WHEN WE FIRST MET is available on Netflix as of this morning at 2 AM, and if you are wondering how the hell I already watched it while still being at work at 8 AM, let say it involves my newborn son having a diaper blowout and then spitting up right after I cleaned that all up. Needless to say, to put him back to sleep and then get me tired again, it was 2:15 AM and I saw that this was just loaded onto the platform service. I decided to put it on, watch enough to get sleepy and then watch this rest this evening with a review tomorrow. Nope, the film kept my interesting and was kind of delightful where I watched the whole thing, went back to sleep at 4:20 and then woke up again at 6:20 to get my son ready for daycare and my ass ready for work. I enjoyed this movie quite a bit, which managed to mix a Time Travel formula with the Groundhog Day formula and bring us something a little unique. I wholly recommend this Netflix watch.

And let’s not get into the, is Netflix a new movie dump kind of platform, where the studio executives don’t have much faith in the film so they sell it to Netflix to drop at anytime that they want. It’s not that they don’t think the film is good or even marketable, they just know that Netflix is the cheaper route, where a movie might make some actual profit instead of spending millions to give it theatrical distribution. That’s why I love Netflix, because instead of going Direct to Video and I only hear about the movie through word of mouth, I don’t even have to get up from my couch to discover it. This was a nice, funny, and light little discovery that is the perfect date night for anyone just wanting to spend it at home or in their apartment.

Anyway, a quick plot review without getting into two many spoilers, on Halloween in 2014, Noah (the hilarious Adavm Devine)  met Avery (Alexandra Daddario, True Detective Season 1 Episode 2) at a costume party, and they had a fun filled night just chatting up different things, playing fooseball, decorating pumpkins with a magic marker. When he goes in for the kiss though, he instead gets a hug, and she comments how great it is to have a really good guy friend. Flash forward to 2017, and he is at her engagement party to Ethan (Robbie Amell) wishing that he was the one about to get married to her. He gets drunk and goes into an old photo booth that he and Avery took pictures at on the night they met, puts in a quarter, and travels thru time back to that day. He now realizes he has another chance to win her, not just as a friend, but as a boyfriend. But he better be careful because soon after his actions he travels back to the day of the engagement party, and his actions might have some serious repreocussions.

Needless to say the first redo doesn’t go so well and so the movie takes the time travel formula and mixes it with Groundhog Day, to have us see more attempts by Noah to win over Avery. Thankfully, it doesn’t completely stick to the Groundhog Day formula and even offers up some excellent surprises along the way. For instance, I was surprised to see the number of days that Noah actually goes through to get smart and finally see what he was meant to see all along. It isn’t like Bill Murray where he relives it thousands and thousands of days. I also appreciate the movies’ sensibility and smartness. Needless to say he does get her in a scenario or two and if they somehow have sex the time travel Gods take him out of the past right before they do, and when he wakes up back to the present day, he doesn’t remember having sex or really any of the stuff that happens in between. This movie was clearly written with the #metoo movement in mind.

Adam Devine makes the movie. He is that one guy that was on Workoholics and Pitch Perfect 1 & 2 that actually hit it big, and he was great in Mike & Dave Need Wedding Dates as well. According to reports, he was handed the script after being cast and they asked him to rewrite some of it based on his comedy style. When I heard that I thought it would be kind of like slacker Workoholics type humor, but no, Devine develops a kinder, gentler, yet still with that genuine goofiness that makes him him, and turns in a extremely likable character. The other stand out in this film is Shelley Hennig (who you know from Teen Wolf and Unfriended) as she plays Avery’s good girl friend Carrie that has some very interesting and enjoyable conversations both with Daddario’s Avery and Devin’s Noah. If I had one complaint about the film is that the rest of the people are shortchanged, including the main girl, Alexandra Daddario. I’ve seen almost everything she has been in, and unfortunately I am not convinced that she can actually act other than memorizing lines and repeating them when the film is rolling. Look, it might be the roles that she is cast in and the fact that none of these give her a true chance to shine and the fact that she is playing the same character in every film. She needs to get something juicier or I’m going to start thinking she is a permanent mediocre actress. Robbie Amell is just there to look pretty (he is much, much better in The Duff, be sure to check that movie out if you haven’t) and Noah’s friend Max, played by Andrew Bachelor, gets short changed as the friend that is a high ranking executive at a firm and is just a smooth talker to the ladies. The movie could’ve added maybe 15 minutes to give all the characters a more rounded fare share, but I enjoyed the movie so much I am willing to overlook that injustice.

Speaking of conversations, this movie has some very realistic and believable dialogue and genuine interactions between the characters, something which I also thought made the film. When Noah is talking with Avery or if Noah is talking to Max or if Noah is talking to Carrie, I don’t know whether some of it was ad-libbed, but it felt like real people having real conversations. I wonder if it was some of the script re writing to fit Devine’s comedy style, but it was simply, pun intended, devine. Anyway, so I don’t spoil anything else, please check this film out on Netflix, it’s funny and gets the job done romantic comedy wise without trying to copy cat the time travel or Groundhog Day formula too much. It is worth the watch for Adam Devine alone.

 

Wow, that was pretty exciting and cool wasn’t it? To think we weren’t expecting THE CLOVERFIELD PARADOX aka Cloverfield 3 to hit theatres till late April, then there is a rumor Paramount wants to sell it to Netflix, and a rumor turns into a reality with a Superbowl commercial advertising the film…and they release the film that very night on Netflix. Incredible. Great move and great advertising. But is the third Cloverfield a great movie? I’d say it is a very, very good movie, especially for Netflix, as this is their best original movie to come out (yes, better than Bright), but the one thing that keeps it from being great is that a lot of the Cloverfield stuff to link it to the other two movies feels a little tacked on, and the movie doesn’t feel theatrical, but those are minor quibbles.

