Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: NEVER RARELY SOMETIMES ALWAYS

Here is another one of those films that I’m going to praise for the realism, the script, the acting, the story, the content, the realism, the realism, the realism aaaaaaand the realism, and I’m going to say it deserves all the praise it is getting from critics, but I will never have the urge to watch it again, because it was really hard to watch. NEVER RARELY SOMETIMES ALWAYS is a movie about the journey to a character’s abortion, but it’s realistic in the sense that nothing really outlandish, Hollywood spiffed up, or bombastic happens in the movie. It is basically the Boyhood of abortion movies. We only get hints and small tid bits about this 17 year old girls life (Autumn), with no definite answers other than that she finds out she’s pregnant, she definitely wants an abortion because her current sex partner is probably abusing her, so her and her cousin (Skylar) go to New York to get the abortion because in Pennsylvania if you are under 18 to have you have a parent or legal guardian sign off on the abortion and she doesn’t want anyone in her family to know. It’s a road trip/hang out kind of film, but one that is dark, dirty, grungy and depressing. There is no decent male character in the film, in fact, I would say that while you really feel bad for this girl, and you appreciate that her cousin goes the journey with her to get the procedure done, the characters aren’t really that likable, even though realistically they could be relatable to someone you know. It’s a movie that also doesn’t try to change your mind whether you are pro choice or not, it is just merely showing you a realistic situation for what happens when a decision like that is made.

Which is good because I don’t really care for films that try to push you hard politically or hot topic wise one way or another. And abortion is a really hot topic among people, so I was surprised to find that this film really walked the line very well and didn’t really cross to either side (don’t worry, will not be voicing my opinion on any real life issues on here). The film kept my attention even though it was really slow, but it kept my attention because it was all very believable. Especially the acting, which other than Autumn’s father (Ryan Eggold from The Blacklist and New Amsterdam) and the boy her and her cousin Skylar meet along the way (Theodore Pellerin, Boy Erased and a bunch of other small things), I think that it was every one else’s acting debut. The girl who plays Autumn, Sidney Flanigan, is incredible in her role, and it shocks me that this is her debut, especially in a powerful, powerful scene in the middle of the movie where the title of the actual movie comes up, if she gets an Oscar nomination if nothing else comes out the rest of this year, I really wouldn’t be surprised. Everyone is great here, role big or small, it all felt realistic, like our eyes were just constantly following two regular girls out in the regular world. And the script and direction by Eliza Hittman is good to. She has a knack for realism behind the camera, and I look forward to anything she makes in the future.

And just to be clear, I am recommending this film and think it deserves all the praise it is getting. I just couldn’t personally ever watch it again because it was hard to watch because everything felt so sad and depressing. I wanted Autumn to go to a psychiatrist after all was said and done to talk to someone just to get her mentally healthy again. I wanted her to go to the cops and tell them what all the abusive men in her life had done to her to get some sense of justice. But this isn’t a Hollywoodized film like that. I knew it wouldn’t show something to that degree. It’s just a little glimpse, a couple of days really, into the life of a 17 year old girl who finds out she is pregnant and wants an abortion because we find out she is physically and mentally abused by her current sex partner. We jump in and jump out in the flash of an eye, and I just don’t ever want to jump in again, and feel down like that. The film is PG-13 and not too long at only an hour and 37 minutes without credits, but I felt like with the subject matter, it might’ve been best if slapped with an R rating, but that’s probably just me. If the subject of abortion and possibly seeing a little of one will really upset or bother you I highly don’t recommend you watch this film that won a special prize at Sundance this year for “Neo-Realism”. Never will I reveal what I really think about abortion, rarely will I want to watch a film about it again, sometimes I will watch one if it gets a bunch of acclaim, and will always give it praise where praise is due. It’s a very good, well made and well acted film, but I can’t even put it in my top twenty films so far this year, because I know I would never watch it again.

P.S. Wanted to say this was one of those theater at home movies that appeared on streaming services to rent only for $19.99. It is the only film that went down in real price to $9.99 (for which I then decided to check it out), and that is probably because it wasn’t getting many hits at the price it was at. Studios take note, price the rentals where you’d think it would get the most money in the first place. I guarantee you those who rented this at the $19.99 price a week or two ago are pissed just based off principal.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: BLOW THE MAN DOWN (Amazon Prime)

Whoa, in my previous review of the new Netflix film Tigerland, I had just bitched that I have to slog through 10 original streaming service movies where there are usually 8 pieces of dog shit and only 2 at least half way decent ones. 10 to 2 is a terrible ratio when dealing with 90 minute to 120 minute movies. And I am only talking half way decent two movies. What is the ratio on near or perfect masterpieces? Probably 1 in 100. The last original streaming movie that blew my mind near masterpiece wise was probably El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie. BLOW THE MAN DOWN, released back on March 20th on Amazon Prime, joins Tigerland as one of those 2 half way decent diamonds in the shitty, shitty rough. This begs the question: Am I know going to have to slog through another eight shitty ones before I get to two hits in a row again or was this the tenth one in one cycle and so everything is reset, where I could possibly get a rare third in a row? Ah the possibilities. Anyway, to the movie I’m actually reviewing here, it is quite decent, a solid, actually original dark tale that is a tight 90 minutes with no fluff or filler. Again, like my complaint with Tigertail, could watched a half our more to this little universe, maybe some plot threads added such as a possible relationship between the cop and one of the sisters in this, or more background to the town’s uhhhh, without spoiling anything, age old dirty business. But what is contradictory about me wanting more is that this film has a smart way of giving you only enough information here and there for you to eventually fit all the puzzle pieces together to get a somewhat visible essence by the story’s end. It doesn’t paint a full picture for you and it doesn’t spoon feed you shit like a lot of other movies would. So me asking for more might ruin one of the perks the film has going for it. An extra half hour would say, blow all its strengths down.

