Tag: Movie Review

Zach’s Zany TV Binge Watchin’ Reviews: BOSCH SEASON 6 (Amazon Prime & kind of a review of the series as a whole)

I’m not sure if I’ve ever reviewed BOSCH on my blog, I might’ve done Season 4 and 5 really quickly as quick blurbs on a Facebook status update (don’t think I ever even mentioned 1-3), but never a review such as this, so since I watched all 10 new episodes in a matter of 5 days, and there isn’t much to review anymore, let me talk about SEASON 6! Already renewed for one last season after this one (providing that this cocksucking buzz kill of a virus ever goes away and they can go into production), I’m happy to say that Season 6 does not just feel like a bridge season to its final go around. It is its own thing, tying up loose ends that were introduced late the previous season while bringing up some new mini cases/disputs that are solved in a couple of episodes and some threads introduced in the last couple of episodes that will mold themselves into the next and final season. All wrapped around giant and satisfying character arcs. That’s BOSCH in a nut shell. Every season has been this way. This isn’t like the Marvel Universe where they just plant stuff for a big endgame. No season has been better than the last and I can’t for the life of me think of my least favorite season. It’s like a company that pays its credit off in 30 days, never early, never late. Always constant and steady. Though I’d have to say if I were to go back and rank all the seasons (basically I’d have to watch them all again to determine any type of comparison) I would probably rank this one high up there as I probably watched Season 6 the fastest out of any other season (though because I’ve had time on my hands with quarantine more than my “gotta watch the next one now” vast enjoyment of the season). Basically…if you’ve never watched the show but my review piqued your interest, and you have a shit ton of time on your hands because of bitch ass COVID-19, I highly recommend that you watch these very tight and entertaining 60 episodes all together (10 a season).

Bosch is based off of Michael Connolly’s fantastic novels that feature the L.A.P.D. homicide detective named Harry (Hieronymus, named after the painter) Bosch (if you have some time to kill, read all of those novels starting with The Black Echo, they are fantastic police procedurals, the most realistic ones I’ve read). The tv series is more like companion pieces to the novels than actual page by page adaptations, so you can both read and watch and no really be spoiled by too many similarities (although there are definitely some). Season 7 takes its cues from an older Bosch novel, ‘The Overlook’ and a much more recent one, ‘Dark Sacred Night.” Harry has two main pursuits of justice this season: he’s trying to track down the killer of a woman’s daughter that he met last season when he was going undercover as a drug mule, and also trying to find 32 missing pieces of cesium that were stolen from a Los Angeles hospital that they are afraid might be used in a dirty bomb. If you are worried that that just sounds like typical old episodes of Jack Bauer and 24, don’t be. Bosch is probably the realist police procedural show I have ever seen on television. The whole force takes its time and detectives do (and you see them) do actual detective/police work to mount enough evidence to get the criminals justly behind bars. There isn’t some random person doing work ‘behind the scenes’ like in NCIS, Castle, what have you that just comes out of the background to deliver a startling piece of evidence/revelation at the last minute that changes the entire case outlook. So while you think that the police work might be slow, to me, all of its taking time just makes it feel that more rich, believable, and authentic.

Kind of like Michael Connolly’s books that I’ve obsessed over ever since my father introduced me to them. And not just his Bosch series, all of them. Connolly creates fantastic attention to detail in detective work, where you didn’t know filling out a police report in the mind of one of the characters could be so damn entertaining! At first it was hard for me to adjust to Titus Welliver playing Bosch (as I had a different image of him in my head when reading the novels), but man, after the first season or two, he’s all I see when reading the books now. He’s got the character nailed to a T. In fact, everyone is good here. This show isn’t just about Bosch, it’s about several different characters, sometimes with their own little stories completely separate from him. Bosch’s daughter, police chief, direct lieutenant, his partner, etc. etc. all get little stories within the season that just bulk up their character development arcs and make the show just have that much more impact as a whole. If there was a weak link to all these stories, would definitely be Bosch’s partner’s (named Jerry Edgar, whose character is much more mature in this than he is in the books). Not to say it is bad, it was just his story dealing with people who killed his confidential informant just wasn’t as interesting as the others, and sometimes it was a bit difficult to follow with all the moving pieces in play. Still decent though.

If I had any complaint about the filming of it is that some scenes linger a couple of seconds longer than they should, sometimes with weird character expressions, reacting to a situation. That’s just a nit pick really, my own personal bullshit complaint, as I realize it is probably to make all their performances more realistic and grounded in the long run. The biggest strength of the series is that it doesn’t get too…well 24ish or Homelandish (even though both are still two of my favorite series of all time). Nothing is bombastic, nothing with an actual countdown clock to signal impending doom for the city and/or characters. It just feels…real. It feels like the books, and isn’t that the best compliment in the end, where you can say that both the novels and the medium they are based on compliment each other very well and that you don’t at all even close to hate the adaptation? But in fact, almost love it just as much? You can tell that Bosch is produced on the cheap end, there aren’t that many, if at all, explosions or fancy gun shooting with unique camera angles…but in the end…you don’t want Michael Bay bullshit in stuff like this anyway. You want it simple, tight, concise, and realistic. Bosch Season 6, and the entire series as a whole, has exactly that. And you just feel criminal if you even ask for just the slightest bit more.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: UNDERWATER

This is a perfect one time watch rental. That’s the highest praise you will get from me regarding UNDERWATER, a film that was shelved for several years and then just released in theaters in January and one of the few movies I purposefully decided not to see due to the month it was dumped in and the not so great reviews that followed. But it isn’t that bad really. Sure it has got a butt load of script issues (that I would normally rip a new asshole for) but I was entertained and watched my rental (had a good 99 cent deal on Fandango now, the only reason I decided to go for it) the full way thru, never pausing once. It’s a giant rip off of Alien and all the other movie monster survival horror/thriller films you have seen but with one saving grace: the suspense starts about 2 to 3 minutes in and doesn’t let up until the credits rolled. It sacrifices almost all of character development for it and we don’t get a good sense of geography where these people are staying and their location where they are drilling underwater, but the fact that the movie just starts without cliched bullshit set up was a nice change of pace indeed. Even though their characters weren’t developed at all, throw in some decent acting from Kristen Stewart (minus the voice overs at the beginning and end, those were fucking horrid) and others, a nice classic monster reveal, and all at a breakneck pace, it really is the definition of a perfect rental. Worth buying? Absolutely fucking not.

