Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: THE LIGHTHOUSE (no spoilers)

I guess like Paul Thomas Anderson, I’m just not going to be able to get into Robert Eggers films. But understand, I do “get” them. I understand the deeper meanings, motifs, messages, symbolism, what have you of what both filmmakers are trying to do. And I admire their tenacity. I’m just going to have to accept that most, if not all of their films just won’t be my cup of tea. And that’s okay, we all have different tastes. And mind you, THE LIGHTHOUSE wasn’t a waste of my time. There is a lot of good about it, which I’ll get into, but I just wasn’t able to “get into” it myself. I was pretty bored, looking at my watch constantly, ready for it to be over. But there is a huge different between films like these from these filmmakers and a film like…I don’t know…let me bring up a random recent movie….oh okay, I got it…Joker! Paul Thomas Anderson and Robert Eggers films are at least very original in their content and execution, but I don’t think I can get into them because of the weirdness of that execution. But at least they are original. They aren’t a movie trying to pretend its original but instead rips off about a dozen other movies and think they are cinematic masterpieces…

Yes, my grudge for Joker is still strong, especially when news of it being the Top Rated R film of all time (which they should adjust for inflation because then it wouldn’t be) hit this weekend. But we are here to talk about the 2nd feature from Robert Eggers, writer/director of The Witch, The Lighthouse. All I really need to say about the film is that it is about two lighthouse operators that get cabin fever and start to turn mad over their four weeks on a particular job. Willem Dafoe plays Thomas Wake, the head honcho that makes Ephraim Winslow, Robert Pattinson’s character, do all the shitty and hard jobs while Wake just tends mainly to the light. Tensions rise, hallucinations start to happen, fights are drawn, and mermaids are fucked. Yeah, you think I’m kidding…but anyway, the whole film is a character study about two men slowly going mad topped off with a very sudden and weird ambiguous ending. Not that I don’t mind ambiguous endings, I just don’t feel personally that this one was very earned.

But let me get into the positives about the film, so you know I don’t hate it (it is a huge critical darling, but like The Witch, it’s audience score is just getting lower and lower). Let’s start off with the performances, because really this is a two man (and a nasty seagull) show. Willem Dafoe and Robert Pattinson are masterful here. With Good Time, The Lost City of Z, and now this under his belt, I can say I am 1000% confident that Pattinson will make for a great Batman/Bruce Wayne. While Good Time is still my favorite performance of his, mostly because Good Time is a near perfect film, Pattinson is phenomenal here, his descent into madness convincing and very heartbreaking. Willem Dafoe is near perfect here as well, as the head light honcho that might just be a devious secret asshole (based on your perspective of events). The only problem with his performance is that I couldn’t understand half the shit he was saying with his accent. It was like trying to watch Jeff Bridges in the remake to True Grit all over again.

The film, being in black and white, is gorgeously shot. I wouldn’t be against it getting a cinematography nomination at a bunch of award ceremonies this year at all. The tone, setting, and mood of the film all work in the pictures’ favor, and to imagine this film being in color, God, I don’t want to think about it…probably would’ve ended up hating it. The visuals are near perfect. But visuals and performances do not a great movie make for me. Even though the performances were great, I couldn’t have cared less about either of the characters. I honestly think that if they would’ve made either one of them a much more sympathetic or one of them much more clearly problematic, I could’ve gotten into the movie more. At least one of their descents into madness could’ve been more emotionally investing that way instead of just feeling relief that the movie was finally nearing its end. But maybe that was the point, for both of them to be morally ambiguous, but if that was the case, then it just didn’t work with me.

People will say the movie is too weird with its imagery. But if you know anything about certain Greek mythology/lore like I do, then you’ll realize that everything in the movie makes sense if you look at it from different specific points of view. Especially if you see both characters as being representations of Prometheus and/or Proteus. But like I said, I was either too bored or didn’t care about what was happening to the characters to really give a shit. And it’s a shame, because I was really looking forward to this film going into it. It is very cinematic and artistic, and if you really loved The Witch, and all the symbolism meshed well with the horror and imagery and story with that film, then you are probably going to love The Lighthouse as well. It was just not my cup of tea, and his films, along with Paul Thomas Anderson’s, may very well never be. But that’s okay. I figure that if I at least don’t write these off as total trash then my opinion may count for something. So if you really do think that this film is genius, I fully support your admiration and reasons for thinking so. The light was not bright for me, nor was it burnt out, just dimmed and hazy.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: BLACK AND BLUE (no spoilers)

BLACK AND BLUE doesn’t lose your attention and Naomi Harris (who I think is actually an incredible actress and needs to be in more films) delivers a powerhouse performance in this. However, every character other than her is completely dumb as fuck and every choice that they make is so idiotic it will make your head spin. I don’t think Hollywood realizes you can have a taut thriller where the bad guys and others can also be pretty smart yet the hero can still come out possibly saving the day using his/her own wits. Why does every character have to have an IQ of 5 just to make it logical for the protagonist to get out of some hot shit? You know what it is called? It is called lazy and convenient writing. Which is a giant no-no to a lot of film lovers, but to Hollywood, who cares as long as the money ultimately makes its way into their pocket. Don’t get me wrong, the film isn’t that bad, it’s a very decent rental, but when there are no other interesting characters, and the movie only has one surface level message, what’s the point?

And that surface level message is, all cops are corrupt, even non-white ones? I’m kidding, I’m kidding, the message was actually not all cops are bad people and not all people in poverty or in gangs are bad people either. Murder is murder, no matter the skin color or race. But that message is stamped home only 20 minutes into the film, and nothing about it is explored deeper. It just takes that nail and hits you over the head with it until the end credits when it already went straight through your brain the first swing. Instead, the movie should played with morals more and have the message a bit more ambiguous for the audience to ponder, and only at the very end drive a clear point home. Spoon feeding people is not going to help, because fortunately, most of us are smarter than the characters were in this film, and we are able to decode messages without them just spelled out for us large and bold on a giant canvas.

The movie is about this rookie woman cop, who happens to be African-American, and after being more than a decade in the army, she joins the police force in New Orleans, and not really understanding the climate between cops and citizens nowadays. She is pushed into a double shift, teaming up with this other black cop she doesn’t know, one that is a little tense and in no mood for any bullshit. He gets a call on his phone, saying that he has to meet up with a CI, gets to the location, and tells her ass to stay in the car. She doesn’t after hearing several loud gunshots coming from the building he went into. She investigates, witnessing the black cop and several white narc cops execute these kids right in front of her, and she had her police body cam on. She escapes, and the rest of the movie is a cat and mouse race between her and corrupt cops trying to silence her and retrieve her body cam. She tries to make it back to the police station to upload the footage and along the way tries to get help from a poor small market owner (played by Tyrese Gibson) and other black folks in the community that don’t trust cops, and so won’t trust her even though they are of the same skin color.

