Whoa, Netflix actually released an original movie…that’s actually quite good? Yes, they have, with CARGO. What’s it about? I’m reluctant to say that yes, zombies are in it. I know, I know, zombie fatigued has finally set in, based on the ratings plummet of The Walking Dead over the past year and a half. But where The Walking Dead doesn’t know where it wants to go in its 16 episodes per year run (or they have a plan, and its just not a very good one), Cargo has a story that flows very smoothly, the beats have actual consequences that seemed planned out and set up other plot points that go somewhere, and the film earns your emotions. It is probably the most depressing zombie film I have ever seen.

It does star someone that you might know, Martin Freeman, aka Bilbo Baggins, aka Watson to Benedict Cumberbatch’s Sherlock, as a father, along with his wife, that are on a boat on a river on the Australian outback, trying to find a home that is safe for their young infant daughter. And that’s basically all I can tell you story wise, other than you know that them being safe on a small tugboat ain’t going to last long. Just know that there is zombies along the way, along with some Aboriginal warriors and other Australian white folk that may be friends…or deadly foes. If you see that you can watch a trailer to see if this movie might have you hop over that deciding fence of yours, don’t. I think the trailer gives away too many of the surprises, twists, and turns this film has to offer.

The acting is what truly makes this zombie film stand out from all the rest of the crap you get in theaters and on television now. Martin Freeman is excellent as the father. Having a nine month old myself, when he is playing with his daughter and trying to comfort her, I got very emotional because it feels like what I try to do with my son every day. The cinematography is very good, seeing Australians lush landscape that can be either a absolute beauty or a absolute nightmare, depending on what the characters’ situations are.

My only one complain about this film, is that two of the characters near the beginning make really really awful stupid mistakes (but I guess if the mistakes were not made we wouldn’t have a story, but surely you could try to write two honest mistakes where it was no fault of the characters). One mistake I can’t literally figure out why this character would do something one character already did and succeeded in doing and there was no reason in doing it again. The other mistake I can forgive because of emotional detachment. You’ll figure out easily what these two mistakes are because they are within the first 30 minutes of the film. The film isn’t a masterpiece by any means, and I think this is a one and done watching experience for me, but I can tell you that if you are really into zombie movies/stories, and you are feeling that fatigue from the overdone Walking Dead series, this film might spark a little energy back into your obsession.

You know, sometimes I write a quick blurb about a movie or a television show that I watch before I write a review on here, just to see what kind of responses I get. Boy, am I glad I did it with 13 REASONS WHY SEASON 2. What was supposed to be a small critique about a show (basically saying that even though it in no way triumphed over the first season but was still very good in parts and ultimately was successful) that I think captures the actual realism of teen life withof course a splash of Hollywood tropes cooked in, almost turned into a debate on whether or not this show glorifies suicide, until I deleted all the comments that tried to do it. Why was I deleting comments? Because the people said that the show glorifies suicide actually hadn’t even watched the fucking show. If you watch the show and still think that, and can have evidence to back that up, that’s fine, but don’t say it does one thing just because you heard family, friends, students, etc. etc. etc. talk about it. Be a judge yourself and actually watch it, so that your opinion is valid and you can back it up with facts. In the long run, I don’t think a show of this caliber would even be let on the air if it tried to glorify a risky subject matter such as suicide. Doing that would be out right distasteful. I think the show is a huge cautionary tale on how dangerous suicide is and why it is never the answer if you are down in the dumps, depressed, and feel it is the only way out. The show screams, “GET HELP!” It shows not only how suicide effects your family, but your friends and the community around you. I know the fucking title says ’13 reasons why’ Hannah Baker did it, but if you care to actually watch the show, those reasons are all genuinely knocked down with the fact that there really wasn’t a good reason at all to do it. It doesn’t give validity to the why. Yes, the why is very painful to watch, even depressing, but it doesn’t say that yes, Hannah Baker made the right decision by killing herself. If you are reading that message from the show…I don’t know what to tell you. Especially Season 2. Season 2 gives a definite conclusion on Hannah Baker’s story/suicide, and the realistic attempt at saying whether she was in the wrong, whether the school was responsible, and whether her friends/enemies were responsible. Watch the show and see for yourself. It doesn’t glorify suicide, its message is pure anti. Hell, even click on the links where the producers even say they aren’t trying to glorify all that mess, that the whole thing is a cautionary tale. You can’t say that all these creators/producers are lying.