I really like that this Cloverfield franchise is basically becoming a sci-fi/horror anthology that links to each other in the most subtle of ways. Even though those subtle ways could be argued as after thoughts or forceful connectivity. Let me back track a little. After the success of the original 2008 Cloverfield, which made a shit ton of profit, audiences were wanting more and was wondering where it would go. 8 years and nothing, just little blue balls teases from J.J. Abrams and company with really no official word as to any type of a sequel. Fast forward to 2016 and we get a random trailer for a film called 12 Cloverfield Lane. Producer J.J. Abrams comes out and says that while it is not a direct sequel to Cloverfield, it has “the DNA” of it, set in the same film universe, kind of like a “blood relative” to the previous film. And 12 Cloverfield Lane is a very, very good movie, except for that final act, which while necessary to keep it within this new universe, felt tacked on and anti-climatic. And we learned even more. 12 Cloverfield Lane was originally not even supposed to be part of this universe, it was a film originally titled, “The Cellar,” and then known as “Valencia” and J.J. Abrams production company acquired it, filmed it, added only a few nods to Cloverfield, with J.J. Abrams promising that a future film in the anthology series would tie the two films together.

And thankfully, with The Cloverfield Paradox, this anthology series gives us this connection sooner rather than later. Especially the final shot, which will have many a fans like me slack jawed and screaming with sci-fi joy and glee. But other than that fantastic final shot, and a couple of nods to the other two films (like Slusho and the name Cloverfield) this film could’ve been its own thing not linking at all to the universe. Doing some digging, Abrams and company almost did the exact same thing to this film as they did with 12 Cloverfield Lane, but with a little more planning, and a little more plot connecting (with Roger Davies character Michael, all those scenes were added after movie was already finished to have it in the Cloverfield universe). This movie was originally supposed to be called “God Particle.” And while the tacked on scenes to connect everything don’t feel as tacked on as they did with 12 Cloverfield Lane, you can still feel it and hope they do even more planning with this 4th film that is apparently already in the can.

But now let’s get to the movie and what works. The plot of The Cloverfield Paradox has these astronauts in space on this space station that has this large device on board that is supposed to solve the energy crisis, as it is revealed several countries are about to go to war because they are running out of options. I won’t say much so I don’t ruin the surprises, but lets just say the device works and doesn’t work, and they end up trying to solve a personal dark “reality” crisis of their own. That’s all I will say. The movie mostly really works other than a few bits of groan worthy dialogue. It works really way as a cool little sci-fi try to save a sort of apocalypse on Earth from happening tale while also adding in a couple of dashes of pure space horror.

It also works because it interweaves a personal tale with Gugu Mbatha-Raw‘s character and her family back on Earth (can’t give away too much of that either). In fact there are a lot of famous faces in this film, even though the other characters only get a few moments to shine and kind of lack in character development: Daniel Bruhl, David Oyelowo, Ziyi Zang, John Ortiz, Donal Logue, Elizabeth Debicki and Chris O’Dowd. But giving them all complete character development would’ve made this movie two and a half hours, which would’ve been too long as this hour and 43 minutes is nice, tight, and solidly good entertainment. The scenes that were filmed after wards with Roger Davies playing Mbatha-Raw’s character’s husband are interspersed with the astronauts tale, and into actually flows into the narrative pretty well, giving us a breather between a lot of shit that goes wrong on the ship. Even though yes, it kind of feels like those scenes were tacked on. But the acting is all fantastic even with some of the crummy dialogue. The visuals are really impressive as well considering this is a Netflix film, but then again it was supposed to be in theaters in a couple of months.

Which comes to the only other problem this movie has other than the dialogue: it doesn’t feel very theatrical. I don’t know how to explain it. Maybe it is the direction, or the cinematography, or the close quarters of everything, but the movie didn’t feel like it warranted a theatrical presentation. And maybe Paramount realized this too which is why they sold it to Netflix, as it is a perfect Netflix film. I just wish it felt more cinematic. It’s hard to explain how it doesn’t, especially when the visuals are actually pretty impressive, but trust me, you will probably feel it too.

But this film does connect the other two films in a couple of interesting ways, and it feels like it belongs as a part of the Cloverfield universe, and isn’t that all we really are asking for? This is a really good anthology series, even though if I were to rank them as my favorite to least favorite it would probably be in the order they were released. However, they are all about the same in terms of pulpy, entertainment, sci-fi quality. And that is hard for movies to do nowadays, so all props go to J.J. Abrams and his production team. And that final shot gave me a cinematic boner. It did, I’m sorry to say that and ruin what was a perfectly tame and concise review, but it did. That final shot was just icing on the cake that was the very good movie that came before it, and since I am a huge fan of the first film, and now this anthology, it gave me an unapologetic cinematic boner. You’re welcome for the image.

If you have Netflix, you can catch this movie that premiered just a couple of days ago , A FUTILE AND STUPID GESTURE, which tells the rise and fall of Doug Kenney, one of the co-founders for the National Lampoon magazine and also had a hand in writing two very famous films, Animal House and Caddyshack. He also jump started the careers of many famous comedians including Bill Murray, Chevy Chase, John Belushi, etc. However, I would suggest maybe instead to watch the 2015 documentary Drunk Stoned Brilliant Dead: The Story of the National Lampoon, wherever you can find to watch it. That does its story’s justice. This does not. This unfortunately has a television feel to it that contains a bunch of famous actors, but not having enough material to warrant a half way decent film. It is very disappointing because all my life I have been interested in the National Lampoon, seen all the movies, and wondering how it all came together. The documentary left me, in a good way, wanting more, this movie made me go back to wishing they wouldn’t do anything else other than the doc.