It just kind of saddens me that this movie could’ve been something really special. Don’t get me wrong, the movie never lost my attention, there are tense moments in the movie and like I said, Naomi Harris, who plays the main back protagonist cop, is incredible in this. It is just that all the dumb characters, the one dimensional message, the tame action, and all the plot holes were too extracting to ignore. There are a hundred different things a hundred different characters couldn’t done or said in the moment that would’ve immediately solved the problem, but the writers thought those would’ve ended the movie too soon and didn’t want to challenge themselves. They could’ve had those characters do or say those things, and still have written another smart wrench for the protagonist to get through to get to her goal. But nope, everybody in the movie had to be a dumb dumb in order for the narrative to just move lazily along. I almost slapped my own head when one character is captured, but just keeps his mouth shut and gets the shit beat out of him, when one sentence or two sentences of explaining to the tortures would’ve left him unharmed. There are other examples, but I really don’t want to get into spoilers. Just trust me that a lot of wasted opportunity was in this.

I’m going to end the review here, as I usually get into the writer and director, but I don’t know them that well to roast their asses. I guess the screenwriter could be blamed, for mainly being a writer on TRANSFORMERS RESCUE BOT ACADEMY, but then again he wrote Flightplan, which was decent, so I obviously don’t know what the fuck he’s drinking or smoking. This movie is an entertaining mess. You get a emotional performance out of Naomi Harris (who was nominated for Moonlight and plays Moneypenny in the Daniel Craig bond films) and Tyrese Gibson isn’t bad, but then everyone else is just one dimensional stereotypical good guy or bad guy character. It’s just really, really, really, really, really lazy. I’m just tired of lazy. It is time to beef these things up.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: DOLEMITE IS MY NAME (Netflix)

Early reviews for Netflix’s DOLEMITE IS MY NAME have been proclaiming that “Eddie Murphy hasn’t been this good since Dreamgirls.” I want to go a little bit further than that and say, I don’t think Eddie Murphy has been this good since the 70’s/80’s and is now my second favorite performance from him, other than his multiple ones in The Nutty Professor. He really is back, actually looking like he gives a shit about this film. As well he should, because his performance isn’t the only great thing about it, as the story about Rudy Ray Moore, a black comedian who is known for being the pioneer of very crude and crass sexually explicit humor, and his rise up as a comedian and then breaking into the film industry. While the movie is pretty standard as far biopics go, the script is elevated by some snappy dialogue, showing in-depth some of the blaxploitation filmmaking process and having a good representation of what the culture was like in that industry in the mid 70s. Plus, the movie is pretty fucking hilarious and marks a turning point for Netflix for me, I’m just about ready to start taking the platform seriously (original film wise).

Know that I am not really familiar with Rudy Ray Moore or any of his films. The only little tidbits I know about him is from reading about him on Wikipedia and watching Red Letter Media’s Best Of The Worst Episode that featured his blaxploitation film Petey Wheatstraw, which doesn’t have anything to do with the Dolemite character, a kung foo fighting pimp. This movie, while the first 1/3rd is about Rudy Ray Moore’s rise in comedy, the second half is about the making of his famous “so bad it’s good” film, Dolemite. The movie’s narrative has the same structural blueprint as The Disaster Artist and Ed Wood, two other films that are about the making of the “so bad it’s good” pictures The Room and Plan 9 From Outer Space. It feels more like Ed Wood than James Franco’s recent film, and that is no surprise, as this movie was written by the that films writers. Ed Wood (arguably Tim Burton’s last great film) is not just about the making of one of the worst films of all time, but more about the man himself. Same here. The making of the movie is just gorgeous background decorations, focusing on Moore’s time, money, and effort just to get the film to a wide audience.

And while Eddie Murphy doesn’t look at all like Rudy Ray Moore, he captures his spirit flawlessly (from real clips of Moore that I’ve seen), and he looks like he is having a fucking blast making the movie. This is the Eddie Murphy we all know and love, he shouts his lines, has that quick and snappy talk, and energetic pep in his step. I just hope he keeps the momentum going. I just wish he wasn’t doing sequels to Coming To America or Beverly Hills Cop next, as I think he has the potential to soar in more original tales and material such as this. Leave Prince Akeem and Axel Foley be Eddie, please (especially that Coming To America 2 is going to be PG-13…). This movie is a VERY, VERY HARD R, f bombs out the fucking wazoo, sex jokes, and full frontal nudity. In fact, one could say that the best and funniest scene in the entire thing is the making of the sex scene in the Dolemite movie. I know that Eddie Murphy now looks back at his stand up from films like Raw and realizes that kind of comedy doesn’t work anymore, but if this films shows us anything, he has maybe tapped into a way around that, still being himself, but not as trigger happy, triggering this pathetic butthurt culture we have going on now (yeah that’s right, I said it).

Rudy Ray Moore’s films I believe were a little more successful and praised than the other good-bad films I mentioned above. It felt like his always had something a little bit more to say. And it is also the quiet moments in this that truly make the film soar, whenever Moore is struggling to come up with money to finish the film, or getting the film into theaters so a wide audience can enjoy them. If there was any scene that could actually garner Murphy another Oscar nomination, it would be at the very end of the film, where he interacts with a small fan, and a crowd outside of a theater, having to wait till 2 am to see his movie. The movie itself gets the feel of the mid 70s pretty much dead on, and look of it pays a good tribute to blaxploitation films’ lighting and color. I have a feeling a lot is owed to the director, Craig Brewer, who easily gives us his best film since Hustle & Flow. It is definitely more interestingly and steadily shot than the last film about the making of a bad movie, The Disaster Artist, where it felt like James Franco liked the shaky cam a little too fucking much.

