Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: JOJO RABBIT

If you are starting to read this asking what the fuck JOJO RABBIT is, you’ve probably seen some marketing of the film regarding a small boy that has childish version of Adolf Hitler as an imaginary friend. Have an inkling now? Okay, here we go. The movie is absolutely delightful, funny, yet devastating and smart. Just as the advertising will tell you, it is an anti-hate satire, and while I was afraid it was going to nail those messages on the head without the audience letting them figure out for itself, I’m thankful that it only had a little of that, and didn’t treat people as if they were idiots. It is considered to be an Oscar contender, and I’d say deservedly so, especially for writing based on another medium, and for Scarlett Johansson for a best supporting actress nomination, heck I’d even support a Best Picture nod at this moment . While the film deals mainly with a big even in human beings checkered pasts (the Holocaust), it is something we can then relate to the events of today. It tries to get into the viewers head with not just straight up messages and information, but also providing genuine laughs and well earned heart to earn your respect.

Jojo Rabbit’s plot is pretty simple. Along with the imaginary Adolf Hitler angle presented before, this movie starts out with the little boy going to a Hitler Youth Nazi training camp, run by an oafish Captain, played spot-on by Sam Rockwell. The little boy’s mother, played by Scarlett Johansson, is secretly anti Nazi, wishing that her boy would view the world through her eyes. One day while the mother is away, the boy hears noises upstairs and inside the walls of his home. There he finds a Jewish girl, who his mother is secretly hiding. While they each can’t really tell on each other for reasons that will lead everyone to certain death, he starts to tolerate the older Jewish girl in his life and home, and well, you can probably see where the film goes character arc wise from there. The boy wrestles with his feelings for Jewish people throughout the whole film, all the while World War II comes dwindling to an end.

The satire here completely works. Writer/director Taika Waititi (Thor 3, What We Do In The Shadows, Hunt For The Wilderpeople) has crafted an amazing tale, easily making it his best film thus far. He also plays the goofy, cartoon like childish Adolf Hitler in the film, and provides most of the films huge laughs. Now, I have to warn you, the humor may not be for everyone, but seeing how I am reviewing it on a personal level, I think if you step back to look at the bigger picture and not get offended at every single damn thing there is to get offended about, you will realize the jokes are witty, precise, and all land on their feet. The movie has some hilariously amazing sequences and visuals. If you want a little insight on how Taika Waititi’s vision works, think of Wes Anderson films, but a little less symmetrical and definitely more fluid (don’t worry, I still think of Anderson as a very good filmmaker). Although I was worried at the very beginning as it kind of copies Edgar Wright’s fast “getting ready” sequences. You’ll see. Thankfully it was more of an homage and only does it that once. The best sequence in the film comes 2/3rds of the way into the movie, involving Stephen Merchant and a bunch of other Nazi’s invading the little boys home to do a search. The scene is artfully, masterfully, hilariously perfect. It provides laughs mixed with just the right amount of tension to keep you on the edge of your seat. I have a feeling that Waititi, when shooting this, knew that this was the centerpiece of his movie.

Now mind you, the movie isn’t all laughs. There are a couple of sad sequences, including a devastating punch in the gut sequence that I saw coming from a mile away but still hit me hard enough to the point where I had a giant lump in my throat. It visually kicks you in the nut feels and I don’t know how people are going to respond to it. The scene is set up from the beginning with several visual cues. Remember the age old film saying, “if you show something of importance in act one, it must come back at the end of act two, or somewhere in act three.” To be honest, I’m paraphrasing, as that saying is really supposed to be about showing a gun or weapon, but when you see the movie you’ll get what I mean. My point is that the movie mixes everything you could want in a movie (drama, action, laughter, etc) pretty damn near perfectly. And the film is exceptionally entertaining, never leaving the viewer a chance to doze off into boredom.

The acting here is also what elevates the impact of the movie. Playing the boy is a young actor named Roman Griffin Davis, his first role, and he nails every character beat that he needs to. I look forward to his work in the future. Sam Rockwell plays the Captain of the Hitler Youth Nazi Camp, and as we all know Sam Rockwell is good at playing a really bad racist, there is more to his character here that meets the eye, and the film does a fine job of hinting what that “more” is without completely peeling back the entire curtain for the audience. Rebel Wilson has never been better and Taiki Waiti steals a couple of huge laugh scenes as the cartoonish imaginary Adolf Hitler, but the two women that completely steal the movie from everyone involved would be Scarlett Johansson and Thomasin McKenzie, the latter playing the hidden Jewish girl in the boys home. Thomasin plays the girl with bravado, combining strength with uncertainty and vulnerability, scared that she might not be hidden for long, facing certain death, but also trying to change the hateful, racist thinking of this young boy.

But the one who is truly probably going to get a supporting nomination in the end is Scarlett Johansson as the boy’s mother. She is the true heart of the movie, her anti-hate speeches and talks with her son are the witty, yet serious highlights of the film. Scarlett Johansson nails the accent and visual comedy cues that is integral in making her character unique. And she is surprisingly in the film more than I thought she’d be, considering she is the “and” on the poster, which was delightful because she shined in every scene. But yeah, if you are an awards season obsessed honcho like myself, Jojo Rabbit is a must see for the awards season to come. It provides almost everything you look for in a movie, but instead of being just a copy cat of satire you’ve probably seen in many film before it, this has its own unique voice, separating itself from the pack and shining triumphant.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: THE KING (Netflix)

How come nobody is talking more about this historical drama epic of Henry V, Prince of Whales, that was just released on Netflix this past weekend? Another question: why isn’t anyone talking about Robert Pattinson’s over the top deliciously awesome off the wall bonkers supporting performance as The Dauphin of France in this? If you haven’t check out THE KING on Netflix yet, do so. Yes, it is 2 hrs and 20 minutes long (minus about 8-9 minutes of end credits) but you don’t feel the length at all. It is probably the most watchable medieval epic of it’s kind since Kingdom of Heaven (THE DIRECTOR’S CUT, not that awful theatrical garbage version). With these kind of period piece epic films, it usually only takes me 10-15 to know whether I am going to come out loving/liking it to being 100% absolutely bored. I knew in 5 minutes that I was hooked. The film tries not to be overly complicated on its audience, a very smart move indeed. It is entertaining as hell, has a great score, and has some supremely masterful sequences. Just another film that shows that Netflix maybe starting to take things seriously with this whole streaming wars coming to fruition.