Will Forte stars as Doug Kenney, and for some reason, Martin Mull plays a older modern day Doug constantly breaking the fourth wall and talking to the audience and the fact that it is just a movie. Which if you know anything about the history of Doug Kenney, Martin Mull being there doesn’t make any sense. Was that the whole joke, or was it a misdirection for the audience in case some people didn’t really know about the famous man? Anyway, minor quibble aside, this movie could’ve been so much more. You have the great Will Forte as Doug Kenney and you have the fantastic Domnahall Gleeson as his friend and partner Henry Beard, who both co-created that National Lampoon magazine and other platforms as it eventually spread to radio and film. Unfortunately, Will Forte just seems to be playing himself, or a minor, smarter variation on his character in The Last Man On Earth. Domnahall Gleeson seems to be taking the role seriously, even though both of those wigs that they wear for their characters really can’t be.

You have famous actors portraying famous actors in here too, like Joel Mchale playing Chevy Chase, Seth Green playing Christopher Guest, and Jon Daly playing Bill Murray, nobody really looking like any of the others, only Jon Daly getting Murray’s voice down pat. And the whole film is just choppy. And at one hour and 41 minutes, you don’t get a whole lot inside the mind of Doug Kenney, you know that he was a funny man that didn’t exactly know how to harness his talent and his jealousy got in the way of most things. The film basically shows all their high time highlights, with Kenney being weird, drugged out, and delusional most of the time, but it fails to show the impact all of it had on America except for one television interview where they could sneak in a quick cameo of Ed Helms as Tom Snyder.

Not even a brilliant Emmy Rossum as Kenney’s girlfriend can save the third act, which *spoiler alert* doesn’t really go all that much into Kenney’s death and why it happened. It just happens, all of his friends show up at a bar, and they remember the good times. *end spoiler*. It just shows us everything, with little invisible astericks making the audience want to go to the computer and look up more in depth things on certain events. The main problem is that the whole production feels really cheap and shoddy. It looks and feels like a movie made for television and nothing seems authentic, and I guess that is why it is premiere on Netflix and not a theatrical distribution.

Which is a shame, because if you are a National Lampoon fan like I am, this is a serious disappointment. It would be even worse if this was the first telling of the story, thankfully, we have the above mentioned documentary for that to cool our jets from this epic fail. They could’ve made the movie longer and go more in depth with Kenney’s psyche, maybe spend a little more time on the making of Animal House and Caddyshack. The film is okay until Henry Beard eventually leaves the company and then shows up once or twice more. That shows you Domnhall Gleeson’s star power.

Anyway, this movie is a literal joke and not worth your time. Seriously, if you love the Vacation movies, or Animal House, or Caddyshack, or even remember the great magazine, I encourage you to watch the 2015 documentary because it is in depth and very interesting, this is background noise never to be played again.

There are rules one must abide by in order to successfully know if you are watching a shitty horror movie:

(My Rules)

1. I am about to fall asleep at least three times and I’m “ass out to pass out” (this means you are side ways in your chair)
2. My horror film buddy Kim can actually manage to predict what is going to happen before it happens.
3. 1 or less jump scares
4. You start comparing characters in the film to people you know in real life out of boredom.
5. You laugh almost throughout the entire thing.

All of those happened with WINCHESTER, one of the worst horror films ever made and my first contender for worst film of 2018 (will probably be beat by Fifty Shades Freed) and will definitely be on my worst ten by the end of the year. Throughout the film I kept asking myself, why is Helen Mirren in this? I quickly asked that about Jason Clarke, but quickly answered that question by saying he is an actually underrated actor just trying to get known, and he is the only one actually doing any acting in this film.

Helen Mirren is terrible in this. It screams paycheck, paycheck, paycheck throughout all the “haunted” walls within this haunted house. She isn’t in it much at the beginning, and is in only two rooms for most of the middle with a tiny bit of venturing out near the end. But yeah, her shooting schedule was probably short and tight. Jason Clarke and Sarah Snook seem to be the only ones trying to do a decent job with the crap screenplay they were dealt. Snook probably because she did a great job with The Spierig Brothers other pretty decent film Predestination. I am willing to forgive The Spierig Brothers because this is their first true misfire. I really like their film Daybreakers, Predestination was solid, and Jigsaw…well, you know my love for the Saw series if you read my review in October.

This movie felt…rushed. Everything about it, the script, the story, the plot, the camera work, the fake CGI outside shots of the house, all felt rushed to a studio schedule that no one wanted. I feel that if the Spierig brothers were given their true due, more time with everything, especially the script, and a bigger budget, they could’ve had something. Something tells me that they got Helen Mirren before a script was even completely and they had a certain amount of time with her and the studio said, “this movie revolves around her.” Which you can’t do that. Your product gets muddled and no one will appreciate it.

I mean, come on, this is a true story about a true haunted house (depending on what your beliefs are). We were given films based on true haunting stores (like The Conjuring series) and those turned out fantastic. What went wrong here? Was it the fact that instead of doing multiple stories about the room and the spirits that are trapped inside and then rebuild the house when it becomes damaged, they instead just focused on one story, trying to tie it all in a bow with our main protagonist (Clarke)? That one story wasn’t even all that damn interesting. The movie starts very cliched with the board of the Winchester rifle company sending a doctor to evaluate Sarah Winchester to deem her insane so they can take control (A Cure For Wellness anyone?) and instead of having the audacity to bring anything cool and interesting to the mix we are dealt one ghost story about a demon that has a hatred for Winchester rifles and what they did to his brothers and brothers in arms? I could’ve slept soundly inside this house in the middle of all the chaos because it was a complete snooze fest of a scenario.

