hour and 50 minutes, and it didn’t even feel that long. I laughed quite a bit, and the film earned all of my emotions instead of trying to force them out of me. This was written by scribes that have written for This Is Us and directed by the main head honcho producer of the CW DC superhero Universe Greg Berlanti. Since this is mainly a point and shoot movie, with the director, you gotta make sure you capture the performances, and with this he does an extremely good job, but he is sure to throw in a musical (really funny ending) number in there to let audiences know that he could be even better at different things. And thankfully, unlike This Is Us, which seems to throw too much heartache and doesn’t balance enough happiness with its stories, doesn’t lay the sentimentality in this too thick. It felt like just the right amount, and didn’t go into too much into a sappy ass territory.

Finally, I forgot to mention movie is based on a book that I would now like to read call Simon Versus The Homo Sapiens Agenda. Yeah, I can see why they changed the title, the book title is perfect but for a movie title it would be too long. Anyway, yeah, I really really recommend this movie. And like I said, I don’t know if this is the be all end all of gay/coming out movies, you’ll have to tell me, but it was a very enjoyable and honest look about it according to my eyes. I wanted more when the end credits hit, I wanted to see more of that world and more of the characters. And if you ever feel that way when you walk out of a movie, you should know that you loved it.

STRANGERS: PREY AT NIGHT should be the poster boy of what NOT to do when you make a horror movie sequel to a beloved original film. The first Strangers film is bleak, horrifying, and pretty damn scary because it has a eerily realistic tone and feel to it. Strangers 2 throws all of that garbage out the window and, except for a really well done pool fight scene with the song “Total Eclipse of the Heart” playing in the background, is a fucking disaster. The film is completely unrealistic, it’s eerie factor from the first film is gone replaced by cheap jump scares and bizarre chase tactics, and all the characters constantly contradict their previous characterization choices. It is mind numbing, dull, and very annoying.

The one really good scare the film had going for it, the movie trailer and all the television spots out there ruin it. It takes place where a character, played by Bailee Madison, is in sort of this construction concrete/maybe plastic circle, with good lighting and camera work. Ruined… because they decided its all they really had and put it in the fucking marketing. Whatever, it isn’t the main problem with this film. The main, main, main, main problem, is that the took the realistic, scary Strangers that stalk and kill for absolutely no reason at all, and turned them into superhuman horror movie like monsters such as Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees. One of the characters takes a such gun blast point blank to the chest, and survives long enough to be able to say “why not?” when one character asks, “why are you doing this?” I understand that THOSE characters don’t know why they are doing this, but the audience already does if they’ve more than likely seen the first film, so we didn’t really need that dialogue to begin with.

Oh, and another one of the Strangers not only survives a car explosion, but after falling to the ground after taking a giant piece of glass out of his chest, is able to, two minutes, later, catch up to the running teen he was stalking and be able to hand on to a moving vehicle while still swinging his stupid ax. It is insulting not only to the vicious killers as characters, but it is insulting to the audience, hoping for a realistic follow up to a pretty damn good first film. I do understand that the filmmakers were trying to give the audience what they wanted, by making most of the Strangers finally get a comeuppance of sorts for their murderous psychopathic behavior, but I feel as if they could’ve still done it in a more down to Earth way like the first. Turning your killers into walking entities that almost can’t be killed takes away any and all tension your film had in the first place.

Oh, if you needed to know, this movie is about a family that is on their way to take their daughter to a boarding school because she is a hot mess in real life (gee, we’ve seen that one before haven’t we?), and stop by their Aunt and Uncle’s trailer park getaway place to spend the night, only to be stalked and killed by The Strangers. Stupid and un-creative set up huh? Surely everyone involved could’ve come up with something better than cliche upon cliche upon utter cliche of shit done thousands of times in the 80s and 90s right? I understand that horror films don’t care anymore and just need a basic set up to get to the killing because the film is a short 85 minutes long, but I mean, I feel that everyone coughing up their money to see your movie should maybe get little better nuggets of realism than what this film did.

Other than the pool scene mentioned above, everything about this movie is just rushed and lazy. Did I forget to mention that after his mom and dad are seemingly just killed, and he has one of The Strangers dead to right with a working loaded gun pointed right at her face, he doesn’t pull the trigger? Are you fucking kidding me? I don’t think anyone in their right mind would’ve hesitated and shot the full clip into that bitch. Especially when ten minutes later he’s stabbing one of them like his life depended on it, and because he didn’t kill the other a cop gets his throat slit. It’s stupid and insulting. All of it. Even the acting, the parents are stupid and non believable and Bailee Madison is there to just scream and run. Not too intricate.

This is a horror series that didn’t need a sequel. When saying it is “based/inspired on true events,” they are stretching those true events to dimensions wayyyy beyond fiction. Doing some research, there aren’t really Strangers out there, the filmmaker based the first film on that Manson-Tate murders and a couple of non violent break ins in his neighborhood when he was a kid. But the first film still worked due to its realism, so why couldn’t they have just stuck with that for the second film? Why up the ante in all the wrong ways? Let’s hope they make this franchise a real stranger, one that we never have to see ever again.