Tag: The Lodge

Zach’s Zany FINAL Top 20 Films Of 2020

Hello again so soon! You probably saw this longer post coming though, as I had posted little mini blurbs for my final shittiest films of 2020 list last week. If you are a long time follower of my reviews, best of/worst of lists, what not, you’ll know that my final picks, on both lists, are very rare right before the start of the new year. Usually I will post my worst of list a week or two into January, and then my best of list the last week of January. This is because some 2020 films that qualify for the Oscars are only released in New York and LA right before the end of the year and aren’t available to the little people like me until mid January. As as we all know, this year has been quite strange because of the virus that shall not be named. There are a lot of “Best of 2020” films on mainstream critics list that you won’t see on here and you wouldn’t have seen me review the past couple of months either…mainly because they don’t release to the general public until late next month, or fuck, even late February because of the minor delay in not only the Golden Globes telecast, but the Academy Awards extending 2020 eligibility until late February this oh so special shitty year. I made the decision early on that you won’t see films like Pieces of a Woman, Nomadland, One Night In Miami, and French Exit on my lists because I don’t want to give you a best of 2020 list in late February. Because of the virus that shall not be named, you can’t even see the once blurry line separating one year’s films to the next anymore.

So from now on, even after this whole bullshit virus that shall not be named situation has went away, I will be counting films that I see that are released each year between January 1st 12:01 am and December 31st 11:59 pm central standard time on my lists. If I see a movie that was released between that ‘EXACTLY A YEAR’ period AFTER THAT PERIOD, I will still review them, but not put them on any lists because I don’t feel like pulling my hair out changing them. There are some movies that I don’t want to push off my lists even for other that are better or worse at that point. For example, I plan to see Monster Hunter with my good friend Josh on January 1st. It came out December 18th. So even if it is a giant piece of shit, the shittiest shit I have ever seen, it will not be on my 2020 or 2021 worst list. It’s just a shitty movie I’ve seen stuck in between the blur of all the other shitty movies I’ve seen in my life time that is one giant blur in itself. Another example for a potential great movie, when Nomadland eventually releases in February, and if I actually love the film, it will now be counted on my 2021 best of list. Not 2020. Because of this stupid fucking release schedule. Because these movies MUST be shown in theaters apparently and not just released on streaming for shitty, selfish, and greedy reasons. Everyone has had to adapt this year, and so am I, but on MY TERMS. Anyway, what am I doing still yapping about my rules? You’ve come to read my stupid little blurbs on movies that I’ve done reviews on already earlier in the year. Little blurbs explaining why these films are in my FINAL Top 20 of 2020 list. I promise you that I will not overstay my welcome on most of my small explanations. This is just backing up the list that you saw published a day or so ago on Facebook and Instagram with paperwork.

BLACKJACK 21: BORAT SUBSEQUENT MOVIE FILM and THE WRETCHED

So instead of a giant, long honorable mentions list, each year I do a “BLACKJACK 21” where, just like a Blackjack perfect 2 card hand, I pick 2 movies that I felt horrible for kicking off my Top 20 list that I would still like to give praise to.

When I first watched BORAT SUBSEQUENT MOVIE FILM, I laughed my fucking ass off and wanted to sing the praises of the performance that Maria Bokolova made as Borat’s daughter. And it was on my top 20 list for the last two months. Unfortunately for it, and other comedies of its kind, in subsequent viewings, the movie doesn’t quite hold up as well as it did on that first hilarious outing. You start to see the cracks in the film, such as Borat doesn’t really trick that many real people into saying really horrible shit this time around. And finding out that some sequences were staged more than you thought they were doesn’t help either. But, Maria Bokolova’s performance and the character arc of Borat accepting and loving his daughter even though she is a woman, worked better as a story than it did in the original, even though the original’s pranks and laughs still hold up and are much stronger than this sequel’s is. But I still wanted to give Sascha Baron Cohen some praise for making me laugh really hard initially in this shitty shitty year.