It was just bad. I said in a Facebook post that my fat face is scarier than this film and I stand right by that comment. This film isn’t scary at all. Oh, you didn’t think IT was all that scary? Try putting in this film, you’ll be screaming for the new Pennywise in about 10 minutes into this. Why oh why do we get all these cool story concepts but the execution is just fucking pitiful? I’d rather watch a documentary on this house, anybody have any suggestions?

I am actually really glad that MAZE RUNNER – THE DEATH CURE ended the trilogy on a pretty WCKD action packed high note. Well, at least to me. Not to the critics it seems. Maybe I was just ultimately disappointed with The Scorch Trials after the memorable first film that anything better would lift my spirits. Maybe I appreciate how this movie wasn’t split into two parts like all the rest of the YA novels turned into movies have been. Maybe my expectations were low. A bunch of different reasons. I just know that this last film in the trilogy really entertained me, was visually stunning to look at, and the action was more than decent. The film is not without its flaws of course (mainly dialogue) but we’ll get to those in a minute.

To just forewarn most of you. I haven’t read the novels and I don’t plan to. I also heard that the movies deviate a crap ton from the novels, so if you are a fan, I don’t know how you are going to take it, it’s just a warning. But if you’ve been following the movies at all, the whole thing is that the world doesn’t have many survivors left due to this disease that basically turns people into these fast zombies (I am intentionally staying away from calling all these nouns proper names because I want to tell it like it is). The government had been setting up these experiments with people they thought were immune to the virus, trying to find a way to extract a cure from them (it’s complicated how they explain this without just trying to turn their blood into a serum, just watch the movie, I’m not going to explain here). Thomas, played by Dylan O’Brien, is our main protagonist, who we see in the first movie sent up to the maze, where we learned his memory was partially wiped and he had worked for the government he is now fighting against (Bourne anyone?). He gets out of the maze with a handful of survivors in the first movie, and in the second movie they lightning dodge and also dodge the creatures…you know what? I don’t remember if there was even a plot in the second movie other than going from point a to point b. I know that they girl he likes, played by Kara Scoledario betrayed them, and took one of the main survivors, Minho, played by Ki Hong Lee, back to base to re experiment on him to get serum.

This movie’s plot is basically two fold: a. Rescue Minho and b. finally take down WCKD. Of course it being the final film in the trilogy there are reveals (like how a character that supposedly died in the first film isn’t dead, I did like how they kept the well known actor out of the marketing campaign for the surprise reveal but if you read his name on the poster it wouldn’t surprise you), more reveals, showdowns, and other predictable things to wrap things up. Needless to say, it wraps everything up the way it should. Yes, it is predictable, and a lot of the dialogue is cliched, “You aren’t going to do this without us,””You can save everyone,””I can save her,””You can’t save her,””This is where it ends,” so on and so forth. The journey is actually very entertaining and the action, spectacle and visuals made it actually a treat to sit and watch in the theater.

Director Wes Ball has a flair for action, he proved it in the last two films but he really proves it with this one. Give him a meaty script and something different and this guy could direct wonders. No joke. The opening train sequence is expertly shot and then when shit goes down in the WCKD city, the action is better than Michael Bay’s incoherent shit. And while the dialogue is bad the acting is at least on par. Dylan O’Brien just needs better movies to display his talent, actually, you know what, every one involved in this need better films to fully show their talent. Walton Goggins has a cool almost unrecognizable minor role as a WCKD city outsider who has plans to get into the city himself and take the government down. And Aiden Gillan, always fantastic in Game of Thrones as Littlefinger, plays a half-way decent villain here, if only he were given more to do and say.

At least this movie went somewhere, unlike The Scorch Trials.The movie drags just a tiny bit in the middle, but the beginning and last hour were spectacularly done. I was fully expecting this to be a Mockingjay ho hum affair, but I actually enjoyed myself, and although I didn’t explain the plot really well above, the movie does a fine job re explaining everything to you. My problems were with the dialogue and I don’t care so much for that this disease basically turns people into zombies, even though they don’t use that word. So here is my final stance on the trilogy. If the first movie hooked you, but you didn’t like the second one, the third one should redeem everything for you. If you aren’t a fan of the series  at all, this film probably won’t change your mind. And if you haven’t seen the other two, don’t see this one as you’ll really have no basis for a lot of what goes on other than a minor rehash in some of the characters dialogue. But yeah, I enjoyed this final part of the maze, and while I enjoyed the first part, but was a little lost in the middle, I would say it is a half way decent trilogy, maybe to be remembered as one of the better YA adaptations that ultimately made the Divergent series look like absolute shit.

Nicholas Cage has his moments. His moments are mainly the ones where he just doesn’t give a fuck about his performance and goes off the wall crazy ass bonkers. Those are his most entertaining roles. Add MOM AND DAD to the list of them. Mom and Dad is playing in few select theaters but you can rent or buy it on VOD right now. I am not a huge fan of direct to VOD, but this movie is an exception. It’s crazy premise, short tight run time, and Nic Cage make this one of the rare good ones. It’s from Brian Taylor, one of the duo of Neveldine/Taylor, who brought you such weird projects as Gamer, Crank, and Crank High Voltage. This is his solo outing, and if you’ve seen any of those fast paced, hyper edited, high premise films, you know what to expect. And you get exactly that.

