Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: LOVE WEDDING REPEAT (Netflix)

My first sentence for my review for the new Netflix film starring Sam Caflin and Olivia Munn called LOVE WEDDING REPEAT is going to be generic as possible and then I’ll dive into more details later: It was okay. The real problem of the film is that makes a broken promise out of the log line on several film sites, including IMDB’s: “While trying to make his sister’s wedding day go smoothly, Jack finds himself juggling an angry ex-girlfriend, an uninvited guest with a secret, a misplaced sleep sedative, and the girl that got away in alternate versions of the same day.” Yeah, really just two alternate versions. The first original version goes on for so long (about a full hour into the only hr and 40 minute run time) that I thought that maybe in the process of putting the final touches on the movie the editor said “fuck it” and decided to just deliver a straight forward one timeline comedy. But then it finally goes completely off the rails ridiculousness wise and pauses and then I knew that the film’s concept was going to have to switch dramatically. I was correct. It switches to a bunch of different versions of the same wedding day in a weird mini montage type situation that stays mostly at one of the important wedding reception tables for two to three minutes (and then some cut moments weirdly in the end credits), and then just ends with the correct time line with the last thirty five. This did not work for me. I was expecting something like Happy Death Day or Groundhog Day, where it shows a bunch of versions and the editing is near perfect with the flow of the narrative. This mediocre Netflix film (which I should’ve thought was too good to be true in the first place) complete botches and almost completely incinerates the “Repeat Day” movie.

“Whoa Zach, then how did you come to the conclusion that it was okay?” Well because the acting and dedication of the cast made the film watchable and enjoyable at parts, that’s why. At this point in time and in this country, I’m starting to give “eh” movies into a reasonable benefit of the doubt. Sam Claflin (the hot muscular that reveals he’s on Katniss’ side near the end of Catching Fire) is one of the main leads, and he is delightfully and subtly funny throughout the whole thing. The other main female lead is played by Olivia Munn, who while I don’t find her as a very good actress (to me she has and still is wonderful eye candy), she does give her best performance since her role in The Newsroom series, where she has this monologue in the latter half of the movie where she describes losing her mom and in those two minutes she has shown the most sincerity ever in a role. There are other players here that you may or may not know. The brides Maid of Honor (or Man of Honor as he wants to be called) is played by that guy that was main lead’s friend in the film Yesterday, the girl interested in him is played by the wife in that Paul Rudd recent series, Living With Yourself, and Frieda Pinto, the female lead that won our hearts in Slumdog Millionaire, has a small part as Caflin’s ex girlfriend that got invited to the wedding as well. Frieda Pinto is fantastic in her small part, and it makes me wish that she got more stardom after Millionaire and not all those indie projects lost in the vast sea of never ending straight to video fare.

The movie, other than the wasted “Same Day Over & Over” gimmick, is basically Can’t Hardly Wait or Death At A Funeral, and instead of taking place at a house party or a funeral, takes place almost entirely at the wedding (after a cute and brief introductory scene). What makes the latter film I mention funny is that the guy that wrote that film, wrote and direct this one. Death At A Funeral (the British version that is) is a far superior film, and the writer/director Dean Craig needs to work on his directing skills. The camera is all over the place, breaking two person framing, fuck even breaks multi purpose framing, and with the editing a little choppy in parts, it doesn’t help the entire feature at all. But there are a few embarrassing character moments that are really funny because of the actors and the expressions on their faces, the story is cliched but decently entertaining enough, and the main point: it is watchable, especially if you just few it as a light comedic chick flick. My wife loved watching it with me during quarantine, and for all the husbands out there, isn’t that all we are hoping for in dire times like these? Find one of these films, bear it, rinse and repeat is what I say, and maybe we’ll come out if this with a good old fashioned Hollywood ending.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: SEA FEVER

SEA FEVER doesn’t change any of the genre from whence it came, that of the genre of parasite/viral/disease psychological sci-fi horror thriller infection in a remote location type situation, but the film is so well made, subtle, and with fantastic performances that it comes out above the mediocre, shitty ones that you were used to seeing past the year 2000, other than Steven Soderberg’s near masterpiece Contagion. It doesn’t try to over do it, aka just have a bunch of gore or guts every frame to try and make you run to the bathroom with your hand covering your mouth. It has just the right amount to shock and awe you in those quick perfect moments that need it the most, when the story perfectly sets it up before hand and earns and deserves those moments. The film is about, using IMDB’s log line so I don’t end up spoiling the movie for you: “crew of a West of Ireland trawler, marooned at sea, struggle for their lives against a growing parasite in their water supply.” The movie is perfectly eerie and scary, only using a couple of earned jump scares and mostly relying on its wit and psychological terror to get into your head. Also, there is a speech by the main character 3/4th of a way into the movie that no film of disease really has (yet needs) that is blatantly relevant of what we are going through right now with COVID-19. Gave me chills.