And now THE WRETCHED or “The little low budget horror film that could that made a boat load of money in drive-in theaters when regular theaters were closed due to the virus that shall not be named.” It’s actually a decent film and the reason why I mainly wanted to sing it’s praises even though it’s not on my top twenty list, is because after subsequent viewings, the movie is still scary and creepy as fuck, and THAT TWIST ENDING. The twist at the end makes the whole movie, as I hadn’t ever seen a twist like that before and the little tiny clues hinting at it throughout are wonderful to catch after multiple viewings. Quite brilliant. If my list were to extend, The Wretched would probably be #21 and Borat 2 would be #22. I think though they make a perfect movie Blackjack hand for a year where it seemed like the house always won. In this case, the house is the virus that shall not be named.

20. THE HUNT

Let’s call this film the little political commentary that could, shall we? This film has somehow managed to survive my list, even though it came out all the way back in March (then again there are 5 others that have as well, a couple even before March). It also was one of the last couple of films to hit theaters right before the virus that shall not be named shut them all down. When I first saw it, in a theater thankfully, I thought it was good, but not great. But after 3 or 4 subsequent viewings, viewing it each time with a new audience by my side, and getting all the little tidbits and jokes that I somehow didn’t catch before, it turned into a great 90 minute thrill ride.

19. BAD EDUCATION

The only movie on my list that probably should be considered a made for television movie (it was nominated for Emmy’s and not Oscar’s after all). It premiered on HBO exclusively, but you know what? Fuck it, it’s THAT type of year, and I decided that I enjoyed it so, so much (Hugh Jackman gives one of the best performances of his career), and the fact that it was once initially supposed to go to theaters but I think was bought by HBO even before the pandemic, that I’m including it on my list here. It’s a very enjoyable dramedy that is better watched if you don’t know anything about the real life event it is depicting.

18. BIRDS OF PREY: HARLEY QUINN

Yeah, I could spell out the whole title, but 2020 has made me lazy, so fuck it, you know what movie I’m talking about. This movie is one of those to hit theaters a little bit before the shut down that managed to survive my list (this pick used to be Bad Boys For Life, but after subsequent viewings of both, Birds of Prey easily holds up better). Margot Robbie IS HARLEY QUINN. And the more realistic and smaller, more down to Earth, story/vibe that takes place in the bigger DCEU is a delight to behold. And the plot revolving around the catalyst and need for the perfect breakfast egg sandwich? Brilliant.

17. THE LODGE

I’ll put this simply, if you love or hate mostly psychological horror movies like Hereditary and/or Midsommar, you will love or hate The Lodge. If Ari Aster had made this, it would’ve been a perfect horror seasonal trilogy. For right now it is a spiritual horror seasonal trilogy until Ari Aster’s third film comes out. A dark and brooding horror in the winter time with an insane twist.

16. FATMAN

Mel Gibson plays Santa Claus in a realistic down to Earth dark world where a little shit spoiled rich child hires a hitman, played by Walton Goggins, to bring him Santa’s head because he’s pissed he got a lump of coal in his stocking for Christmas. THAT’S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW FOR WHY THIS MOVIE IS ON MY LIST.

15. FREAKY

A entertaining as fuck new spin on the body switch movie by turning it into a Friday the 13th like horror film. It also holds a fantastic performance by Vince Vaughn, and one of the few movies to be released in theaters after they re opened up after shut down. Easy-peasy why this film is on my list.

14. LOVE AND MONSTERS

This was supposed to release Feb 2021, but Paramount upped the date and put it on streaming so they could cash in on people being bored at home. They made the right decision. The movie is entertaining as hell and probably got more eyes on it than if it would have premiered in theaters this next uncertain 2021. I loved every minute of it. Fantastic creature effects.

13. LET HIM GO

Close in its release date to Freaky, Let Him Go also managed to push past the storm and release in theaters after they reopened after the shut down. A modern day Western drama and part thriller that tells a simple story of a couple of grandparents loving their grandson so much that they want to get him away from the dangerous family he’s currently living with ( their son died and his wife married an abusive asshole). This filmed touched my soul because of my parents everlasting love to my son, their grandson, Grayson. The whole movie reminded me of them. It also had some stand up and cheer kill moments in the third act that made me emotional as well.

12. THE GENTLEMEN

The earliest released film of 2020 that is on this list, Guy Ritchie has easily made his best gangster film and general film since Snatch and made up for the very shitty Disney Aladdin remake he had his hand in in 2019. ‘Nuff said.