The movie is based on several plays from William Shakespeare’s “Henriad”, which chronicles Richard II, Henry IV, Part 1, Henry IV, Part 2, and Henry V, of which I am not familiar. This film chronicles the origin of Henry V and his invasion of France. Timothe Chalamet stars as the titular hero, one who doesn’t want the crown at first, but after his father dies, assumes leadership and very quickly has to get it together for England and its people. considering he disagreed with many of his fathers decisions. The ruler of France keeps taunting and threatening Henry V, and while he doesn’t want to go to war at first, the escalation goes quickly out of hand to where it no longer can be ignored. Henry, or “Hal” to his close friends, feels like there isn’t that many people to trust, and he has to navigate the new world given to him without getting manipulated or killed in the process. Usually a film to this degree would be about 3 hours, with the droning on and on of politics. The King says “fuck you” to that by getting down to business early on and never letting up. The film doesn’t have much flashy dialogue that would make it hard for audiences to get into, but it does have solid dialogue, makes the viewer understand what is going on and not make one decipher every sentence like they probably had to do in English class during high school.

There are some spectacular sequences in this too. My favorite would have to be when Henry V and his army reaching the castle of Harfluer and then seizing it by throwing endless balls of fire at it using trebuchets. Another sequences, very late into the film, showing Henry V going into a giant battle, and all in this one take, showing him killing the enemy while almost being killed himself, in a sea of armored clad men with no faces. There is even a Raiders of the Lost Ark comedy duel late in the game that I won’t ruin for spoiler reasons, but needless to say, a lot of movies have tried to copy this classic Spielberg scene, but none have done so hilariously while still be executed a bit differently. There are more than just those three, but needless to say the cinematography in this is quite good considering it is Netflix that financed the film. Like I said above, the movie doesn’t feel its length. There is enough interesting battles, conversations, treasons, and scene stealing acting to get you through it rather quickly.

Let’s talk about the acting. Timothe Chalamet is a great actor, let me just point to his incredible performance in Call Me By Your Name. He also looks like he is going to do a great job later this year in Little Women. And he is good here too (and has an excellent before battle speech), but the movie is completely stolen from him by two supporting roles: that of the always reliable Joel Egerton, who plays Falstaff, a once drunkard warrior who becomes Henry V right hand man, and Robert Pattinson, who plays The Dauphin. Egerton has the more meatier role, spouting off military strategies but also handing out life lessons to those around him, fascinating even when not a word is spoken from him. But I really want to talk about Robert Pattinson. Now while I didn’t care for The Lighthouse when I saw it last week, Pattinson is fucking fantastic in it, and even though all you naysayers that can’t get him out of your head as Edward from Twilight or Cedric Diggory from Harry Potter, you need to give that film and especially the movie Good Time a chance, to know that he will make a fantastic Batman/Bruce Wayne in Matt Reeves’ upcoming one-off Batman film.

If those two movies didn’t say your thoughts of him, I guarantee you this one will. His character, The Dauphin, doesn’t show up until over halfway of the movie being over, and Pattinson is really only in the film for maybe about 10 minutes total if you spliced his scenes together, but his introduction is one to be marveled at. He plays this French son of a king so ruthlessly and maliciously over the top, I smiled every time he opened his mouth spewing heated disses to Henry V with a deliciously vile French accent. And it 100% works. At first I was afraid that his performance would be just written off as a good French Heath Ledger Joker, but Pattinson truly makes it his own, and the 10 minutes he is in the film is worth it just to watch the whole thing alone. There are other supporting parts such as Ben Mendolsohn as King Henry IV (less screentime than Pattinson) and Lily Rose Depp (Johnny Depp’s daughter) as Catherine (even less screen time than both Mendolsohn and Pattinson) and while they are good, they aren’t very memorable because of their lack of a huge presence. Sean Harris (the main villain in the last two Mission: Impossible film) seems like he’s getting the short end of the stick with his character, but towards the end you realized that it was necessary all along.

Yeah, so what the fuck are you doing? If you like epics such as this, this one is right up your alley and ranks along the greats. But I mean, would this kind of film make money if it was in the theater anymore? Probably not, but Netflix knows that there is this certain niche of people at there that need their fix for these kinds of films, and smartly swiped this up and debut it on their streaming platform. I have a feeling it is going to get more praise in the coming weeks, I just wish it was getting it now. I have a feeling it is being drowned out by Dolemite Is My Name and other things about to hit the giant service, but that is okay right now as Netflix is truly trying to merge as a competitor before things truly get ugly next week as Disney+ debut and then in January when HBO Max tries to reign supreme. Maybe my little review here could get some of you to hit that play button on your remotes and spread the word so that way it comes out of being drowned in the mud and muck. It doesn’t deserve that, especially when I will definitely be checking this out a time or two in the coming years.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: TERMINATOR – DARK FATE

TERMINATOR: THE MACHINES AWAKEN….wait a minute, whoops, wrong assumed title there. Let’s start over…TERMINATOR: DARK FATE is okay. But it is not okay enough to consider it canon, and will have most fans just claiming that the first two films are the only ones that really, truly happened. While the movie was entertaining enough to get me through its 2 hr run time, none of it is really anything you haven’t seen before, it’s the same ol’ shit. It’s basically a soft reboot that takes just enough elements from the first two films to get out of being called a straight up remake. However, Star Wars: The Force Awakens did it much better and had a lot more different elements to disguise the fact that it had a lot of the same beats as A New Hope. Dark Fate’s disguise wouldn’t even get past Mr. Magoo. That’s not to say its a terrible film, it is at least better than Terminator Salvation and Terminator (what the fuck were they even thinking?) Genisys, but I’m still on the fence whether or not it was better than Rise of The Machines. One thing is for certain, the franchise should’ve been terminated back in 1991.