Plus these are fictional characters. Is this getting through to you at all? Anyway, here is a review of what I thought of Season 2 as a whole, without trying to convince you that it doesn’t glorify suicide:

The first season of this show is near fucking perfect. I didn’t have a child then, so I finished all the episodes in two days and I was captivated, shocked, saddened, yet had a little bit of hope that its beautiful message would reach a lot of people. And even though a lot of us didn’t want a Season 2, like myself, because the entire first season completely covered the book it was based on, due to the day and age we live in with ratings and money, money, moooooney….MONEY! And the fact they let several threads dangle, you knew there was going to be a season 2. And since last weekend, season 2 has been upon us. Is it as good as the first? Absolutely fucking not. HOWEVER, at times it does get pretty fucking close. If I were to give the first season an A or A+, I’d give this second season a B+, and certain episodes even a A-. Here’s a couple of reason(s) why it isn’t as good as the first season:

1. Fucking Ghost Hannah: If there was anything that the writers did completely wrong this season in not honoring the original material when going into unknown waters trying to write a sequel to the novel, it was the inclusion of Ghost Hannah Baker. Well, she isn’t exactly a ghost. Basically if you put it into simple terms, Clay can’t let go of her and her suicide so much that he creates her as a figment of his imagination, and instead of talking to himself or the audience, he talks to her throughout the season. The only thing that keeps this plot thread from completely ruining the entire season is Dylan Minnette’s performance as Clay. I know that Katherine Langford was the one that got all the recognition the first season with a Golden Globe nomination, but I dare says that Dylan’s performance as Clay is so much more complicated and better. He isn’t a perfect person, he has a couple of faults, but he is one of the most relatable characters in teen drama I have ever seen and I wish critics and everyone would give him a little bit more attention. After halfway thru the season, I got used to him talking to ghost Hannah, because the writers I think realized how stupid it was, and it happens less and less and less. Thank God.

2. Until Clay gives his testimony, the first half of the season is extremely fucking slow. But once Clay goes on the stand (this isn’t really a spoiler, you knew the show couldn’t get away with him not going on the stand), the show is as captivating as it was in the first season and at some points even surpasses it, such as when Derek Luke, who plays the counselor, goes on the stand.

3. Some of the dialogue is a little too preachy and spelled out things a little too much at times. And honestly, that’s probably because they had to expand of the book since this was going into unknown territory and the writers can’t literally create the same dialogue magic that the novel did.

And those all my complaints. Basically just Ghost Hannah was the main problem, and since that was in there nearly every episode, it drug it down a bit, but the rest of it was just as heartbreaking to watch as the first season was. The acting all over the board is still superb….*sigh* yes, even Katherine Langford as Ghost Hannah.

In the end, if you don’t think you can handle the show, don’t watch it. I get that some of you can’t or don’t want to. My review isn’t trying to convince you to. There are some things that are too hard to watch for some people, and I get that. Especially the last episode in both seasons. There are two scenes, that I won’t spoil here, one in season one episode 13 and one in season two episode 13, that might upset some people. It’s harsh, but that is what the filmmakers are trying to convey, it’s a harsh fucking world. And we need to take a deep look into how we can make it better.

But you can’t say the show glorifies suicide when you haven’t even watched the show. That’s just being ignorant. If you’ve watched the show and have facts to back it up, I am more than willing to listen, but if you hear from the grapevine that the show is something, and you haven’t even bothered to take a look yourself, sorry to say, your opinion to me is invalid.

Sorry for the harsh critique here. This one is once in a blue moon for me. I love 13 Reasons Why. If you don’t, that is perfectly okay. But don’t go saying shit if you haven’t even watched it yet. That’s just getting yourself into trouble. Just like I can’t say Overboard or Mamma Mia 2 is absolute shit. I haven’t seen either of them yet. I can say it looks like shit therefore I won’t see it, but I can’t say it is shit yet. Get what I’m saying?

I’m just going to set this straight for the record, if ANY of you think SOLO: A STAR WARS STORY has more depth, energy, and stamina than either Empire, A New Hope, or Last Jedi, I won’t exactly disown you, but don’t ever tell me your opinion on a film again, because I am more than likely will not believe it. No, Solo isn’t a bad movie, in fact, I thought it was a tad bit better than the very underwhelming (with repeat viewings) Rogue One. Why can’t we have a Star Wars Story other than the original and sequel trilogy where we have no idea of even an inkling how it is going to go? I guess they can do that with the recently announced Boba Fett film, but ONLY IF IT TAKES PLACE AFTER THE SARLAAC PIT. But yeah, we need more originality with these spin offs. They lack the depth, intensity, and uniqueness of this new sequel trilogy. It even lacks all those things when it comes to the canonical novels, comics, and television shows, and even those take place in a timeline we’ve seen before! But I digress, SOLO isn’t terrible by any means. I know that this has been said to death, but it is a completely unnecessary Star Wars film, even if it is decently entertaining throughout the entire film.