If you don’t want to go out to the movies this weekend, and want something pretty good to watch at home, I highly recommend Dolemite Is My Name. Just under two hours (it doesn’t feel that length), the movie is endlessly entertaining, hilarious, and even has heart. With this, El Camino, and from what I hear, the upcoming Marriage Story and The Irishman, Netflix is starting to look like it is finally going to take itself seriously, instead of just giving us shit films that have mostly filled up the top half of my worst list of early 2019. And with the streaming wars coming very, very soon, maybe it realized it had to (although if they announce a sequel to Sextuplets anytime soon any hope I had for them will quickly be squandered). Maybe one year we’ll be looking at a Oscar nomination list completely dominated by steaming platform films? If you scoffed at that question, you should really do your research and see that it probably isn’t just a possibility, and that there is even evidence that it may come sooner than you think. If that happens, the tail end of this year will be known as the real first change in Netflix’s fate, with Dolemite Is My Name being one of the films in that conversation. Eddie Murphy’s back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: COUNTDOWN (no spoilers)

The new horror film COUNTDOWN is the literal definition of “so bad it’s good.” I was constantly laughing at inappropriate moments but I have to admit that I was a little entertained. And the acting, apart from the opening, was pretty decent as well. It had bat shit crazy mythology like last years Truth Or Dare and the ending defies and throws logic out the window. It’s also pretty predictable. I think the movie was in on the joke though. It knew how how dumb it was. Look at the damn premise, it’s about a fucking phone app that counts down to your death. I guarantee you some kind of drug was in the screenwriters system when they thought up the idea, and when they were on their computer program writing it. I’d say it is pretty lucky this thing even got fucking made, because I guarantee you there is some low rent straight to streaming platform movie out there in our universe that is just called Killer App, and is probably almost as stupid as this movie is. But seeing how last year Truth Or Dare was my guilty pleasure of 2018, Countdown is my guilty pleasure of 2019. But I warn you, this is a BAD, BAD movie.

And what is so infuriating is that it shows some potential. Some of the scares work, but only when those jump scares aren’t accompanied by a fucking giant sound to make you jump out of your seat. Unfortunately it was only a handful of moments, while the rest were your cookie cutter loud sound “fooled you” jump beats. It makes me want to get an editable version of the film, and make my own guilty pleasure “fan” cut and remove every single loud sound from all the jump scares that didn’t need them. It maybe would’ve made the movie creepier than it had any right to be. Let’s just save face, this movie is a PG-13 cheap knockoff of Final Destination, but instead of death going after these young adults…it’s another God damn demon. And I realize they had to make this force killing all these young adults something else other than death, otherwise New Line could’ve sued the shit out of everyone involved, but really, another fucking demon? Look around you, there are too many movies with too many fucking demons, there could’ve been a little more effort into figuring out something else that made it stand out from the pack.

Fortunately, the movies’ mythology is so bad shit crazy, with a laughable, yet entertaining back story, that the demon angle kind of worked after that a little bit. And the demon design, I have to admit, was pretty freaky. This whole review is going to be a bunch of unfortunately but I’ll admits, so get comfortable for this roller coaster of an opinion. I have to ADMIT, the movie actually has set ups and pay offs, and it has its own set of rules, even though some of those rules are laughable and UNFORTUNATELY almost completely rip off Final Destination 5. But the movie follows those rules, and shit doesn’t just happen to happen out of nowhere. The ending (really climax, as the obligatory sequel set up ending ending, and the mid credits scene, are eye rolling kind of stupid) though, Jesus Christ I haven’t laughed that hard in a theater this year. It completely throws everything to the wind and logic almost goes right out the fucking window. And those set ups and pay offs, while they are set up and paid off well, all of these end up being very convenient based upon the main characters profession.

The acting is part of what makes the film stay in the “so bad it’s good” range other than being just a plain bad movie. The main lead, played by Elizabeth Lail (you know her if you binge watched the first season of YOU) is actually pretty damn decent at acting scared and she displays a wide range of emotions in it that worked as well.. The other, sort of main lead (he shows up in act two) is played by Jordan Calloway, who you might know from Riverdale. His countdown ends before the main characters, and I liked the little mini arc he was given (more than the cliched protagonists for sure), and he acted better in this than he had any right to. I just wish he was in the film more. The acting at the beginning however was really jarring and I was beginning to worry if the entire ride would’ve been that cringe worthy. Thankfully it got out of that, but then it kept sticking its toes in with Peter Facinelli’s character. He plays the boss of where the main protagonist works (I’m not revealing any of their professions, you can get that info from the trailer, mainly because if you think really hard about her profession before watching the film, you could probably guess the ending pretty easily). He is basically playing a mixture of Carlisle Cullen and Mike Dexter, if they fucked and had a baby. It kind of took me out of the movie, but I forgive Facinelli, mainly because the script did him no favors. And remember, this is PG-13, there is a couple of blurred blood moments, but it is mostly not much of a gross gore or guts affair. I do have a feeling if they went all out rated R on it it might’ve been a whole lot better.

I’m almost done with this review, and I realize I haven’t even really talked about the plot, but luckily, I can do it in one sentence: A woman downloads an app that reveals when people when they are going to die via a countdown, and it reveals that she is going to die in less than 3 days, and she has to find a way to avoid her fate. Boom. Sounds like Final Destination and The Ring made a litter of kittens together huh? That’s EXACTLY what it is, in fact I’d say the prologue to the film almost rips off the beginning of The Ring beat by beat. The writer/director Justin Dec, this is his first big gig, as he’s been a miscellaneous crew member on a bunch of other films. I think if he could hone his horror craft, and realize that you don’t need a loud sound to make effective jump scares, he could possibly come up with something pretty compelling in the future. But again, this is a bad movie. Yes, so bad it is good, but I want to reiterate to you the only reason why I’m recommending it a little bit as a guilty pleasure. You will find yourself laughing hilariously all at the wrong times, but at the same time, the movie keeps your attention. That’s a little rare these days. Luckily Cinemark Rewards has this thing that if you see Hustlers, this, and 21 Bridges you get free digital copies of the movies when they hit home video, so while I own it, at least I won’t be spending anymore money on it if I want to watch and laugh at it again. But if you plan on watching a so bad its good movie with a bunch of friends late on Saturday, this movie fits that bill and might even make your night somewhat memorable.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: LITTLE MONSTERS (HULU)

LITTLE MONSTERS, not to be confused with the movie that starred Fred Savage when he was still little Kevin Arnold, is another zombie comedy film that was released on Hulu last weekend after getting decent reviews from Sundance and SXSW festivals earlier this year. It stars the great Lupita Nyong’o and Josh Gad and it is about a teacher that has to guide her class of small children through a zombie outbreak in the middle of a field trip. Basically, with the crude, rude, and crass tone, in a school like field trip setting, imagine if Billy Madison was in Zombieland, and that’s exactly the kind of movie you get. For me, it worked. While some may find the mean humor a little too mean, it is another refreshing take on the zombie tale, and makes for a good double feature if you went and saw Zombieland 2 in the theater before or after watching this in the comfort of your own home. It’s especially refreshing when you happen to still watch The Walking Dead; the past 3 episodes of that dower and grim show in its tiring 10th season has mostly been DOA, not fun at all, and almost a complete snooze fest. This will wake you right the fuck up.