11. PROMISING YOUNG WOMAN

The first of three very recently released movies on this list, Promising Young Woman also braved the theaters during these hard times and managed to turn the comedic revenge drama on its head with not only a powerful performance by Carey Mulligan but a gut punch of a twist ending that you won’t see coming. It will make you or break you, and since it is on this list, it obviously made me.

10. THE INVISIBLE MAN

Another film that hit theaters a little bit before everything shut down. Leigh Whannell managed to give us his best combo written and directed film yet with some expert camera shots, a slap in the face twist scene in the middle of the film that you won’t see coming, and an expertly written ending. Oh, and another wonderful performance by Elizabeth Moss.

9. THE DEVIL ALL THE TIME

This film is either really great for some people, or really meh to the rest. I’m in the great category. This film reminded me of some fantastic dramas of the 90s like Sleepers and The Shawhsank Redemption. One of Netflix’s best original films ever released for sure.

8. SYNCHRONIC

A film that not only braved the storm and released in theaters after reopening, but doubled down by not simultaneously releasing on streaming, in fact, as of this writing, there is no place to watch it (it comes out to buy, rent and stream finally January 12th). But please do watch it eventually, and don’t let anyone ruin the story for you, even though as a hint of what it’s about, it has a tiny tiny….VERY VERY TINY bit in common with my #1 pick on this list. They both do different things with their similar concepts is all I will say.

7. SPONTANEOUS

The best romantic drama of 2020 that has all along tried to be labeled as a romantic comedy, even though it’s story is about a group of students in the same year class at a high school that spontaneously combust into bloody explosions for no reason. A very well written and smart film that I guess you could also label as the best film of 2020 that has a pandemic like plot structure, even though it was made WAYYYYYY before the pandemic in 2019. Excellent performance by 13 Reasons Why’s Katherine Langford as well.

6. WONDER WOMAN 1984

Fuck the haters, I love this film. If you are one of the ones bashing it to death, then you ARE A FUCKING SIMPLETON. I don’t care, I said it. You want to be one of those little assholes that only like your superhero films with clear cut good guys and bad guys in an all out brawl at the end of the film? Be my God damn guest. I want something different, and this “Monkey’s Paw/Wish Upon A Wonder Woman” story fit that bill for me. I’m tired of the same ol’ same ol’ action sequence upon action sequence trying to save the world from a giant baddie story. It’s been done to death. Fuck some of you simpletons. Seriously.

5. THE TRIAL OF THE CHICAGO 7

An Aaron Sorkin written and directed fantastic dialogue court room drama about a startling event in our nation’s history. You can ALWAYS sign me up for that stuff.

4. SOUL

If there is a clear cut winner this year of film releases, it really isn’t the writer and director of my #1 pick, it’s Disney/Pixar. That’s because, spoiler alert for my list: my #3 pick is also Disney/Pixar. They managed to release two soulful (pun intended) animated films that hit me in the feels with every single frame and made me choke up and bawl with happiness in their climaxes (not to mention Disney basically won my heart already with the 2nd near perfect season of The Mandalorian). One movie asks the question: what is our purpose in life? The other is about family and brotherly love. The latter wins because it made me think of my brothers and my son Grayson and I haven’t cried like that during a film since the end of E.T. I cried just a little at the end of this one though. They are really tied with how well made and thought provoking they are.

3. ONWARD

This came out right before theaters shut down as well. And it didn’t make that much money it’s opening weekend because of the giant fear the virus that will not be named was starting to invoke with people. Fuck that shit, I still saw it in theaters and if you want to know the reason why it is #3 on my list, read my description of #4 again. I love you Disney/Pixar. Always have, always will.

2. PALM SPRINGS

Who fucking knew that a ANDY SAMBERG starring film, one that was also released as a HULU AND NOT NETFLIX ORIGINAL would be #2 on my best of list? Seriously, not even I could’ve predicted that. This films plays with the Groundhog Day formula the best I’ve seen since that original Bill Murray film. It’s funny, touching, smart, funny, well acted, emotional, funny, hilarious, hilarious, hilarious, fun, and did I already mention funny? It’s everything that one needs in a comedy. And it holds up perfectly on multiple repeating viewings.