But just entertaining films can sometimes be forgettable. The only way I truly know how to compare Solo to the other Star Wars stuff you’ve seen or read is to compare it to the only other spin off we have thus far (unless you count the beyond and above all shitty Clone Wars animated movie that hit theaters a decade ago), Rogue One. Yeah, I know you are probably shocked I don’t think much of Rogue One anymore. I put it #3 on my top ten list of 2016, and I wish I hadn’t. With repeat viewings, Rogue One doesn’t even come close to greatness. It has a couple of great scenes, (the only truly memorable one being the 2 minute Vader scene at the very end of the film), but that film, when viewed closely has absolutely no characterization. When all those characters meet their fates near the end of the film, I just didn’t really care who lived or who died. And that’s not good for a movie. Rogue One, in my sometimes outlandish opinion, is just a retcon film. If you don’t know what retconning is, look it up. All of Rogue One was just to say, hey, this flaw in the Death Star here, it wasn’t an Imperial mistake, and here’s why. Plus, CGI Grand Moff Tarkin…yikes.

Anyway, enough about Rogue One, I’m here to talk about Solo right? The difference between the two is that while Solo has a ho-hum story and MacGuffin, just like Rogue One had, Solo has characterization going for it. I cared about most of the characters in this, even the ones that are brand new to the universe. I’m glad that Alden Ehrenreich didn’t just do a Harrison Ford impression and kind of made the character his own, with a few of Ford’s quirks thrown in for good measure. I thought he was believable and did a very good job with the shoes he had to fill. Same goes for Donald Glover. While he wasn’t the scene stealing showman I thought he was going to be in this, he nonetheless makes Lando Calrissian his own while not outright copying Billy Dee Williams. And like the rest of the society, yes, I would’ve rather just seen a Lando movie with Donald Glover as the star than this. And holy shit let’s get to Emilia Clarke. This is the first project outside of Game of Thrones that I have seen where I actually liked her and enjoyed her performance. Makes me wash the bad taste of Terminator Genisys out of my mouth. Woody Harrelson does a good job as always, so does Thandie Newton, so does Phoebe-Waller Bridge as Lando’s robot L3. The real scene stealer of the movie is Chewbacca. This is the best use of Chewbacca since Empire Strikes Back, easily. The only really wasted person here is Paul Bettany. He has limited screen time and while he was okay, I expected more out of him as the villain.

Let’s see, where too next. Ah yes. The story. I won’t ruin the ultimate arc but let’s just say it is really underwhelming. They use a Energy MacGuffin to make some sort of hybrid western/heist film, and while some parts of it was entertaining, it really lacked and depth or perspective to really care whether they finished the job or not. None of the action scenes are really that memorable, the closest one being the moving train part of the heist. Part of the movie’s problem is the prequel problem. In two hours and 15 minutes the film tries to cram too much origin into this origin story. We get Han meeting Chewie, Lando, while also having a love story with Emilia Clarke. Han is supposed to win the Millennium Falcon, get his infamous blaster, and also make the Kessel Run in less that twelve parsecs. Whew, that’s a lot and the movie kind of displays how a little bit too crammed it all feels. Do any of you remember the first twenty minutes of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade with River Phoenix and him playing a Young Indiana Jones? And in that twenty minutes we learn how Indy gets his fedora, scar on lip, whip, fear of snakes, all in the span of one tiny adventure? It was overload, and the movie finally gets great right after that scene ends. Character development and where they get or obtain everything that makes the person we know and love today doesn’t happen with the snap of your fingers. It should take more time. While the Solo movie is more than just 20 minutes of origin, it still feels crammed and with the snap of your fingers.

Let’s get back to the action. I said the train heist was probably the most memorable thing about the film, but you know what should have been and wasn’t? The Kessel Run. That infamous line uttered by Han in A New Hope to display just how great and fast his ship really should be memorable. It isn’t. I won’t ruin anything about the run, but suffice to say you don’t see all that much, it’s too dark, and it is too fast. It should’ve been a race, kind of like the pod racing sequence in Episode 1. If Episode 1 did anything correctly other than Dark Maul, Ewan McGregor, Liam Neeson and the last lightsaber fight, it was that awesome pod racing sequence. But nope, that isn’t what the Kessel Run is and I couldn’t help but feeling disappointed. Even though it wasn’t a race it could’ve been more exciting and memorable.