The films stars a couple of people you might know. I don’t think you know who Hermoine Corfield is. She’s had very bit parts in big movies like The Last Jedi and Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation. Here she is the star, and hopefully with her talents after this she’ll get bigger roles. She plays some sort of scientist, I think oceanographer that joins this trawler, and she knows about sea life a lot, so she tries to help the crew navigate this possible infectious disease even though she’s only really learning about it as the film, and their plight, goes along. You definitely know two of the actors in this, Dougray Scott and Connie Nielsen. Connie Nielsen was the woman that loved Russell Crowe in Gladiator and Dougray Scott courted Drew Barrymore in Ever After. They are in fine form here, especially the later, this might be his best performance in years, and definitely not since the very underwhelming Mission Impossible 2. The movie is a slow burn, yet it doesn’t take very long to get to the heart of the matter and everything just keeps getting better and better through to the very last frame of the film. The movie will keep you guessing on who dies and the actual body count at the end. I made a few guesses but they all turned out to be not what I thought would happen.

Anyway, this is a really really good movie. I like how only show bits and parts of the creature, and not the entire thing to leave what it really looks like up to your imagination. I’m wondering if the script really called for that or if it was because of the budget (I’m guessing the latter). The director, Neasa Hardiman, this being her first feature, I looked up and turns out she directed the better episodes of Jessica Jones, and some other television stuff I haven’t seen. Well, needless to say, she was born for theatrical features and I hope to see more from her in the future. She’s talented behind the camera, perfect framing and staging to make the cabin fever in the small boat in the film seem dark and real. When I got the film on VUDU (blind buy but I read fantastic reviews), my only complaint is that it has this really weird cinematic like intro before it gets to the films real intro. I don’t know if its trying to recreate a unique theatrical experience before it starts the movie because the producers feel bad about COVID-19 and all the theaters shut down or what, but it’s a really weird intro, you’ll see what I’m talking about. But yeah, after We Summon The Darkness yesterday, I’m really beginning to start to enjoy these little independent features of 2020 that didn’t quite make it to theaters, especially after how underwhelmed I was and fearful after the likes of Vivarium and Swallow. It’s the disease/psychological/sci-fi horror film we didn’t know we needed right now and I highly recommend you check it out. Maybe word of mouth will make the viewing of this film…infectious, per say.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: WE SUMMON THE DARKNESS

Alexandra Daddario…if you haven’t watched the first season of True Detective, or fuck it, if you have, she’s the ‘big moment’ of episode two. That’s all I need to say. She’s been getting a bunch of roles since that big moment (she still considers it the smartest career move she’s ever made btw), some high profile movies such as the underwhelming Baywatch and the “better than it had any right to be” San Andreas. Recently she’s been getting into indie fare again, with a really small supporting role in Lost Transmissions with Simon Pegg, and now this devilish and twisty take on the Satanic Cult movie called WE SUMMON THE DARKNESS. I’m warning you now, there is no other way to describe this movie without comparing it to another movie, which would basically give everything away if you’ve seen this other movie. So with my next paragraph, I’m going to put a **possible spoilers** warning to those not wanting to read about the film that I compare this one to and then put two and two together to guess what happens. After saying that, I really, really enjoyed We Summon The Darkness, and I’m really hoping that films like these set the tone for indie streaming content in the next several months…because having to endure mediocre underwhelming films like Swallow and Vivarium because of COVID-19 Quarantine will not leave me in a happy mood once we are allowed to go back into theaters again.

************************POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR A COMPARISON TO ANOTHER MOVIE QUICK PARAGRAPH BEGINS NOW****************************** If I had to describe WE SUMMON THE DARKNESS I would say that it is basically the ‘Better Watch Out’ of Satanic Cult murder films. If you’ve seen Better Watch Out, you know that it is a twist on the home invasion thriller. If you know what the twist is, once I describe IMDB.com’s log line in my next non spoiler paragraph, you can probably guess the first big act twist very early on like I did (I guess the title of this film is a big dead giveaway as well if you think about it). I still very much prefer Better Watch Out, one of my favorite Christmas movies of all time now, but We Summon The Darkness is the closest any movie has had the balls to pull of something this bold and twisty, and I just wish other films would take note and try to pull these kind of fun spins on other genres, such as comedy or drama. I get that the horror/thriller is the easiest to do without everything feeling forced, but there’s gotta be a way to make this kind of twisty storytelling work in a completely different and opposite context. If you want a really good twisty thriller/horror trilogy mini marathon for your quarantine parties right now, I would put this film, Better Watch Out, and then The Cabin In The Woods on at home. Can’t get twistier than that during these twisty times.**************************END OF POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR A COMPARISON TO ANOTHER MOVIE QUICK PARAGRAPH***********************************

Again, and probably a lot now, probably going to be borrowing IMDB.com’s log line because they are usually good at describing a movie without giving away any spoilers. IMDB describes We Summon The Darkness as “On the way to a heavy metal concert, Alexis (Alexandra Daddario) and two girlfriends hear a news report of a local murder believed to be tied to a series of satanic killings. After the show, the girls invite three guys to join them at the Alexis’ estate. What starts as a party and should be a night of fun and youthful debauchery instead turns dark and deadly. The acting is pretty good for a small indie movie such as this, but if I had to switch roles, I probably would of Daddario and one of her friends played by Amy Forsyth. I can’t really say why I would because that could get into spoilers, but if you’ve seen some roles of Daddario’s past and have seen some projects with Amy Forsyth in them, you could probably see why. The film is set in the 80s and the 80s music accompanied by a cool and clear original score that sounds like it’s all techno keyboard acoustic stuff makes everything feel right at home for the decade. The clothes, atmosphere, and other do dads bring a fantastic 80’s vibe as well. The film is a nice and tight 95 minutes, with no fluff or filler and a good lead up to some horrifying happenings.