There is only one thing you need to know about Mom and Dad. It is about some kind of signal that is making Mom and Dads everywhere have the uncontrollable urge to kill their kids, and just their kids, no one else’s. Which actually brought an interesting dynamic to the film. There are some scenes where parents are stopping other parents from killing their kids, but when they get home or see their kids, they go after them anyway with that blood thirsty rage. What I kind of like about the film is that even with that high premise, it is light on plot other than two kids, a brother and sister, trying to escape the clutches of their mom and dad, played by Nicholas Cage and Selma Blair. I’ve already sung the praises of Nicholas Cage here, but Selma Blair is also very exceptional, probably bringing what is her best performance ever, and definitely her best since Cruel Intentions.

If you are one of those ‘Losties” and are looking for answers to the who, what, where, when, and why of this signal and why it is happening, I’m just going to tell you right now to not expect many answers. There are context clues to make you figure everything out and the ending is sort of ambigouis, and not everything is tied up in a nice little bow. This is a movie to just sit back and enjoy the insanity of it. To see Nicholas Cage screaming and singing the Hokey Pokey while he is destroying a pool table with a sledgehammer or his crazy eyes and mannerisms as he runs after his kids. My favorite scene is when he and Selma Blair try to get their kids out of the locked basements by rigging their gas system and jerry-rigging it through a window in the basement.

There is a late and short appearance by Lance Hendrickson that I quite enjoyed as well, but saying anything about that would ruin a pretty good surprise the film has to offer. The movie mixtures horror, comedy, and disturbing very well, and while at some points it gets pretty close to crossing that ‘too far’ line, it doesn’t quite get there. The violence and gore isn’t too bad, as even though parents are killing their kids, we don’t get up close to any of the bloody murders, just shots of bloody knives, keys, and other objects, without actually seeing any of them hit and cut the human body.

Well that’s all I am going to say about this film because it is a short 85 minutes and if I say anything else it might ruin some of the fun. It’s a helluva ride and a return to form for Taylor, who I am still wanting to see a Crank 3 in theaters somewhere down the line. I would even like to see a sequel to this, not necessarily to get the origins of the signal explained, but maybe to expand the universe more and see another side to the mayhem. Hopefully it does well enough to do that. You could start by taking my recommendation and renting it to whatever VOD service you have on a compatible device. Oh, and don’t watch this with your kids. Just sayin’.

If you glance at Gerard Butler’s filmography, you’ll tend to notice a pattern that emerges. To sum it off, the actor is THE definition of hit and miss. It seems like one movie is makes is meh or terrible, and then the next one is quite serviceable or solid while not quite being fantastic or a masterpiece (one could argue the closest he’s ever gotten to that would be 300). For example, in 2009 he had three movies, The Ugly Truth, Law Abiding Citizen, and Gamer. Shitty film, pretty decent, shitty film. Or how about lets go to 2006 to 2008 with 300, P.S. I love You, and RocknRolla. Very good film, shitty film, decently solid. You can do that all over with his career. Now let’s get to present from 2016 to now. You have London Has Fallen, Geostorm, and now DEN OF THIEVES. Not too bad if enjoyable sequel, shitty film, a very, very solid yet not grand heist/crime film. In other words, yes, I am recommending Den of Thieves even though at times it tries to hard to be Michael Mann’s Heat and in some parts, completely rips it off.

What the marketing does very well is not even remotely hint at the huge twist the film has at the end of it. I knew something fishy was going on, but the end result kind of had me stunned. That is all I’m going to say on that matter. The movie stars Gerard Butler as a leader of a Major Crimes Unit Task Force assigned to bring down L.A.’s most successful bank robbery crew. The crew contains a lot of unknowns like Pablo Schreiber, but you might recognize Curtis ’50’ Cent Jackson, who doesn’t really do all that much in the film, and Ice Cube’s clone…errr I mean son, O’shea Jackson Jr., who is becoming quite the figure in films just like his father did. But the movie mainly works because of Gerard Butler, who is so fucking good in this, I have rarely seen him better. This is probably his best performance and one alongside Leonidas and Mike Banning that I’ll probably remember forever. He sold me with his first scene, and just kept selling me and selling me each and every scene after that.

The film is actually pretty enjoyable, and at 2 hours and 20 minutes, I didn’t feel it at all. Sure, there were some unnecessary scenes that could’ve been trimmed. I really didn’t need Gerard Butler’s characters’ family life brought into this, all it did was kind of assure the audience that while he is good at his job and not dirty as a cop, he makes his life dirty by cheating on his wife, but then is really nice to his kids. Instead of unnecessary scenes that sort of dragged down the movie a bit, it could’ve been explained in one line of dialogue. Yeah, that’s 20 minutes right there that could’ve been cut. Although I did like the scene where he signs his wife’s divorce papers. I understand what they were trying to do, bring some humanity and flaws to his character, but they were too cliched and just really didn’t work.

Come to think of it, there really isn’t that much characterization in the film. There is one scene with the criminals family life that feels like a rip off of a better scene in Bad Boys II (you’ll know it when you see it). You see them with their family and that is it, that one little scene, and then you really don’t see them again, and why bring them into it if you aren’t going to show their reactions to the fates of some of the characters at the end of the film? What was the point of their scenes? The acting is good, just the writing in of some scenes to bring some background to the characters seemed really last minute, although O’Shea Jackson Jr.’s character gets a little bit interesting in the 2nd half of the film. Also, a lot of the scenes and interactions of the characters feel too much like Michael Mann’s film Heat and even comes close to completely ripping some of those scenes off.

Ok, this doesn’t seem like a recommendation review does it? Let’s get to the good stuff. The film is very entertaining. The last 40-45 minutes along where a heist takes place is so solid that I could just watch those 45 minutes as an amazing little action-y mini film. The tension is brought to a high level and I didn’t have a clue to what was going to happen next. The film made me think, “wait, weren’t they going to try and rob the federal reserve? what are they doing here?” Everything in those last 45 minutes comes together so beautifully, I was wondering why this film was dumped in January. Seems more like a decent late March or April film to me. Definitely not in the same league as 12 Strong or Insidious 4. After seeing the crap action in 12 Strong, it was refreshing to see a first time director, Christian Gudegast, take his experience from writing films and takes his vision and actually control the camera correctly and film some very strong action scenes.