Now, remember how I said Rogue One’s best and most memorable scene is the Vader scene near the end of the film? Well, this one has a 2 minute scene like that, except it has no action. It is the best scene in the film, and it is also near the end. This one 2 minute scene brings together and acknowledges all the canon television shows and novels that some of us Star Wars fanatics have watched and read since 2015 when the Expanded Universe Started over (except for the Clone Wars television show, that, with the prequels, were the only pre 2015 things that were kept in canon.) It acknowledges the things beyond the films, and it really made me happy and smile. I won’t ruin anything, but YOU WILL ABSOLUTELY KNOW WHEN THIS SCENE HAPPENS. It unmistakably brilliant. You might just write it off as a fan service cameo, but it is so much more than that to people like me, you have no idea.

So while I didn’t care much about the story, the movie is still a little fun and entertaining to be sure. It isn’t terrible and it isn’t the train wreck it could’ve been. It is Ron Howard’s best film since Cinderella Man easily. I’ve found him to be on autopilot for the past decade but in this, he shows some of his old visual flair that he is known for. It looks like he really wanted to work on this, and it shows. Now I’ve heard that 70% of the film is his and the other 30% is footage that the infamously fired directors Phil Lord and Christopher Miller shot. There are some scenes where I though, ok, this is definitely Lord and Miller, looks like improv here, but other than that, everything felt pretty seamless, as it should. You don’t know how badly this could’ve been a disaster. And while it is a completely unnecessary film, I can see myself watching it a couple of more times, and that ain’t bad.

So I had a bad feeling about this but came out with an “ok, not so bad” feeling. This film won’t make my top ten at the end of the year, but that’s okay, I didn’t really expect it to this time. The characterization tips this one over the edge for Rogue One for me. It might or might not for you, but like I said, if you think this is better than the original trilogy or Last Jedi, you probably need to stop watching Star Wars, or at least telling me your opinion about the saga. I’m really just happy it wasn’t a trainwreck, but I’m really hoping in the future that these Star Wars Stories/Spinoffs have more depth and substance than this or Rogue One, or it is going to get very tiring, very fast. Lightspeed fast.

Holy Maximum Effort, Batman! It is possibly true that a comedy action sequel could be better than its predecessor? In the case of DEADPOOL 2, yes…yes it is. Deadpool 2 is leagues and leagues beyond better than the first film, which honestly, to be truthful, was not that hard of a feat (but we’ll get to the reason why later). This film is laugh out loud hilarious from beginning to end. Consistently funny, with hardly any rough patches in between. The action is better than the first, the jokes are better than the first, and Ryan Reynolds seems to be having a lot more fun and lets loose knowing that the film will probably be a hit no matter what the reviews say (the reviews are actually good and some confirm that yes, their opinions match mine and it is better than the first one. But here’s my controversial statement of the day: the first Deadpool doesn’t really hold up in repeat viewings.

Yeah I know, you are like, “what the fuck Zach? how can you say that?” Well, it is just my opinion. It is completely okay if you are deeply in love with the first movie. Upon my first viewing, I really really liked the film and maybe could call it something as love? But repeat viewings tended to bother me. Not the jokes, the jokes were still good and all the meta humor hits bullseye after bullseye. It was the story and substance that doesn’t hold up. The whole first movie takes place basically around one action set piece, and that action set piece was done before in the test footage that Ryan Reynolds did for Fox awhile ago, which leaking it actually got the movie greenlit from Fox from the overwhelming response from those that viewed it. My problem was, why did they replicate the test footage? They couldn’t have done something new? And honestly, it is fine that they replicated it, however the whole movie revolves around that one scene and keeps going back to it and it gets kind of tiring. Sure, you have a warehouse/bad guy hideout fire naked fight scene at the beginning and the whole docking station/ship climax, but those were really ho-hum and kind of anti climatic. Don’t get me wrong, I still watch the first Deadpool every now and again because I have a lot of friends that love it. It just hasn’t quite held up as much when I first watched it.

Deadpool 2 is a different animal. You get 5 to 6 action set pieces, and every single one of them are better than the first movie. The movie has a better story overall. Don’t worry, I won’t spoil it here. I’ll just say that I loved how the story integrated Cable, The X-Force, a story about family (really surprised they didn’t do a Vin Diesel joke about it), and moral obligations. I liked how the movie toyed with your expectations in the trailers and television spots. Kind of like The Last Jedi, this movie doesn’t go the way you think, there are some VERY surprising moments in the film, all of them “what in the holy shit balls moments” that you won’t see coming, all of them with satisfying payoffs. The jokes were better here as well. There are some movie critics that are critizing the movie for having too many “meta jokes.” I disagree. I think it has maybe as much as the first, if not fewer. And they are much funnier here.