I went into this film almost completely dark. I had not seen any trailers or tv spots, just a couple of still images and a couple of reviews that said while it was juvenile, it was still funny and refreshing. And knowing how I’m basically still juvenile at 33, I knew I was probably going to be okay with it. And when you add all that up, and add in the fact that my wife, who hates zombie/scary movies/what have you, actually sat down with me and paid attention the whole movie and now recommends it to people, you know you have something decent on your hands. So going into it dark, I was kind of dumb struck when the movie started with this random couple, showing their relationship (mostly fights), and then a break up. No Lupita Nyong’o in sight, quick cameo by Josh Gad on a television. I was thinking to myself, “well, maybe they are the start of some zombie outbreak or something.” Nope, in fact, the movie subverted my expectations with this juvenile man baby male being actually a main character and the catalyst of a “growing up” kind of tale. His story eventually intersects with Lupita’s and it does so absolutely beautifully. I was afraid that even though her name is listed first that it would be a Bruce Willis in a straight to video on demand kind of thing, top billing, but maybe only 15 minutes in the film.

But no, once Lupita joins the fray, she is in the movie 100%, her and the grown man baby’s adventure turns into a multi-dimensional arc in what could’ve easily been something generic (such as the plot just be that the grown man baby child wants only to just fuck Maz Kanata). And Josh Gad is in the film much more than I thought he would be as well, considering he is the “and” in the credits. I don’t want to spoil much about his character, but Gad is absolutely hilarious in this, using that fake annoying charm that he brings to other films so well, but then completely flipping it on its head. You’ll see. Out of Lupita Nyong’os classroom of children, they really only focus on one boy, who happens to be the grown man baby’s nephew. If I had any complaints about the film, is that while you want to see the other tiny little children of the classroom survive the zombie ordeal, the rest of their personalities don’t stick out so much, and are kind of degraded into being one dimensional stereotypes. I’m not expecting the Citizen Kane of character development to side kid characters in an hour and 34 minutes zombie film, but it would’ve been nice to have just a little more interactions with some of the kids, instead of it just being a couple of kids think the main boy is weird, but then end up respecting him in the end.

Also, for a zombie movie, you might have to suspend your belief a little bit. While I appreciated that it was only a zombie outbreak and they weren’t in the middle of a nation wide apocalypse, it was kind of weird to see that their field trip to this fun little lamb farm happened to be right next to a military experimental facility. But then again, maybe that was the joke? If that was an intentional joke (I’d have to ask the screenwriter), then it was quite brilliant. Otherwise, it just seems like plot convenience for point A to makes sense getting to point B in a hurry. The violence is a little less what you’d expect from a zombie movie, with some good gore and kills here and there, but then it also pulls back its punches on several good killing money shots, but I expect that it is due to the small budget this thing had, which is of course forgettable. I think this had a budget similar to Jay and Silent Bob Reboot, and this thing looks and is shot, so so so so so so much better than that film was.

This is definitely an entertaining ride on Hulu you don’t want to miss. Especially if you like these kinds of movies and/or are a zombie afficionado. If you don’t have Hulu, maybe find a friend that can loan you their username or password (don’t ask me though) so you would be able to check it out. It’s definitely much better than I thought it was gonna be, as I wasn’t looking at my laptop or phone during any parts of the movie. I am not familiar with the writer/director Abe Forsythe, or any of his previous work, but if his name is attached to a project in the future, I might be actively checking it out from now on. This movie ultimately proves though that Lupita Nyong’o deserved that Oscar she got for 12 Years A Slave several years ago for that very short screen time she was in. I thought it might’ve been a fluke, but her parts in this, Black Panther, Star Wars and especially Us, have proved me wrong. And I’m glad she did. Very good little film.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: ZOMBIELAND 2 – DOUBLE TAP (no spoilers)

Say you visit a good friend you haven’t seen in about a decade. Not a “once in a lifetime” friend, but maybe a childhood one you have fond memories of. It’s a little awkward at first, you really don’t know what to say, but then you start to get back into that old groove again, you wind up having a pretty good time, yet maybe not as memorable as you were hoping, but a feel lingering sense that you had a lot of fun and you’ll end up thinking about that fun every couple of years. That’s ZOMBIELAND 2: DOUBLE TAP. The last time we saw all these characters, Tallahassee, Columbus, Wichita, and Little Rock, was ten years ago, 2009. Now the first Zombieland isn’t the end all be all of horror comedies; it was short, sweet, and delightful. I actually just revisited it a couple of months ago and it still held up, I still laughed and smiled at those moments that made me laugh and smile the first time I saw it. What makes the first Zombieland somewhat memorable are the cast of characters I mentioned, and mainly Columbus’ rules. With the sequel, you get more of the same, but just a lot more of it. More stylish zombie kills, more rule jokes, and more bitching from the characters directed at each other. They do however, have some new tricks up their sleeves, such as some new quirky survivor characters and jokes where they make fun of the fact we haven’t seen them for ten years, and it all wraps itself up into one nice pure ol’ fashioned zombie comedy comfort experience.

If you have any interest in seeing this, go in cold, definitely do not watch the Red Band R-rated trailer. The fresher it is, the funnier it will be to you. I went in cold, laughed out loud a lot (seeing just the regular trailer in theaters), went back home and watched the R rated trailer, and was really glad that I waited. Not to say the movie would’ve been ruined, just that a couple of jokes that I saw fresh were probably funnier live than having seen them before I sat down in the theater. I would say the movie is as funny as the first one, with everybody, especially Harrelson, Eisenberg and Stone being able to just slip back into their characters with ease. The only one that gets the short end of the stick this time around (and may have gotten the short stick last time, I’d have to go back and check) is Abigail Breslin. It’s not to say she doesn’t do a good job in this, she does, but the plot basically has her being the main MacGuffin this time around, as everything revolves around her ditching the group, joining some hippie dude on his travels (there are only one or two small scenes of this) , and the group having to find her. She’s maybe on screen, maybe 15-20 minutes. Thankfully though, the other three, combined with some new quirky characters, stay together enough where Breslin’s absence isn’t that noticeable. If there is a third one, I’d suggest no more group splits as they are all much better altogether.