The direction is quite good too. I have never seen any of the director’s (Marc Meyers) other stuff, but I feel like I should check out his other film that just came out called Human Capital and then his other I’ve heard of, My Friend Dahmer, which came out several years ago. He has a good eye and doesn’t resort to cheap tricks such as doing a bunch shaky cam to try and hide poorly shot scuffles in post production. All of the framing is excellent and I could always tell where and what a certain character was doing at a certain time. It’s one of the better looking straight on demand movies I have seen in quite some time. The point is, the film captured my attention right from the get go and didn’t end until the credits came across my screen. The best way I know how to recommend this to you is if you like home invasion thrillers with a bit of blood and gore with some decent acting, dialogue, and a couple of groovy twists, then I’d say this is right up your alley. If not, look elsewhere. Do me a favor though and don’t watch a trailer. While it doesn’t give anything away per say, the context clues will probably make you figure things out fast. Oh, I forgot, a certain Jackass alum (the first one that probably comes to mind for you) is in the film as well and he does a decent job for probably only one day of work he had to do on the film. Just sit back and enjoy this one, don’t over think it, and maybe it could summon some entertainment and enjoyment out of you in these dark and depressing times.

Zach’s Zany TV Binge Watchin’ Reviews: TIGER KING – MURDER, MAYHEM, AND MADNESS (Netflix)

This is it. The review you’ve all been waiting for. I did it. I managed to watch all seven episodes of this dumpster fire in the middle of this giant trainwreck with endless gasoline being poured over the entire scene of the crime. Who do I blame for sitting down and actually not being able to look away from TIGER KING: MURDER, MAYHEM, AND MADNESS? I blame the endless string of hilarious gifs and memes I didn’t quite understand. I blame some of you that kept fucking messaging me to watch the show and write this review. I blame COVID-19 for me running out of shit quickly to review. I blame a whole bunch of God damn things. But I did it, so the least you can do is read this whole review, especially if you were one of the ones that specifically asked this from me. This won’t be a long review, I’m not going to jump in and dive into every single detail and frame of all seven episodes. This is going to be a broad review, crossing some t’s, dotting some i’s, and figuring out some WTF’s. Basically, I am going to review this as if I was watching a feature length documentary, in a movie theater. I’m going to review it on several levels: is it well made? does it get its point across? is this a story that was worth being told? Did it entertain? Did I laugh my ass off? Did I come out of it respecting the human race better than I did before? And probably the most important question in your minds: did Carole Baskin kill her first husband? The answers, before I go into detail on them is: Not really, Sort Of, Yes, Yes, Hell Yes, Fuck No, and bitch did that shit.

Is this documentary well made? Not really. Out of the seven episodes, the three best are easily the third, fourth, and fifth episodes. Why? Because they don’t lose focus with the points of Joe Exotic’s story that they wanted to tell. They focus on one or two specific things and stick with it. The first two episodes are all over the place in terms of narrative story telling. We are introduced to characters at random without really being introduced to them. It jumps to too many points in time just making sure it gets every single ounce of crazy into the viewers brains. I had to rewind several times just to make sure I was getting the entire picture and sometimes I just gave up after several rewinds and just went with it, hoping I’d understand it later. The sixth and seventh episodes, while still having a bit of focus, more than the first two, feel like they are stretching out the story too much, and it could’ve condensed the information into a tighter 6 episode arc. I personally think it all could’ve been a really tight tale in just 3 or 4 complete hour long episodes. We didn’t need seven (5 hrs, 17 minutes total). Way too much. What I’m trying to say is that even with some focus the sixth and seventh episodes are redundant and quite boring (yes, I didn’t find the murder for hire part all that interesting). This entire limited series, if you think about it, is a lopsided burger. The first two episodes represent a small top bun with a bunch of condiments thrown together and mixed up too much, nothing nice and layered. Episodes 3, 4, and 5 is the nice juicy meat of the story, really good angus beef that satisfies with its bombastic yet tightly focused story and shocking revelations. Episode 6 and 7 are the little tiny spray of ketchup or mustard on the underside of the meat patty with a giant un-flavorful bottom bun that’s teetering at the edge of falling off your picnic table.

Does it get its point across? Sort of. The point of this cautionary tale is buried under a shit ton of information, but it is there, you just have to dig deeper into the situation, past what the documentary provides, in order to completely understand it. I constantly had to do Google research after this to put several more pieces of the giant endless puzzle together. I get that this documentary is going to make you do research anyway, mostly for the best memes or gifs, but you shouldn’t have to do that much research afterward to piece everything together in order to “get” it. It’s a bit of a mess, but I was able to eventually see a complete picture. There is just tons and tons and tons of information and footage, each almost outlandish than the last. The whole thing just needed more focus. Do I really need to tell you what it’s about? Probably not, because if I do, it will just get me into spoilers, so I’ll “borrow” IMDB.com’s log line : “A rivalry between big cat eccentrics takes a dark turn when Joe Exotic, a controversial animal park boss, is caught in a murder-for-hire plot.” That’s all you need to know, except one thing: the murder-for-hire plot is the LEAST interesting thing about this show. Which answers the next question: is it a story worth being told? Abso-fucking-lutely. Just like the poster says, it is such a ridiculous story, if you told someone about it in words, no one would fucking believe your ass. But with all this footage, they have that gateway to prove that story true, even if all the information cobbled together is a bit of a mess.