Everything about this movie is better than first, even the opening credits, which while the first one was hilarious and unique, I prefer this one better. Oh, and the movie has the best closing mid-credits sequences I have ever seen. I was laughing till I was crying. The sequel is directed not by Tim Miller from the first movie, but David Leitch, of John Wick and Atomic Blonde fame. He is honestly a better action director, and it shows. The sequences are fun, exciting, and outright tense and/or disgusting. It looked like he had fun with the cast. Ryan Reynolds is a charming son of a bitch, and I don’t think he’ll give up this role for a long time. He was born for this and his performance compliments that notion. Josh Brolin is also perfect as Cable. He plays it completely serious and straight with maybe only one or two jokes that completely clash with Deadpool well to get some comedic heaven type moments. Morena Beccarin, Blind Al, and the now controversial T.J. Miller were fine in the small screentime they both had as returning characters. And newcomer (minus his standout performance in Hunt for the Wilderpeople) is great as the kid Russell, but the real standout for me here Zazie Beetz as Domino. Zazie is from Atlanta fame (which I don’t watch but will soon) and in here, she is funny, steals every scene and is sexy as hell. Apparently they did reshoots in the movie with her because test audiences wanted more and didn’t feel she was in the movie enough. Whatever they added, I’m glad they did as she was my favorite part in this.

Anyway, if you are reading this and haven’t seen the movie yet…what the fuck are you doing? Go and see it. You even being mildly interested in what I have to say means that you want to see the movie. You don’t need my opinion to sway you. You either love the character Deadpool or you don’t. It’s that simple. If you didn’t like the first movie at all because of the crude humor, you definitely won’t like this. If you loved the first movie, I hope that you’ll love this movie even more. Ryan Reynolds has been saying there might not be a Deadpool 3 and that we’ll get right to an X-Force movie. I hope this isn’t true. It’s true that I do want an X-Force movie, but I would also like a 3 to end the trilogy, even though after this film, I don’t want the series to ever end. Best Maximum Effort I’ve seen in a comedy action sequel in a long time!

Another negative review, for that I am sorry,
But I am about to bash the new film LIFE OF THE PARTY.
It stars Melissa McCarthy as a mom going back to college,
Her daughter in tow, archaeology part of her knowledge,
To be blunt, the movie isn’t funny,
The son of a bitch stole my time and my money,
I know it was geared towards Mother’s Day weekend,
But with only Breaking In, the film lineup was quite thinned,
But I’m not giving Hollywood the benefit of the doubt,
They know better than this shit, need to take a different route.

What blindsides me even more is the writers and director,
It was McCarthy herself, bringing her husband as a connector,
But those two have proven their collaborative efforts are crap,
With Tammy and The Boss being before, Admiral Ackbar screaming “It’s a Trap!”
The film is entirely ad-libbed, scenes going on for far too long,
It’s like they only had a two page script, hoping they could do no wrong,
But the ad-libbing doesn’t work if the chemistry isn’t there,
All the characters one dimensional, very dull and very square,
The conversation and banter didn’t make a whole lot of sense,
Trying to use cliched confrontations to make funny situations tense.

Gillian Jacobs didn’t seem to want to be there, taking just her paycheck,
She probably read the script beforehand, knew it was a clear train wreck.
The only actress that had any energy was SNL’s Maya Rudolph,
But she was barely in it, only there to yell and chew heads off,
Melissa McCarthy does nothing new here, just the same old clueless character,
One though that isn’t rude or crude, hoping that the audience will register
It didn’t work for me, it could for you, if you brought your daughter or Mom,
But males in general won’t get anything out of this film, we know its a bomb,
I’m glad that McCarthy and Ben Falcone are keeping their marriage together,
But next time stay out of the movies, try S&M with a whip made of leather.

TULLY has an ending that completely ruins the film and what came before it. I am not going to ruin this ending for you people reading this that actually still want to see it. I won’t even hint at the ending, because if I mention even one movie it reminded me of that basically did the same thing, it would completely give it away. Let’s just say that a bunch of movies have had this ending, and two I can think of worked well for it, and the rest haven’t. I will put Tully easily in the rest that haven’t category. It undermines everything logical the movie was trying to say about motherhood and how extremely fucking difficult it is. Even with that ending, the film also was a little boring and pointless, other than Charlize Theron’s excellent performance (the only reason to mainly watch it, and Theron never phones that shit in). It’s just disappointing that another Jason Reitman and Diablo Cody collaboration didn’t work.