The thing that I’m on the fence about whether this is better than Rise of the Machines or not, is the tone of the two films. Rise of the Machines has a very weird, zany, looney tunes light tone, but the non stop action and that dark as fuck ending more than makes up for it. The tone with Dark Fate is much, much better here, but the problem with the movie is that the action is kind of repetitive, jarringly edited, and there were no scenes that made me go, “OH SHIT YEAH!” Let’s face it, Terminator 2: Judgment Day is one of the best action sequels ever made. A lot of people, including me, think it is one of those rare sequels that completely demolishes and is better than the original film. There is no fucking way in hell any Terminator movie after Judgment Day could even be on par unless James Cameron came back and FULLY committed to it (maybe not even then, since his dick wants to always be inside a Nav’i on Pandora these days). And while James Cameron came back to produce and has a “story” credit, I don’t feel like he had much of a hand in actually contributing all that much to this final product.

**beginning of major spoiler paragraph** Another glaringly huge problem is that the very beginning of the movie flips Terminator 2 on its head and kind of shits all over it in a way. Kind of like what Alien 3 did to Aliens (Remember that this film completely ignores the events of 3, Salvation, and Genisys). Now in this paragraph I’m just going to say what the film does so if you don’t want to know, skip to the next paragraph and we’ll get out of spoilers. At the very beginning of Dark Fate, using incredible de-aging and digital effects, it is revealed that another Terminator than just Robert Patrick was sent during the events of the 2nd film before Skynet’s ultimate demise, and a couple of years later, after Sarah and John Connor changed their fate, that second sent Terminator finds them, and just fucking kills John Connor right in front of Sarah, and there is nothing she can do about it. I know that Edward Furlong probably sucks as an actor now, but was there not a way to not fuck up the events of the masterful second film, and maybe somehow include John, hell, maybe even get Nick Stahl to come back and reprise his Rise of the Machines role? I think that killing John Connor was a major misstep in trying to revitalize the franchise, and it will have a lot of fans screaming and tearing their hair out. And yes, it bothered me too, but I got past it though mainly because of Linda Hamilton’s performance. **ending of major spoiler paragraph**

The acting in this does save a lot of the film from mediocre and ridiculous Salvation and Genisys type levels. The scene stealers of course are Linda Hamilton back as Sarah Connor, and Mackenzie Davis as the new human/robot hybrid Grace. Everybody saying that having Linda Hamilton back makes us all realize how vital she was to the first two Terminators and that she is more of what the franchise needed to come back than Arnold, are completely right here. I loved watching Linda Hamilton back in action, she is one tough bad-ass in this film and I think she really kept this movie from being a true snooze fest. But let me be clear, everybody in this is good. With Davis’ Grace character, I really I haven’t cheered this much for a great protector since Arnold in T2. By smartly making her a human hybrid combined with her acting skills, I actually cared about this character, instead of wanting them to just shut up and die like Jai Courtney and Emilia Clarke in Genisys. Looking back I think I gave Genisys a somewhat favorable review. What the fuck was I thinking? I think I wrote that review literally the second I got out of the theater several years ago, with this, I’ve had a little more time to get my bearings straight.

Gabriel Luna is good as the new bad Terminator model Rev-9. Rev-9 is like a combination of all the Terminators you’ve seen before, but this one can split itself into two successfully. And Natalia Reyes plays Dani, the regular human being protected this time for some reason (don’t worry, the film eventually reveals the reason, which end up being better than what you think it might be, although I saw it coming from a mile away) and her arc transitioning from strong yet innocent woman to strong and bad ass fighter was very realistic. And then there is Arnold, who doesn’t even show up until more than half of the movie is over. I’m glad they didn’t just force him in at the beginning of the story on this. His character’s arc I enjoyed the best. I will not reveal who he is, but when his character Carl shows up on screen, the movie definitely elevated itself a little bit from what it was for me at that moment. In Genisys, it looked like Arnold was sleeping through his role, and in Rise of the Machines, it seemed like he was sort of into it, but was there for the pay check. Here, he fully commits to his performance, and is at his best since Judgment day.

While some of the CGI is shaky, yet forgivable, and while the action scenes are good in concept, in execution, they are a little jarring. Except for the late in the film airplane crashing sequence, that one was actually pretty great. But the rest of the action sequences, particularly the beginning one (the highway one you’ve seen in marketing with the initial return of Sarah Connor), the border detention center one, and the one at the very very end just seemed edited a little weird. Like the filmmakers and director Tim Miller were trying to fast cut shit so they could hide any discrepancies and hide the fact that maybe, just maybe, Tim Miller can’t film action scenes very well. This is his first film after his very first film, Deadpool, and if you really look closely at that movie (admit it, Deadpool 2 is better), you’d realize it only has two action scenes: the highway one, which went on too long and extended, and the very end sequence, which was very tame by comparison, blocked kind of weird, and editing wise is kind of wonky and too fast paced too. Action scenes need to breathe better, like in films like The Force Awakens, where you can tell what is going on with everything. Trying to do shit like Michael Bay and Paul Greengrass just doesn’t get you anywhere anymore. We know all the tricks of the trade to hide the fact that you can’t shoot action and just try to hid it up with shaky cam. It’s all a “tsk-tsk” affair now.

So while writing my review, I think I am going to give the edge to Dark Fate over Rise of the Machines, the goofiness and too light hearted tone of the latter being the deciding factor. Unfortunately, I’m still going to go back and only consider the first two films of being the only ones that truly happened. To me, Dark Fate is just fan fiction, but at least it is stronger fan faction than what we received the past three films. This is just a franchise that has far surpassed its expiration date. It literally is just the same ol’ shit. Same story of Terminators being sent back into the past, one to protect, and one to try and destroy something vital to the future. Same ending. The only difference being a couple of small arcs here and there, all playing it safe though and taking no risks that should’ve been taken. It’s like painting a fresh coat onto a house but you do nothing else to the foundation to try to change and make it better. And like a T-800 in action, that paint, or synthetic skin if you will, starts to peel and chip away very fast, revealing that same exoskeleton underneath, one that you have grown tired of seeing.

