Tag: movie theater

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: UNHINGED

Any of you reading this review that have seen this movie and wanted to hear my thoughts on it, well…welcome back to the movies! It feels good, doesn’t it? Able to finally go back, witness a new story, witness new characters, witness movie magic happening right before your eyes? Theaters closed, since what, mid March? 5 months. Wow. Almost half a year because of a fucking virus that was mishandled by a foreign government, and then mishandled by our own, and now being mishandled by a lot of normal everyday people. The theater going experience was TAKEN from us because of dumb stupid fucking human beings that don’t want to be blamed for anything and just like pointing fingers. It has been HELL for me. Sure, we have gotten a plethora of straight to streaming movies, but other than Palm Springs and Sputnik, have any others really been that special? No. And Netflix has been to blame for most of the garbage I have seen and reviewed. After a couple of push backs because of spikes in COVID-19 positive cases, the movie industry had finally had enough, were finally burnt out of all the bullshit, and with cleaning and safety protocols put in place, have started to open their doors again, virus be damned. Because if you didn’t know, people have families to feed, people need jobs, need money, need to LIVE. I’m not talking about the corporate big wigs that laid off people because of their bottom line bonus at the end of this shitty year, I’m talking about the minimum wage workers who were helpless with this whole matter, and are barely getting by. And if theaters are just going to keep their doors shut until a vaccine is made, well…they might not ever be able to open their doors again. And I know, it isn’t just theaters, but you see my point right? So if you are against theaters reopening right now, go fuck yourself, because they are doing their damn-dest to try and find some sort of compromise. I’ve been going back since late June, seeing free old classics, and I can tell you their cleaning protocols are state of the art. But seeing old movies for free that I own at home wasn’t enough, and Tenet and New Mutants are still a week away, so I decided to go see a new movie this weekend, even if I knew it wasn’t going to be anything special. I decided to go see UNHINGED, a 90 minute film where Russell Crowe hams it up sitting on his ass, whether it be behind the wheel or briefly at a diner, for about 95% of the film’s runtime. Maximus has let himself go ladies and gentlemen (I know, I shouldn’t be talking), but at least he is entertaining as hell while doing so.

There are actually three new movies that came out this weekend, so why didn’t I pick one of the other two, to try and make my trip back to new movies something I wouldn’t forget? Well, because one of them I already saw in a “virtual screening” this past Tuesday, and the other is an overlong 2 hour and 15 minute movie directed by RZA, that’s right, RZA, that is about a heist during Hurrican Katrina, that has already been done before in 2018’s Hurricane Heist, that both got terrible reviews. Plus, who wouldn’t be intrigued by IMDB’s log line description of Unhinged? “After a confrontation with an unstable man at an intersection, a woman becomes the target of his rage. Road rage.” Russell Crowe plays the unstable man and “Not Karen Gillan” Caren Pistorious plays the terrified mother/woman in path. Side note: isn’t it ironic that an actress named Caren kind of acts a little like a “Karen” at first in this movie? Anyway, since us movie nerds know that Russell Crowe doesn’t audition for shit anymore, and that he was handed this role on a silver platter, does he at least act like he wanted to be in this? Absolutely. In fact, watching Russell Crowe act like a pissed off psychopathic maniac road rage murderer is the number one reason I’m recommending that you check out this movie at least once, whether it be while it is still in theaters or if you have the patience to calmly wait until it is on a streaming service you already happen to be subscribed to. Normally, if this film would’ve come out regularly, like any other year, without this butt fucking virus ruining all of our lives, I probably wouldn’t have even seen this film in the theater, especially with the lukewarm reviews it has been getting. I definitely would’ve waited until it hit Netflix or Hulu or a discounted cheap rental on Vudu or Fandango Now. And on any other year, after I had watched this film, it would’ve just received a minor pass from me, entertaining at the moment but ultimately forgettable.