Did it entertain? Yes. There are a couple of boring parts, really only in the last two episodes, but even with the first two episodes being an unfocused, giant pile of crazy info, this documentary completely entertains. I’ve never heard of this guy, Joe Exotic, till now and what shocks me is I probably never would have if not for this documentary. He’s just absolutely bat shit crazy. Did I laugh my ass off? Hell yes. I laughed my ass off more times than I could count, and combine it with the gifs and memes I had seen before starting the show, I was in tears on the floor, my voice cracking with all my uncontrollable laughter. Not to get into any spoilers that will ruin your laughs but Joe Exotic’s mannerisms, internet shows, feud with Carole Baskin, a euology at a funeral, some really weird photos and weddings, and the worst tattoo ever is just some of the things you are in for. Did I come out of it respecting the human race better than I did before? Fuck no. There aren’t really any likable characters in this. When at times Joe Exotic is somewhat sympathetic he just goes off and does something shady and monstrous to make you hate him. Even his husbands, apparently straight and with meth teeth, don’t come out looking too great on the other side of things, one part of their story will shock you to the point of your draw dropping on the floor and going into the Earth. Even the other rival tiger, big cat “rescue” operations owners are unlikable, scummy, and weird. Multiple wives, sex cults, and what not. Which brings us to my final paragraph: Carole Baskin.

That bitch killed her husband. I’m not surprised to learn that the disappearance case of her first husband has been reopened after this documentary aired. There is enough evidence alone in this documentary that she really was the only one that could’ve had something to do with it, or that son of a bitch just really was that sneaky and is sipping a Pina Colada on some remote island some where, having finally gotten rid of the cunt. Maybe he as even since died on that remote island with a completely new identity so no one would ever know. Carole Baskin is an awful bitch. She has resting bitch face, a couple of “sympathetic” qualities, but with all of her mannerisms and her behind the scenes actions, you know she’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing. No doubt about it in my mind. And if she ends up going to jail because of the documentary, that would make me respect this whole seven episodes of craziness even more. So, in conclusion: you should definitely check this thing out. While I would say that the hype of this limited docu-series is bigger than the actual product, it is still an interesting as hell story. And even though the series is a little unfocused and gives the viewer too much information and then just keeps throwing in multiple kitchen sinks to add to the run time, it is still entertaining. Plus, in the end you will secretly want to be in on all the gifs and memes you’ve seen out there and will want to start making some of your own after all is said and done. While not the best (I still think the long OJ Simpson and Aaron Hernandez documentaries and some of Michael Moore’s stuff is much, much better ((and organized)) than this), it certainly earns the throne of king of crazy ass documentaries. Enter at your own risk.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: THE CALL OF THE WILD (2020)

God damn the CGI dog in this is so fucking distracting. More than all the other CGI animals, lakes, scenery, what have you. This would’ve been a pretty damn decent adaptation of the beloved novel if they had just used a real dog for the rest of the scenes that didn’t put the animal in any danger. I get that you have to use a CGI dog after the fiasco that A Dog’s Purpose (don’t worry Sarah Sides, you could easily handle this film with your crying bullshit) got when behind the scenes video showed a terrified real dog just being dropped into a mildly fast studio made river, but the CGI should just be used in those dangerous scenes. In this film for example, completely fine to use the technology to show a dog surviving being trapped under the ice of a frozen lake, jumping off the roof of a cabin that is on fire, etc. But to keep that CGI dog doing simple things that a trick dog could do alongside Harrison Ford just looks so fucking odd and it takes away from the otherwise entertaining movie. You get even more flabbergasted when you realize the CGI dog is basically just a human in a tight green screen suit with balls whose model was scanned after an adopted dog (they couldn’t have taught that dog tricks?!), handing something to Harrison Ford that was in his mouth. So fucking distracting.

But the rest of the movie is fine. Entertaining a bit actually. Yet a little cliched from a lot of other dog movies you’ve seen, but this is forgivable because this is an adaptation of a really old novel (1903 to be exact), which set the standard for future movies and novels to basically just copy it, thus cliches being born. The film follows a giant St. Bernard named Buck as he is stolen from his home in California and sent to the Yukon to be a sled mail service dog, where he eventually befriends Han Solo and begins a life-altering adventure. You always have to admire a film in which Harrison Ford actually looks as if he’s giving a damn. He is in one quick scene near the beginning but really doesn’t come into play until the 40 minute mark, and is there the rest of the film. Despite cringe worthy narration from Ford that reminded me of the one he reluctantly did for Blade Runner’s theatrical release, his acting overall is pretty good. Seemed like he didn’t mind being in an adaptation of the story. But this is Buck’s story mostly, so the CGI dog is in almost every frame of the movie…and I just couldn’t get over it until Ford shows up for the rest of the film, and even then it was all still blantantly in my peripheral vision. At least the film was free for me (I used all my Disney points to get a free digital copy of it).