My ranking of Terminator Films:

Terminator 2: Judgment Day
The Terminator
Terminator: Dark Fate
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
Terminator: Salvation
Terminator: Genisys

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: PARASITE (NO SPOILERS, GO IN DARK!!!)

PARASITE is easily the best foreign language film I have ever seen and one of the top films of 2019 in general. Easily takes the top spot over my previous favorite, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. All of the hype and praise you’ve heard of this film, it’s true. All of it. If you have any inkling whatsoever to want to see this movie, go in completely 100% dark. Even though I don’t reveal basically anything about the plot, stop reading this review right now and just go and see it. I promise you won’t be disappointed. Don’t even watch the fucking trailer (my co-worker hadn’t heard a damn thing about this film and saw it with some friends and it is one of her favorite films of all time now). Even though the trailer doesn’t really give anything away either. I was debating even writing a review on this, but I figured I gotta do something small. For those of you that actually read my dumb long reviews, maybe my short influence here could push some of you on the right side of the fence to end up giving it a shot. So the rest of my review, I’m just going to make a numbered list (in no particular order) if what I liked and what I didn’t like about the movie. And again, I do not give away anything. This film won the Cannes 2019 Palm D’Or over everything nominated, including Once Upon A Time In Hollywood. And even though I have Hollywood a bit higher on my list than this film, it deserves all the awards and all the praise, even if it ends up competing with Tarantino by year’s end. So anyway, here is my list, I’ll start with my likes, and then dislikes. No concluding paragraph:

LIKES:

The Story
The Acting
The Perfect Ending
The Many Twists and Turns
The Unpredictability
The Cinematography (simply gorgeous in every scene, but one scene near the end is just beautiful ((message me on what that scene is if you are truly curious))
The Direction by Bong Joon-Ho is masterful, easily his best since Snowpiercer
Five minutes in, and you have completely forgotten that you are reading subtitles
The Score
How It Makes You Think
All the messages of family, best laid plans, upper vs. lower class, values, etc. etc. etc.
The Pacing, The Editing, All of IT

DISLIKES:

I did not dislike one damn thing about this movie, it’s basically as perfect as can be.

Review done, go and see it. It’s expanded so it’s probably playing at a theater near you. This movie is just like a Parasite, attaching onto you and effecting you…but in a good way.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: THE CURRENT WAR – DIRECTOR’S CUT

And when I say THE CURRENT WAR: DIRECTOR’S CUT, I mean that’s what they are releasing the film in the theaters as. I have not personally seen this TIFF (Toronto International Film Festival) 2017 Harvey “Rapist” Weinstein cut that was put together, but I heard it was horrible and almost unwatchable. This however, is very watchable, and quite enjoyable. When I think about it, I think this might be the only way you could tell a story like this, without boring the audiences to tears. I wasn’t bored at all. I was quite intrigued to learn about the long fight between Thomas Edison and George Westinghouse that would determine whose electrical system would power the modern world. It is a crisp and clean hour and 47 minutes, and I can’t imagine how Weinstein’s cut, which I heard is about half an hour longer, could’ve been any better. If you ever want to learn about this subject matter, but don’t want to read a book or just look it up on Wikipedia, I’d say it is safe to say to watch this to get a broad spectrum based off of the events that transpired.

I described the plot a bit above, but to go bit further I believe the film took place between 1880 and 1891-1893, somewhere in that range, I’m not a fucking historian. But yeah, it just shows the trials and tribulations of these two men whose mission it was to make it their legacy that they themselves brought light to the world. Nikola Tesla shows up in this as well, working for both men at different times, and Samuel Insull, Edison’s personal secretary, has his hand in some major events. No, I’m not going to tell you who won on here, hopefully if you were interesting in this subject matter and already had a hand it in then you already know. Me? I only had little inklings and tidbits about everything before going into the theater, and only a few of those were confirmed by scenes presented in the film, but most of it was new information I was shocked to learn about and some of my knowledge was altogether wrong. The movie also has a fun yet frightening history of the origin of the electric chair as well to entertainingly fill in the gaps of who ultimately wins their legacy.

I really liked the score in this film, as it is quite memorable because I am still humming it as I sit and write this review. The look of the film is great too, I felt like everything was “up to code” in the theatrical representation for that time period. The movie never really drags, and is successful informing while entertaining. The acting here is strong as well. Benedict Cumberbatch and Michael Shannon are always reliable in what they do, and here is no different. There really isn’t an antagonist in the film, both Edison and Westinghouse had their quirks and misdeeds, but neither are monsters. Both have sympathetic aspirations and both do things that make you want to slap your head in disgust, but you realize they are just trying to make the world a better place in the end. Near the end of the film, Edison and Westinghouse have a cordial chat, and everything said in that conversation brilliantly sums up the entire debacle. You can tell the two men were frustrated yet respected the hell out of one another. Spider-Ma….err Tom Holland, did pretty well in his couple of scenes as Samuel Insull, and Nicholas Hoult did well in his limited screen time as Tesla, although I’d now like a whole film just about his life. Written by the screenwriter that wrote this film and directed by this film’s director.