  1. TENET

Which brings us to my #1 pick, the most non-shocking pick of them all if you even know me well at all…Christopher Nolan’s new time concept thriller. The man loves to play with time. Memento, Interstellar, my favorite film of all time; Inception. He’s a master of the ‘What If Time Were Like This’ concepts. Here is no different. Just like my #6 pick, fuck the haters on this one too. You fucking simpletons either didn’t like it and gave it a bad review for one of several stupid reasons:

a. you were pissed that Christopher Nolan said fuck the pandemic, didn’t have his film release delayed any more and just put it out into theaters even though they were still shut down in New York and California (FUCK YOU CUOMO AND NEWSOM, I HOPE YOU CONTRACT THE VIRUS AND DIE). EVEN THOUGH NOT ONE OUTBREAK OF THE VIRUS HAS BEEN LINKED TO A REOPENED THEATER AND THEIR SAFETY PROTOCOLS AND CLEANLINESS HAVE BEEN TOP NOTCH EVER SINCE THEY REOPENED IN LATE JUNE. AGAIN, FUCK YOU ALL.

b. you didn’t understand the film, because you are a stupid motherfucking dumb ass simpleton. Yeah, again, I said it. Fuck you.

c. again, you are just that stupid and petty

Granted the sound editing and mixing could’ve been better in theaters, but this movie is still a masterpiece in my mind. I’ve seen it multiple times now and I still don’t get bored with any second of it. The regular editing of this film is perfect, the fact that there are less than 300 special effect shots in this is astonishing, almost all practical effects…just wow. That’s all I have left to say: WOW.

If you aren’t one of the simpletons mentioned above, thanks for reading. I’m just going to end it there. Saying anything about how 2021 should be is a jinx in itself. Just keep watching those movies, no matter how they are released…as long as they are released! NO. MORE. DELAYS!

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: THE LODGE (no spoilers)

One giant way of knowing that you love a motion picture is if you still love it even if you correctly guess the entire outcome of a film. I guessed early on correctly what was really going on in THE LODGE but even as the end credits started to roll I was still deeply invested in everything that I witnessed in this fantastic no cheap jump scares, atmospheric, and disturbing horror movie. If it seems like I harp and ridicule most wide modern audience horror films nowadays (like the recent terrible The Grudge reboot) its because they deserve to be torn apart. The only thing those kinds of film are good for are to elicit cheap jump scares for dumb tweens to get their temporary orgasmic kicks of reality escapism while trying to avoid the real horrors of the world. Movies like this don’t represent real horror that well. They don’t have themes, messages, or contain anything beyond the fact that “this thing jumped out at me with this loud musical crescendo so it made my heart jump into my throat and since its not happening to me in real life combined with the fact that it in no way could happen in general (be that the cheap scare is the pop up of a zombie, vampire, ghost, or whatever the fuck), this is the exact shit I need to escape reality for an hour and a half to two hours.” No…fuck you. You don’t know horror films you amateur fuck. True horror films are something like this, Hereditary, Midsommar, and even though I didn’t care much for them, films like It Comes At Night, The Witch or The Lighthouse because they don’t produce many jump scares (if any at all) they seep into your fucking mind and make you fear that you could wind up in a situation like that, because they provoke a real sense of reality. If you didn’t like ANY of the films I mentioned above, YOU. DO. NOT. KNOW. HORROR.

As you can see my review is going beyond just the film I saw last night and basically just filler because I don’t really want to about The Lodge much. Well I do, but I want to talk about it privately to people that have actually seen it. And it’s not because it was bad and I have a bunch of jokes why it sucks or anything like that, it’s because it is best to go into this film completely and utterly fucking dark. Don’t even watch a trailer to it. I really don’t want to say anything about it beyond the fact that it deals with two kids that are trapped in a big cabin/lodge place out in the middle of bum fuck nowhere with a woman that is to be their new stepmother. I don’t want to talk about how it gets to them even ending up in that situation. I don’t want to talk about the back story of the new stepmother to be. I especially don’t want to talk about the ending. I don’t want to talk about how it deals with mental illness even better than that boring Horse Girl movie on Netflix that I just reviewed that was a slog to get through. It’s better not knowing anything at all about this movie other than the title and the synopsis that I just gave that was as generic as I could come up with without giving anything away. I can only talk about several things, one is giant praise, one is a minor complaint (my only one about this terrific film), and one is about the acting.