There are other known actors in the films, but with very, very small roles that I didn’t understand why they couldn’t have just cast unknowns that could done the same job but for less money, kick start their careers so to speak. You have Omar Sy as one of the bob sled mail service guys that buys Buck after he is stolen, you have Dan Stevens hamming it up as the bad guy that doesn’t care about animals and is just looking for gold, and then Karen Gillan even shows up in a blink and you’ll miss her part as Dan Steven’s characters’ girlfriend. It’s very very weird. But the rest of the film, like I said, is fine. Surprised me a bit actually that it didn’t really lose my attention (it couldn’t though really with that “I can’t look away” awful CGI dog). I mean seriously, this is animal CGI almost as bad in the Twilight movies, where the wolves looked utterly fake as fuck. They seriously should’ve just used a dog that could do cool little tricks for the very easy scenes and then just relied heavily on CGI in the dangerous ones and not let the real dog get anywhere near that situation. It would’ve been much more forgivable. At first when watching the marketing I thought that maybe Harrison asked that he not act alongside a real dog. I don’t believe that anymore. I bet we would’ve gotten an even better performance out of him if the dog was real, and he fucking knows it. It all has to do with animal rights, and I get it, but there could’ve been better workarounds. But my tiny 2 and a half year old was pointing at all the animals, getting all excited, and enjoyed the parts of the movie that he watched, so what the fuck do I know?

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: DAVE CHAPPELLE – THE KENNEDY CENTER MARK TWAIN PRIZE FOR AMERICAN HUMOR (FEATURE LENGTH NETFLIX SPECIAL)

Holy fuck that title is a mouthful isn’t it? And holy fuck, when did I start doing reviews on specials? **someone whispers in my ear** Oh that’s right, COVID-FUCKIN-19. Anyway, how did this thing come on Netflix in January and I basically just randomly ran across it when cruising Netflix yesterday? Doesn’t matter, I’m just glad I did. DAVE CHAPPELLE: THE KENNEDY CENTER MARK TWAIN PRIZE FOR AMERICAN HUMOR was a little delightful hour and 25 minute special celebrating the life and accomplishments of Dave Chappelle, probably my favorite comedian of all time. I grew up with him as a teenager and caught ALL of Chappelle’s Show when it was broadcast for the first time on Comedy Central, I’ve seen him twice live in stand up specials, and I’ve watched all of his stand up specials wherever I could find them. Dave Chappelle is a genius. He’s genius in his art, in his craft, and his lifestyle choices. The man has somehow found a way to make fun of everyone and everything, no stone un-turned, and has had the least amount of triggered people after him that I have ever seen. How one does that, especially nowadays, is damn near impossible. But somehow he has done it. And I am forever grateful.

This special is basically a bunch of other comedians, actors, writers, commentators, and musicians, and then like a roast but no one bashes him harshly, himself, that talk about the entire life and career of Mr. Chappelle, from birth to where he is today. There are a couple of short musical performances, but mostly remembrances, with grand praises and gratitude for the comedic legend. There are also clips from his career, from his early stand up, to Chappelle’s Show, to his recent stand up (he was basically absent for 12 years after his epiphany when leaving the Show after only 2 seasons). Basically the whole thing is to tell Dave how much everyone and the world means to him, while getting some laughs, and maybe even a few tears out of him. And then he thanks everyone. It was a nice, easy little feature to watch, and it mainly makes you want to go back and watch all of his stand up from the beginning, Chappelle’s Show, and then his recent stand up, all over again. You could tell that this even was probably about really 3 hrs in length, and you know what? The only disappointing thing about this feature is that we weren’t shown the entire thing.

I would have gladly watched it, no matter how long it was. They could’ve at least kept the entire musical performances from the musicians he respected the most. They felt like really short little stanzas of their music and it was a little awkward when it just cuts off and ends. Basically, if you love Dave Chappelle like I do and have followed his career almost from the beginning, or hell if you are just now discovering Dave Chappelle, this special is a definite must watch. Can’t really rank it in my best films of 2020 because it isn’t really a movie per say, but needless to say, I would definitely watch this again. It’s a big tribute to a man who’s genius is unmatched. He is an incredible comedian, person, artist, what have you. The fact that he can tell it like it is, while only really butt hurting just a handful of people is nothing short of amazing. The fact that someone can yell at you, “I’m Rick James, bitch!” and pull up a bunch of fond memories of the man…well…he definitely deserved this award and then some. Congratulations Dave Chappelle, I’m very, very happy you won this award.

Zach’s Zany TV Binge Watchin’ Reviews: FUTURE MAN SEASON 3 (Hulu)

“Wow, how the mighty have fallen.” That’s what I usually say when either a sequel to a beloved movie sucks ass, or how subsequent seasons in a television show completely tarnish what came before. I said that phrase about halfway into FUTURE MAN SEASON 3. Let’s be clear here: the first season of FUTURE MAN is a pretty damn near perfect sci-fi comedy. The storyline and time travel was crystal clear, the laughs were huge and earned, the characters had fantastic chemistry…literally everything works in that season. And then you get to Season 2, which for me was a disappointment right from the get go. They abandon all three of the main characters in this really boring future fuck up waste land story line and then the writers had the gall to separate them for about half the season, when their chemistry was critical in the fantastic season before. But then toward the end, the series found its groove, with that last 4 or 5 episodes (out of a 13 episode season, the first season was also 13 episodes) being hilarious and brilliant. Then this first two episodes of the new season I thought the momentum picked up from the end of the previous season. But then episode 3 hits, and all the way through the last shortened final 8 episodes, it all comes crashing down, with a ho hum kind of ending that makes you feel as if you wasted your time.