Yet again, IMDB.com has the perfect log line without spoiling any of the dark and moody little small town tale: “Two Maine local town girls attempt to cover up a gruesome run-in with a dangerous man. To conceal their crime, the sisters must go deep into the criminal underbelly of their hometown, uncovering the town’s darkest secrets.” This film sucks you in to this little towns world, and it is quite remarkable with how short the run time is that these handful of characters get complete arcs and none of them have only one dimensional personalities. The only real actress you might know in this is Margo Martindale, who was on The American, Justified, and a bunch of other stuff you might’ve seen, and if you know her, you know she’s a hell of an actress. Here is no different as she plays Enid, the owner of Oceanview Hotel, the key to one of the small town’s dirty secrets. Since I see a lot of movies and know a lot of people, I do know who play the two sisters. One of them is Morgan Saylor, who was Brody’s daughter on the first several season’s of Homeland. She was good on that show, and she’s good here too. She plays the black sheep sister very very convincingly but with enough of a moral compass to be somewhat redeemable. The other smart and work striving sister is played by Sophie Lowe, who played Alice in the failed Once Upon A Time in Wonderland spin off series that went absolutely nowhere and a couple of other small things I’ve seen her in. She’s a hell of an actress and it is a shame she hasn’t been in many high profile stuff throughout her career. Good thing she’s only 29 years old, and still has plenty of time to get that spotlight in the one role that could produce a jump start to stardom and never look back.

The story is simple, dark, and easily kept me entertained thru the short run time. I’ve been hearing comparisons to it being a “Maine Breaking Bad” type deal, but that comparison is completely unfair. First of all, the only thing that should ever be compared to Breaking Bad is the spin off series Better Call Saul. Secondly, it is it’s own thing. It’s own spun spider web tale of intrigue with a little dash of deception. It’s meticulously told, with its own stamp of uniqueness where it shouldn’t really be compared to anything other than another witty crime caper. Gun to my head, maybe I could’ve seen this whole story play out in an 8 to 9 episode season of Fargo on FX, just much less humor than you are used to seeing on that series, but I stand by my claim that its its own thing and if there are any homages to any other film like it, it’s very subtle and not noticeable at all. The movie was directed by two women by the names of Danielle Krudy and Bridget Savage Cole, who both have done a bunch of shorts that I haven’t seen (but would like to now), while the former was miscellaneous technical crew on a bunch of older high profile films almost a decade ago. However, whatever learning experiences they have managed to get with their previous job titles, it completely works here. This movie is dark, moody, interesting, with its own palette, flavor, and atmosphere. Definitely one of the best original movies that Amazon Prime has offered that went straight to its streaming service, and I don’t see another one blowing their title just received from me down for quite awhile.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: TIGERTAIL (Netflix)

So doing the math on all of this hardcore Netflix ‘original’ (or fuck, any streaming service original, really) movie watching because of all the theaters (fuck you COVID-19) being closed and still needing to write reviews because it is my passion to do so, the ratio, from my count, is around 10 to 2. 10 really shitty Netflix, Amazon Prime Video, Hulu, Disney+ or Apple TV+ original features I have to slog my way through just to find 2 really, really decent ones. Yeesh. Now granted, watching something like Netflix’s The Main Event…I’m just asking to be kicked in my ever-lovin’ movie adoring nuts, but come on, when are these executives going to watch the shit that they buy and after having suffered through that suckage are they going start to make tougher decisions on what they are going to put on their platform? Are we really having to suffer more and more of their cheap choices and only get one good diamond in the rough out of the bunch every so often? Yep. And it’s never going to change and I’ve just now accepted that fact. There are some people that watch the cheap shit out and still eat it up, Lord knows why…dumb fucks. I don’t even know why I am complaining in this review, considering that I am going to give TIGERTAIL, a Netflix ‘original’ film that came out about two weeks ago from one of the creators (and Emmy winner) of Netflix’s great series Master Of None (Alan Yang; I want another season God damn it, no one gives a shit about Aziz Ansari’s heavy quote on quote “sexual harassment” misconduct anymore, if you can even call it that) a solid recommendation. I’m just tired of the shit I have to maneuver through the cold dark smelly abyss just to get to something half way decent such as this film.

The great Alan Yang, who is also a producer, writer and director on such great television shows as The Good Place, Parks and Recreation, gives us his first feature film here, and it is more sad, somber, and depressing than I would’ve liked, but he is clearly a FANTASTIC storyteller. All of his previous experience just elevates his (obviously very personal) film out of the mediocre crap that we are getting on streaming platforms right now into something that might even be a must watch when coming around to the Oscars next year…if they aren’t cancelled that is. Tigertail is about an older gentleman named Pin-Jui who, after coming home from his mothers funeral in Taiwan, reminisces about his life before he immigrated to America and the early years after he arrived there. After certain events unfold you realize that he’s viewed his entire life as one big regret which has made him estranged from his ex-wife and children. Is it too late to make amends with everyone and tie up loose ends? Obviously to answer those questions, you’ll have to watch the movie. There are a fair amount of subtitles in this movie, but kind of like the recent The Farewell, English is used in most of the present day America scenes. But forget the subtitles, if that is what is stopping you from watching films, you may need to reconsider your priorities. The subtitles are easy to read and don’t distract from the overall experience of the film.