Here’s IMDB.com perfect log line, “A crew of oceanic researchers working for a deep sea drilling company try to get to safety after a mysterious earthquake devastates their deepwater research and drilling facility located at the bottom of the Mariana Trench.” Needless to say, if you’ve seen the previews, you know it also deals with barely seen monsters lurking in the deep as well. The monsters are CGI as fuck, and not interesting to look at or care for, but there is a reveal near the end of a classic monster of lore that you may or may not know, and it makes up for the little monster inconsistencies. The film was directed by William Eubank, and I hadn’t seen his other high profile film called The Signal, but seeing as that got better reviews than this, maybe I should. The direction in this is okay. Everything shot inside looks nice and crisp with nice darker colors to establish mood, but anything shot with them in their suits underwater looks awkward as fuck, and you can tell that none of them really shot a day underwater, all CGI screen screen in suits, it was a bit disappointing. Especially when action shit would happen, because you really couldn’t tell what the fuck was going on, and these sequences made reason for me to believe why the film was ultimately shelved in the first place. The film was written by two people, one of which, Adam Cozad, hasn’t written anything I really cared for as The Legend of Tarzan and Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit were quite fucking dull. But Brian Duffield, the other screenwriter, wrote The Babysitter, a great, great Netflix film if you haven’t seen it starring Samara Weaving. And I can tell the “just start the movie with action” part of the script was probably his idea. As The Babysitter, a short movie as well, both less than an hour and a half, doesn’t really mess around with too much exposition, just wants to get into things.

Which is ultimately commendable, but if The Babysitter really had any problems, it was the character development of the other bad guys (Samara Weaving and the main kid were fine). If this guy can write a film that just starts into the action but somehow mixes in great character development that doesn’t feel forced (they had a little something to all the characters in this, most with Kirsten Stewart, but it feels hammed up and I didn’t end up caring for them at all), he might be onto something with future horror/thrillers. Right now though, he’s strictly “O.K.” in my book. Kristen Stewart, although still somewhat doing her “aw shucks” routine, is good here, just like she seemed like she was game for Charlie’s Angels. And all the acting from the other players were decent as well, including Vincent Cassel, Jessica Henwick, John Gallagher Jr, and my man Mamoudou Athie, but all of them have no character development or are barely in it, so take that for what you will. T.J. Miller is in this quite a bit, but he just does his T.J. Miller bit, and its kind of tiring now to be honest. But to give him credit, it was filmed when people were still going for his bit, and before he got into behavioral trouble. Anyway, there’s nothing more that needs to be said other than it is a perfect rental. It is not one of the best films of the year, nor is it one of the worst. It is just there for you to watch while bored, and a minor ultimate quarantine pick me up. That’s the best recommendation this will get from me. Any other year, probably would’ve ripped it to shreds based off the fact it’s just another Alien rip off. It doesn’t know how lucky it came out when it did.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: THE MAIN EVENT (Netflix)

Oh God Netflix…why…why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU EVER GREEN LIGHT THIS FILM FROM BEING MADE or if it was already made, WHY THE FUCK DID YOU BUY IT FOR YOUR STREAMING PLATFORM?!?!? THE MAIN EVENT is a catastrophe of epic proportions. Easily one of the top worst films of the year for me and it even shit on several child hood films I liked as a kid/teenager. Here we have another film in the weird genre of “inanimate sports object is magical and makes a kid or teenager play so good that he goes pro or semi-pro. What would you say is the last decent one of those? Like Mike maybe? Maybe Slam Dunk Ernest? I know it might be considered a stretch but I’m willing to just put Rookie Of The Year in this category even though it’s an arm and not an inanimate object, just so I have better films to compare this piece of shit to. Gun to my head, I would watch those three on a repeated loop for a year than watch a whole minute of The Main Event ever again. When actor/comedian Adam fucking Pally looking like he’s bored to tears in the movie (even though that is kind of supposed to be his character) and you can tell he just did it for a paycheck…something is seriously amiss with this. In the movie, a real wrestler from WWE farts so hard that he nearly blows the protagonist out of the ring in this movie. I…SHIT…YOU…NOT.

If I were to describe The Main Event, it’s pretty simple. Take Like Mike, take out the basketball and magic shoes, replace them with “wrestling” and a lucha libre mask, but then add about 2000% more cheese. There you go. A kid, who’s mom just left him and is being raised by his grandmother on her side (forced feels here) and his now single father, finds a magical wrestling mask when hiding from bullies, and decides to enter a WWE competition to be the next WWE superstar along with a $50,000 grand prize. And he tries to woo a girl he likes during all of this. The only people I see liking this movie, even if its the teensy tiniest bit, are wrestling fans, and then little little kids that are also wrestling fans, ones that don’t know any better. At first, I was going to shit on this a little more and a little unfairly, saying something to the akin to this makes the movie Ready To Rumble with David Arquette look like a masterpiece and that it shits all over the fantastic and more realistic Fighting With My Family that was released last year with Florence Pugh, but one of my friends made me realize these are all two completely different movies, and it would be unfair. He’s absolutely right. That still doesn’t take away from the fact how dumb, cheesy, and too looney tunes-zy this film is. It literally treats the audience as if they were idiots. I can see even some wrestling fans scratching their heads, wondering who the fuck wrote the atrocity to the film world. Also, the kid movie cliches!!! How much would you want to bet that the kid lets his friends (& love interest) down at a critical time and that he has to have the mask off to (sorta) fight in the climatic finale? And don’t get me started on this wrestling mask. Characters are literally shocked and confused when he takes it off and he reveals he’s a kid… seriously…when the wrestler character IS NAMED KID CHAOS and his fucking height and rest of his appearance! With just a little bit deeper voice, it is more embarrassing than people not being able to tell the similarities between Clark Kent and Superman just because of a pair of fucking glasses.