Season one felt like it had all the money in the world in accordance to its budget. There were people everywhere and the effects were decent for a Hulu Original. But then season two hit, there are less people everywhere, and it seems their production became really cheap for whatever reason. The effects weren’t as good, they couldn’t hire as many extras, and for their dumb wasteland storyline it seemed like they got a cheap permit to film out in the middle of nowhere. Maybe the first season didn’t do as well as they had hoped viewer wise, but enough to warrant a second, and then the second season did worse, but Hulu wanted to writers to wrap up the story, hence a very short 3rd season. Season 3 is as cheap as it comes television production wise. They enact another story line where they are stuck out in the middle of a nowhere forest quarry for 2 to 3 episodes and then when they are out in public near the end, when the year 2000 is about to hit, AT A COLLEGE DORM MIND YOU, there is not a soul or extra in sight. It just felt so damn cheap, and the effects this time are extremely laughable. Perhaps most of the budget went toward its stars and then a beefed up role for Seth Rogen, who co-executive produced the series? I don’t know, but I feel as though the lessened budget that Hulu gave the show did them no favors with the writers department. I’m 100% sure this wasn’t their original vision in how the show progressed or ended.

If you don’t know what this series is about, IMDB’s log line makes it simple: “Josh Futturman, a janitor by day and a gamer by night, is recruited by mysterious visitors to travel through time to prevent the extinction of humanity.” It’s basically a rude and crude retelling, re-imagining, what have you, of The Last Starfighter, in which this loser is recruited because he beats this unbeatable video game that was really just a test for who could end up saving a very desolate and depressing future. And the third season has the gall to bring up a question on everyone’s minds since the first episode, and without getting into spoilers, cuts off the characters explanation as a joke (basically the writers had no idea, so they turned the whole thing into a cut off joke just to get a laugh out of the audience and try to make them forget that we were asking this question since the first season in the first place. You’ll know what this question is if you’ve been loyal to the series in the first place. They bring it up one scene before the show ends here. It’s stupid and lazy. Part of the reason why I think the writers unfortunately had to go in another direction was not only because of budget, but because in the first season one of the actors, Glenne Headley, who play’s Josh’s mom, died in real life. I think the writers had plans for future seasons really involving his parents, but had to scratch that and write around her death. Which I understand, but they should’ve thought of something better. The main problem other than the cheap production value is that the series again keeps this characters in one location for two to three episodes, and those locations become boring fast. They introduce a new place called Haven, and without getting into spoilers, the concept was a neat one, but the execution was very shoddy.

Would I recommend watching this series at all? Probably just the first season, and ignore the cliffhanger. The first season is fantastic. The second season is meh until the very end, and the third season is hugely disappointing after a decent first two episodes (really an only episode and a half). It’s not terrible, terrible, it just feels very, very, very cheap all around and I don’t think what came to be was necessarily what the writers had planned as an endgame. They keep the three leads together mostly throughout this season, which their chemistry is their only saving grace. Josh Hutcherson (Hunger Games), Eliza Coupe (Happy Endings), and Derek Wilson (Preacher), don’t lose sight of their characters and even learn to make their arcs grow this season. And while I was really disappointed with how it all ended, I have sort of come to terms that it was probably the best the writers could come up with the budget that was given to them. When these companies have the writers write themselves out of a corner with a really small budget, sometimes (most of the time) it might’ve been better if they just quit while they were ahead. Yes, I’m saying that I wish this show was cancelled after season one. And with these last 8 episodes just dumped on Hulu this past weekend without any fucking marketing promoting the show was coming back, I guarantee you we were probably this close of not receiving a final season at all, but someone gave everyone involved sympathy money to wrap it up. Just ultimately really disappointing, and other than the first season, this show will be forgotten in time soon, with no future rewatches.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: COFFEE & KAREEM (Netflix)

COFFEE & KAREEM, a new movie that debuted on Netflix today starring Ed Helms and Taraji P. Henson, is like a more vulgar, obnoxious dumb, stupid, fucking terrible remake of Cop And A Half…and if you don’t know what that movie is (Burt Reynolds is in it), all you need to know is that it is considered once of the worst films of the 90’s. So saying that Coffee & Kareem is worse than that…you know I’m saying something. Were the producers of Netflix smoking crack while watching this film and deciding to purchase it for their streaming service? That’s the only logical explanation for this tone deaf piece of shit that is a giant waste of time. And usually my whole deal is that I really, really like young kid cursing movies with dick, sex and fart jokes galore. BUT…that is only when they have heart, like the movie Good Boys. While that film was vulgar, the message of it, and the jokes, had heart in them, which is what made the movie hilarious and cute. Coffee & Kareem is just a bunch of people yelling at each other for an hour and 28 minutes. And the yelling become obnoxious very very fast. And the jokes are vulgar and gross just for the sake of being vulgar and gross…which I hate. This film has no hearts, no smarts, and not one decent joke that deals with farts. Another giant Netflix bomb to be precise.