In fact, with director Jason Reitman’s career, in my eyes, he has really only made three great films: Thank You For Smoking, Juno, and Up In the Air, the latter two being masterpieces to me. Everything else that had come after, such as Labor Day, Men, Women, and Children, and Young Adult have been ho hum affairs at best. Tully might be his worst film for me, and it really does pain me to say that, and it is all because of that fucking stupid ass ending. However, I really blame one hit wonder Diablo Cody (she won an Oscar for Juno). For the first 3/4ths of the film, Diablo Cody has a completely relevant and important message about motherhood and what it does to families and the environment surrounding them. Just those last 15 minutes…fuck, it messes up that message to the extreme. I really want to tell you what this ending is….and again I won’t (just message me privately if you really want to know), but I will give you one more clue: pay really close attention to the film with characters and their interactions and you could probably figure it out, like I did, around half an hour in.

The movie is about Charlize Theron about to have and having a third child with her husband, played by Ron Livingston. Livingston’s character brings in the bacon and clearly loves his kids, but he is gone out of town because of work alot and when he gets into bed he plays video games until he passes out. Don’t worry, the movie doesn’t spring up that he’s been cheating on Theron the entire time, he is just utterly clueless about her pains in trying to be a great mother, he is actually a sympathetic character and father. Anyway, Charlize Theron gets overwhelmed, so on the advice of her brother she hires a “night nanny.” This night nanny, played well by MacKenzie Davis, basically takes care of the baby at night and watches her while mommy and daddy can get sleep or do other things that they need to do. Theron and Davis end up sharing a bond that teaches both of them things about life they never would’ve learned other wise.

Based on some context clues in that paragraph, you could possibly figure out this ending. And when I say this ending undermines every message, piece of dialogue, and every plot point that came before, I do have specific examples. But if I gave up those examples, I’d have to give up the ending. And I won’t. Just believe me when I say it is one of those “what was the point of everything really before then?” kind of movie moments. Charlize Theron does give one hell of a commanding performance though, and if you want to watch it, she’ll keep you awake. I’ve always loved Charlize Theron as an actress, I think she is incredible in everything that she does. And she’s incredible here, I just wish it was a different movie.

Jason Reitman’s direction is fine, because he always gets great performances out of his lead actors, but like I said, he has made much much much better films. So I’m only giving him 20% of the blame, and that 20% of the blame is that he didn’t ask Diablo Cody to come up with something different at the end to make it a tighter, better, and non eye rolling feature. She and her screenplay make up the other 80% of the blame. Reitman needs to go back to writing and directing his own screenplays,  and maybe he can get back to Up In The Air quality again. Diablo Cody…it’s time to stick a fork in her, I believe I don’t want to see anything she has written again.

BAD SAMARITAN is a movie you probably aren’t likely to see (or hell, maybe haven’t even heard of), but as one of the only 3 new releases this week, and between this, Tully, and Overboard (did not see that and am not going to), this is definitely the one to see. It’s a nice little “how far would you go to prevent something” type of cat and mouse with a dash of techno thriller with really, really great performances by Doctor Who’s David Tennant and Robert Sheehan, you most of you ladies probably know as Simon from the Mortal Instruments movie.  The movie starts out extremely strong yet ends a little weak, and it is about 20 minutes too long, but you could get much worse entertainment, like an unnecessary remake to a Goldie Hawn/Kurt Russell movie that should never have been greenlit which I will NEVER EVER see. It’s a half way solid thriller that is extremely entertaining.

The movie is about two guys that use their car valet business for restaurants as a way to steal from the people that go into these restaurants to have a long expensive dinner. They find the addresses to these people in these expensive cards, and if their homes are close enough, bust in, and rob some things from the place. And they usually will only rob rich assholes, not families or people that don’t really deserve it. And they only rob a little, and usually things that the people really wouldn’t notice were gone or thought they had just misplaced. This is where David Tennant’s Cale comes in, playing a really rich asshole with a really bad attitude, leaves his expensive car, so Robert Sheehan’s Sean Falco goes to the house, only to discover there is a woman beaten and chained up in Cale’s house. He has a dilemma, save this woman and risk having his green card taken away for his crimes, or leave her to die. Let the cat and mouse game begin.

What I really liked about the film was Robert Sheehan’s character Sean Falco. Yes, he does try and alert the police by an anonymous phone call to try and save the woman, but right as he realizes that it won’t work and he can’t save her himself, he goes straight to the police and the FBI, trying to find someone to believe him, not caring about his consequences. I loved that, and his solid acting sold his very redeeming character. David Tennant I have always thought was good, from the episodes of Doctor Who I have seen to playing Peter Vincent in the remake of Fright Night back in 2011. He plays that psychopath Cale to perfection here, a really sinister psychotic person that seems to be one step ahead of Sean in every single way.