The film is also a tight and easy 91 minutes long. No filler. In fact, if I had any complaints about this movie is that it is a little uneven in its storytelling and should’ve been longer to flesh out the narrative a bit more. I would’ve gladly spend another 30 minutes seeing more Pin-Jui’s life in America with his young children than just one or two flashbacks. I have a feeling there are many scenes on the cutting room floor, as John Cho was supposed to be in this movie but said his scenes got cut, and we only see the boy as a young child once, which was kind of strange as the movie really only shows a possible solution for making amends with his daughter and not his son. But if he’s estranged from both and doesn’t have a good relationship with him either, shouldn’t the story have involved both of them? That’s the unevenness I’m talking about that bothered me a little. I’m wondering if it was cut up by producers and if there is a director’s cut out there somewhere. I would be more than happy to view this film again if it was a bit longer. The acting here is great. I’ve known Tzi Ma ever since he played the kidnapped daughter’s father in Rush Hour and his time as one of Jack Bauer’s greatest villain on 24. Here he plays it straight, strict, selfish, stubborn yet sorrowful, a fantastic contrast from his likable father character he played in the aforementioned The Farewell.

Be forewarned, while there is light at the end of the tunnel, the movie is kind of depressing. Living your full life in regret for that many years is gotta be something that weighs heavily on a person. It starts right when he leaves for America, abandoning a girl who loves him to marry someone that he doesn’t love, only for a ticket to America, where he can hopefully bring his mother along in due time once he makes enough money, to get her out of the awful factory conditions that she currently works in. Phew, that’s a mouthful. Not only do these decisions weight on the character, they begin to weight on the viewer as you begin to ask yourself, what would you have done differently. And a film that makes you think long after the credits have rolled, is alright in my book. The film is shot very well and the dialogue is clean and precise, I have a good feeling that writer/director Alan Yang is going to move on to great things if he is given the chance to be involved in future feature films. He has a solid eye for the camera as the cinematography is gorgeous, especially when we see scenes out in the field of Taiwan, or his childhood home in/on Tigertail. You could tell this was very personal, as Alan Yang is basically the male child in this movie, telling his family’s tale. The only thing I don’t understand was why didn’t he incorporate his self/character in the film a bit more. It would’ve been a more well rounded film and potentially even masterful. I’ll take this over any ‘The Main Event’ like films on Netflix any day of the week, but am I being an asshole for asking for more? That’s another question you’ll have to ask yourself if you read my review and decide to watch this tale.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: SERGIO (Netflix)

Holy Carole Baskin, what the fuck went wrong with SERGIO, a new Netflix ‘original’ film that just came out this past weekend? I mean, the only entertaining parts are the 3 brief scenes the main protagonist is talking politics (making America look like absolute shit, I wanted more of that!) and a gratuitous, unneeded yet welcomed by me sex scene that involves the beautiful Ana De Armas, once again throwing inhibition (and her clothes) to the wind. I mean seriously…if you look at all her past work, she is the Kate Winslet of a new generation. The film is a giant slap in the face to the real life United Nations diplomat Sergio Vieira de Mello and instead being a biographical film about his life and how he tried to change politics, life and reason for the Iraqi people amid the fallout of the Iraq War in 2003 instead is a…love story? Showing how the guy kind of neglected his kids in the long run (current and estranged wife not given one second of fictional screen time) to sleep and fall in love with a beautiful woman half his age? YIKES. Add on top of that the wrong choice to play with time a bit, inter cutting too many random times between trapped in the basement of the hotel where he was working in Baghdad because of a terrorist bombing and the uninteresting love story. Did the ACADEMY NOMINATED SCREENWRITER (Dallas Buyers Club) of this (Craig Borten) not read through his script, and realize the most interesting parts of the film were the small bits where Sergio talks politics to other politicians and leaders? Or did the funding people get involved and thought people wouldn’t think that kind of stuff were interesting? Or did the director change everything just because he wanted to see Ana De Armas naked up close and personal? Who knows?

But what I do know is that this movie is an absolute bore and snore fest. BO-RING. The non boring part of the whole thing was me doing research on the behind the scenes of the film and the politician himself to see what the fuck went wrong with this tale that is obviously filled with ripe narrative storytelling fruit when reading in between the lines. And I pinpointed it down to the most obvious answer: the director also directed a 2009 film also entitled Sergio…that is a documentary film (and probably much better than this drivel) about the politician, using real life footage to tell his entire political life story, digging deep into his believes and policies. They barely touch on the stupid love story in that bullshit, why couldn’t they have just done a straight forward doc to feature film. Yeah sure, you are basically just remaking your documentary with actors that can really act, and throw in some original cinematography and location shooting…but if your documentary won a bunch of accolades…why mess with that formula? And it’s so frustrating because when you take the few short great scenes of Sergio (played wonderfully by Wagner Moura) trying to make foreign places better by trying to help people with his strategies and beliefs, and if they would’ve cut the love story completely, or had it as a small side plot D or E, this film could’ve been something special. But no, you get Sergio and Ana De Armas flirting and fucking each other for an hour and a half out of the 2 hour run time. “Oh, Sergio, I did my homework on you and even though I like you and I want to fuck you, I found out that you are still currently married.” “But I like you and want to fuck you too and my wife is really just a stranger to me in this day and age.” “Oh that’s true, so make out with me in the next scene and fuck me later when we get to know each other better.” If you couldn’t tell I’m rolling my eyes right now.

Even though Armas and Moura have great chemistry in the movie, their chemistry is in the wrong love story, in the wrong movie. I literally did not care about their characters when they were with each other. I cared about the real Sergio, and what he did to try and make others lives better. How he called out devious American politicians and their bullshit. I wanted more of those scenes. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate a naked Ana De Armas as much as the next straight male (or lesbian, not trying to exclude you all) but as a movie goer, and not just your average one, I expect much more out of the movies I watch, nude women or sex scene be damned. There didn’t need to be a sex scene in this movie at all, and I have a sneaking suspicion that there wasn’t really one in the script, and then Ana De Armas got signed on, the director saw she didn’t have a no nudity clause in her contract, and the pervert in him decided to add that scene, just so he could see her nude up close and personal for a couple of hours. Did his giant ego from getting accolades over his documentary over a decade ago hide his boner? Probably not. And just to reiterate, I’m just speculating here, I highly doubt that is all what really happened (or am I?). I guess the one thing that this film managed to do correctly was make me actually want to seek out that documentary. I bet it is a solid and interesting true life watch. Netflix’s Sergio (just another one of the dozen Netflix clunkers to have already come out in 2020) is just another one of those cases where glorifying a real life story and ultimately making a Hollywood-esque tale where people would want to pay attention only to the fantasy and not the cold hard nitty gritty facts, really and truly, just backfired and bombed (pun intended) like a motherfucker.