That along with Gerard Butler, I am recommending this crazy little heist flick even though Rotten Tomatoes and a lot of critics really, really disagree with me. My friend Kim, who sees a lot of films with me, her “ass out to pass out” rule always in effect, she was on the edge of her seat the entire time, didn’t even nudge her ass out a little to the left or right once. Oh, and the twist, loved the twist. It’s definitely a film I plan on watching again, it is really that enjoyable and fun. And sometimes, fun is all I ask for.

Let’s cut to the chase: 12 STRONG isn’t very good. In fact, it is the definition of a “January War Film.” What is that you might ask? It’s where everyone involved opens the 101 playbook entitled “How To Make A Barely Passable War Film That Will Please Studio Executives Enough For A Theatrical Release That Will Also Please Modern Audiences.” They take what is a great heroic story and completely Hollywood Bastardize it to the point of ‘meh.’ This is one of only a handful of war films where I’ve yawn several times throughout. The entire production is just plain lazy. Characterization, dialogue, even the action sequences are shot poorly. What is so damn frustrating is that there is a Academy Award nominated film somewhere in this true story. This film takes that away like Sophie’s choice.

In fact, this film could be lazy enough in my opinion as to be disrespectful to the soldiers that actually went through the mission. And I know when it says ‘Based On A True Story’ it means that a lot of what happened is going to be taken for granted, a lot of filler put in, and some false stuff that didn’t happen. This is more of ‘Hardly Based On A True Story If Told By A Lazy Michael Bay.’ By the way, yes Jerry Bruckheimer produced this but Michael Bay didn’t direct it. What is sad to say is that if he had, it might’ve been a better film. The action is just piss poor. How do I explain the action? You know that gag in The Naked Gun series, where Leslie Nielsen and a henchmen are both hiding behind a box shooting at each other, and then the camera pulls back to show the depth of field was that great and they are really right next to each other? That’s how the movie felt. Cut to American soldier shooting, cut to Taliban soldier shooting, show them kind of shooting up close, rinse, repeat. You can’t tell who is where and who is doing or shooting what, it is just kind of a hugely shot and edited mess. There are only two decent shots in the film, the Taliban firing off rockets, and Chris Hemworth shooting and his fallen horse getting up in a cool little sped up take. That’s it.

If you have no clue what the story is about the film tries to tell the tale about 12 American soldiers that group up with General Dotsum and his men, who is the leader of the alliance in Afganistan and is actually now the Vice President (so guess what? he doesn’t die!), and try to cut off the Taliban’s supply line. Like the trailers tell you, it’s the first great victory in the Afghan war right after 9/11, so the trailers kind of spoil you in how it is going to turn out, then again you could just go on Wikipedia and read about it. Which is the alternative I recommend than going to see this movie. Even though we have 12 American Soldiers and General Dotsum, there  isn’t that much characterization in the film. In fact, it is hard to distinguish who is who trait wise other than seeing a bunch of pretty actors who’s faces we recognize. The only personality that sort of shines is General Dotsum, but then he is bogged down in cliched dialogue saying, “this is much country, this is my army, this is my land, this is my honor, these are my morals” type speeches. He tell Chris Hemworth at the end, “I will always think of you as my brother,” however the movie didn’t fucking earn that emotional sentence for the audience at the end. The sentence was a plot convenience.

Other terrible dialogue too, with the soldiers trying to be funny, everything we’ve heard of before such as: “What are you trying to do so-and-so, get a tan?””The war has just started boys.””I promised my wife I would make it home.” So on and so forth, just plain lazy writing because the writers either don’t have the skill to write good dialogue or they were trying to meet a fast deadline. I’m guessing a little bit of both. While they’re dialogue is supposed to be funny the only humorous part of the movie is that Chris Hemworth’s real wife in real life plays his wife in this. That’s the only chuckle the movie got out of me.

The plot structure is an entire mess. For example, there is this whole five minute scene of Chris Hemsworth telling that a few of his men need to make this long and perilous journey through this valley with harsh conditions (no water, food etc.) so they can get to the other side of the Taliban undetected and cut off that part of the supply line while Chris Hemsworth and his men destroy the other side to box him in. 5 minutes of saying, “I can’t order you guys to do this so I need volunteers.” Michael Pena steps up and says, “yes you can sir, you can order us to do it.” So dramatic, he orders Michael Pena to go, he picks two guys, they say their cliched goodbyes. So you think we are going to see these three soldiers and some of the harshness right? Nope. One scene of them finding a guy and his goats and them trying to buy one of the goats for food. And that’s it, and they are where they need to be with only chapped lips. I mean come on? You set up a 5 minute dramatic scene, not wanting to order your soldiers to trek with these harsh conditions and you end up showing only one scene of them buying a goat? LAZY AS FUCK.

And don’t get me started how you have a great actor like Michael Shannon in this and relegate him to little more than a cameo. He is barely fucking in this picture, and he’s out of it due to his location or that he fucked up his back somehow. He is brought back near the very end and gets pretty injured but the movie doesn’t focus on him enough and give him some character for me to really care about him. When I read their journey in news stories or wikipedia, I care about the real soldiers. The movie should emulate that. It doesn’t. And if  you notice I haven’t played up the whole horse soldier angle. Because other than them riding the horses and shooting their guns while riding them, there are no scenes of them bonding with the horses and only one scene of them learning to kind of ride them real quick plays off as humorous. So yeah the whole marketing of horse soldiers doesn’t pay off either. So instead of making a joke that 12 Strong really should be called 12 Weak, or 12 Yawns, or 12 Naps or whatever, I’m just going to tell you to skip this movie and wait for the retelling that is one day going to happen because Hollywood doesn’t know how to tell a fresh narrative about 9/11 anymore.