I liked the both characters made actual smart choices throughout the film, usually choices that are made completely missed opportunities by screenplay writers in other films. I also liked the police and FBI’s role in the movie as well. Usually, they are hardly in the picture for these kinds of things, but they actually listen to Shawn and follow up on his claims and are in the film quite a bit. Hell, the FBI a even talks about having to get a warrant at some point during the film to enter private property and would not go in until that warrant was signed by a judge. You NEVER see that in a movie like this, with the FBI or police just coming in guns-a-blazing. It was a really nice change of pace.

The movie does have its flaws. While the first hour is damn near perfect, the second hour kind teeters in and out of brilliance. I didn’t like the relationship or predictability of Sean Falco and his girlfriends character Riley. Eventually Cale uses Riley to get to Sean, but he also uses Sean’s family. The character of Riley could’ve been cut out completely and Cale could’ve just tormented Sean’s family and that alone could’ve worked and ten minutes could’ve been cut right there, making the film tighter. Also, the end is kind of anti-climatic. The bad guys talks too long, does a monologue where characters could take that time and get the one up on him. Doing that monologue was out of character for Cale, considering how many smart moves the character made before the finale.  Some of that could’ve been trimmed as well and it would’ve made a much, much better picture.

Also, how did Dean Devlindirect this film after giving us the piece of dog crap that was Geostorm and having his hand in the Independence Day 2 screenplay? Was he filming this and Geo back to back and had his heart more into this? I think so. This was expertly directed while Geostorm seemed like he just didn’t give a fuck. This film makes me forgive him (directing wise) for that…well almost, we’ll see his next feature and then I will completely decide. He didn’t write this so I haven’t forgiven him for the screenplays for ID4-2 or Geostorm yet.

But I will take what I can get and really still recommend this. With all the shitty thrillers out there we get year after year and where this one holds my attention for about 75% of the time, you just have to give it a chance. Especially the brilliant first hour. And even though the finale is flawed and one story line could’ve been completely cut out, the acting and what came before it nearly makes up for everything else. And at least it didn’t have the clusterfuck ending Tully has…(I saw Bad Samaritan the day after).

Look, this review is only going to be two to three (with a conclusion) paragraphs. Because this is the ultimate “if you tell me any spoilers before I see this thing I’ll fucking kill you” kind of movie. If anyone intentionally tries to ruin AVENGERS INFINITY WAR for you, they should be, and I’m not going to put this lightly, shot and killed. So let’s be quick about this right now. Avengers Infinity War beats Civil War as my favorite Marvel Cinematic Universe movie and it is yes, of course, my favorite film of 2018 so far.

The pacing in the movie is near perfection. The balancing of all the characters (excluding a couple they must be saving for next years Avengers 4) we have seen for the past ten years, is damn near perfect. The acting from all the actors playing Earth’s Mightiest Heroes hasn’t skipped a beat either. Amazing. There are surprise cameos and yes…they are delicious. The action. Oh dear God the action. If you think the airport scene in Civil War is the best action set piece we’ve ever gotten from an MCU film, prepared to have your mind changed. It is really hard to believe the Russo brothers, the directors of this film, got their start by directing episodes of Community. Yes, THAT Community, from the co-creator of Rick and Morty.

Thanos is tied with Erik Killmonger as best MCU villain for me, and maybe everyone at Marvel Studios has finally gotten their shit together and have solved the villain problem (we’ll see in future movies, but two in a row ain’t fucking bad). Josh Brolin brings humanity to a mo-cap CGI character I never thought would be possible. I actually felt like he was a threat. Thanos makes DC’s Steppenwolf his bitch a million times over. And the ending to Infinity War….And uh…yeah well that’s about all I can say huh? If I had any ‘meh’ moments they would only be a couple of the relationships, like Thanos and Gamora or Vision and Scarlet Witch needed to be fleshed out a tiny bit more or that even while I found cameo kind of funny with its initial joke, the acting was a little iffy, but I can’t go too much into it for fear of spoilers.

So that’s it! Of course I recommend this film, how could I not? Go see it! I’m sure you already have your tickets and will help it break box office records! It deserves to! Avengers Infinity War was definitely worth the ten year wait. It makes Justice League look like the single most piece of shit team up film ever made. After this, the DCEU just needs to…go away quietly into that sweet, sweet Marvel night.

Happy Avengers Day Everyone! I am going to make 10 very precise predictions on what happens in Avengers Infinity War. Please note: I HAVE NOT SEEN THE MOVIE YET! And I haven’t read any spoilers, I’ve only seen the trailers, tv spots, and the good Rotten Tomatoes score number online. That is it! So while I could be wrong on my predictions, I could be right, and I guess my predictions could turn into spoilers. So be warned. I have not seen the movie, and I’m gathering context clues from what I’ve seen and the upcoming Marvel MCU Movie Slate. I will tally up my score after this weekend and after I’ve seen the movie.