Let’s see who is to blame shall we? Holy shit, four credit screenwriters? There’s huge red flag #1 into why this thing was a disaster. Let’s see some of their screenplay writing history…one nobody, one person who wrote for Kevin Can Wait (figures)…and oh my God…really?!? **rubs eyes to make sure I’m not seeing shit** …The other two people to blame are the guys that wrote that fantastic Klaus movie that came out during Christmas on Netflix and the animated film I really wanted to take home the Oscar this year. Holy fucking shit. I’m willing to forgive the director, as he’s only done television, and some wacky stuff like Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Parks and Recreation, and the direction isn’t the problem here, but those two guys that worked on Klaus…their participation to this disaster is INEXCUSABLE. Even though this movie is for kids, that doesn’t give it the excuse to be so lazy. This whole project is just so fucking ridiculously lazy and uninspired (the long fart joke is a huge indicator). The only people trying in this movie is Seth Carr, who plays the main kid protagonist, but his energy needs to be directed to better movies…his two minute role as Young Killmonger in Black Panther (I believe he had no lines too) was more dense this this. I’ve already said that Adam Pally’s performance screams forgivable paycheck, but then there is Ken Marino, oh God, how is this asshole not wanting to throw up after being in this? He looks like he’s the only adult trying (he plays a rival wrestler’s manager…but oh my God, it’s the same asshole character he’s played in every single project he’s in, including Role Models and Veronica Mars. This guy was decent on Party Down…what the fuck happened to him? He’s gotten into unforgivable territory now.

Unless you are a young kid that doesn’t know any better (yet shouldn’t be reading my reviews because of my potty mouth), a kid that really likes “wrestling” or an adult that moderately likes “wrestling” stay far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, FAR AWAY FROM THIS STINKER. Just absolutely horrendous at every turn. I was eating lunch while watching this and some food almost fell out of my mouth…that’s how low my jaw was open when seeing what I was seeing play out across my phone screen. I’m almost at a point where I want to write to Netflix demanding that they give me a free month of service with every shitty movie that I end up watching that they either green lit or bought and slapped the “Netflix Original Film” name over it. If they did that I should have a free year of Netflix by now. Why, oh why is money being poured into things like this? Are these producers even reading these screenplays? They must have for Fighting With My Family, but I guarantee you no one read this before saying yes to this. They were told a premise, they needed something to fill a hole in their slate, so here you go. Shit on a platter. I could see this film being in the line up of three in the Best Of The Worst segment on Red Letter Media’s video web page. Only it would definitely, definitely lose. There are only two saving graces to this movie, one being that the only watchable part is the talent show where the kid wrestlers’ friends are able to pull off their hip hop dance to the tune of the song ‘Tricky’ without him (I appreciated the small twist of them not failing) and that it doesn’t get the worst film of the year from me, because I actually knew what was going on in the movie. The ONLY saving graces. Expect this main event on Netflix to soon be a skip-able pre-match in the growing sea of endless piece of shit Netflix “originals.”

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: UNCORKED (Netflix)

If you are willing to paddle through all the overdone cliches and father/son relationship career angles that you’ve seen a dozen times before in other movies, UNCORKED is a delightful find on Netflix. I was willing to forgive all that because I was entertained, the performances were pretty great, the ending threw me for a loop, and the fact that it was a unique career that the main protagonist was going after that I hadn’t seen done before in another movie. The film is about a twenty something African American named Elijah who doesn’t want to inherit the family owned Memphis barbeque business from his father, but instead wants to become a sommelier. If you don’t know what a sommelier is, it is a wine steward, you know, you seen them if you’ve ever seen the movie Sideways or taken a wine tour, someone that can be given a taste of a wine blindly, and know everything about it. Year, where it came from, other origins, etc., etc. You see them in very fancy restaurants. The film takes a unique tour of how to become one, all wrapped around a family drama of what ones parents expect out of their child. Everything that is supposed to happen in one of these films is like poetry to me when I’m watching it. I was pointing at the screen with my wife and like, “this is the big fight between father and son,” or “this is where the mom wants to support her son and defies the husband,” and the enivitable “this is where the father sees the light.” But thankfully I was able to look past all that, and enjoy the best wine film since Sideways itself.

The writer and director of this film, Prentice Penny, when looking up his career, mostly in television, has written some fantastic episodes of stuff that I’ve actually watched such as: Scrubs, Happy Endings, Insecure, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine. This is his first feature. And he did a pretty excellent job, definitely knows his way behind the camera, and is definitely an actor’s director because of the performances. The film mainly stars Mamoudou Athie as Elijah, Courtney B. Vance as his father, and Niecy Nash as his mother. I love love love love love love LOVE Mamaoudou Athie, I’ve been following his career closely ever since his excellent turn in his supporting role in Patti Cakes. This is his first headlining feature, and once again, he knocks it out of the part. Producers and casting directors need to start letting this guy be a leading man. He has that spotlight and presence. I heard he has been cast in the third and last Jurassic World movie and so far that casting decision is the only reason why I still have any interest in the series after the disasterous Fallen Kingdom. Courtney B. Vance is great in this as well, the man can act, just watch him play Johnny Cochran in American Crime Story, the OJ Simpson Season. Niecy Nash, who I’ve only really known for her character in Reno 911! is excellent here. She probably has the most dramatic role with just that little comedic relief to show how great of an actress she is when given the right material. Everybody in great in this, parts big and small.