If there is an MVP award to give to a cast member for being a complete and utter masterful scene-stealer, it wouldn’t go to any of the mains this time (last time it went to Harrelson easily), but to Zoey Deutch, who plays a new supporting character named Madison. Whenever she open her mouth you want to slap your forehead. Deutch absolutely nails it. If this character wasn’t such an annoyingly likable scene-stealer, I’m sure there would be uproars from women claiming that Zoey just plays a blonde bimbo Californian stereotype. But the writers did a good job of giving her just enough likable quirkiness to maybe have an arm and a leg leaning out of that spectrum to cause no complaints. Same goes for the hippie that takes Little Rock away named Berkeley. Also wiping out any misgivings about any underwritten female characters comes another new character, Nevada, played by Rosario Dawson, who brings her cool and strong demeanor to a character that may or may not have the hots for Tallahassee. Rounding it out we get some hippie unknowns that are mostly forgettable, and if you’ve seen any regular trailer, you’ve see that Luke Wilson and Thomas Middleditch pop up as mirror like clones of Harrelson’s and Eisenberg’s characters, but thankfully, the real jokes and fun memorable bits from their small scenes were a nice treat and hidden from any marketing material.

I know that I am one to complain about more of the same, especially when I used that defense to tear open the new Joker movie a new asshole. But let me reiterate: I don’t mind if it is more of the same when the filmmakers, studio, and everyone involved is telling you that it will be exactly that from the get go. Joker is promoting itself as something different yet it is still a combination of one too many mental illness movies I’ve already seen. The trailers of Zombieland 2, hell, even the intro to this movie, basically say that what you got last time, you are going to get this time, albeit with a couple of tweaked concepts here and there. Hell, the intro is another slow motion zombie killing extravaganza featuring a different Metallica song. Just like the first film, there isn’t some world bending downer plot, it is just about a couple of individuals that group together to become a “family” and have funny and outrageous adventures, all while trying to survive and killing zombies in the most gruesome ways imaginable. The whole movie feels as if it is a bunch of individual scenes strung together, nothing complicated. Imagine if you will SNL had an hour and a half show of “zombie only” skits featuring the same characters, only this film is about 2000% funnier than what the writers of SNL could have probably come up with. I could talk in length about the jokes that really work and the jokes that don’t, but that would ruin the fun. Let’s just say there are a lot more hits than misses. When it does miss though, it isn’t loud or distracting.

Overall, everybody in this film looks like they had a fun time making it. Emma Stone has said that she’d like to do another one in another decade, another peek into these characters lives if you will. The writers Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick say that the Deadpool movies are to blame (they wrote those as well), as for the reasons why we never saw a Zombieland 2 sooner. Oh really? You couldn’t have say, maybe not written the Alien rip off mediocrity known as Life with Jake Gyllenhaul? Whatever. Actually, I think Emma Stone has a good idea. Where as the big important franchises can only have 2 to 3 years between films or else they become irrelevant (watch Avatar 2 bomb), some movies are just good enough, yet not important enough, to outlast the test of time. I think Zombieland would be a treat every decade or so. Or if they don’t want to do it as long, maybe another 7 to 8 years. This isn’t a masterpiece by any means of the word, and only a few things about it are truly memorable (especially the two end credit sequences), but sometimes, isn’t that just what you want, a decent hour and a half escape watch?

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: JAY AND SILENT BOB REBOOT

I think it’s obvious stating that if you don’t know much about the View Askew Universe or Jay and Silent Bob that you will probably get nothing out of JAY AND SILENT BOB REBOOT. Well, maybe you’d get a little somethin’ somethin’ out of the reboot jokes and pop culture references. But do you know what a Mooby’s is? Are you familiar with the origin of “Affleck, you da bomb in Phantoms yo!”? Do you know Brodie, Holden McNeil, Alyssa Jones, Justice, Dante Hicks, and the list goes on? If most of your answers were no, this film isn’t for you. If your interest is somehow peaked because Kevin Smith sells himself out faster than a hooker on a corner in Las Vegas, you’d need to watch Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, and Clerks II, in that order. Also, I’m pretty sure that Justin Long’s cameo in this means that Zach and Miri Make A Porno is now a part of the View Askew Universe, which I applaud. Don’t get me wrong, I really had fun and enjoyed this movie. I will take anything to jump into this universe again, as long as it isn’t bad as Mallrats, but damn, I really wish that Kevin Smith had gotten more production budget money. Because this film felt very, very, very cheaply made.

I don’t know if my review is going to go anywhere, because other than last night, the film is only playing one more time as a “Fathom Event” in theaters this Thursday, 10/17/19, and even then, it isn’t by itself but a double feature with Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Then Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes hit the road, taking the movie on a roadshow tour gig, where you will pay a much bigger ticket price to see the film, but you’ll also be part of a live Q&A from both of them after the film is done. Then I think it will hit digital, on demand, and home video early next year, where those that really wanted to see it but couldn’t find the time or didn’t live near a theater that had these two showings, and didn’t have the money or was close to a roadshow location, can finally enjoy it. So I guess I’m writing this for those of you that are seeing it this Thursday or already have tickets to one of his roadshow screenings? Eh…I think I’m writing it more for all those very loyal fanboys out there that really do follow the View Askew Universe closely.

I am one of them. I have to admit though, when I was introduced to Jay and Silent Bob by my father, I kind of saw the universe out of order. My first film of theirs was Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, then I kind of went backward, watching Dogma, then Chasing Amy, Mallrats, and finally Clerks. Never truly got in order until Clerks II was released and that was the last View Askew film before this! But I was an instant fan. I’ve probably seen Dogma a dozen times along with Strike Back and Clerks II, Chasing Amy a handful, but only Mallrats and the original Clerks twice. I can quote all the famous lines when they come up within the movie. And I think Kevin Smith has a knack for quirky dialogue like Quentin Tarantino does, although Smith is definitely more crass and crude. This just goes to show you that, A. this review is going to be a little long and B. I was really really really really really looking forward to this film. Was over the moon excited when I sat in my theater seat last night. (important to note: I have not seen the Jay and Silent Bob Super Groovy Cartoon movie, which I don’t really consider part of the View Askew Universe because Smith did not direct it, only write it, but I’m not thinking maybe I should give it a chance)

Following a funny and informative intro from Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes, the movie started, and I laughed all the way through the film for sure. But also once the film started, something was really kind of irking me. My wife leaned over to me halfway through the film and whispered in my ear, “is it me or does this seem extremely, cheaply made?” She was right. That was what was bothering me. And it was probably a lot easier to tell that the film didn’t have a lot of money when we had just watched Strike Back just two nights prior. This was the first View Askew Universe film not sponsored and funded by that egotistical disgusting fuck Harvey Weinstein. It is also the first film not to be produced by Scott Mosier either, but he’s cool, wasn’t involved in that sexual scandal at all, not sure why he didn’t decide to produce along with Saban Films. Anyway, I came to learn that the production budget was $10 million dollars for this, which I was very surprised to hear, especially since Dogma had the same amount, and is a much better looking film. So is Strike Back, but that had a budget of 22 million, which is not surprising considering that film felt huge. This film felt like it was made for $3 million or less (at times it even felt like it was made under Clerks budget of $27,575), as it didn’t even look as good as Mallrats, that film having a production budget of $6 million.