Ah yes! Finally! After seeing Phantom Thread this weekend I can now finalize and publish my TOP TEN FILMS OF 2017….well, and 40 others that I thought worth mentioning. But the reason it is my top ten list  is because I provide commentary on just those ten about why they are on my ten best of the 2017 list. So if you just want to read about my top ten, scroll really fast through these other 40 and you’ll see that I wrote a paragraph each on the top ones and why they are so special to me, enjoy!

50. The Babysitter

49. The Belko Experiment

48. Kong: Skull Island

47. Girls Trip

46. Mayhem

45. Alien: Covenant

44. The Fate of the Furious

43. Justice League

42. The Foreigner

41. American Assassin

40. Happy Death Day

39. Kingsman: The Golden Circle

38. I, Tonya

37. Darkest Hour

36. The Florida Project

35. Phantom Thread

34. Logan Lucky

33. The Greatest Showman

32. Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle

31. Detroit

30. The Shape of Water

29. The Disaster Artist

28. Only The brave

27. American Made

26. Wonder

25. Thor: Rognarok

24. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

23. Coco

22. Wind River

21. Mudbound

20. Lady Bird

19. Split

18. Better Watch Out

17. Get Out

16. The Big Sick

15. Good Time

14. War For The Planet of the Apes

13. Spider-Man: Homecoming

12. Baby Driver

11. Wonder Woman

AND FINALLY, MY TOP TEN WITH A TINY BIT OF COMMENTARY FOR EACH::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

10. THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI

Probably the most original film of the year. Great script, great story, great ending, great dialogue, incredible acting, unpredictable. All the ingredients to make a more than memorable movie. Sam Rockwell and Frances McDormand deserve the Oscars they are probably going to get for this. And Martin McDonough should win for Original Screenplay. I kept switching this and Wonder Woman for the ten spot, constantly, but I ultimately chose this because Wonder Woman’s ending is a little bit of a let down considering all that came before.

9. LOGAN

Easily the best comic book film of the year. I know a lot of you thought Wonder Woman was better but no, Hugh Jackman made this film. His best performance as Wolverine and one of his best performances period. A modern day comic book western that was a visual and mental feast from minute one until it ended. A rated R Wolverine film that everyone deserved. In a sane world, Patrick Stewart would be nominated for playing Professor X in this. But we don’t live in a sane world.

8. HOSTILES

I love Westerns, and even though we could argue that Logan is a true Western, Hostiles is the true western of the year, and the best western since Dances With Wolves. An incredible, unpredictable journey where Christian Bale I thought gave his best performance ever, or at least the best since American Psycho. It is a visual treat from beginning to end and I loved the way the film visited not the right or wrong, but the darkness of the grey of humanities choices. Masterful.

7. THE POST

I knew I was going to like this new Spielberg film but I didn’t know I was going to really really really really love it. I think this is the first Spielberg film I have had on my top ten list since Munich. And it is his best film since Munich. He could’ve just made this a point and shoot affair, but with a smart and snappy script about the Pentagon papers, and with incredible actors like Hanks and Streep, you can tell that Spielberg wanted to be behind the camera, for he shows us all his signature moves and adds a few new ones in the process.

6. IT

Hi ya Georgie! While I can now admit that the film isn’t all that scary, it still is a fantastic film that I can watch over and over due to the almost perfect story adaptation from Stephen King’s book, and the best child group acting in decades. Plus, that first scene with Georgie and Pennywise in the sewer is near perfection. This make the TV special that aired in 1990 look like it was made by film students. I’ve seen this about 4 times now and enjoy it more very time.

5. MOLLY’S GAME

Some of Aaron Sorkin’s best dialogue, and my favorite Jessica Chastain performance since The Help. The story switches back between past and present so seamlessly that it doesn’t treat the audience like they are idiots with stupid “this is whenever” title cards before each scene. For a film that is 2 hour and 20 minutes long, it felt like a crisp 90 minutes. And that is extremely hard to do with everyone being fidgety nowadays.

4. JOHN WICK CHAPTER 2

I honestly thought this was going to be a permanent number 2 on my list since February 2017, but the next three films blew me away even more than this one did. And this is one of the best action sequels every made and so much better than the first film. It does everything a sequel should do. It expands the story and the universe, it ups the action, and it is more fun. Keanu Reeves looks happy to be there and does all his own stunts. And it is honestly probably because he wants to be known for this series when he dies and not just Ted from Bill & Ted. With film #2, he’s already succeeded with that wish.

3. DUNKIRK

Another Christopher Nolan masterpiece. And it is probably because of Han Zimmer’s score. I never thought a PG-13 war film could work, but this one does. And yes, I saw it in 70 mm IMAX when it came out and watching it on video isn’t as breathtaking to be sure, but it is still a masterpiece, a masterful movie to watch over and over again. When the film starts, you grip your arm rests or whatever you have near you and don’t let go until the end credits. The most tense film of the year.

2. BLADE RUNNER 2049

Yes, the first film back in the 80s I believe is highly overrated. Harrison Ford plays a detective that doesn’t really do any detective work, and doesn’t really do much in the story. But this film is better and bigger in almost every single way. It’s a visual masterpiece for the mind, body, and soul, and it happens to accompany a pretty interesting story where Ryan Gosling actually does a shit ton of detective work. When I was in the theater I had just a sense of extreme awe the entire time and I can’t wait to revisit the film again when it comes out on Blu-Ray tomorrow.