Zach’s Zany TV Binge Watchin’ Reviews: BETTER CALL SAUL SEASON 5 (Netflix + AMC App & basically a review of the show as a whole)

It doesn’t really necessarily count as binge watching for me if I’ve watched the latest helping of BETTER CALL SAUL SEASON 5 over the past nine weeks, watching every new episode one it came out on a app now does it? But it does count as binge watching for you if you take my following recommendation: watch Breaking Bad on Netflix, it’s all there, then watch the El Camino Breaking Bad movie (love, love, LOVED it), and then start Better Call Saul, watch through season 4, and then borrow someone’s AMC Network log in information to watch all of Season 5. It’s going to be the best quarantine binge watching of your life. I guarantee it. Usually sequel or prequel series that come almost directly after one of the greatest television shows in history are doomed to fail, there is no way that the creators can reproduce that kind of quality so fast and the end product ends up nowhere near as masterful, sometimes even ruining and tarnishing a bit of the phenomenon that came before. But not Better Call Saul. It is the one and only television show that I have ever seen come so close to matching the glory of Breaking Bad, it’s absolutely astonishing that it has been able to pull it off so far, with each season being better than the last, and just getting that much closer to being the television show that Breaking Bad was. That’s right, Season 5 is easily the best season of the show, then 4, then so on to the first season. Not saying the first season is bad at all, just want to get it in your head the fact that this show that keeps on getting better and better is an almost near impossible feat. Yet it still does it.

After this season, there is one more green lit season (who knows when it’ll actually start getting filmed because of bitch ass COVID) and in the end, if you count the El Camino movie as one episode of Breaking Bad, both Better Call Saul and it will have had the same amount of episodes. 63, I think. Which to me, is perfect, stay in the game to tell the story it needs and then goes out on top without any sort of bad after taste whatsoever. If you don’t know what Better Call Saul is (first off, shame on you) it’s a prequel series to Breaking Bad that stars Bob Odenkirk as Jimmy McGill and his eventual transformation into the sleazy criminal lawyer named Saul Goodman that we all love to hate in the masterful series that starred Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul. And while the series has had some minor cameos from old Breaking Bad alumni (Tuco, Crazy 8, Huell, Lydia etc.) and some major series regular call backs (Mike and Gus) it hasn’t felt the need to be a fan service kind of series, but one that stands out on its own, making the call backs tiny little winks, but then getting down to the original nitty gritty so to speak. The story telling is wonderful, and with each season, Jimmy slips deeper into becoming Saul, but also has giant satisfying character arcs of other original characters that were never in Breaking Bad, for example, Kim Wexler, played amazingly by the wonderful Rhea Seehorn. While she’s been a major supporting background character, season 5 was her’s to shine, revealing something shocking about her by the end that we didn’t know we were supposed to know all along. You’ll see, it’s just a fantastic narrative.

The early seasons dealt mainly with Jimmy and the relationship with his brother Chuck, and while those were the weaker seasons to be sure (but still wonderfully addicting), Season 4 and 5 have gotten so close to the quality of Breaking Bad, it’s unbelievable. My God, if in Season 6, they can stick the landing just like the last season of Breaking Bad did, you’ll have two series and a movie that will be unmatched and unrivaled for the years to come. “But what about Game of Thrones?” FUCK GAME OF THRONES. It was masterful until those two schlock showrunners David Benioff & D.B Weiss ran out of book material and pulled shit out of their ass to bring us one of the worst final seasons I have ever seen out of a tv show. And while I love 24, only really season 1 or 5 of that show got anywhere near the ballpark of (and certainly not even in the stadium) of how great Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul are. It is storytelling, acting, cinematography, editing…to absolute PERFECTION. Breaking Bad is a perfect series and Better Call Saul is a near perfect series, with El Camino as a nice, sweet, really great, yet unnecessary epilogue for both of them. If you haven’t watched any of it, you are a moron. I said it, a moron. And well, if you have nothing to do right now…what are you waiting for? Especially if you haven’t heard any sort of spoilers whatsoever. You are in for an absolute treat. The only bad thing is we’ll probably have to wait another year to 2 years for the final season. Fuck you COVID-19, you fucking FUCK.

Zach’s Zany TV Binge Watchin’ Reviews: BOSCH SEASON 6 (Amazon Prime & kind of a review of the series as a whole)

I’m not sure if I’ve ever reviewed BOSCH on my blog, I might’ve done Season 4 and 5 really quickly as quick blurbs on a Facebook status update (don’t think I ever even mentioned 1-3), but never a review such as this, so since I watched all 10 new episodes in a matter of 5 days, and there isn’t much to review anymore, let me talk about SEASON 6! Already renewed for one last season after this one (providing that this cocksucking buzz kill of a virus ever goes away and they can go into production), I’m happy to say that Season 6 does not just feel like a bridge season to its final go around. It is its own thing, tying up loose ends that were introduced late the previous season while bringing up some new mini cases/disputs that are solved in a couple of episodes and some threads introduced in the last couple of episodes that will mold themselves into the next and final season. All wrapped around giant and satisfying character arcs. That’s BOSCH in a nut shell. Every season has been this way. This isn’t like the Marvel Universe where they just plant stuff for a big endgame. No season has been better than the last and I can’t for the life of me think of my least favorite season. It’s like a company that pays its credit off in 30 days, never early, never late. Always constant and steady. Though I’d have to say if I were to go back and rank all the seasons (basically I’d have to watch them all again to determine any type of comparison) I would probably rank this one high up there as I probably watched Season 6 the fastest out of any other season (though because I’ve had time on my hands with quarantine more than my “gotta watch the next one now” vast enjoyment of the season). Basically…if you’ve never watched the show but my review piqued your interest, and you have a shit ton of time on your hands because of bitch ass COVID-19, I highly recommend that you watch these very tight and entertaining 60 episodes all together (10 a season).