The best parts of the movie are easily Elijah’s studies to become a sommelier. Yes, the cliched father’s animosity toward his son for not wanting to inherit the family business is still watchable and interesting here, but since you know where that is going to end up going, the movie needs another clutch to make the movie kick into high gear. All the wine tasting, studying, and guessing stuff was a lot of fun to watch. And Niecy Nash’s arc. This movie probably was bought by Netflix, because there is no way a theater would take a movie like this nowadays, especially since the story lines have been done to death. And while Netflix gives us mediocre crap like Love Wedding Repeat and really bad pieces of shit like Wine Country, eventually they will have to give us something pretty good like Uncorked to balance everything out. So basically, if you liked the movie Sideways, if you like wine, or barbeque, or can’t get enough of that family career dynamic that has been done to death, I definitely recommend checking this out if you are bored and have nothing to watch. It’s definitely a nice little find on this streaming platform that is used to uncorking a bunch of stinkers before you get that perfect chardonnay that you drink up in less than a couple of hours. An hour and forty four minutes to be precise.

Zach’s Zany 2 Guests Movie Reviews: TROLLS WORLD TOUR (or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Wait For A Cheap Rental)

Hey Zach here to start off this bitch before I post two GUEST reviews of TROLLS: WORLD TOUR, for which I was cheap enough not to pay for a 48 hr. $20 rental and wait till later this year when it’s like $3 to watch only once. See, I’m a fan of Disney, Sony, Warner Bros, etc for allowing those who missed their most recent movies in theaters to just buy them for $19.99 soon after this COVID-19 decided to fuck everyone in the asshole. But Universal, little pricks that they are, with their movies such as The Hunt, Emma, The Invisible Man, and now this Trolls sequel, said “fuck that fuck ’em, charge them $20 a pop and we will regular release them to buy for the exact same price just a little later.” I’m not going to play into their little game, so instead of a review from me, because well…I wasn’t really looking forward to this anyway, here’s two good guys that I know that paid the $20 and their two cents. My little dude, now 2 and a half, could not give two shits when my wive puts the first movie on, and my wife and I really don’t like the first one beyond the Justin Timberlake song, and based on the previews, looks like it would be the exact same scenario in the end. So without further ado, here are two GUEST reviews (one sort of favorable, one definitely not) of the new Trolls movie, something that should’ve been thought about and released back when they were still relevant in the 1990s:

TROLLS: WORLD TOUR – Guest Review #1 by Don Hernandez

The first major theatrical release to release via On Demand on the same day but likely not the last in this topsy turvy world of COVID-19.
Let me first start off by saying if you enjoyed the first Trolls movie, you should enjoy this one. If you didn’t and you are over the age of 14 then well it really wasn’t made for you. It was made for the children. Most of the cast is back lending their voices (led by the always charming Anna Kendrick and Justin Timberlake).

This time around, Queen Poppy (Kendrick) and Branch (Timberlake) finds out there are other kinds of trolls out there that dance to a different beat. Which is great except one group of Trolls wants to stop the music forever unless it’s Hard Rock. Queen Barb (Rachel Bloom) is collecting the magic musical strings of each group of trolls to make all trolls part of her Rock N Roll army. Now Queen Poppy & Branch must seek out the other groups of trolls to stop Queen Barb. On their quest they’ll see that even though the music is different they all have a common bond.

This was a pretty decent sequel. I don’t think it is better than the original but it is serviceable and worth the watch if you enjoy kids movies. Kenan Thompson stole the show for me as a new character, Tiny Diamond.
Armed with a message of celebrating diversity and inclusion it stays light and doesn’t overpower you with that agenda to the point of eye rolling. The new songs “Other Side” and “Just Sing” are catchy and fit very well with the story. Probably my main issue with the movie is it seemed to move too quick on the “takeover” front. I’d have liked it a bit more drawn out than the brisk 90 mins allowed. Kids though won’t care, they’ll be dancing and singing most of the movie.

P.S. There is a small scene after the credits featuring The Bergens from first movie.

Trolls World Tour is available for rent for 48 hours on all major streaming sites for $19.99

Featuring the voice talents of
Anna Kendrick, Justin Timberlake,
Jame Corden, Rachel Bloom, Kunal Nayyar, Ron Funches, Kenan Thompson, Sam Rockwell, Kelly Clarkson, Mary J Blige, and Ozzy Osbourne.

TROLLS: WORLD TOUR Guest Review #2 by Dustin Bade

“Trolls, they wanna have fun……oh trolls, they wanna have fun….” Catchy? Yeah, I thought so too. *Newsflash* so do parents and kids. And while I thought it would be fun to pay $19.99 plus taxes and whatever fees, to watch the second installment of Trolls, boy was I ever wrong. To be fair, the kids watched all 90 minutes of it in their chairs. Michelle drew photos on her phone and I sat on the couch trying to watch but something kept happening to me. So my review of the movie goes like this:
An opening scene of Poppy, happy and singing a catchy song, morphs into an awkward scene in which Branch tries to tell her he likes her. Poppy learns that her tribe of pop trolls are not the only trolls in existence, but trolls of all musical genres exist in their own habitat, with the evil rock and roll trolls, wanting to conquer all at a concert. I hear her tell Branch “road trip” and then “zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz” I wake up to hear some hick sounding trolls and what sounded like Kelly Clarkson singing a good albeit sad country song. Unless I was half dreaming, I swore she was on the heavier side and had 4 legs and big hair. I fall back asleep and wake up hearing J.Timberlake and Anna Kendrick singing a slow love song break up type song………..hear some other music in the background…….”zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz” and then I wake up to the last scene and ending credits when my daughter says “that song is pretty.”