One more aspect of the film I appreciated is that the women really weren’t just background dressing. Both Edison and Westinghouse’s wives, Mary Stilwell and Marguerite help shape the lives of their husbands and helped them out in certain situations. I was surprised and delighted by their involvement and Tuppence Middleton and Katherine Waterston did well in those small yet pivotal roles. There isn’t much more I can say about the film, so I’ll just wrap it up this way: If you are a history buff, or maybe an electrical engineer, or fascinated with electricity or light or currents, or any of that complicated shit, this movie is right up your alley. Even though I liked it, you’ll probably even like it more than me, maybe even love. I was looking forward to this film two years ago before the Weinstein scandal fucked up its release, but now that it is finally out, and the director got to release it on his terms, I think the extra wait might’ve been worth it. Who knows really, as I’ll never see that disgusting fat fucks edit, and am glad for it. This director’s cut conducts some decent sparks all its own.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: THE LIGHTHOUSE (no spoilers)

I guess like Paul Thomas Anderson, I’m just not going to be able to get into Robert Eggers films. But understand, I do “get” them. I understand the deeper meanings, motifs, messages, symbolism, what have you of what both filmmakers are trying to do. And I admire their tenacity. I’m just going to have to accept that most, if not all of their films just won’t be my cup of tea. And that’s okay, we all have different tastes. And mind you, THE LIGHTHOUSE wasn’t a waste of my time. There is a lot of good about it, which I’ll get into, but I just wasn’t able to “get into” it myself. I was pretty bored, looking at my watch constantly, ready for it to be over. But there is a huge different between films like these from these filmmakers and a film like…I don’t know…let me bring up a random recent movie….oh okay, I got it…Joker! Paul Thomas Anderson and Robert Eggers films are at least very original in their content and execution, but I don’t think I can get into them because of the weirdness of that execution. But at least they are original. They aren’t a movie trying to pretend its original but instead rips off about a dozen other movies and think they are cinematic masterpieces…

Yes, my grudge for Joker is still strong, especially when news of it being the Top Rated R film of all time (which they should adjust for inflation because then it wouldn’t be) hit this weekend. But we are here to talk about the 2nd feature from Robert Eggers, writer/director of The Witch, The Lighthouse. All I really need to say about the film is that it is about two lighthouse operators that get cabin fever and start to turn mad over their four weeks on a particular job. Willem Dafoe plays Thomas Wake, the head honcho that makes Ephraim Winslow, Robert Pattinson’s character, do all the shitty and hard jobs while Wake just tends mainly to the light. Tensions rise, hallucinations start to happen, fights are drawn, and mermaids are fucked. Yeah, you think I’m kidding…but anyway, the whole film is a character study about two men slowly going mad topped off with a very sudden and weird ambiguous ending. Not that I don’t mind ambiguous endings, I just don’t feel personally that this one was very earned.

But let me get into the positives about the film, so you know I don’t hate it (it is a huge critical darling, but like The Witch, it’s audience score is just getting lower and lower). Let’s start off with the performances, because really this is a two man (and a nasty seagull) show. Willem Dafoe and Robert Pattinson are masterful here. With Good Time, The Lost City of Z, and now this under his belt, I can say I am 1000% confident that Pattinson will make for a great Batman/Bruce Wayne. While Good Time is still my favorite performance of his, mostly because Good Time is a near perfect film, Pattinson is phenomenal here, his descent into madness convincing and very heartbreaking. Willem Dafoe is near perfect here as well, as the head light honcho that might just be a devious secret asshole (based on your perspective of events). The only problem with his performance is that I couldn’t understand half the shit he was saying with his accent. It was like trying to watch Jeff Bridges in the remake to True Grit all over again.

The film, being in black and white, is gorgeously shot. I wouldn’t be against it getting a cinematography nomination at a bunch of award ceremonies this year at all. The tone, setting, and mood of the film all work in the pictures’ favor, and to imagine this film being in color, God, I don’t want to think about it…probably would’ve ended up hating it. The visuals are near perfect. But visuals and performances do not a great movie make for me. Even though the performances were great, I couldn’t have cared less about either of the characters. I honestly think that if they would’ve made either one of them a much more sympathetic or one of them much more clearly problematic, I could’ve gotten into the movie more. At least one of their descents into madness could’ve been more emotionally investing that way instead of just feeling relief that the movie was finally nearing its end. But maybe that was the point, for both of them to be morally ambiguous, but if that was the case, then it just didn’t work with me.

People will say the movie is too weird with its imagery. But if you know anything about certain Greek mythology/lore like I do, then you’ll realize that everything in the movie makes sense if you look at it from different specific points of view. Especially if you see both characters as being representations of Prometheus and/or Proteus. But like I said, I was either too bored or didn’t care about what was happening to the characters to really give a shit. And it’s a shame, because I was really looking forward to this film going into it. It is very cinematic and artistic, and if you really loved The Witch, and all the symbolism meshed well with the horror and imagery and story with that film, then you are probably going to love The Lighthouse as well. It was just not my cup of tea, and his films, along with Paul Thomas Anderson’s, may very well never be. But that’s okay. I figure that if I at least don’t write these off as total trash then my opinion may count for something. So if you really do think that this film is genius, I fully support your admiration and reasons for thinking so. The light was not bright for me, nor was it burnt out, just dimmed and hazy.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: BLACK AND BLUE (no spoilers)

BLACK AND BLUE doesn’t lose your attention and Naomi Harris (who I think is actually an incredible actress and needs to be in more films) delivers a powerhouse performance in this. However, every character other than her is completely dumb as fuck and every choice that they make is so idiotic it will make your head spin. I don’t think Hollywood realizes you can have a taut thriller where the bad guys and others can also be pretty smart yet the hero can still come out possibly saving the day using his/her own wits. Why does every character have to have an IQ of 5 just to make it logical for the protagonist to get out of some hot shit? You know what it is called? It is called lazy and convenient writing. Which is a giant no-no to a lot of film lovers, but to Hollywood, who cares as long as the money ultimately makes its way into their pocket. Don’t get me wrong, the film isn’t that bad, it’s a very decent rental, but when there are no other interesting characters, and the movie only has one surface level message, what’s the point?