But this is the amuse bouche to Tenet we are talking about here. The marketing team for this movie was smart, they KNEW that they had to be one of the first to put out their product when theaters decided to finally open their asses back up. They new that some movie obsessed nerds, like me, would see about anything as long as it had a wacky premise and was something they hadn’t seen before. And because it is my first new film trip back to the movies, it ultimately won’t end up being forgettable in this unforgettable time in history. In fact, I would watch this again, if only for Crowe’s acting, a couple of “holy shit” car crash moments, and one of the best cheesy ass one liners I’ve ever heard before a gruesome kill in history. In fact, everybody, behind and in front of the camera, does a solid job here. Caren Pistorius, as the mother who lays her hand on her car horn a couple of seconds too many, is great looking like a terrified and screaming her head off individual. Gabriel Bateman, who plays her son, was solid in the new Child’s Play remake, is solid here as well. And Jimmi Simpson, a great character actor, is a bit wasted here, but still decent in the little screen time he has. I’m not familiar with director Derrick Borte’s work, but he shot everything pretty well, especially some of the car chase sequences and subsequent wrecks. If he were to direct a Fast and Furious movie, he could do wonders, and if Universal can’t ever find a director, give an unknown like him a shot. Writer Carl Ellsworth, now his work I’m familiar with. He wrote Wes Craven’s cool little thriller Red Eye, and Shia LaBeouf’s cool little thriller Disturbia back in the day. He knows how to write short little movies that get to the point and don’t waste your time. Unhinged is no different. It’s short, entertaining, and doesn’t waste a second of your time. In fact, Unhinged might make you remember and think back on it as you rethink some of your actions while behind the wheel. You never know if a really pissed off Fat Maximus is in the chariot next to you.

P.S., Side Note, whatever: At the very beginning of the movie, a younger couple moved down from their high up seats and sat one row above and near me for some reason. They started to talk and I let them for about a minute before sternly turning my head around and asking them to not ruin the movie for me with their commentary. I think they were scared and they shut up for the rest of the film. What in your right God damn mind would make you think it is okay to move to unassigned social distancing seats during a fucking pandemic, sit near someone who is by themselves, and start to talk during a movie called Unhinged that is about a guy that basically gets pissed off and murderous because of a little, rude disturbance? I was about to tell them that I didn’t wait five months to see a new movie in the theater to have little rat fuck millennial assholes disturb and ruin it all for me. Come on people, stay home if you want to talk (or text) during something. Leave the theater going experiences for those that can respect the rules and that actually want to be there because they have missed it so.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: WORDS ON BATHROOM WALLS

So, because you probably don’t know, WORDS ON BATHROOM WALLS actually hits theaters this Friday. That’s right, theaters. Why this little movie didn’t take the video on demand path in the middle of nothing several months ago, I can’t explain nor do I know its history. I’m guessing the movie had a theatrical contract that it couldn’t get out of or something, otherwise we all would’ve had the opportunity to watch this in June or July. Speaking of history, so if theaters don’t open up until two days from now, the question you are probably asking yourself is, how the heck am I already writing a review of it? To give you a little insight into my past, before I had this blog, before I had a child, a wife, and a life, I used to go to all these advance screenings of films mostly held by this company http://www.gofobo.com. Don’t worry, they are a legit business. You go there, you would type in your zip code, and it would tell you where advanced and FREE movie screenings at theaters were being held around your area. So before I had any child depending on me, I would go to these advanced screenings…ALL THE TIME. One year I did an excel spread sheet of how much money I saved going to these free screenings, and needless to say, it was a boatload. But there is no such thing as a free screenings, as you were not guaranteed to get in, so you had to wait in line 2 to 4 hours, just to get a good seat, and depending on how early you got there, a decent seat in adjacent to the screen. It was only one show of it, at a specific time. You couldn’t choose. So while the screening was free, I would be at the theater double or even triple the time once the movie let out than I would have spent at a regular paid showing. Basically, all my evenings were giant time wasters to see a free movie. How dumb was I, right?

Anyway, so what does this company, GoFoBo, do, in the middle of a pandemic? Where there are no advance screenings, there are no new movies, there are no theaters open? They have mostly been promoting video on demand stuff, and I didn’t know this until just this week, but they have been doing VIRTUAL ADVANCE SCREENINGS. Most of these virtual advance screenings, however, were for Amazon, Hulu, or Netflix films that I would eventually get to see a couple of days later, because I subscribe to a lot of streaming services. So needless to say I wasn’t really missing out. In these virtual advance screenings, you have to click the link fast enough to reserve an online spot an hour before your screening, the movie starts on time, and you have a little window, a couple of minutes, where you can hit play. Wait too long, and the link expires. You can pause the movie for a tiny bit, but if you pause it for a prolonged period, the link expires. I happened to win a, virtual seat, if you will, from a website on Twitter. I still had to go and register and click the link one hour before Words On Bathroom Walls started, and when the clock hit 6:00 pm yesterday, a link that says ‘Watch Movie’ appears and you are supposed to click it almost immediately. Needless to say, it wasn’t that smooth. In fact, it was 6:05 and the link was still timing out on me. I was about to give up and maybe watch it when it came out on video. But finally, lo and behold, I wasn’t late, after the 10th to 11th click, a play button appeared and after a brief quarantine introduction by one of the films’ stars, I got to watch a movie that will hit theaters on Friday…on my phone. My phone (with earbuds) was a compromise as I was watching this while keeping an eye on my son watching his own kid stuff on TV and playing. So no more delays, let’s get to the thick of it shall we? How was the actual movie?