Not all sequels are bad, and not all movies need to be sequels. The Dark Knight was a sequel and easily the best (ever) sequel and certainly of that Batman franchise. Wall-E is good, but we don’t need another. I enjoyed Oceans 11 back in the day, but none of the others. Same with Fast and the Furious movies….the list goes on. Trolls didn’t need a sequel. The first one was cute in my opinion and had some cute laughs, catchy music and of course, more scenes with the “cloud.” It should have ended there….but it didn’t…..I mean after all, trolls just wanna have fun!

I wrote this at the request of a movie reviewer friend of mine who said he will not watch the movie and rightfully so. If all goes well, maybe I will be a ghost writer for him. I always had a passion for writing and story telling…..this could be my opportunity….or not!

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: LOVE WEDDING REPEAT (Netflix)

My first sentence for my review for the new Netflix film starring Sam Caflin and Olivia Munn called LOVE WEDDING REPEAT is going to be generic as possible and then I’ll dive into more details later: It was okay. The real problem of the film is that makes a broken promise out of the log line on several film sites, including IMDB’s: “While trying to make his sister’s wedding day go smoothly, Jack finds himself juggling an angry ex-girlfriend, an uninvited guest with a secret, a misplaced sleep sedative, and the girl that got away in alternate versions of the same day.” Yeah, really just two alternate versions. The first original version goes on for so long (about a full hour into the only hr and 40 minute run time) that I thought that maybe in the process of putting the final touches on the movie the editor said “fuck it” and decided to just deliver a straight forward one timeline comedy. But then it finally goes completely off the rails ridiculousness wise and pauses and then I knew that the film’s concept was going to have to switch dramatically. I was correct. It switches to a bunch of different versions of the same wedding day in a weird mini montage type situation that stays mostly at one of the important wedding reception tables for two to three minutes (and then some cut moments weirdly in the end credits), and then just ends with the correct time line with the last thirty five. This did not work for me. I was expecting something like Happy Death Day or Groundhog Day, where it shows a bunch of versions and the editing is near perfect with the flow of the narrative. This mediocre Netflix film (which I should’ve thought was too good to be true in the first place) complete botches and almost completely incinerates the “Repeat Day” movie.

“Whoa Zach, then how did you come to the conclusion that it was okay?” Well because the acting and dedication of the cast made the film watchable and enjoyable at parts, that’s why. At this point in time and in this country, I’m starting to give “eh” movies into a reasonable benefit of the doubt. Sam Claflin (the hot muscular that reveals he’s on Katniss’ side near the end of Catching Fire) is one of the main leads, and he is delightfully and subtly funny throughout the whole thing. The other main female lead is played by Olivia Munn, who while I don’t find her as a very good actress (to me she has and still is wonderful eye candy), she does give her best performance since her role in The Newsroom series, where she has this monologue in the latter half of the movie where she describes losing her mom and in those two minutes she has shown the most sincerity ever in a role. There are other players here that you may or may not know. The brides Maid of Honor (or Man of Honor as he wants to be called) is played by that guy that was main lead’s friend in the film Yesterday, the girl interested in him is played by the wife in that Paul Rudd recent series, Living With Yourself, and Frieda Pinto, the female lead that won our hearts in Slumdog Millionaire, has a small part as Caflin’s ex girlfriend that got invited to the wedding as well. Frieda Pinto is fantastic in her small part, and it makes me wish that she got more stardom after Millionaire and not all those indie projects lost in the vast sea of never ending straight to video fare.

The movie, other than the wasted “Same Day Over & Over” gimmick, is basically Can’t Hardly Wait or Death At A Funeral, and instead of taking place at a house party or a funeral, takes place almost entirely at the wedding (after a cute and brief introductory scene). What makes the latter film I mention funny is that the guy that wrote that film, wrote and direct this one. Death At A Funeral (the British version that is) is a far superior film, and the writer/director Dean Craig needs to work on his directing skills. The camera is all over the place, breaking two person framing, fuck even breaks multi purpose framing, and with the editing a little choppy in parts, it doesn’t help the entire feature at all. But there are a few embarrassing character moments that are really funny because of the actors and the expressions on their faces, the story is cliched but decently entertaining enough, and the main point: it is watchable, especially if you just few it as a light comedic chick flick. My wife loved watching it with me during quarantine, and for all the husbands out there, isn’t that all we are hoping for in dire times like these? Find one of these films, bear it, rinse and repeat is what I say, and maybe we’ll come out if this with a good old fashioned Hollywood ending.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: SEA FEVER

SEA FEVER doesn’t change any of the genre from whence it came, that of the genre of parasite/viral/disease psychological sci-fi horror thriller infection in a remote location type situation, but the film is so well made, subtle, and with fantastic performances that it comes out above the mediocre, shitty ones that you were used to seeing past the year 2000, other than Steven Soderberg’s near masterpiece Contagion. It doesn’t try to over do it, aka just have a bunch of gore or guts every frame to try and make you run to the bathroom with your hand covering your mouth. It has just the right amount to shock and awe you in those quick perfect moments that need it the most, when the story perfectly sets it up before hand and earns and deserves those moments. The film is about, using IMDB’s log line so I don’t end up spoiling the movie for you: “crew of a West of Ireland trawler, marooned at sea, struggle for their lives against a growing parasite in their water supply.” The movie is perfectly eerie and scary, only using a couple of earned jump scares and mostly relying on its wit and psychological terror to get into your head. Also, there is a speech by the main character 3/4th of a way into the movie that no film of disease really has (yet needs) that is blatantly relevant of what we are going through right now with COVID-19. Gave me chills.