What I’m trying to get at is that it felt like Kevin Smith could’ve used several more takes on certain scenes, as the some of the editing and pacing seemed a little wonky. But if I know Kevin Smith as well as I think I do, he probably used every single penny of that $10 million and probably even shelled out some from his own pocket. I guarantee you that most of the money went to getting some huge names in there (I won’t reveal most of them as I don’t want to ruin any surprises. I still really really really liked the film even though you can tell the film was only shot in 3 weeks (the same number of days that it took him to film Clerks). All of the cheap production value is forgivable because the film was made with absolute love. It is definitely 95% fan service, and it all mostly works extremely, extremely well. I just hope that Clerks III is given a modest budget, but then I hope that film finally caps off the View Askew Universe, as it will have completely gone full circle and could be a true goodbye love letter to all us fans.

What is this film about? Well, as a movie trying to spoof all the remakes, reboots, and sequels yet being all three, the film starts off with Jay and Silent Bob unknowingly signing off their naming rights to Saban Films and thus cannot self-identify as Jay and Silent Bob ever again. At the same time they find out that a reboot of the Bluntman & Chronic movie ( the new one hilariously titled Bluntman V Chronic) that sucked “balls & asshole” 18 years ago is being remade, by none other than Kevin Smith. That reboot is almost done being made, except that Kevin Smith is auctioning off walk on roles for charity, and is going to film the final scene when “Chronic Con” hits in 3 days. Jay and Silent Bob go to Hollywood once again to stop the movie from being made so that they can somehow get their likenesses back. Oh, and along the way Jay finds out that he is actually a father to an 18 year old girl, his arc for the rest of the movie trying to let her know his identity, while coming to terms that it might actually be time to grow the fuck up.

And that is what most of Kevin Smith’s films deal with: the aspect of knowing when to grow up and how to start to do so. He uses his own experiences to influence his films, and they all work, even though one could argue he has never grown up as a filmmaker, and when he has tried to, a la Red State and Tusk, he realizes that he’s out of his element, and should stick to the juvenile comedy he loves and is so good at. If Clerks III wasn’t being made, I would’ve said this was a more than an adequate finale for the View Askew Universe. You get updates on most of your favorite characters (and some you didn’t even know you needed updates on), and to cap it all off, this is easily Jason Mewes best performance to date as Jay, or any of the other small handful of characters he plays. He shows true heart here, more than capable of having his character realize it is finally time to step up and be a responsible adult. The scenes with him and Harley Quinn Smith, who plays his daughter (but hilariously is really Kevin Smith’s daughter), are easily the best, showing maturity and the fact that Smith knows how to write his characters out of the stigma of being just one-dimensional walking dick and fart jokes.

As for my problem with the production value, being that the budget was only about $10 million, it really is all forgivable knowing how long Kevin Smith took to finally get this film made. Some of the editing and pacing is a bit off, and a bunch of locations you could tell were filmed at friends or families places or really quickly built, cheap sets. The “Chronic Con” event at the end looks as though it was filmed in an abandoned warehouse or school building. I understand that most of the money probably went to all those cameos, and the film wouldn’t be the same without them, but I feel like maybe if he had focused a little more on the father/daughter aspect of the script, cut the cameos, and made it all about story, the film could’ve looked better than it did. But I’m really just shooting myself in the face saying that, because the fan service made me smile and catered to my very fan boy soul. Kevin Smith even plays himself in this and pokes fun at himself quite a bit, if that doesn’t make you howl with laughter, I don’t know what will.

Like I said, the movie is all fan service. It is a fantastic and funny tribute to its loyal fans. And I ate up every second of it. Hopefully no one ruins many of the great surprises and jokes the movie has in store for those that are eagerly waiting to see it. Thankfully Ben Affleck (he’s in the trailer so his appearance is not much of a spoiler) got his shit together and whatever beef him and Smith had was worked out and he ended up appearing in a lengthy scene (I think shot at the last minute), which is easily the movies’ best sequence. I won’t ruin what all the scene has to offer, just know that Affleck seemed like he wanted to be there, the dialogue was fantastic and some of Smith’s best, and it looked like Affleck even had a blast poking fun at himself, via his character Holden McNeil, at being Batman. Affleck really was the bomb in Reboot, yo.

So yeah, you either really really really want to see Jay and Silent Bob Reboot, or you don’t. It is that simple. The only way you can change your mind from not knowing anything about the View Askew Universe and not wanting to see this film, is to start with Clerks and go onward. If you don’t like what you get by Dogma, maybe you should stop right there, as nothing at that point will win you over. But if you are obsessed with this world as I am, it is a nice sweet treat, but with some shoddy production values as the wrapper. Kevin Smith can’t go all out anymore like he did with Dogma, Chasing Amy, or Strike Back because of all this cancel and woke culture bullshit, but he adapts quickly, making jokes that still hit their target, but obviously it is a more politically correct mark. The more I think about the film, the more I like it. I can’t wait to watch it again, and mark my words, I will. Be sure to stay all the way thru the credits for more SNOOTCHIE BOOTCHIE SURPRISES!!! I love Jay and Silent Bob, I love them and their stupid asses.

My rank of Kevin Smith films (just because):

Dogma
Chasing Amy
Clerks II
Zach and Miri Make A Porno
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Clerks
Jay and Silent Bob Reboot
Mallrats
Jersey Girl
Tusk
Red State
Yoga Hosers
Cop Out

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: ADDAMS FAMILY (2019)

ADDAMS FAMILY (2019) will make you run to your film collection and want to watch Barry Sonnenfeld’s fun yet flawed live action 90s films in order to get the boring and bland taste of this animated remake/reboot out of your mouth. I’m calling it a remake because it has absolutely no connection or continuation with the 90s films, but at the same time I want to call it a reboot because it takes some very similar plot threads from both the original and Values and tries to mix them together to try and to garner up some sort of new cohesive story. Needless to say it doesn’t work. The beginning is promising, it’s gets the “creepy and they’re cooky” vibe right, with a before the opening credits origin story that actually works very well, but then after the introduction to Wednesday, Pugsly and Fester it goes into a plot dealing with “normal folk” that almost made me fall asleep, as I didn’t care about it. All of it turns into a movie that I’m not sure who the target audience is, as I don’t think kids would get any fun out of it, and will have adults wishing that somehow Raul Julia was still alive to do a final film in what would’ve been a decent Sonnenfeld trilogy.