It’s was actually pretty decent, I even choked up a few times with it being a drama, but there was one or two things keeping it from being masterfully great, and I’ll get to those in a second. Per IMDB.com, Words On Bathroom Walls is described as such: “Diagnosed with a mental illness halfway through his senior year of high school, a witty, introspective teen struggles to keep it a secret while falling in love with a brilliant classmate who inspires him to not be defined by his condition.” That mental illness is schizophrenia, by the way, and his illness isn’t set up to be a mystery, the trailer and the beginning of the film tell you exactly what it is. The movie follows a very commonly used narrative outline, too common, which is one of the reasons why it fell short of being fantastic. You know the narrative, it’s like a movie about an alcoholic/drug user overcoming his addiction. **start of spoilers, skip to next paragraph** The movie starts out recognizing something is wrong with the young man, he gets expelled from school, but a new opportunity and a new experimental drug try to help him get his life together so he can be sane enough to go to culinary school, he also meets a girl there that inspires him. But eventually, it wouldn’t be a movie if everything was quaint and charming the rest of the hour and 50 minute run time, so this experimental drug, while working really well at first, actually hinders a lot of his thoughts and abilities, and he has a relapse, a really bad one, but then just as the lowest point in his life seemingly might be the end of it, a new glimmer of hope helps the kid come out of the rubble. So in essence, it follows the same roller coaster narrative on any rise and fall or addiction movie you’ve seen before. Nothing new here in terms of where the plot takes you. **end of spoilers**

What did work well, extremely well, were the performances. Everybody here, even Andy Garcia as the school’s main priest, brought their A game, especially the two leads. Charlie Plummer plays the titular character named Adam, and Taylor Russell plays the love interest Maya. Taylor Russell has been killing it lately in terms of acting. Her acting is always better than the movies she is in. She was the bright spot in Escape Room several years ago, and she made a huge splash (pun intended) last year, playing the main character in the second half of a film called Waves. If you haven’t seen Waves, do so immediately. Both actors take their characters to another level, adding layers where some would just try their best to recite their lines and move on. Their performances are worth one watch of this film alone. Walton Goggins even has a small supporting role as Adam’s step dad, a performance the comes more and more into the light the more screen time Goggins gets in the end. The scenes with Adam interacting Goggins or Adam interacting Garcia’s characters are the best moments in the film. Other than the love story, which I also enjoyed. Adam and Maya don’t just fall in love right off the bat. Their friendship into courtship felt very realistic here. The movie took it’s time, thank God, because if it hadn’t, and they would’ve been together minute 10 or 15, it probably wouldn’t taken me out of the experience a little too much.

I’ve gone on a little too long, so let’s wrap this up in this paragraph shall we? The other thing I didn’t like about the movie was the colorful characters that Adam sees as part of his schizophrenia. Now I’m not an expert of schizophrenia by any means, but I know that it is quite serious, and the lighthearted and sometimes funny parts of Adam’s mental illness didn’t seem realistic enough and the tone was a bit off with the rest of the movie. Are there any schizophrenics out there that can chime in with any lighthearted and funny moments of their mental illness? I highly doubt it. There is a weird hippy girl, played great by AnnaSophia Robb though, a weird sex pervert dude, and then a bald headed body guard with a bat. Their scenes were mostly comic relief, which I didn’t care for. I wanted something more serious, such as there is also this dark, figureless voice in Adam’s head that wants to torment Adam at every turn. That dark figureless voice with other insane and crazy visions, should have been it in the movie, the comic relief visions left on the cutting room floor. I don’t know, I’m not a psychiatrist or doctor, so I don’t know if there are bright spots in this mental illness, and if there are, I do apologize, but they just didn’t work in this movie for me. The film is a little out of his league for director Thor Freudenthal, as he has only directed kids movies like Percy Jackson 2 and Hotel For Dogs in his career, but maybe this is a stepping stone to get it out typecast. The film is shot well, and he is clearly an actor’s director, getting fantastic performances out of everyone. I enjoyed reading the words on this wall, I only wish there were more words that I hadn’t seen before and more serious words at that.