And what really is odd is that it contains one of the worst performances I’ve seen all year from Betty Gilpin, who actually is a decent actress on Netflix’s girl wrestling series Glow and she made the most recent movie The Hunt entertaining and a little bad ass. Here she plays an obnoxious cop that just screams obscenities at people…and she can’t even pull that off realistically. It screams paycheck. Anyway, the movie is really about a white cop named Officer Coffee, played by Hangover’s Ed Helms, that is dating an African American woman, played by Taraji P. Henson, and them deciding to reveal who’s she dating to her young 12 year old son named Kareem, who before he’s informed of their tryst, catches them in the act of having sex. Kareem then decides to get revenge on this white cop by trying to hire a local gangster to scare Coffee, but it backfires, forcing Coffee and Kareem to team up in order to save themselves from Detroit’s most ruthless drug kingpin. If that sounds really dumb, it’s as dumb as it sounds. And all the racial jokes you can think of try to fly and then land here but end up stumbling all over the place combined with the worst obnoxious pedophile child rape jokes I have ever heard. If you can imagine, it’s all in very bad taste. The movie tries to have heart at the very end of the film (heart in one or two lines of dialogue), but everything before it is so nasty and rude that all of it feels forced to the point of ridiculousness.

Ed Helms plays a bumbling idiot, nothing new from him, it’s basically his character from The Office and The Hangover movies combined. How his character was even approved to be a police officer to begin with is baffling. Taraji P. Henson basically plays her character from Empire, Cookie, but just a little toned down. And the kid that plays Kareem, just spouts off vulgar joke after vulgar joke, making him completely unlikable, when the movie should be playing him with just enough sympathetic traits to make the audience relate to him more. But nope, it’s “the officer tried to rape me” this or “the officer tried to touch my penis” that every five minutes. The plot is contrived, it of course involves drugs, money, crooked cops, dumb fucking criminals, pointless shootouts, dumb twists and reveals, cheap production value, over the top bad acting…it’s just a giant piece of shit. When I saw the trailer to this, I laughed at the title, for how simple and dumb it was, and knew it was going to be a piece of shit, and I wasn’t wrong. People that like this movie probably liked the movie Sextuplets with Marlon Wayans, that’s how bad it is. And if you liked that movie, and if you liked this, YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM WHY WE STILL GET SHITTY MOVIES LIKE THIS…AND ESPECIALLY IN THIS WEIRD TIME OF THIS COVID-19 WORLD….all I have left to say…is FUCK YOU. Whoever wrote this film, his career should be over, along with the director, along with the producers at Netflix that picked this up. I’m willing to give the actors another shot as sometimes, you just gotta get that paycheck to keep on living. They are probably especially happy now that they did it, considering they probably won’t get enough work in awhile…fuck you COVID-19. I’m blaming you about 5% for this shitty film. Easily one of the worst films of 2020.

Zach’s Zany TV Binge Watchin’ Reviews: OZARK SEASON 3

Well, this time my Facebook was blocked because of some dumb error with my young son accidentally changing my birth date on the site. My fucking…birth date (I didn’t have another meltdown so no worries, just if you are close to me, text me). So I’ve had to send Facebook a picture of my government ID and they had a COVID-19 warning saying there are less people being able to confirm ID’s so mine might not be looked at for some time or not at all until this is over. Fan-fucking-tastic. Well, I’m not going to let something small like that prevent me from writing my reviews. But with this whole end of the world thing happening, new movies are going to be scarcer and scarcer to come by in the coming months. Who knows when theaters will reopen…so it’s down to new 2020 movies that I haven’t seen yet that came out earlier this year (and I didn’t see them because they looked like shit), straight to video on demand shit, and TV Bingeing shit. Fuck, I’ve even gotten to episode 3 of Tiger King, eventually reviewing that massive train wreck to my constant readers just to fill my review writin’ void. But for right now, let me review the exact opposite of a train wreck…well in terms of quality at least…OZARK SEASON 3 on Netflix. If you are in a small corner of television binge watching and have never heard of this television series before, it stars Jason Bateman and Laura Linney, and it’s basically a much more dark and depressing version of Breaking Bad, except not as masterful as that show (but I mean, it’s still pretty good, just nothing will probably ever beat Walter White or Jesse Pinkman for me). And while Breaking Bad is a nice and slow burn for how much shit all the characters have to go through, Ozark puts their characters fast and furious through a blender several times in just a one hour episode. It’s ten episodes of all the characters digging deeper holes for themselves a dozen times in the span of sixty minutes. And I fucking love every second of it.

The whole series itself is about a family that has to relocate their family to the Ozarks to launder money for a Mexican drug cartel. Yeah there are a bunch of different plot threads over the first two seasons, but I’m not going to get into those because it will take all day. For a quick little summary of what starts this season, Jason Bateman and Laura Linney successfully opened a casino on the lake, basically another front to launder more drug money for the cartel. The casino is mainly run by their curly haired sailor mouth named Ruth (one of the highlights of the entire series, the actress, Julia Garner, just won an Emmy last year), and when we start season 3, the casino is running smoothly…until the FBI starts doing an audit of their enterprise. That’s basically all you need to know and that a new character enters the game, Laura Linney’s character has a brother named Ben Davis, that causes some problems, even though he’s a good character at heart. But you’ve heard of the road to hell being paved with the best intentions right? Anyway, shitty thing after shitty thing begins happening to a lot of these characters, and they either die, or come up with some elaborate fucking way to narrowly escape their predicaments. It’s fantastic television to say the least. The direction is great (Jason Bateman always directs the first two episodes, I wish he did them all, he won an Emmy last year for one of his directorial efforts), the cinematography is dark, blue, and moody, the acting is top notch, and the story is fast paced and tense as hell. If you love shit like that, you’ll love this series, and you should start from the beginning if you haven’t already.