Bosch is based off of Michael Connolly’s fantastic novels that feature the L.A.P.D. homicide detective named Harry (Hieronymus, named after the painter) Bosch (if you have some time to kill, read all of those novels starting with The Black Echo, they are fantastic police procedurals, the most realistic ones I’ve read). The tv series is more like companion pieces to the novels than actual page by page adaptations, so you can both read and watch and no really be spoiled by too many similarities (although there are definitely some). Season 7 takes its cues from an older Bosch novel, ‘The Overlook’ and a much more recent one, ‘Dark Sacred Night.” Harry has two main pursuits of justice this season: he’s trying to track down the killer of a woman’s daughter that he met last season when he was going undercover as a drug mule, and also trying to find 32 missing pieces of cesium that were stolen from a Los Angeles hospital that they are afraid might be used in a dirty bomb. If you are worried that that just sounds like typical old episodes of Jack Bauer and 24, don’t be. Bosch is probably the realist police procedural show I have ever seen on television. The whole force takes its time and detectives do (and you see them) do actual detective/police work to mount enough evidence to get the criminals justly behind bars. There isn’t some random person doing work ‘behind the scenes’ like in NCIS, Castle, what have you that just comes out of the background to deliver a startling piece of evidence/revelation at the last minute that changes the entire case outlook. So while you think that the police work might be slow, to me, all of its taking time just makes it feel that more rich, believable, and authentic.

Kind of like Michael Connolly’s books that I’ve obsessed over ever since my father introduced me to them. And not just his Bosch series, all of them. Connolly creates fantastic attention to detail in detective work, where you didn’t know filling out a police report in the mind of one of the characters could be so damn entertaining! At first it was hard for me to adjust to Titus Welliver playing Bosch (as I had a different image of him in my head when reading the novels), but man, after the first season or two, he’s all I see when reading the books now. He’s got the character nailed to a T. In fact, everyone is good here. This show isn’t just about Bosch, it’s about several different characters, sometimes with their own little stories completely separate from him. Bosch’s daughter, police chief, direct lieutenant, his partner, etc. etc. all get little stories within the season that just bulk up their character development arcs and make the show just have that much more impact as a whole. If there was a weak link to all these stories, would definitely be Bosch’s partner’s (named Jerry Edgar, whose character is much more mature in this than he is in the books). Not to say it is bad, it was just his story dealing with people who killed his confidential informant just wasn’t as interesting as the others, and sometimes it was a bit difficult to follow with all the moving pieces in play. Still decent though.

If I had any complaint about the filming of it is that some scenes linger a couple of seconds longer than they should, sometimes with weird character expressions, reacting to a situation. That’s just a nit pick really, my own personal bullshit complaint, as I realize it is probably to make all their performances more realistic and grounded in the long run. The biggest strength of the series is that it doesn’t get too…well 24ish or Homelandish (even though both are still two of my favorite series of all time). Nothing is bombastic, nothing with an actual countdown clock to signal impending doom for the city and/or characters. It just feels…real. It feels like the books, and isn’t that the best compliment in the end, where you can say that both the novels and the medium they are based on compliment each other very well and that you don’t at all even close to hate the adaptation? But in fact, almost love it just as much? You can tell that Bosch is produced on the cheap end, there aren’t that many, if at all, explosions or fancy gun shooting with unique camera angles…but in the end…you don’t want Michael Bay bullshit in stuff like this anyway. You want it simple, tight, concise, and realistic. Bosch Season 6, and the entire series as a whole, has exactly that. And you just feel criminal if you even ask for just the slightest bit more.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: UNDERWATER

This is a perfect one time watch rental. That’s the highest praise you will get from me regarding UNDERWATER, a film that was shelved for several years and then just released in theaters in January and one of the few movies I purposefully decided not to see due to the month it was dumped in and the not so great reviews that followed. But it isn’t that bad really. Sure it has got a butt load of script issues (that I would normally rip a new asshole for) but I was entertained and watched my rental (had a good 99 cent deal on Fandango now, the only reason I decided to go for it) the full way thru, never pausing once. It’s a giant rip off of Alien and all the other movie monster survival horror/thriller films you have seen but with one saving grace: the suspense starts about 2 to 3 minutes in and doesn’t let up until the credits rolled. It sacrifices almost all of character development for it and we don’t get a good sense of geography where these people are staying and their location where they are drilling underwater, but the fact that the movie just starts without cliched bullshit set up was a nice change of pace indeed. Even though their characters weren’t developed at all, throw in some decent acting from Kristen Stewart (minus the voice overs at the beginning and end, those were fucking horrid) and others, a nice classic monster reveal, and all at a breakneck pace, it really is the definition of a perfect rental. Worth buying? Absolutely fucking not.