And that surface level message is, all cops are corrupt, even non-white ones? I’m kidding, I’m kidding, the message was actually not all cops are bad people and not all people in poverty or in gangs are bad people either. Murder is murder, no matter the skin color or race. But that message is stamped home only 20 minutes into the film, and nothing about it is explored deeper. It just takes that nail and hits you over the head with it until the end credits when it already went straight through your brain the first swing. Instead, the movie should played with morals more and have the message a bit more ambiguous for the audience to ponder, and only at the very end drive a clear point home. Spoon feeding people is not going to help, because fortunately, most of us are smarter than the characters were in this film, and we are able to decode messages without them just spelled out for us large and bold on a giant canvas.

The movie is about this rookie woman cop, who happens to be African-American, and after being more than a decade in the army, she joins the police force in New Orleans, and not really understanding the climate between cops and citizens nowadays. She is pushed into a double shift, teaming up with this other black cop she doesn’t know, one that is a little tense and in no mood for any bullshit. He gets a call on his phone, saying that he has to meet up with a CI, gets to the location, and tells her ass to stay in the car. She doesn’t after hearing several loud gunshots coming from the building he went into. She investigates, witnessing the black cop and several white narc cops execute these kids right in front of her, and she had her police body cam on. She escapes, and the rest of the movie is a cat and mouse race between her and corrupt cops trying to silence her and retrieve her body cam. She tries to make it back to the police station to upload the footage and along the way tries to get help from a poor small market owner (played by Tyrese Gibson) and other black folks in the community that don’t trust cops, and so won’t trust her even though they are of the same skin color.

It just kind of saddens me that this movie could’ve been something really special. Don’t get me wrong, the movie never lost my attention, there are tense moments in the movie and like I said, Naomi Harris, who plays the main back protagonist cop, is incredible in this. It is just that all the dumb characters, the one dimensional message, the tame action, and all the plot holes were too extracting to ignore. There are a hundred different things a hundred different characters couldn’t done or said in the moment that would’ve immediately solved the problem, but the writers thought those would’ve ended the movie too soon and didn’t want to challenge themselves. They could’ve had those characters do or say those things, and still have written another smart wrench for the protagonist to get through to get to her goal. But nope, everybody in the movie had to be a dumb dumb in order for the narrative to just move lazily along. I almost slapped my own head when one character is captured, but just keeps his mouth shut and gets the shit beat out of him, when one sentence or two sentences of explaining to the tortures would’ve left him unharmed. There are other examples, but I really don’t want to get into spoilers. Just trust me that a lot of wasted opportunity was in this.

I’m going to end the review here, as I usually get into the writer and director, but I don’t know them that well to roast their asses. I guess the screenwriter could be blamed, for mainly being a writer on TRANSFORMERS RESCUE BOT ACADEMY, but then again he wrote Flightplan, which was decent, so I obviously don’t know what the fuck he’s drinking or smoking. This movie is an entertaining mess. You get a emotional performance out of Naomi Harris (who was nominated for Moonlight and plays Moneypenny in the Daniel Craig bond films) and Tyrese Gibson isn’t bad, but then everyone else is just one dimensional stereotypical good guy or bad guy character. It’s just really, really, really, really, really lazy. I’m just tired of lazy. It is time to beef these things up.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: DOLEMITE IS MY NAME (Netflix)

Early reviews for Netflix’s DOLEMITE IS MY NAME have been proclaiming that “Eddie Murphy hasn’t been this good since Dreamgirls.” I want to go a little bit further than that and say, I don’t think Eddie Murphy has been this good since the 70’s/80’s and is now my second favorite performance from him, other than his multiple ones in The Nutty Professor. He really is back, actually looking like he gives a shit about this film. As well he should, because his performance isn’t the only great thing about it, as the story about Rudy Ray Moore, a black comedian who is known for being the pioneer of very crude and crass sexually explicit humor, and his rise up as a comedian and then breaking into the film industry. While the movie is pretty standard as far biopics go, the script is elevated by some snappy dialogue, showing in-depth some of the blaxploitation filmmaking process and having a good representation of what the culture was like in that industry in the mid 70s. Plus, the movie is pretty fucking hilarious and marks a turning point for Netflix for me, I’m just about ready to start taking the platform seriously (original film wise).

Know that I am not really familiar with Rudy Ray Moore or any of his films. The only little tidbits I know about him is from reading about him on Wikipedia and watching Red Letter Media’s Best Of The Worst Episode that featured his blaxploitation film Petey Wheatstraw, which doesn’t have anything to do with the Dolemite character, a kung foo fighting pimp. This movie, while the first 1/3rd is about Rudy Ray Moore’s rise in comedy, the second half is about the making of his famous “so bad it’s good” film, Dolemite. The movie’s narrative has the same structural blueprint as The Disaster Artist and Ed Wood, two other films that are about the making of the “so bad it’s good” pictures The Room and Plan 9 From Outer Space. It feels more like Ed Wood than James Franco’s recent film, and that is no surprise, as this movie was written by the that films writers. Ed Wood (arguably Tim Burton’s last great film) is not just about the making of one of the worst films of all time, but more about the man himself. Same here. The making of the movie is just gorgeous background decorations, focusing on Moore’s time, money, and effort just to get the film to a wide audience.

And while Eddie Murphy doesn’t look at all like Rudy Ray Moore, he captures his spirit flawlessly (from real clips of Moore that I’ve seen), and he looks like he is having a fucking blast making the movie. This is the Eddie Murphy we all know and love, he shouts his lines, has that quick and snappy talk, and energetic pep in his step. I just hope he keeps the momentum going. I just wish he wasn’t doing sequels to Coming To America or Beverly Hills Cop next, as I think he has the potential to soar in more original tales and material such as this. Leave Prince Akeem and Axel Foley be Eddie, please (especially that Coming To America 2 is going to be PG-13…). This movie is a VERY, VERY HARD R, f bombs out the fucking wazoo, sex jokes, and full frontal nudity. In fact, one could say that the best and funniest scene in the entire thing is the making of the sex scene in the Dolemite movie. I know that Eddie Murphy now looks back at his stand up from films like Raw and realizes that kind of comedy doesn’t work anymore, but if this films shows us anything, he has maybe tapped into a way around that, still being himself, but not as trigger happy, triggering this pathetic butthurt culture we have going on now (yeah that’s right, I said it).