1. STAR WARS EPISODE VIII: THE LAST JEDI

Look, I could defend this film until kingdom come. Oh, you didn’t like Luke’s story did you? Felt like it ruined his character and your childhood did it? Look, that was the only way the story and writer/director Rian Johnson could go after J.J. Abrams set everything up. If Luke hadn’t cut himself off from the force, he probably would’ve had a vision of Han being killed by Ben and would’ve went after him and saved him just like when he had that vision of Cloud City training with Yoda…ah ah ah, I’ll stop, if I don’t I’ll just keep going. This film is a masterpiece and the best Star Wars film since The Empire Strikes Back. Everything about it is almost pitch perfect, because it does what Luke says, “this isn’t going to go the way you think.” None of it does. Who saw Snoke being killed in part two of the new trilogy? That fight scene with Rey and Ben fighting off his guards is one of the best action sequences in the entire series. The beginning space battle with the bombers to the First Order dreadnought is perfect. The humor did bother me a little bit at first, and the Leia Mary Poppins thing, but I’ve seen the film several times now, and I enjoy it more each time, and those parts don’t even phase me anymore. The ending with Luke and Ben and the “See you around kid” floors me every single time. I love everything about this film, even the journey to Canto Bight. So I don’t mind defending this film until kingdom come. I feel like a young excited kid every time I watch it, and tears well up in my eyes when it ends. It is that great of a film to me, and in the end, the over obnoxious “not my Star Wars” fanboys can go fuck themselves.

Thanks for reading and PEACE OUT!!!!

 

Finally, a Paul Thomas Anderson film that I can actually tolerate and actually enjoyed and mostly thought was very good. I don’t think I’ve liked a Paul Thomas Anderson film since Punch-Drunk Love and this is his best film since Boogie Nights. To let you know if you can stand to read the rest of this review, especially those Paul Thomas Anderson fanatics out there, I can’t stand Magnolia, The Master, There Will Be Blood, and Inherent Vice (I haven’t seen Hard Eight). And it’s not that his films are terrible. I know I can be accused of calling his previous films ‘beautiful garbage,’ but I think now I can tell you that I can’t stand his films because I just honestly don’t get him. Well, with PHANTOM THREAD, I think I kind of understand him now, other than that I really didn’t care for the 3rd act of this film, especially the last 15 minutes.

But the rest of the film is near note perfect. The acting, the cinematography, the music (oh God yes the music), the fashion, most of the story, everything is really beautiful, and not beautiful garbage, genuinely beautiful. I might need to watch it again to really figure out why the last 15 minutes didn’t work for me, but they didn’t work for me  enough to make me hate or not stand the film (if you check my top 50 list this film is in there, while most of his other films have been on my worst list the year they have come out). I just don’t think the last 15 minutes matched the rest of the film. It tries to pull a kind of a Woody Allen’s Match Point sort of ending, and it trips and stumbles instead of sticks the landing.

Ok, ok, most of you that aren’t cinephiles are probably asking, “what is this movie Phantom Thread?” Well, first of all, it is supposed to be the great actor Daniel Day Lewis’ final film, because he is retiring from acting (we will see how long that lasts, anyone that says that misses it, and ends up coming back in 5 to 7 years). And the movie takes place in the 1950’s, and he plays a OCD dressmaker named Reynold Woodcock, where anyone that is anyone with money comes to him and his sister for them to make a dress for a requested occasion. He goes through women like Tic Tacs, loving and obsessed with them so much at first and then dump them at the first sign of annoyance. But then he meets a waitress named Alma, a woman that tries to permanently disrupt his perfectly tailored life and be the one woman he just can’t get rid of.

That’s about all I am going to say, because if I say any more, I would ruin the last crucial 30 minutes of the film. And like I said, really only the last fifteen minutes I didn’t care for. Paul Thomas Anderson does something that is actually pretty intriguing at first, and the story gets even more interesting than it already was. But then that thing is brought up again and the reactions, decisions, and ultimate climax motivations of the characters take another turn that I didn’t necessarily think matched with the rest of the film. But that’s probably just me. I think it could’ve went a lot of interesting ways, but instead told a too convenient easy, weird, and disturbing way out. Oh well. Like I said, it might work for you. *shrugs*

But the rest of the film is great. The actress that plays Alma (Vicky Krieps) is absolutely sensational, and I don’t understand why she isn’t getting any Oscar buzz this year. Every facial expression, look, and body movement is precisely calculated and she is extraordinary to watch. And of course, if this is Daniel Day Lewis’ final film, he goes out on a high note. He plays the OCD Reynolds Woodcock to perfection. Daniel Day Lewis absolutely sinks into this role, just like he does every other role, and while he did win the Oscar for Lincoln and My Left Foot, I think his performance here is even better. In fact, even though I didn’t like There Will Be Blood, his performance here is on par with that. Masterful. A class act. If this is his final film, he will e truly missed.

And I’ll repeat it again, the rest of the film is quite beautiful and sometimes even mesmerizing and hilarious. England in the 50s is shot to perfection. There is this scene where Reynolds and Alma try to get one of his dresses back from this debutante who is being a bit of a ditsy drunk at her own wedding and is disrespecting the dress. It is my favorite scene in the film and that and a handful of other scenes are just that great to watch. It is just a shame those last 15 minutes didn’t work. Otherwise it could’ve been higher and maybe even hit my top ten list. But I think the real breakthrough here is that I didn’t hate another Paul Thomas Anderson film. I don’t know what it is to you, but to me its a miracle among modern science. It is almost like me not thinking a Uwe Boll is terrible. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA, sorry about that will never happen.