The films stars a couple of people you might know. I don’t think you know who Hermoine Corfield is. She’s had very bit parts in big movies like The Last Jedi and Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation. Here she is the star, and hopefully with her talents after this she’ll get bigger roles. She plays some sort of scientist, I think oceanographer that joins this trawler, and she knows about sea life a lot, so she tries to help the crew navigate this possible infectious disease even though she’s only really learning about it as the film, and their plight, goes along. You definitely know two of the actors in this, Dougray Scott and Connie Nielsen. Connie Nielsen was the woman that loved Russell Crowe in Gladiator and Dougray Scott courted Drew Barrymore in Ever After. They are in fine form here, especially the later, this might be his best performance in years, and definitely not since the very underwhelming Mission Impossible 2. The movie is a slow burn, yet it doesn’t take very long to get to the heart of the matter and everything just keeps getting better and better through to the very last frame of the film. The movie will keep you guessing on who dies and the actual body count at the end. I made a few guesses but they all turned out to be not what I thought would happen.

Anyway, this is a really really good movie. I like how only show bits and parts of the creature, and not the entire thing to leave what it really looks like up to your imagination. I’m wondering if the script really called for that or if it was because of the budget (I’m guessing the latter). The director, Neasa Hardiman, this being her first feature, I looked up and turns out she directed the better episodes of Jessica Jones, and some other television stuff I haven’t seen. Well, needless to say, she was born for theatrical features and I hope to see more from her in the future. She’s talented behind the camera, perfect framing and staging to make the cabin fever in the small boat in the film seem dark and real. When I got the film on VUDU (blind buy but I read fantastic reviews), my only complaint is that it has this really weird cinematic like intro before it gets to the films real intro. I don’t know if its trying to recreate a unique theatrical experience before it starts the movie because the producers feel bad about COVID-19 and all the theaters shut down or what, but it’s a really weird intro, you’ll see what I’m talking about. But yeah, after We Summon The Darkness yesterday, I’m really beginning to start to enjoy these little independent features of 2020 that didn’t quite make it to theaters, especially after how underwhelmed I was and fearful after the likes of Vivarium and Swallow. It’s the disease/psychological/sci-fi horror film we didn’t know we needed right now and I highly recommend you check it out. Maybe word of mouth will make the viewing of this film…infectious, per say.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: WE SUMMON THE DARKNESS

Alexandra Daddario…if you haven’t watched the first season of True Detective, or fuck it, if you have, she’s the ‘big moment’ of episode two. That’s all I need to say. She’s been getting a bunch of roles since that big moment (she still considers it the smartest career move she’s ever made btw), some high profile movies such as the underwhelming Baywatch and the “better than it had any right to be” San Andreas. Recently she’s been getting into indie fare again, with a really small supporting role in Lost Transmissions with Simon Pegg, and now this devilish and twisty take on the Satanic Cult movie called WE SUMMON THE DARKNESS. I’m warning you now, there is no other way to describe this movie without comparing it to another movie, which would basically give everything away if you’ve seen this other movie. So with my next paragraph, I’m going to put a **possible spoilers** warning to those not wanting to read about the film that I compare this one to and then put two and two together to guess what happens. After saying that, I really, really enjoyed We Summon The Darkness, and I’m really hoping that films like these set the tone for indie streaming content in the next several months…because having to endure mediocre underwhelming films like Swallow and Vivarium because of COVID-19 Quarantine will not leave me in a happy mood once we are allowed to go back into theaters again.

************************POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR A COMPARISON TO ANOTHER MOVIE QUICK PARAGRAPH BEGINS NOW****************************** If I had to describe WE SUMMON THE DARKNESS I would say that it is basically the ‘Better Watch Out’ of Satanic Cult murder films. If you’ve seen Better Watch Out, you know that it is a twist on the home invasion thriller. If you know what the twist is, once I describe IMDB.com’s log line in my next non spoiler paragraph, you can probably guess the first big act twist very early on like I did (I guess the title of this film is a big dead giveaway as well if you think about it). I still very much prefer Better Watch Out, one of my favorite Christmas movies of all time now, but We Summon The Darkness is the closest any movie has had the balls to pull of something this bold and twisty, and I just wish other films would take note and try to pull these kind of fun spins on other genres, such as comedy or drama. I get that the horror/thriller is the easiest to do without everything feeling forced, but there’s gotta be a way to make this kind of twisty storytelling work in a completely different and opposite context. If you want a really good twisty thriller/horror trilogy mini marathon for your quarantine parties right now, I would put this film, Better Watch Out, and then The Cabin In The Woods on at home. Can’t get twistier than that during these twisty times.**************************END OF POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR A COMPARISON TO ANOTHER MOVIE QUICK PARAGRAPH***********************************

Again, and probably a lot now, probably going to be borrowing IMDB.com’s log line because they are usually good at describing a movie without giving away any spoilers. IMDB describes We Summon The Darkness as “On the way to a heavy metal concert, Alexis (Alexandra Daddario) and two girlfriends hear a news report of a local murder believed to be tied to a series of satanic killings. After the show, the girls invite three guys to join them at the Alexis’ estate. What starts as a party and should be a night of fun and youthful debauchery instead turns dark and deadly. The acting is pretty good for a small indie movie such as this, but if I had to switch roles, I probably would of Daddario and one of her friends played by Amy Forsyth. I can’t really say why I would because that could get into spoilers, but if you’ve seen some roles of Daddario’s past and have seen some projects with Amy Forsyth in them, you could probably see why. The film is set in the 80s and the 80s music accompanied by a cool and clear original score that sounds like it’s all techno keyboard acoustic stuff makes everything feel right at home for the decade. The clothes, atmosphere, and other do dads bring a fantastic 80’s vibe as well. The film is a nice and tight 95 minutes, with no fluff or filler and a good lead up to some horrifying happenings.

