Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: AVENGERS: ENDGAME (infinity% NO SPOILERS)

It’s here! FINALLY! No, I’m not talking about AVENGERS: ENDGAME but rather my review for it. You’ve been wanting to read this, I can just feel it (eyeroll)…even though I really can’t tell you shit about it. I promised infinity% no spoilers and that’s exactly what you are going to get. So how am I going to get around this intro? Hmmm…well, I can say it’s the best film of 2019 so far, and while I doubt it will reign at the top the whole year it is likely to stay in my top ten by Jan 2020. I can also tell you that it is a very satisfying finale. Never has anything every been done before that has been this grand. And even with Marvel already planning another decade of films, I doubt this is going to happen again. Eleven years of storytelling all culminating into one big three hour blockbuster (5 and a half if you count Infinity War). And the fact that it stuck the landing is just all the more commendable.

The movie is epic. All the action scenes are great. The special effects are top notch and on point. The writing is very, very clever. All the emotional scenes are…well emotional, and if you don’t have at least a lump in your throat several times throughout and at the end, then maybe these films really weren’t for you in the first place. This film makes Justice League look like The Room. Not the Brie Larson one. The Tommy Wiseau one. How this film didn’t feel like three hours is absolutely astonishing. The character arcs are mostly 100% fulfilling. The whole thing makes you wonder how this thing is going to continue (although it gives you subtle hints). The film takes its time and doesn’t feel rushed. The pacing is near perfect. How a superhero story can be on such a giant scale such as this and everything be near perfect on a narrative and emotional scale is unbelievable.

That’s not to say the film doesn’t have its problems. If you want to talk about it in person or in a private message I do have a couple of issues I could go into with explicit detail. I won’t reveal anything specific on here. But they are minor, and a couple might be explained better in future movies, especially Spider-Man: Far From Home in July. I can tell you without revealing anything at all is that I had a problem with some of the humor. Not Last Jedi level cringe worthy, but there were a couple of spots where I felt the movie held on for a punchline or a shot too long just to make sure the audience laughs because the screenplay told them to. One problem I had with the film I definitely could not be vocal about on social media or I’d get my fucking ass handed to me. If you’ve seen the movie, you know the scene I’m talking about.

And all the acting from everyone from their respective characters is incredible. Everyone did a good job. And if I could either start a petition now for Robert Downey Jr. to get a best supporting actor nod for his performance as Tony Stark here and it would make a difference, I would do it in a heartbeat. Him, Karen Gillan, and Chris Evans completely steal the show here. And of course Josh Brolin is great as Thanos once again, and solidifies his place as one of the best villains in MCU history, although his story was more in Infinity War than it was here. This is OUR heroes story. We cheer for them, we’ve followed them for more than a decade, so we need it to focus on them. And boy does it deliver in spades. The direction is good, the editing is great, the movie making on a technical sense I had absolutely no problems with. The Russo Brothers did a fantastic job, and I know they said they are taking a break from the MCU but I’d welcome them back anytime if they decided to change their minds.

Anyway, that’s it. That’s my review. That’s all I can say. I can’t say whether they wrap up storylines and/or character exits and I can’t say what I thought of them if they happen to have happened. That’s for you to go out and see for yourself, because you already know whether or not you are going to eventually see this film. If you’ve never seen a Marvel movie and all this hype peaks your interest, I definitely recommend for you to go and start from the beginning, Iron Man, and make your way with release date order, then go see Endgame. It is definitely worth it (although I suggest to take your time). It is a fantastic journey and I can’t believe I can say I was alive to witness every single one of them in the theater. Thinking about how lucky I am to have seen all this and how lucky you all are as well makes me have a little lump in my throat right now. As Tony Stark says in the trailer, “Part of the journey is the end.” An incredible journey this end was and I hope it is for all of you as well.


Zach’s Zany Ranking Of All The Marvel Cinematic Universe Films To Date

My list might be controversial in some areas, but fuck it, everyone else is making a list why shouldn’t I? If you don’t like my list, I really don’t care, LOL, make your own!

22. Thor: The Dark World

I think most of us could agree on this one being here right?

22. The Incredible Hulk

A slog to get through, the end is decent though. And a great after credits cameo at the time.

20. Iron Man 2

Another slog to get through, only the part with Black Widow at the end is truly something special. Feels like a gateway film just to get to The Avengers.

19. Iron Man 3

Feels like Shane Black misfired with the whole Ben Kingsley character deception. Has some cool moments but again, this is kind of a slog to get through. Being the first post Avengers story didn’t help.

18. Captain Marvel

I swear I’m not a woman hater, the entire fault on this is the script and the direction. Brie Larson made the best of what she had, but this movie should’ve been something special and wasn’t.

17. Doctor Strange

Yeah, yeah, Benedict what’s his face is great and the visuals are spectacular but the story is too straight forward, ho-hum, and Rachel McAdams was truly wasted here as an actress. I liked the funny ending though. Huge villain problem in this.

16. Ant-Man and The Wasp

Was it me or did it feel like Paul Rudd was pushed to the side to make way for an all Evangeline Lilly movie? I mean it’s fine. Paul Rudd is still great and Lilly is great too and their chemistry is great. But the story is BLAH. It had one of the cooler after credits, but that isn’t a movie.