Rudy Ray Moore’s films I believe were a little more successful and praised than the other good-bad films I mentioned above. It felt like his always had something a little bit more to say. And it is also the quiet moments in this that truly make the film soar, whenever Moore is struggling to come up with money to finish the film, or getting the film into theaters so a wide audience can enjoy them. If there was any scene that could actually garner Murphy another Oscar nomination, it would be at the very end of the film, where he interacts with a small fan, and a crowd outside of a theater, having to wait till 2 am to see his movie. The movie itself gets the feel of the mid 70s pretty much dead on, and look of it pays a good tribute to blaxploitation films’ lighting and color. I have a feeling a lot is owed to the director, Craig Brewer, who easily gives us his best film since Hustle & Flow. It is definitely more interestingly and steadily shot than the last film about the making of a bad movie, The Disaster Artist, where it felt like James Franco liked the shaky cam a little too fucking much.

If you don’t want to go out to the movies this weekend, and want something pretty good to watch at home, I highly recommend Dolemite Is My Name. Just under two hours (it doesn’t feel that length), the movie is endlessly entertaining, hilarious, and even has heart. With this, El Camino, and from what I hear, the upcoming Marriage Story and The Irishman, Netflix is starting to look like it is finally going to take itself seriously, instead of just giving us shit films that have mostly filled up the top half of my worst list of early 2019. And with the streaming wars coming very, very soon, maybe it realized it had to (although if they announce a sequel to Sextuplets anytime soon any hope I had for them will quickly be squandered). Maybe one year we’ll be looking at a Oscar nomination list completely dominated by steaming platform films? If you scoffed at that question, you should really do your research and see that it probably isn’t just a possibility, and that there is even evidence that it may come sooner than you think. If that happens, the tail end of this year will be known as the real first change in Netflix’s fate, with Dolemite Is My Name being one of the films in that conversation. Eddie Murphy’s back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: COUNTDOWN (no spoilers)

The new horror film COUNTDOWN is the literal definition of “so bad it’s good.” I was constantly laughing at inappropriate moments but I have to admit that I was a little entertained. And the acting, apart from the opening, was pretty decent as well. It had bat shit crazy mythology like last years Truth Or Dare and the ending defies and throws logic out the window. It’s also pretty predictable. I think the movie was in on the joke though. It knew how how dumb it was. Look at the damn premise, it’s about a fucking phone app that counts down to your death. I guarantee you some kind of drug was in the screenwriters system when they thought up the idea, and when they were on their computer program writing it. I’d say it is pretty lucky this thing even got fucking made, because I guarantee you there is some low rent straight to streaming platform movie out there in our universe that is just called Killer App, and is probably almost as stupid as this movie is. But seeing how last year Truth Or Dare was my guilty pleasure of 2018, Countdown is my guilty pleasure of 2019. But I warn you, this is a BAD, BAD movie.

And what is so infuriating is that it shows some potential. Some of the scares work, but only when those jump scares aren’t accompanied by a fucking giant sound to make you jump out of your seat. Unfortunately it was only a handful of moments, while the rest were your cookie cutter loud sound “fooled you” jump beats. It makes me want to get an editable version of the film, and make my own guilty pleasure “fan” cut and remove every single loud sound from all the jump scares that didn’t need them. It maybe would’ve made the movie creepier than it had any right to be. Let’s just save face, this movie is a PG-13 cheap knockoff of Final Destination, but instead of death going after these young adults…it’s another God damn demon. And I realize they had to make this force killing all these young adults something else other than death, otherwise New Line could’ve sued the shit out of everyone involved, but really, another fucking demon? Look around you, there are too many movies with too many fucking demons, there could’ve been a little more effort into figuring out something else that made it stand out from the pack.

Fortunately, the movies’ mythology is so bad shit crazy, with a laughable, yet entertaining back story, that the demon angle kind of worked after that a little bit. And the demon design, I have to admit, was pretty freaky. This whole review is going to be a bunch of unfortunately but I’ll admits, so get comfortable for this roller coaster of an opinion. I have to ADMIT, the movie actually has set ups and pay offs, and it has its own set of rules, even though some of those rules are laughable and UNFORTUNATELY almost completely rip off Final Destination 5. But the movie follows those rules, and shit doesn’t just happen to happen out of nowhere. The ending (really climax, as the obligatory sequel set up ending ending, and the mid credits scene, are eye rolling kind of stupid) though, Jesus Christ I haven’t laughed that hard in a theater this year. It completely throws everything to the wind and logic almost goes right out the fucking window. And those set ups and pay offs, while they are set up and paid off well, all of these end up being very convenient based upon the main characters profession.

The acting is part of what makes the film stay in the “so bad it’s good” range other than being just a plain bad movie. The main lead, played by Elizabeth Lail (you know her if you binge watched the first season of YOU) is actually pretty damn decent at acting scared and she displays a wide range of emotions in it that worked as well.. The other, sort of main lead (he shows up in act two) is played by Jordan Calloway, who you might know from Riverdale. His countdown ends before the main characters, and I liked the little mini arc he was given (more than the cliched protagonists for sure), and he acted better in this than he had any right to. I just wish he was in the film more. The acting at the beginning however was really jarring and I was beginning to worry if the entire ride would’ve been that cringe worthy. Thankfully it got out of that, but then it kept sticking its toes in with Peter Facinelli’s character. He plays the boss of where the main protagonist works (I’m not revealing any of their professions, you can get that info from the trailer, mainly because if you think really hard about her profession before watching the film, you could probably guess the ending pretty easily). He is basically playing a mixture of Carlisle Cullen and Mike Dexter, if they fucked and had a baby. It kind of took me out of the movie, but I forgive Facinelli, mainly because the script did him no favors. And remember, this is PG-13, there is a couple of blurred blood moments, but it is mostly not much of a gross gore or guts affair. I do have a feeling if they went all out rated R on it it might’ve been a whole lot better.