The direction is quite good too. I have never seen any of the director’s (Marc Meyers) other stuff, but I feel like I should check out his other film that just came out called Human Capital and then his other I’ve heard of, My Friend Dahmer, which came out several years ago. He has a good eye and doesn’t resort to cheap tricks such as doing a bunch shaky cam to try and hide poorly shot scuffles in post production. All of the framing is excellent and I could always tell where and what a certain character was doing at a certain time. It’s one of the better looking straight on demand movies I have seen in quite some time. The point is, the film captured my attention right from the get go and didn’t end until the credits came across my screen. The best way I know how to recommend this to you is if you like home invasion thrillers with a bit of blood and gore with some decent acting, dialogue, and a couple of groovy twists, then I’d say this is right up your alley. If not, look elsewhere. Do me a favor though and don’t watch a trailer. While it doesn’t give anything away per say, the context clues will probably make you figure things out fast. Oh, I forgot, a certain Jackass alum (the first one that probably comes to mind for you) is in the film as well and he does a decent job for probably only one day of work he had to do on the film. Just sit back and enjoy this one, don’t over think it, and maybe it could summon some entertainment and enjoyment out of you in these dark and depressing times.

Zach’s Zany TV Binge Watchin’ Reviews: TIGER KING – MURDER, MAYHEM, AND MADNESS (Netflix)

This is it. The review you’ve all been waiting for. I did it. I managed to watch all seven episodes of this dumpster fire in the middle of this giant trainwreck with endless gasoline being poured over the entire scene of the crime. Who do I blame for sitting down and actually not being able to look away from TIGER KING: MURDER, MAYHEM, AND MADNESS? I blame the endless string of hilarious gifs and memes I didn’t quite understand. I blame some of you that kept fucking messaging me to watch the show and write this review. I blame COVID-19 for me running out of shit quickly to review. I blame a whole bunch of God damn things. But I did it, so the least you can do is read this whole review, especially if you were one of the ones that specifically asked this from me. This won’t be a long review, I’m not going to jump in and dive into every single detail and frame of all seven episodes. This is going to be a broad review, crossing some t’s, dotting some i’s, and figuring out some WTF’s. Basically, I am going to review this as if I was watching a feature length documentary, in a movie theater. I’m going to review it on several levels: is it well made? does it get its point across? is this a story that was worth being told? Did it entertain? Did I laugh my ass off? Did I come out of it respecting the human race better than I did before? And probably the most important question in your minds: did Carole Baskin kill her first husband? The answers, before I go into detail on them is: Not really, Sort Of, Yes, Yes, Hell Yes, Fuck No, and bitch did that shit.

Is this documentary well made? Not really. Out of the seven episodes, the three best are easily the third, fourth, and fifth episodes. Why? Because they don’t lose focus with the points of Joe Exotic’s story that they wanted to tell. They focus on one or two specific things and stick with it. The first two episodes are all over the place in terms of narrative story telling. We are introduced to characters at random without really being introduced to them. It jumps to too many points in time just making sure it gets every single ounce of crazy into the viewers brains. I had to rewind several times just to make sure I was getting the entire picture and sometimes I just gave up after several rewinds and just went with it, hoping I’d understand it later. The sixth and seventh episodes, while still having a bit of focus, more than the first two, feel like they are stretching out the story too much, and it could’ve condensed the information into a tighter 6 episode arc. I personally think it all could’ve been a really tight tale in just 3 or 4 complete hour long episodes. We didn’t need seven (5 hrs, 17 minutes total). Way too much. What I’m trying to say is that even with some focus the sixth and seventh episodes are redundant and quite boring (yes, I didn’t find the murder for hire part all that interesting). This entire limited series, if you think about it, is a lopsided burger. The first two episodes represent a small top bun with a bunch of condiments thrown together and mixed up too much, nothing nice and layered. Episodes 3, 4, and 5 is the nice juicy meat of the story, really good angus beef that satisfies with its bombastic yet tightly focused story and shocking revelations. Episode 6 and 7 are the little tiny spray of ketchup or mustard on the underside of the meat patty with a giant un-flavorful bottom bun that’s teetering at the edge of falling off your picnic table.

Does it get its point across? Sort of. The point of this cautionary tale is buried under a shit ton of information, but it is there, you just have to dig deeper into the situation, past what the documentary provides, in order to completely understand it. I constantly had to do Google research after this to put several more pieces of the giant endless puzzle together. I get that this documentary is going to make you do research anyway, mostly for the best memes or gifs, but you shouldn’t have to do that much research afterward to piece everything together in order to “get” it. It’s a bit of a mess, but I was able to eventually see a complete picture. There is just tons and tons and tons of information and footage, each almost outlandish than the last. The whole thing just needed more focus. Do I really need to tell you what it’s about? Probably not, because if I do, it will just get me into spoilers, so I’ll “borrow” IMDB.com’s log line : “A rivalry between big cat eccentrics takes a dark turn when Joe Exotic, a controversial animal park boss, is caught in a murder-for-hire plot.” That’s all you need to know, except one thing: the murder-for-hire plot is the LEAST interesting thing about this show. Which answers the next question: is it a story worth being told? Abso-fucking-lutely. Just like the poster says, it is such a ridiculous story, if you told someone about it in words, no one would fucking believe your ass. But with all this footage, they have that gateway to prove that story true, even if all the information cobbled together is a bit of a mess.