To describe the half hazard story the best I can, it mainly focuses on Pugsly having to performance this family ritual to become a man, aka a Barmitzva, but a little more dangerous and weirder in nature, Wednesday going to a normal school and befriending a normal girl which has her questioning her real life, while the rest of the family deals with a pretentious TV host and her quest to build a perfect planned community, with the Addams refusing to change their cooky ways. Basically it takes some of the weird small things Pugsly did in the live action films and scrambles it up to have it fall in line with this Addams rite of passage boring story line, it takes Wednesday’s little subplot with the summer camp from Values and just switches it to a school narrative, and then it takes the two crazy female antagonists from both live action films to create this new antagonist that is voiced by none other than Alison Janney. It’s all just very bland, where I was wishing that it would’ve completely ditched the entire story and just had the family do different weird, fun yet demented things to each other taking place solely in and right outside the house for 87 minutes. That’s basically what the first 10-15 minutes were and I quite enjoyed it.

There is nothing wrong with the rest of the film. The animation is quite good, the voice casting is excellent, and the comedy works when it is just within the family. When it tries to stir up some kind of narrative with us “normal” folk, and the fact that it doesn’t get as dark as the live action movies and source material is the main problem. Oscar Isaac makes an excellent Gomez, Charlize Theron is fantastic as Morticia, Chloe Grace Moretz is great as Wednesday, Nick Kroll kills it as a new unique Uncle Fester, and Finn Wolfhard made a fine Pugsly. Even Alison Janney did a good job voicing the antagonist. And the animation is very eye catching with a lot of fantastic site gags you expect to see that involve the family. I understand trying to bring in a younger audience, but unless you have a unique narrative that is interesting enough to catch the ears of a child, you aren’t going to get anywhere with a bland story line such as this. Your child will get ADD with this film if they don’t already have it. I saw it with a theater full of children and when I looked around most of them had their heads on their parents shoulders, their eyes quickly drooping and some of them already shut.

Like I said with my review of Jexi, this isn’t going to be a long analysis because, thankfully, the film itself wasn’t that long, probably coming to an hour and 20 minutes without credits. But let me ask you a question: does it really matter if halfway into it you already feel that it has overstayed its welcome, have almost fallen asleep, and wonder if it’d been better as a couple of shorts on the extras of better animated movies from the same studio? The movie isn’t a total disaster, as I’m sure some families might get something out of it, but I guarantee you that any fans at all of the original source material, the old television show, and the live action movies of the 90s will probably wish that they were rolling around in early graves than having to sit through all the mediocrity. Sitting in my theater seat waiting for the movie to end, I was constantly just singing the catchy Addams Family theme song in my head almost the entire run time. During one of the run-throughs I was wishing that after the two snaps of the fingers that I would suddenly disappear in the theater and reappear in my bed at home. Ah the thought of that. Neat. Sweet. Petite.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: GEMINI MAN (seen in XD, 3D, High Frame Rate, 2K)(no spoilers)

GEMINI MAN is one of the best action films of 1997. 22 years later though…it doesn’t hold up. At all. Now that statement might confuse you. Because there are a lot of great action films in the late 90s that still hold up today. Face/Off, Broken Arrow, Con Air to name a few, but what I was really trying to say is that this film feels like it should’ve come out twenty something years ago. Not surprising when you learn that this script has been in development hell for precisely that long. Even then it probably would’ve only just been half way decent but ultimately forgettable. And while the fight scenes between Will Smith and his younger self might’ve been praised as something revolutionary back then, I doubt that they could’ve been done as effectively. For the most part, they only did it half well in this (more on that later). And seeing as though they only got it half right in 2019…it leads one to think that the movie might’ve been a disaster back then too. Ultimately, in present day, Gemini Man is a huge disappointment save for a couple of small bright spots, as the movie itself has some of the worst acting, dialogue, jarring action sequences and visuals from a format that should’ve died with The Hobbit Trilogy, and a cliched dull plot that has been cloned one too many times to care anymore.

Now I did try and see Gemini Man as close as director Ang Lee intended. Going to Cinemark West Plano, I saw the film in XD, 3D, and high frame rate. The only thing stopping me from seeing it exactly how he wanted, is that the version I saw was in 2K, and not 4. That being said, I’m telling you right now, if you see this on a plain ‘ol movie screen, you are going to think this is the dullest thing since un-buttered stale popcorn. If you see it as close as possible to how the director intended, you might get some small bright spots of really great technical wizardry. The 3D in this movie is utterly fucking fantastic, easily the best since Avatar, since this was actually shot in 3D and not converted. The best scenes with 3D are easily whenever there is an action sequence (particularly the cycle chase), anytime the film is a water level or below water, and where there is a lot of space and large depth of field. Basically, the 3D is near perfect, and if it were a masterpiece of a movie, it might even get 3D to have another spike in popularity. Unfortunately we will have to wait for Avatar 2 for that possibility. The large screen is nice because that combined with some great sound makes the film at least watchable. The real problem is some sequences with the stupid High Frame Rate format that needs to fucking die a quick and painless death.

I’m not going to explain what the whole High Frame Rate thing is, you can find plenty of articles online discussing it in this and more detailed in anybody that saw any of The Hobbit trilogy with it. Needless to say, some, emphasis on SOME sequences it feels nice and fluid and it is supposed to make you feel like you are actually there with all the action and characters, a sense of realism if you will. The parts that are really fucking jarring are some of the action beats in the action sequences. For example, some parts of the cycle chase are really nice to look and and very fluid with high frame rate, combine it with the 3D and I felt I was there in some shots. But then when the younger Will Smith is trying to kill the older one by punching, kicking, or trying to crush him with a bike, the action is too fast, making them look like Wilde E. Coyote and the Road Runner going at it. Then they fist fight later, and the action is so jarring it’s like taking a real boxing match on television and just hitting the fast forward button and watching it that way. When the camera is static and the scenes take their time, the High Frame Rate works. But what works isn’t near enough to keep the format. The one positive thing to come out of this movie is that I hope filmmakers never ever try to bring it out of hibernation again, it is truly overrated.