But if you are an Ozarkian like myself and was already caught up before Season 3 premiered all ten episodes last week, you are in for a treat. Now, the question that everyone asks is, is this the best season so far? I’d say that this and the first season are pretty on par for how great they are. Season Two lost a little bit of quality from the first, but not that much, all three are very tight pieces of solid entertainment. The most valuable player this season isn’t Ruth, but the new character, Ben Davis, played by Tom Phlphrey (Iron Fist season 1 and 2). He’s excellent as a bi polar family member that tries to do good, but just ends up making things worse. Episodes 8 and 9 will probably win him a best supporting actor Emmy this next award season. He’s really that good. In the end, I love this series, and hope it gets picked up for Season 4, as Season 3 ends in a literal bang, one that made me jump out of my seat it was so unexpected. Season one of Ozark took my about a week to get thru, Season two I finished over a weekend and regretted it (just because it felt like I did nothing of use that weekend), this one I finished in 5 days. That’s how good it is. If I’m going to revisit television shows in the future, it will always first be Breaking Bad, followed by Better Call Saul, 24, Lost…and depending on how it ultimately ends, probably somewhere in between, Ozark. It keeps pulling you in, and you let it, because the white knuckle ride is worth it.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: VIVARIUM (Video on Demand Rental)

You know what I hate most about movies? Is when they are weird just for the sake of being weird. When they have no (or at least it doesn’t hint at or show) allegory or even a little bit of an ambiguous message. They are just weird because the screenwriter and director decided to smoke a joint together and try to come up with something “original.” That is VIVARIUM in a nut shell. A helluva premise that is completely ruined because it is just weird for the sake of being weird, and there is nothing metaphorically sound around the entire thing to merit any of the weirdness that takes place. So it looks like this week I’m probably going to have three new reviews for you. This, Never Rarely Sometimes Always, and possibly Ozark Season 3 (if I can finish it before the week is up). I’m really hoping this is my last negative review, as I’ve been a total negative Nancy as of recently and want you all to be able to watch something that I think is worthwhile to you and not just a complete waste of fucking time. Now while this isn’t a complete waste of fucking time, I think the film really not having a point, and the fact that it is a pretty dark tale of forced isolation, in a time that we are having to isolate ourselves and not really caring for it to much, I do think that this is a film that most of you probably won’t want to, and probably don’t need to watch right now. And it’s definitely not worth a $6.99 rental (mine was free because I used Disney points to secure a free Fandango now rental).

Vivarium, without trying to go into any spoilers (are they spoilers though if the film doesn’t make any sense and is just weird as shit?) is about a couple (Jesse Eisenberg and Imogen Poots) that goes house hunting in this really weird neighborhood, where all the houses are green and look exactly alike. Their strange realtor leaves them there, and when they try and leave this neighborhood, it just makes the circle back to the house they were looking at. Basically, they are trapped and there is no way out. They get a baby in a box that says “raise him and you will be released” and this child is no ordinary child, somehow the couple still ends up making love even though they are in a bad place, yada yada yada, the movie ends on a depressing and weird note that didn’t make any sense nor did I care for it to make sense. The problem isn’t just the weirdness that made no sense. I didn’t like either of the two characters, even though Poots’ character does have redeeming qualities about her. And I fucking hated the kid. Needless to say the baby ages faster than most, but the kid has a dubbed over adult voice that is trying to imitate a child. And it makes weird screams. And I wanted to stab my eardrums out with a screwdriver just to make sure I didn’t heard it anymore. The film is very annoying to say the least.

And the most annoying thing about it is that it goes absolutely nowhere. It has all these threads, all these different puzzle pieces to make it seem like it is going to have an intriguing and thought provoking, unpredictable ending. A completed puzzle where you had no idea what the image was going to be until you settled that very last piece into place. Nope. While it has an ending, there is nothing behind it other than a dumb twist you can see coming from a mile away. I guess I have to go into semi spoilers but it never reveals really a reason why the couple are isolated in this square block of a neighborhood. Who the baby/child is doesn’t end up revealing any sort of purpose for being. It’s all just weird…for the sake…of being weird. And I hate that shit. Probably why I don’t care for cult classics such as The Rocky Horror Picture Show. BECAUSE NONE OF IT MAKES ANY FUCKING SENSE. At least the TV series Lost had some kind of metaphorical ending behind it, even though they didn’t answer every little single weird thing behind the island. Vivarium makes no sense, and I don’t think it wanted to. They probably didn’t even think about the answers. The guy that came up with the story, and the director (not familiar with any of Lorcan Finnegan’s work) probably asked each other, “but why this?” and they both came up with the same answer, “who cares?” They probably had some answers but then that just led to more questions so they just said fuck it and kept on making the movie. Well, I don’t like this movie that much, and will definitely take a temporary spot on my worst films of 2020 list so far. The acting is good, and the premise is good, but all that potential is lost in a vast sea of dumb weirdness that only the filmmakers will ever truly understand. And that’s a paradoxical shame.