Let’s start off with the minor complaint: the two kids have a father in the film, who sets up this “spend Christmas family time together” at this lodge/cabin so that way they get to know their future stepmother. But after a very short time at the place, he goes off on a work emergency for several days. And yes, they do set up that he’s a very busy man at work before he just deserts his future wife and two kids, but it felt like a forced plot convenience just to get the three of them alone for the horror to start to happen. There could’ve been better alternative solutions to get the father out of the picture such as maybe going into town for supplies but then a blizzard just suddenly comes in and he’s stuck there for several days (the blizzard happens anyway but the work is still the excuse). If I was a father with my two kids, and wanted to spend family time for them to get to know my future wife, there is no way in fucking hell I’d ditch them for several days for my job. I would want to be in on that wholesome family time so I would make sure everything at my job can be handled so that it could survive on its own a week, and I would ESPECIALLY NOT LEAVE MY KIDS ALONE WITH SOMEONE THEY HARDLY FUCKING KNEW. ESPECIALLY when you learn early on in the film the background her character went through when she was younger. No fucking way I’d leave them alone. That’s the only part of the film that felt outlandish and sort of stupid to me. Easily could’ve been rectified with different ideas, but this is mostly forgivable due to the rest of the film being so damn good.

Which gets me to the giant praise: UTTERLY FUCKING FANTASTIC MOOD, ATMOSPHERE, AND DISTURBING IMAGERY/SITUATIONS/IDEAS. There are maybe one or two earned jump scares throughout the film, and literally no other cheap jump scares in sight. This horror film is meant to dig deep into your mind, where you are thinking about it at night, days after you see it. It is meant to get under your skin and make you afraid that something like that could happen to you. It’s so very, very, very, very well done, and the only thing I could compare it to nowadays is that it felt like a more somber & depressing yet more realistic take on themes presented in Hereditary and Midsommar. Albeit this one is definitely more religious than the other two…but in a good way. The acting is the last bit I will say about the movie with praise without giving anything away. While Alicia Silverstone (yes, Cher from Clueless) and Richard Armitage have small yet effective roles, this is a three person show that consists of the Riley Keough, Lia McHugh, and you may know the great Jaeden Martrell from his main role as Bill Denborough in the new Stephen King IT movies. The perfect performance in this goes to Riley Keough, playing the loving, yet shy, yet may be truly disturbed new stepmother to be. It is another horror acting performance that you will eventually put down in the “All Time Great Horror Roles” alongside other recent performances such as Toni Collette from Hereditary and Florence Pugh from Midsommar. She’s just that good, especially in the final act. All right, that’s it, no more, I’m done.

If you don’t enjoy films like this, or you won’t even give them a chance, and want to stick to your dumb cheap jump scare silly ‘horror’ films, then why bother even going to the movies, because you are literally getting zilch out of watching those films. It’s like you are buying and eating a cheesecake from Walmart, when in reality if you just made the effort, and drove a little further, you could pick up a fresh delicious piece from The Cheesecake Factory. I enjoyed and loved almost every bite here. The film was written and directed by a Severin Fiala and Veronika Franz, and I’ll admit, I am not familiar with them or their work, but I plan on checking out some. They do a great job with both duties here and hopefully they stick to this genre, we need more of it to flush out the cheap shit. I’m really surprised that filmmaker Ari Aster had nothing to do with this film. Because if Hereditary was a great horror representation of Fall, and Midsommar was a great horror representation of Spring or Summer, then The Lodge is a great horror presentation of Winter. If Ari Aster had anything to do with this he’d be only one film away from completing a perfect Horror Season Solstice Anthology. Alas, his name isn’t anywhere on this and it is just a great film to watch with the other two: Midsommar a perfect appetizer, Hereditary the main course, and then finally The Lodge as a sweet, sweet dessert.