Here’s IMDB.com perfect log line, “A crew of oceanic researchers working for a deep sea drilling company try to get to safety after a mysterious earthquake devastates their deepwater research and drilling facility located at the bottom of the Mariana Trench.” Needless to say, if you’ve seen the previews, you know it also deals with barely seen monsters lurking in the deep as well. The monsters are CGI as fuck, and not interesting to look at or care for, but there is a reveal near the end of a classic monster of lore that you may or may not know, and it makes up for the little monster inconsistencies. The film was directed by William Eubank, and I hadn’t seen his other high profile film called The Signal, but seeing as that got better reviews than this, maybe I should. The direction in this is okay. Everything shot inside looks nice and crisp with nice darker colors to establish mood, but anything shot with them in their suits underwater looks awkward as fuck, and you can tell that none of them really shot a day underwater, all CGI screen screen in suits, it was a bit disappointing. Especially when action shit would happen, because you really couldn’t tell what the fuck was going on, and these sequences made reason for me to believe why the film was ultimately shelved in the first place. The film was written by two people, one of which, Adam Cozad, hasn’t written anything I really cared for as The Legend of Tarzan and Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit were quite fucking dull. But Brian Duffield, the other screenwriter, wrote The Babysitter, a great, great Netflix film if you haven’t seen it starring Samara Weaving. And I can tell the “just start the movie with action” part of the script was probably his idea. As The Babysitter, a short movie as well, both less than an hour and a half, doesn’t really mess around with too much exposition, just wants to get into things.

Which is ultimately commendable, but if The Babysitter really had any problems, it was the character development of the other bad guys (Samara Weaving and the main kid were fine). If this guy can write a film that just starts into the action but somehow mixes in great character development that doesn’t feel forced (they had a little something to all the characters in this, most with Kirsten Stewart, but it feels hammed up and I didn’t end up caring for them at all), he might be onto something with future horror/thrillers. Right now though, he’s strictly “O.K.” in my book. Kristen Stewart, although still somewhat doing her “aw shucks” routine, is good here, just like she seemed like she was game for Charlie’s Angels. And all the acting from the other players were decent as well, including Vincent Cassel, Jessica Henwick, John Gallagher Jr, and my man Mamoudou Athie, but all of them have no character development or are barely in it, so take that for what you will. T.J. Miller is in this quite a bit, but he just does his T.J. Miller bit, and its kind of tiring now to be honest. But to give him credit, it was filmed when people were still going for his bit, and before he got into behavioral trouble. Anyway, there’s nothing more that needs to be said other than it is a perfect rental. It is not one of the best films of the year, nor is it one of the worst. It is just there for you to watch while bored, and a minor ultimate quarantine pick me up. That’s the best recommendation this will get from me. Any other year, probably would’ve ripped it to shreds based off the fact it’s just another Alien rip off. It doesn’t know how lucky it came out when it did.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: THE MAIN EVENT (Netflix)

Oh God Netflix…why…why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU EVER GREEN LIGHT THIS FILM FROM BEING MADE or if it was already made, WHY THE FUCK DID YOU BUY IT FOR YOUR STREAMING PLATFORM?!?!? THE MAIN EVENT is a catastrophe of epic proportions. Easily one of the top worst films of the year for me and it even shit on several child hood films I liked as a kid/teenager. Here we have another film in the weird genre of “inanimate sports object is magical and makes a kid or teenager play so good that he goes pro or semi-pro. What would you say is the last decent one of those? Like Mike maybe? Maybe Slam Dunk Ernest? I know it might be considered a stretch but I’m willing to just put Rookie Of The Year in this category even though it’s an arm and not an inanimate object, just so I have better films to compare this piece of shit to. Gun to my head, I would watch those three on a repeated loop for a year than watch a whole minute of The Main Event ever again. When actor/comedian Adam fucking Pally looking like he’s bored to tears in the movie (even though that is kind of supposed to be his character) and you can tell he just did it for a paycheck…something is seriously amiss with this. In the movie, a real wrestler from WWE farts so hard that he nearly blows the protagonist out of the ring in this movie. I…SHIT…YOU…NOT.

If I were to describe The Main Event, it’s pretty simple. Take Like Mike, take out the basketball and magic shoes, replace them with “wrestling” and a lucha libre mask, but then add about 2000% more cheese. There you go. A kid, who’s mom just left him and is being raised by his grandmother on her side (forced feels here) and his now single father, finds a magical wrestling mask when hiding from bullies, and decides to enter a WWE competition to be the next WWE superstar along with a $50,000 grand prize. And he tries to woo a girl he likes during all of this. The only people I see liking this movie, even if its the teensy tiniest bit, are wrestling fans, and then little little kids that are also wrestling fans, ones that don’t know any better. At first, I was going to shit on this a little more and a little unfairly, saying something to the akin to this makes the movie Ready To Rumble with David Arquette look like a masterpiece and that it shits all over the fantastic and more realistic Fighting With My Family that was released last year with Florence Pugh, but one of my friends made me realize these are all two completely different movies, and it would be unfair. He’s absolutely right. That still doesn’t take away from the fact how dumb, cheesy, and too looney tunes-zy this film is. It literally treats the audience as if they were idiots. I can see even some wrestling fans scratching their heads, wondering who the fuck wrote the atrocity to the film world. Also, the kid movie cliches!!! How much would you want to bet that the kid lets his friends (& love interest) down at a critical time and that he has to have the mask off to (sorta) fight in the climatic finale? And don’t get me started on this wrestling mask. Characters are literally shocked and confused when he takes it off and he reveals he’s a kid… seriously…when the wrestler character IS NAMED KID CHAOS and his fucking height and rest of his appearance! With just a little bit deeper voice, it is more embarrassing than people not being able to tell the similarities between Clark Kent and Superman just because of a pair of fucking glasses.