Did it entertain? Yes. There are a couple of boring parts, really only in the last two episodes, but even with the first two episodes being an unfocused, giant pile of crazy info, this documentary completely entertains. I’ve never heard of this guy, Joe Exotic, till now and what shocks me is I probably never would have if not for this documentary. He’s just absolutely bat shit crazy. Did I laugh my ass off? Hell yes. I laughed my ass off more times than I could count, and combine it with the gifs and memes I had seen before starting the show, I was in tears on the floor, my voice cracking with all my uncontrollable laughter. Not to get into any spoilers that will ruin your laughs but Joe Exotic’s mannerisms, internet shows, feud with Carole Baskin, a euology at a funeral, some really weird photos and weddings, and the worst tattoo ever is just some of the things you are in for. Did I come out of it respecting the human race better than I did before? Fuck no. There aren’t really any likable characters in this. When at times Joe Exotic is somewhat sympathetic he just goes off and does something shady and monstrous to make you hate him. Even his husbands, apparently straight and with meth teeth, don’t come out looking too great on the other side of things, one part of their story will shock you to the point of your draw dropping on the floor and going into the Earth. Even the other rival tiger, big cat “rescue” operations owners are unlikable, scummy, and weird. Multiple wives, sex cults, and what not. Which brings us to my final paragraph: Carole Baskin.

That bitch killed her husband. I’m not surprised to learn that the disappearance case of her first husband has been reopened after this documentary aired. There is enough evidence alone in this documentary that she really was the only one that could’ve had something to do with it, or that son of a bitch just really was that sneaky and is sipping a Pina Colada on some remote island some where, having finally gotten rid of the cunt. Maybe he as even since died on that remote island with a completely new identity so no one would ever know. Carole Baskin is an awful bitch. She has resting bitch face, a couple of “sympathetic” qualities, but with all of her mannerisms and her behind the scenes actions, you know she’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing. No doubt about it in my mind. And if she ends up going to jail because of the documentary, that would make me respect this whole seven episodes of craziness even more. So, in conclusion: you should definitely check this thing out. While I would say that the hype of this limited docu-series is bigger than the actual product, it is still an interesting as hell story. And even though the series is a little unfocused and gives the viewer too much information and then just keeps throwing in multiple kitchen sinks to add to the run time, it is still entertaining. Plus, in the end you will secretly want to be in on all the gifs and memes you’ve seen out there and will want to start making some of your own after all is said and done. While not the best (I still think the long OJ Simpson and Aaron Hernandez documentaries and some of Michael Moore’s stuff is much, much better ((and organized)) than this), it certainly earns the throne of king of crazy ass documentaries. Enter at your own risk.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: THE CALL OF THE WILD (2020)

God damn the CGI dog in this is so fucking distracting. More than all the other CGI animals, lakes, scenery, what have you. This would’ve been a pretty damn decent adaptation of the beloved novel if they had just used a real dog for the rest of the scenes that didn’t put the animal in any danger. I get that you have to use a CGI dog after the fiasco that A Dog’s Purpose (don’t worry Sarah Sides, you could easily handle this film with your crying bullshit) got when behind the scenes video showed a terrified real dog just being dropped into a mildly fast studio made river, but the CGI should just be used in those dangerous scenes. In this film for example, completely fine to use the technology to show a dog surviving being trapped under the ice of a frozen lake, jumping off the roof of a cabin that is on fire, etc. But to keep that CGI dog doing simple things that a trick dog could do alongside Harrison Ford just looks so fucking odd and it takes away from the otherwise entertaining movie. You get even more flabbergasted when you realize the CGI dog is basically just a human in a tight green screen suit with balls whose model was scanned after an adopted dog (they couldn’t have taught that dog tricks?!), handing something to Harrison Ford that was in his mouth. So fucking distracting.

But the rest of the movie is fine. Entertaining a bit actually. Yet a little cliched from a lot of other dog movies you’ve seen, but this is forgivable because this is an adaptation of a really old novel (1903 to be exact), which set the standard for future movies and novels to basically just copy it, thus cliches being born. The film follows a giant St. Bernard named Buck as he is stolen from his home in California and sent to the Yukon to be a sled mail service dog, where he eventually befriends Han Solo and begins a life-altering adventure. You always have to admire a film in which Harrison Ford actually looks as if he’s giving a damn. He is in one quick scene near the beginning but really doesn’t come into play until the 40 minute mark, and is there the rest of the film. Despite cringe worthy narration from Ford that reminded me of the one he reluctantly did for Blade Runner’s theatrical release, his acting overall is pretty good. Seemed like he didn’t mind being in an adaptation of the story. But this is Buck’s story mostly, so the CGI dog is in almost every frame of the movie…and I just couldn’t get over it until Ford shows up for the rest of the film, and even then it was all still blantantly in my peripheral vision. At least the film was free for me (I used all my Disney points to get a free digital copy of it).

There are other known actors in the films, but with very, very small roles that I didn’t understand why they couldn’t have just cast unknowns that could done the same job but for less money, kick start their careers so to speak. You have Omar Sy as one of the bob sled mail service guys that buys Buck after he is stolen, you have Dan Stevens hamming it up as the bad guy that doesn’t care about animals and is just looking for gold, and then Karen Gillan even shows up in a blink and you’ll miss her part as Dan Steven’s characters’ girlfriend. It’s very very weird. But the rest of the film, like I said, is fine. Surprised me a bit actually that it didn’t really lose my attention (it couldn’t though really with that “I can’t look away” awful CGI dog). I mean seriously, this is animal CGI almost as bad in the Twilight movies, where the wolves looked utterly fake as fuck. They seriously should’ve just used a dog that could do cool little tricks for the very easy scenes and then just relied heavily on CGI in the dangerous ones and not let the real dog get anywhere near that situation. It would’ve been much more forgivable. At first when watching the marketing I thought that maybe Harrison asked that he not act alongside a real dog. I don’t believe that anymore. I bet we would’ve gotten an even better performance out of him if the dog was real, and he fucking knows it. It all has to do with animal rights, and I get it, but there could’ve been better workarounds. But my tiny 2 and a half year old was pointing at all the animals, getting all excited, and enjoyed the parts of the movie that he watched, so what the fuck do I know?