Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: FEEL THE BEAT (Netflix)

Instead of my typically 3 to 5 boring paragraph review for FEEL THE BEAT, or what it should’ve been called, “Not Another Competition Movie,” that just debuted on Netflix a couple of weeks ago, I am going to just do a checklist of all Competition & Dance movie cliches and see how many boxes it checks. Per IMDB, Feel The Beat stars Disney’s The Descendants Sofia Carson and describes the film as: “After failing to find success on Broadway, April returns to her hometown and reluctantly is recruited to train a misfit group of young dancers for a big competition.” That’s really all you need to know, you can probably just fish all the cliches out of the one sentence can’t you? Okay, let’s just dive right in shall we?

  • Protagonist fails in his/her career and she ends up trying to train a bunch of misfits (child, teen, or adult) in what she was good at to get back into his/her career
  • Protagonist wants to quit training these misfits at the beginning, but eventually the misfits get better and they all grow an everlasting bond
  • Protagonist has an ‘ex’ that they either left or had a bad break-up with before this career took off, where they spend the whole movie flirting and finally hook up near the end
  • After forming a bond with the misfits, the opportunity arises, MID COMPETITION MIND YOU, to get back into the protagonist’s career, and at first he/she takes the job, but that bond that they established earlier makes he/she have a chance of heart
  • But if you are a really oooey-gooey competition/dance movie, even though you leave the new job to go back to your group of misfits, somehow you still keep that job while still being a teacher to them in the end. Basically, you have your cake and eat it too.
  • One of the misfits the protagonist is trying to train is related to the old/new love interest
  • You have a bumbling moron of a assistant teacher, most likely a mom or dad that is a few tacos short of a combination plate.
  • At the beginning of the competition, where the protagonist’s group of misfits still suck ass and embarass themselves in the first leg of the contest, a technicality or a disqualification from another team will send you to the next round regardless of how terrible the group is
  • The competition sequences combined with the music are the only decent parts in the movie.
  • The Protagonist only has one supporting parent left, either by a tragic death or one of them was an asshole and left them both early in life. (this one parent left is barely in the film).
  • EXTRA #11: The Protagonists lose their career at the beginning because they have a mishap in a giant city like New York with the person that evaluates them not minutes later. (In this movie’s case, Sofia Carson steals the cab of the Broadway dance director that ends up running into her on the stage just minutes later. Out of HOW GOD DAMN BIG NEW YORK IS, THE ODDS OF THAT ARE NEAR FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE).

Alright, I think that’s enough. So how many of those boxes does Feel The Beat give a check mark to out of those ten? EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ONE. It’s kind of funny actually, that Eurovision Contest movie I just reviewed a couple of days ago, this checks off a lot of those cliched boxes as well. There’s a but coming, and here it is: this movie isn’t for someone like me, especially if it is straight to VOD/Netflix. I enjoy the occasional Pitch Perfect every now and then, but a movie like that manages to reinvent the genre just a tad rather than completely sticking to the rule book. Either that or the dialogue and chemistry of the lead and/or group makes up for its misgivings. Feel The Beat is a straight to video Netflix film with a small ass budget. It doesn’t have time to do new shit or reinvent anything. This completely sticks to the rule book and doesn’t change a thing about the genre. It has been on Netflix’s top ten most watched programs the past couple of weeks now, which is why I ended up checking it out (I hadn’t even heard of it until I saw it on the list). Sofia Carson also can’t act. Her transformation is completely unbelievable here, and the dialogue doesn’t help her in the slightest. The ragtag group of kids, save for the one that is related to Carson’s ex-boyfriend, are pretty unmemorable. The ex-boyfriend is also too Tom Cruisey Smiley McSmileson, it was so God damn annoying. This whole movie is annoying, unmemorable and very, very cheesy. However, if you are a sucker for that ooey-gooey feel good shit right now, or these movies are usually your jam, especially in these butt fucking unbearable times, I feel ya if you end up liking the beat.

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