Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: THE HIGHWAYMEN (Netflix)

You might have noticed I’ve been reviewing Netflix movies a lot lately. Damn straight, I pay for the service don’t I? And I can just watch Friends, The Office, and Parks and Recreation over and over and over again. And I have a lot of To Be Determined on my top movies of the year, and need to fill it out without spending my money at the theater on shitty films like Miss Bala or Dumbo. Anyway, this just came out like last week, and I’ve seen the original Bonnie and Clyde with Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway, and was interested to watch what the other side did to *spoiler alert if you aren’t a history person* gun them down in the end. It’s directed by John Lee Hancock, who is hated by my many Austin movie friends on Facebook (they think he is a giant hack). Well, I mean, at least he made it into the business guys. But I agree, he’s a just point and shoot director with no vision. He’s directed only 6 films, and I’ve only really liked two of them. The Founder…and this is #2.

While The Highwaymen is just another point and shoot affair by him, the material is elevated by the screenplay, the acting from both Kevin Costner and Woody Harrelson, and the cinematography. I didn’t live in Texas back then, but I heard the whole thing was shot in Texas, and it feels like it. It captures that essence perfectly. And the ventual take down of Bonnie and Clyde I read was filmed right where they were taken down, which was pretty damn cool. The problem with Bonnie and Clyde, and why they got captured was that they had too much of a pattern, and these two retired Texas Rangers, played by Costner and Harrelson, picked up on it super fast when a lot of other people of authority couldn’t.

This film isn’t the be all end all of Netflix films, mind you, but it is quite good. Harrelson and Costner usually always bring their A game and here is no different. I also loved the way Bonnie and Clyde are represented. They barely show their faces, they are mostly dark silhouettes, monsters without a face, killing innocent people. How the movie with Beatty and Dunaway made them not seem too bad, even though they killed a lot of people, this movie makes them the monsters that they deserved to look like back then. They are a mean, powerful force, making them mythical ghosts that people at that time thought were impossible to kill. That part of the film is quite interesting.

The film has several slow parts (it could’ve been shorter and not 2 hrs and 12 mins long), especially when the movie tries to bring an arc and humanity to Costner and Harrelson’s characters…you know, those obligatory scenes where they talk about their past and how they might’ve been monsters themselves at one point even though they were upholding the law. But that’s okay, because if that was missing from the movie, I, and other critics, would just complain that it was missing that aspect. It could’ve been spruced up a bit. And I would’ve loved to see more of Kathy Bates than her literal two scenes playing first Woman Governor of Texas Ma Ferguson. Best part she’s had in years and she’s in it for less than 10 minutes.

Anyway, it’s a pretty solid Netflix view. Unless you really hate the director, who hails from Texas, then this film will not change your mind about him (you know who you are). But everything other than some slow parts are good, and I love that you could kind of watch this film with the original Beatty Bonnie and Clyde as a double feature to give you some perspective on the whole manhunt from both sides. I’m sure a better screenwriter and better director could’ve made a masterful film, but other than superheroes and sequels, what studio other than Netflix is going to take on a film like this these days?

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: VELVET BUZZSAW (Netflix)

VELVET BUZZSAW just came out on Netflix this past weekend and I watched it in two sittings, so since its technically a movie that came out in 2019, I’m here to review it. And I’m not saying it is technically a movie just because its on Netflix, I’m saying its technically a movie because it has actors, characters, a plot, a beginning, middle, and end, and it is feature length. However, this movie lacks that one thing that I constantly bitch about if you are a constant reader of my reviews: focus. It lacks focus. And the infuriating part of it is that it has two central focal points, however they don’t really mesh together here very well. One of the focal points (we’ll get to what they are in a second) is pretty damn fantastic the first half of the film, then the second focal point doesn’t really deliver at all, and when meshing with the first one, makes a back half that drags and delivers a ho-hum of an ending. I’m actually a bit disappointed, seeing that this was from Dan Gilroy, writer and director of the fantastic film Nightcrawler.

And then he made Roman J. Israel Esq. which I think I enjoyed more than most people (story/plot wise), especially Denzel Washington’s Academy Award nominated performance, even though it never even closely reached the heights of Nightcrawler. Velvet Buzzsaw never reaches the heights of either movie, save for Jake Gyllenhaall’s performance. The film is about a supernatural presence in artworks that kills artists, gallery owners, art critics, etc. after a woman (played by Zawe Ashton) ‘steals’ a bunch of exquisite paintings by an unknown artist. When I say ‘steals’, she actually happens to find his dead body on the stairwell in her apartment complex, find out he has no next of kin, and just goes searching in his apartment after the super says they are going to throw everything out.

Suffice to say that the movie tries to blend art world parody and horror, and while it gets the former correct, the latter is done so lazily and uninteresting that I found myself pausing the movie after every couple of minutes just to see how much I actually had left to watch. The horror isn’t even scary, and if not scary, it needs to be funny in a farce kind of way, and it doesn’t do either. And when the film focuses on the horror, it completely ignores that art world parody that came before it, leading to the scenes in the back half of the film being an unfocused, lazy, boring, terrible mess. Also another problem with the film is that there are absolutely no likable characters, I guess save for one, played by Stranger Thing’s Natalia Dyer, but then her character is just regulated to her spouting off a couple of sentences about needing a job and finding all the dead body’s this supernatural presence is stacking up.

Jake Gyllenhaul is excellent here, and seems to always bring his A game when investing in a role, however his character doesn’t really have an arc until the very end of the film, and it seems rushed and wasted. Plus, I didn’t like his character. Rene Russo seems like she’s bored, Toni Collette as well. Daveed Diggs looks like he is there doing someone a favor, and Zawe Ashton, who should have the most rounded arc of anyone in the cast, is terribly unlikable and the ending to her story was infinite degrees of dumb. John Malkovich is also terribly wasted here too. It seems like the characters motivations and action were traded in for story, which upends the film. When looking back at it, it seems Dan Gilroy had a great half a film, in which it completely parodies the art world and the people involved in it. The other half wasn’t realized and spruced up enough screenplay wise, making a film that goes together like oil and water.

None of the horror or death scenes are inventive or scary. Dan Gilroy doesn’t even do the modern audience a favor and bring in cheap jump scares to just liven the film up a bit. The characters just die in really lazy ways, with either terrible CGI spray blood or even fucking off screen (you don’t do this if you have a R/TV-MA rating). When watching the trailer to this, I was quite intrigued to see the new ride that Gilroy was going to give us. But now that his films clearly having a pattern of being not as good as the last one, I am a little shaken thinking of how his fourth feature could be worse than this. Is he a one-two trick pony going the way of Shyamalan? We’ll see…