15. Avengers: Age of Ultron

Basically the same movie as the first but with robots instead of aliens and in a different country. I do think though that this is the point where Marvel Studios knew where they were headed, hence that really dumb Thor cave scene explaining the Infinity Stones. A couple of good action beats, but it felt like studio tinkering with Joss Whedon’s vision (hehe, pun). Also, Ultron who now?

14. Ant-Man

I really would’ve loved to see Edgar Wright’s version of this film. But I think he wanted something really wacky and out of the norm, and Marvel Studios wasn’t buying it. Instead we get a half way decent heist film with some good Paul Rudd moments. Who doesn’t love Paul Rudd?

13. Thor

If you watch Thor and Thor The Dark World back to back, it is just amazing how the first Thor still holds up pretty well. Chris Hemsworth’s performance, stunning visuals. This is when Marvel was finally getting a little weird. Two Words: Tom Hiddleston. The ending left a lot to be desired though.

12. Black Panther

I think we are about a little halfway through the list and yes, this film is definitely overrated. Should not have been nominated for best picture, but is still pretty decent. Good performances by all, especially Michael B. Jordan, giving us one of the best villains ever in Erik Killmonger. If only the ending didn’t have really shitty CGI.

11. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

I know this film has a lot of detractors, especially for the films true villain not being revealed until the climax, but I had a lot of fun with this film. It has a bunch of cool moments, and a killer soundtrack to boot. And the gang still felt like the gang. Can’t wait to see what James Gunn has for Vol. 3

10. Thor Ragnorak

For some reason most of my family hates this film. Well, they are in the minority. I loved this. Easily the best Thor film. I loved the drastic change, and it felt like Chris Hemsworth finally embraced the wackiness of his character. Director Taika Waititi did an amazing job and gave us more of the weird Jeff Goldblum we know and love. Loved Tessa Thompson as Valkyrie, only thing the film needed more was a little more Cate Blanchett.

9. Captain America: The First Avenger

Can’t believe we have gotten this high on the list and finally got to a Captain America film. They are that DAMN GOOD. This one is a nice throwback to adventure movie films. This made Chris Evans a star, and it reminded me a lot of The Rocketeer. All good things.

8. Guardians of the Galaxy

Yep, the first one is high on here. No doubt about it. Marvel going full wacky, and it works. The group dynamic is perfect, and the visuals and story left us wanting more. Wish there was a better villain though.

7. Avengers: Endgame

While the film certainly brought an epic as fuck conclusion and managed to not undo everything so easily (I was surprised how much thought and care went into not just reversing the snap right when it happened), it is definitely not the best Marvel film to date. Still pretty solid though, although it suffers from all the time travel rules and shit you have to constantly think about and double back on your own assumptions. Two great arcs come to a very wonderful and emotional close, one (you probably know which one) I felt was too rushed and didn’t explain a whole lot and makes me not look forward to the prequel film that is rumored to be announced soon.

6. Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Some of you have this as the best MCU film. While I disagree for a number of reasons, I still rank it high as fuck. It’s has that whole great Hydra reveal, and the action was top notch and on point (the directors of this went on to Infinity War and Civil War). I just maybe wish there was more to Winter Soldier’s story. Well there is, but it is in another movie…

5. Captain America: Civil War

This one! That story I wanted told was in this one! A two-three punch on the list. Although this feels more like Avengers 2.5 than anything, I loved almost everything about this film, yes even the “you killed my mommy thing at the end.” I wish Baron Zemo was in it more as he basically divided the Avengers until possibly Endgame. The whole airport scene and intro to Black Panther and Spider-Man were just fucking great.

4. Avengers: Infinity War

You thought I had this at #1 didn’t you? Shame on you. Infinity War is great, and there will never probably be a greater downer ending in the MCU after Thanos’s snap. All the stories of all the characters we’ve come to know culminates in this and their even distribution weight between their stories is near perfect. The one thing that bothers me is the Starlord decision writing. I don’t think that character would’ve done that, but that’s just me

3. Iron Man

The original. The first MCU film. Still holds up incredibly well 11 years later because of Robert Downey Jr’s very special and incredible performance. Also reminded me of the great Rocketeer with all the suit experimentation before getting it perfect the way he wanted it. This is one of the best if not perfect origin stories of all time.

2. Spider-Man: Homecoming

Maybe the best Spider-Man film yet? Possibly a toss up between this and Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man 2? The debate will range on, but one thing is for sure. This gets everything about Spider-Man completely right. Tom Holland is a superstar, and you are not. Michael Keaton also made a great villain, and the little twist reveal at the end I did not see coming at all. Kudos, Marvel.

  1. The Avengers

Well, to me, the best MCU film is the first one where all the introduced heroes so far teamed up. You got a great bad guy with Loki coming to the forefront to lead a giant Chitauri army against New York. Perfectly directed by Joss Whedon, this film has the most replay value. Everything about it is as perfect as a movie could get. That is until Justice League came out…..HAHA, just kidding, fuck that piece of shit movie, this will remain a superhero classic for decades to come. I’m glad I was along (and still am) for the ride. Seeing this on an IMAX screen was just something else entirely.