I’m almost done with this review, and I realize I haven’t even really talked about the plot, but luckily, I can do it in one sentence: A woman downloads an app that reveals when people when they are going to die via a countdown, and it reveals that she is going to die in less than 3 days, and she has to find a way to avoid her fate. Boom. Sounds like Final Destination and The Ring made a litter of kittens together huh? That’s EXACTLY what it is, in fact I’d say the prologue to the film almost rips off the beginning of The Ring beat by beat. The writer/director Justin Dec, this is his first big gig, as he’s been a miscellaneous crew member on a bunch of other films. I think if he could hone his horror craft, and realize that you don’t need a loud sound to make effective jump scares, he could possibly come up with something pretty compelling in the future. But again, this is a bad movie. Yes, so bad it is good, but I want to reiterate to you the only reason why I’m recommending it a little bit as a guilty pleasure. You will find yourself laughing hilariously all at the wrong times, but at the same time, the movie keeps your attention. That’s a little rare these days. Luckily Cinemark Rewards has this thing that if you see Hustlers, this, and 21 Bridges you get free digital copies of the movies when they hit home video, so while I own it, at least I won’t be spending anymore money on it if I want to watch and laugh at it again. But if you plan on watching a so bad its good movie with a bunch of friends late on Saturday, this movie fits that bill and might even make your night somewhat memorable.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: LITTLE MONSTERS (HULU)

LITTLE MONSTERS, not to be confused with the movie that starred Fred Savage when he was still little Kevin Arnold, is another zombie comedy film that was released on Hulu last weekend after getting decent reviews from Sundance and SXSW festivals earlier this year. It stars the great Lupita Nyong’o and Josh Gad and it is about a teacher that has to guide her class of small children through a zombie outbreak in the middle of a field trip. Basically, with the crude, rude, and crass tone, in a school like field trip setting, imagine if Billy Madison was in Zombieland, and that’s exactly the kind of movie you get. For me, it worked. While some may find the mean humor a little too mean, it is another refreshing take on the zombie tale, and makes for a good double feature if you went and saw Zombieland 2 in the theater before or after watching this in the comfort of your own home. It’s especially refreshing when you happen to still watch The Walking Dead; the past 3 episodes of that dower and grim show in its tiring 10th season has mostly been DOA, not fun at all, and almost a complete snooze fest. This will wake you right the fuck up.

I went into this film almost completely dark. I had not seen any trailers or tv spots, just a couple of still images and a couple of reviews that said while it was juvenile, it was still funny and refreshing. And knowing how I’m basically still juvenile at 33, I knew I was probably going to be okay with it. And when you add all that up, and add in the fact that my wife, who hates zombie/scary movies/what have you, actually sat down with me and paid attention the whole movie and now recommends it to people, you know you have something decent on your hands. So going into it dark, I was kind of dumb struck when the movie started with this random couple, showing their relationship (mostly fights), and then a break up. No Lupita Nyong’o in sight, quick cameo by Josh Gad on a television. I was thinking to myself, “well, maybe they are the start of some zombie outbreak or something.” Nope, in fact, the movie subverted my expectations with this juvenile man baby male being actually a main character and the catalyst of a “growing up” kind of tale. His story eventually intersects with Lupita’s and it does so absolutely beautifully. I was afraid that even though her name is listed first that it would be a Bruce Willis in a straight to video on demand kind of thing, top billing, but maybe only 15 minutes in the film.

But no, once Lupita joins the fray, she is in the movie 100%, her and the grown man baby’s adventure turns into a multi-dimensional arc in what could’ve easily been something generic (such as the plot just be that the grown man baby child wants only to just fuck Maz Kanata). And Josh Gad is in the film much more than I thought he would be as well, considering he is the “and” in the credits. I don’t want to spoil much about his character, but Gad is absolutely hilarious in this, using that fake annoying charm that he brings to other films so well, but then completely flipping it on its head. You’ll see. Out of Lupita Nyong’os classroom of children, they really only focus on one boy, who happens to be the grown man baby’s nephew. If I had any complaints about the film, is that while you want to see the other tiny little children of the classroom survive the zombie ordeal, the rest of their personalities don’t stick out so much, and are kind of degraded into being one dimensional stereotypes. I’m not expecting the Citizen Kane of character development to side kid characters in an hour and 34 minutes zombie film, but it would’ve been nice to have just a little more interactions with some of the kids, instead of it just being a couple of kids think the main boy is weird, but then end up respecting him in the end.

Also, for a zombie movie, you might have to suspend your belief a little bit. While I appreciated that it was only a zombie outbreak and they weren’t in the middle of a nation wide apocalypse, it was kind of weird to see that their field trip to this fun little lamb farm happened to be right next to a military experimental facility. But then again, maybe that was the joke? If that was an intentional joke (I’d have to ask the screenwriter), then it was quite brilliant. Otherwise, it just seems like plot convenience for point A to makes sense getting to point B in a hurry. The violence is a little less what you’d expect from a zombie movie, with some good gore and kills here and there, but then it also pulls back its punches on several good killing money shots, but I expect that it is due to the small budget this thing had, which is of course forgettable. I think this had a budget similar to Jay and Silent Bob Reboot, and this thing looks and is shot, so so so so so so much better than that film was.

This is definitely an entertaining ride on Hulu you don’t want to miss. Especially if you like these kinds of movies and/or are a zombie afficionado. If you don’t have Hulu, maybe find a friend that can loan you their username or password (don’t ask me though) so you would be able to check it out. It’s definitely much better than I thought it was gonna be, as I wasn’t looking at my laptop or phone during any parts of the movie. I am not familiar with the writer/director Abe Forsythe, or any of his previous work, but if his name is attached to a project in the future, I might be actively checking it out from now on. This movie ultimately proves though that Lupita Nyong’o deserved that Oscar she got for 12 Years A Slave several years ago for that very short screen time she was in. I thought it might’ve been a fluke, but her parts in this, Black Panther, Star Wars and especially Us, have proved me wrong. And I’m glad she did. Very good little film.