Let’s see who is to blame shall we? Holy shit, four credit screenwriters? There’s huge red flag #1 into why this thing was a disaster. Let’s see some of their screenplay writing history…one nobody, one person who wrote for Kevin Can Wait (figures)…and oh my God…really?!? **rubs eyes to make sure I’m not seeing shit** …The other two people to blame are the guys that wrote that fantastic Klaus movie that came out during Christmas on Netflix and the animated film I really wanted to take home the Oscar this year. Holy fucking shit. I’m willing to forgive the director, as he’s only done television, and some wacky stuff like Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Parks and Recreation, and the direction isn’t the problem here, but those two guys that worked on Klaus…their participation to this disaster is INEXCUSABLE. Even though this movie is for kids, that doesn’t give it the excuse to be so lazy. This whole project is just so fucking ridiculously lazy and uninspired (the long fart joke is a huge indicator). The only people trying in this movie is Seth Carr, who plays the main kid protagonist, but his energy needs to be directed to better movies…his two minute role as Young Killmonger in Black Panther (I believe he had no lines too) was more dense this this. I’ve already said that Adam Pally’s performance screams forgivable paycheck, but then there is Ken Marino, oh God, how is this asshole not wanting to throw up after being in this? He looks like he’s the only adult trying (he plays a rival wrestler’s manager…but oh my God, it’s the same asshole character he’s played in every single project he’s in, including Role Models and Veronica Mars. This guy was decent on Party Down…what the fuck happened to him? He’s gotten into unforgivable territory now.

Unless you are a young kid that doesn’t know any better (yet shouldn’t be reading my reviews because of my potty mouth), a kid that really likes “wrestling” or an adult that moderately likes “wrestling” stay far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, FAR AWAY FROM THIS STINKER. Just absolutely horrendous at every turn. I was eating lunch while watching this and some food almost fell out of my mouth…that’s how low my jaw was open when seeing what I was seeing play out across my phone screen. I’m almost at a point where I want to write to Netflix demanding that they give me a free month of service with every shitty movie that I end up watching that they either green lit or bought and slapped the “Netflix Original Film” name over it. If they did that I should have a free year of Netflix by now. Why, oh why is money being poured into things like this? Are these producers even reading these screenplays? They must have for Fighting With My Family, but I guarantee you no one read this before saying yes to this. They were told a premise, they needed something to fill a hole in their slate, so here you go. Shit on a platter. I could see this film being in the line up of three in the Best Of The Worst segment on Red Letter Media’s video web page. Only it would definitely, definitely lose. There are only two saving graces to this movie, one being that the only watchable part is the talent show where the kid wrestlers’ friends are able to pull off their hip hop dance to the tune of the song ‘Tricky’ without him (I appreciated the small twist of them not failing) and that it doesn’t get the worst film of the year from me, because I actually knew what was going on in the movie. The ONLY saving graces. Expect this main event on Netflix to soon be a skip-able pre-match in the growing sea of endless piece of shit Netflix “originals.”

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: UNCORKED (Netflix)

If you are willing to paddle through all the overdone cliches and father/son relationship career angles that you’ve seen a dozen times before in other movies, UNCORKED is a delightful find on Netflix. I was willing to forgive all that because I was entertained, the performances were pretty great, the ending threw me for a loop, and the fact that it was a unique career that the main protagonist was going after that I hadn’t seen done before in another movie. The film is about a twenty something African American named Elijah who doesn’t want to inherit the family owned Memphis barbeque business from his father, but instead wants to become a sommelier. If you don’t know what a sommelier is, it is a wine steward, you know, you seen them if you’ve ever seen the movie Sideways or taken a wine tour, someone that can be given a taste of a wine blindly, and know everything about it. Year, where it came from, other origins, etc., etc. You see them in very fancy restaurants. The film takes a unique tour of how to become one, all wrapped around a family drama of what ones parents expect out of their child. Everything that is supposed to happen in one of these films is like poetry to me when I’m watching it. I was pointing at the screen with my wife and like, “this is the big fight between father and son,” or “this is where the mom wants to support her son and defies the husband,” and the enivitable “this is where the father sees the light.” But thankfully I was able to look past all that, and enjoy the best wine film since Sideways itself.

The writer and director of this film, Prentice Penny, when looking up his career, mostly in television, has written some fantastic episodes of stuff that I’ve actually watched such as: Scrubs, Happy Endings, Insecure, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine. This is his first feature. And he did a pretty excellent job, definitely knows his way behind the camera, and is definitely an actor’s director because of the performances. The film mainly stars Mamoudou Athie as Elijah, Courtney B. Vance as his father, and Niecy Nash as his mother. I love love love love love love LOVE Mamaoudou Athie, I’ve been following his career closely ever since his excellent turn in his supporting role in Patti Cakes. This is his first headlining feature, and once again, he knocks it out of the part. Producers and casting directors need to start letting this guy be a leading man. He has that spotlight and presence. I heard he has been cast in the third and last Jurassic World movie and so far that casting decision is the only reason why I still have any interest in the series after the disasterous Fallen Kingdom. Courtney B. Vance is great in this as well, the man can act, just watch him play Johnny Cochran in American Crime Story, the OJ Simpson Season. Niecy Nash, who I’ve only really known for her character in Reno 911! is excellent here. She probably has the most dramatic role with just that little comedic relief to show how great of an actress she is when given the right material. Everybody in great in this, parts big and small.

The best parts of the movie are easily Elijah’s studies to become a sommelier. Yes, the cliched father’s animosity toward his son for not wanting to inherit the family business is still watchable and interesting here, but since you know where that is going to end up going, the movie needs another clutch to make the movie kick into high gear. All the wine tasting, studying, and guessing stuff was a lot of fun to watch. And Niecy Nash’s arc. This movie probably was bought by Netflix, because there is no way a theater would take a movie like this nowadays, especially since the story lines have been done to death. And while Netflix gives us mediocre crap like Love Wedding Repeat and really bad pieces of shit like Wine Country, eventually they will have to give us something pretty good like Uncorked to balance everything out. So basically, if you liked the movie Sideways, if you like wine, or barbeque, or can’t get enough of that family career dynamic that has been done to death, I definitely recommend checking this out if you are bored and have nothing to watch. It’s definitely a nice little find on this streaming platform that is used to uncorking a bunch of stinkers before you get that perfect chardonnay that you drink up in less than a couple of hours. An hour and forty four minutes to be precise.