#1: Loki is going to die. This is easy considering the ending of Ragnarok, Tom Hiddleston saying that Infinity War was his last contractually obligated movie, and the fact you only see him once in the trailer and in none of the promotional materials. Sorry ladies, Tom Hiddleston may be a hot catch, but you will no longer see him in a Marvel film unless the 2nd movie undoes some of what you see in this one. But I think this death will ultimately stick.

#2. The film will defy expectations and neither Tony Stark, Thor, or Captain America is going to die. We have an Avengers movie coming out next year, this is rumored to be a two parter even though the Russo brothers say that this is a self contained movie, and I don’t think Marvel would let their contract run out on the three of them before being in one last Avengers film. If they die, it won’t be until 2019. Now the next movie is rumored to involve some kind of inter dimensional/time travel/event undoing sort of plot line, so I could be wrong and one of them dies, but my guess is that all three won’t.

#3. Vision probably dies. Sorry, but we’ve seen him yell in the trailers and tv spots while some kind of septor is touching the Infinity Stone on his head, and we can probably guess that at some point Thanos gets all the Infinity Stones, because Avengers 4 couldn’t have an epic conclusion without him at least partially succeeding. 4 could also undo this death based on the inter dimensional/time travel/even undoing, but with Loki, I feel like this death will ultimately stick.

#4. Thanos lives to see Avengers 4. Why have the ultimate villain you’ve been building up ten years for and have him parish in just one movie? No, Thanos will live to see Avengers 4. Easily.

#5. This prediction revolves around the Reality Stone, so my thing on this could be a stretch. If you don’t know, the Reality Stone grants the user their wishes, even if it isn’t backed by scientific law. I believe Thanos will get his hands on this stone and wish Earth Mightiest Heroes he doesn’t think are dead, out of existence. I think he will succeed in this and heroes will end up dying or disappearing. HOWEVER, I think this will just be to emotionally gut punch the audience. In the 4th movie, I bet the wishes are reversed if Thanos loses the stone, which he probably will eventually, but not this movie. So expect to see some heroes die or disappear, yes, even Black Panther, but don’t expect it to last because of the Reality Stone’s laws and the fact there is a 4th Avengers next year.

#6. I think the post credits scenes has to do with Captain Marvel in some way. Here’s why: there are two movies between Avengers Infinity War and Avengers 4. And that is Ant Man and The Wasp and Captain Marvel. Ant Man and The Wasp is confirmed to be between Civil War and Infinity War, so I don’t think having Paul Rudd showing up in an after credits sequence would be that exciting. And Captain Marvel is confirmed to be a prequel to all the MCU movies except the first Captain America. And Brie Larson is rumored to show up in Avengers 4. So I bet the post credit scene involves her, maybe her seeing what is happening via news or someone calling her, and she’ll come to the rescue in Avengers 4.

#7. We won’t see Ant-Man or Hawkeye in this. The Russo brothers say that Hawkeye has an important part to play, but I don’t think it will be until Avengers 4. Paul Rudd and Jeremy Renner haven’t been in any promotional material for Infinity War (they have been with Entertainment WeekIy but EW was treating the 10 years as if Avengers 4 is part of the story) Also, like I said above Ant-Man and the Wasp takes place before Infinity War, so Ant-Man and the Wasp won’t show up in a Avengers movie until Avengers 4. Maybe Hawkeye has a cameo in Ant-Man and the Wasp? Who knows? But don’t expect Jeremy Renner or Paul Rudd to be in this.

#8. Either Gamora or Nebula dies. More Nebula maybe. Probably because she takes on her father alone and her own rage and not being able to focus because of it will get her killed trying to kill her father. I am guessing Gamora based on the fact that we don’t see her in the trailers and tv spots much, and that she isn’t with Chris Pratt in the stuff we have seen. However if Gamora is killed, her death might be reversed come Avengers 4. I don’t see a Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 without her being in it. So Gamora for shock value if it happens and she’ll be back in 4, but if Nebula dies here, it will stick.

#9: I will like the movie a lot but it probably won’t be my favorite MCU film and it probably won’t be my favorite film of the year.

#10: Prediction #9 leads into #10: I am hoping that Thanos has some more of a arc than just wanting to destroy and rule the galaxy, but I’m betting that isn’t the case. That is going to be his only goal, and that will end up me being disappointed just a tad. The action, acting, and spectacle will make up for it. But if Thanos has a grander, huge plan, than it might be the greatest Marvel movie yet, but I seriously doubt it.

 

And that’s it folks. You can tally up my score after I see the movie!