Zach’s Zany 2 Guests Movie Reviews: TROLLS WORLD TOUR (or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Wait For A Cheap Rental)

Hey Zach here to start off this bitch before I post two GUEST reviews of TROLLS: WORLD TOUR, for which I was cheap enough not to pay for a 48 hr. $20 rental and wait till later this year when it’s like $3 to watch only once. See, I’m a fan of Disney, Sony, Warner Bros, etc for allowing those who missed their most recent movies in theaters to just buy them for $19.99 soon after this COVID-19 decided to fuck everyone in the asshole. But Universal, little pricks that they are, with their movies such as The Hunt, Emma, The Invisible Man, and now this Trolls sequel, said “fuck that fuck ’em, charge them $20 a pop and we will regular release them to buy for the exact same price just a little later.” I’m not going to play into their little game, so instead of a review from me, because well…I wasn’t really looking forward to this anyway, here’s two good guys that I know that paid the $20 and their two cents. My little dude, now 2 and a half, could not give two shits when my wive puts the first movie on, and my wife and I really don’t like the first one beyond the Justin Timberlake song, and based on the previews, looks like it would be the exact same scenario in the end. So without further ado, here are two GUEST reviews (one sort of favorable, one definitely not) of the new Trolls movie, something that should’ve been thought about and released back when they were still relevant in the 1990s:

TROLLS: WORLD TOUR – Guest Review #1 by Don Hernandez

The first major theatrical release to release via On Demand on the same day but likely not the last in this topsy turvy world of COVID-19.
Let me first start off by saying if you enjoyed the first Trolls movie, you should enjoy this one. If you didn’t and you are over the age of 14 then well it really wasn’t made for you. It was made for the children. Most of the cast is back lending their voices (led by the always charming Anna Kendrick and Justin Timberlake).

This time around, Queen Poppy (Kendrick) and Branch (Timberlake) finds out there are other kinds of trolls out there that dance to a different beat. Which is great except one group of Trolls wants to stop the music forever unless it’s Hard Rock. Queen Barb (Rachel Bloom) is collecting the magic musical strings of each group of trolls to make all trolls part of her Rock N Roll army. Now Queen Poppy & Branch must seek out the other groups of trolls to stop Queen Barb. On their quest they’ll see that even though the music is different they all have a common bond.

This was a pretty decent sequel. I don’t think it is better than the original but it is serviceable and worth the watch if you enjoy kids movies. Kenan Thompson stole the show for me as a new character, Tiny Diamond.
Armed with a message of celebrating diversity and inclusion it stays light and doesn’t overpower you with that agenda to the point of eye rolling. The new songs “Other Side” and “Just Sing” are catchy and fit very well with the story. Probably my main issue with the movie is it seemed to move too quick on the “takeover” front. I’d have liked it a bit more drawn out than the brisk 90 mins allowed. Kids though won’t care, they’ll be dancing and singing most of the movie.

P.S. There is a small scene after the credits featuring The Bergens from first movie.

Trolls World Tour is available for rent for 48 hours on all major streaming sites for $19.99

Featuring the voice talents of
Anna Kendrick, Justin Timberlake,
Jame Corden, Rachel Bloom, Kunal Nayyar, Ron Funches, Kenan Thompson, Sam Rockwell, Kelly Clarkson, Mary J Blige, and Ozzy Osbourne.

TROLLS: WORLD TOUR Guest Review #2 by Dustin Bade

“Trolls, they wanna have fun……oh trolls, they wanna have fun….” Catchy? Yeah, I thought so too. *Newsflash* so do parents and kids. And while I thought it would be fun to pay $19.99 plus taxes and whatever fees, to watch the second installment of Trolls, boy was I ever wrong. To be fair, the kids watched all 90 minutes of it in their chairs. Michelle drew photos on her phone and I sat on the couch trying to watch but something kept happening to me. So my review of the movie goes like this:
An opening scene of Poppy, happy and singing a catchy song, morphs into an awkward scene in which Branch tries to tell her he likes her. Poppy learns that her tribe of pop trolls are not the only trolls in existence, but trolls of all musical genres exist in their own habitat, with the evil rock and roll trolls, wanting to conquer all at a concert. I hear her tell Branch “road trip” and then “zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz” I wake up to hear some hick sounding trolls and what sounded like Kelly Clarkson singing a good albeit sad country song. Unless I was half dreaming, I swore she was on the heavier side and had 4 legs and big hair. I fall back asleep and wake up hearing J.Timberlake and Anna Kendrick singing a slow love song break up type song………..hear some other music in the background…….”zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz” and then I wake up to the last scene and ending credits when my daughter says “that song is pretty.”


Not all sequels are bad, and not all movies need to be sequels. The Dark Knight was a sequel and easily the best (ever) sequel and certainly of that Batman franchise. Wall-E is good, but we don’t need another. I enjoyed Oceans 11 back in the day, but none of the others. Same with Fast and the Furious movies….the list goes on. Trolls didn’t need a sequel. The first one was cute in my opinion and had some cute laughs, catchy music and of course, more scenes with the “cloud.” It should have ended there….but it didn’t…..I mean after all, trolls just wanna have fun!

I wrote this at the request of a movie reviewer friend of mine who said he will not watch the movie and rightfully so. If all goes well, maybe I will be a ghost writer for him. I always had a passion for writing and story telling…..this could be my opportunity….or not!