Here’s the synopsis for the very lame ass plot, which is basically if Looper and The 6th Day fucked and had a baby. Old assassin decides to retire, some of his former colleagues don’t want that happening while also finding out this old assassin has stumbled onto a conspiracy they are a part of, these associates send some other assassins to kill him, one of which is a cloned younger version of himself. That’s it, that’s all you need to know. And maybe that the older assassin discovers this clone oddly quickly after the first attempt to kill him by said clone and doesn’t want him dead because he knows there is a good and decent person somewhere inside him. Blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda, you can guess the outcome from just the few sentences I’ve given you. Let’s quickly talk about the only two really good things about the movie: Will Smith and Mary Elizabeth Winstead. Now while Will Smith is now 0 for 2 with movies he’s been in 2019, his acting was at least the best parts of each. You can tell that Smith is enjoying the work, and really wants to be there, which is admirable. Mary Elizabeth Winstead REALLY wants to be there, as she is the best performance in the whole movie, and is a real bad ass in it. I would like a regular action film with just her character, not relating to the events in this film, but with how poorly this film is doing at the box office, we’ll never get it.

Now let’s welcome the rest of the suck. Clive Owen is a Jason Garrett robot in this film, and looked like he wanted to kill himself during filming. One of the worst villains of 2019, if not the worst. The dialogue is really, really, really, really fucking bad.You could even make a checklist of the shittiest cliched dialogue you have ever heard in an action movie and it would probably check every single box. And the entire story and narrative is just playyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyed. So played. That’s not surprising though when you look at the screenwriting credits. David Benioff co-wrote the film. Ring any bells? It should, he is one of the two men that are responsible for ruining the last season and the end of Game of Thrones to a lot of people. Whenever he can’t write scripts based off previous material, he just completely falters with coming up with anything half way coherent. Here, he was asked to spruce up a script that was put together in the 90s. If you give a mediocre writer a mediocre script to spruce up, you aren’t going to change anything. Honestly, the whole thing should’ve just been shredded and the file deleted off the computer and started from scratch. This thing should’ve never been made. Speaking of never been made, there is this really really really really stupid little last minute eye rolling twist that was almost vomit inducing.

It’s not one of the worst films of the year, but it is one of the most forgettable. And if you really, really, really don’t give a shit about my review and want to see it anyway, might I suggest shelling out the extra few bucks to try and see it as close as director Ang Lee intended. I know telling you to spend more money on a lame film is weird but if you just see this in a plain old theater, your just going to end up truly wasting your time. Make it at least mean something with some extra visual flair. Ever since Life of Pi, Ang Lee’s career has been in a sharp decline, with this and that other piece of shit that is actually worse than this, Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk. Maybe he’ll be smarter with his next project and pick up the pieces, we shall see. He doesn’t have some talent with some of his older films, I will give him that. Real quick comment on the de-aging of Will Smith into a younger clone. In the dark, the visual effects look freaking fantastic. But when this clone is in the light, especially the very last time you see him, it is so jarring I was rubbing my eyes to make sure I wasn’t hallucinated. Especially the last time you see the clone, fucking God damn awful. Maybe they ran out of money. 2019 is not the year for a Will Smith comeback. He’s got one more film left, an animated film called Spies In Disguise, but even if it is a masterpiece (it looks only okay), it will in no way make up for this or the shitty live action remake of Aladdin. Maybe 2020 will be more his speed, where we get to see the third and hopefully final Bad Boys movie. But oh shit, it’s being released in dump month January…yet…it is more likely to be better than this film as cloning his chemistry with Martin Lawrence is probably much, much easier.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: JEXI (no spoilers)

JEXI is basically a shorter, foul mouthed semi-parody of the film Her. And for some reason, it semi-worked for me. I went into this movie having really low expectations. I had heard nothing about it and it wasn’t screened for critics (a dismal 8% on Rotten Tomatoes right now, but you know you can only trust that site as far as you can throw it). And I knew it was from the guys (Jon Lucas, Scott Moore) that wrote The Hangover and Bad Moms (their only hits) and countless other forgettable raunchy crude humor films like Office Christmas Party. They are definitely more of a miss duo than a hit one. However, I had a slight interest in it due to the fact I find Adam DeVine charming for some reason and that the beautiful and gorgeous and underused actress Rose Byrne plays the voice of Jexi, the main character’s phone operating system (think Siri and Alexa). I have to admit though, that even with everything against it, and also due to that fact that it is predictable to a tee and are very few surprising outcomes by the end of the very short 84 minute film, I did laugh my ass off quite a bit. It’s the crude humor loser in me, I know.

I mean, does this sound familiar? A guy that has a plain old job that’s not his dream job and doesn’t really have a great connection with any human beings, only his phone, gets a new phone with a new operating system after bumping into a cutie that owns a bike shop. The new operating system is named Jexi, and she is erratic and self aware right from the get go. Jexi wants to make this guy’s life better by cursing at him, humiliating him, and yelling at him to do the things he wouldn’t normally do. But then when he gets a little too friendly with that cutie bike store owner, Jexi starts to get jealous, and with an operating system that can almost do anything and be anywhere, there’s not telling how dangerous she could end up really being. Adam DeVine is just Adam DeVine in this, but his awkward oh shucks comedic schtick still works, even if he never really shows any range. Young Storm, aka Alexandra Shipp is actually very likable as the cutie bike store owner and brings out some interesting chemistry between her and DeVine that would might’ve been plain and by the books with any other actress cast into the role. But the true star of Jexi, is none other than the great Rose Byrne.

I love Rose Byrne. You know who she is even if you don’t know who she is. She’s the wife in the Neighbors movies with Seth Rogen. She was the prissy pants in Bridesmaids. She was the bad girl in Spy with Melissa McCarthy. And she was excellent in last year’s Instant Family. She can do all ranges, I just wish that Hollywood would give her more of a central individual role in larger productions. Hell, maybe Marvel might give her a chance. Granted, she’s just a voice in this, but her voice, cursing, saying dirty shit, what have you, takes what would’ve been a God awful fucking stupid movie, and making it watchable with providing some very big laughs along the way. If there is anything in this movie to get you through the cliched and predictable short 84 minute run time, it is easily every scene where Jexi decides to open her mouth and say some heinous shit.

Ah…what to say, what to say. Kind of hard with a film that without credits is less than an hour and 20 minutes. It’s a brisk comedy that doesn’t overstay its welcome that isn’t as bad as the critics are saying it is. If you like really crude sexual and poo poo and pee pee and fart fart jokes, and like your comedy to be R rated, you’ll probably love this. The direction is kind of weird, with a lot of steady shots that turn shaky and zoom in on the actors suddenly real fast, but I guess that the directors were wanting to do a little more than just point and shoot something? I don’t know. To end this connection, here is my bottom line: if you want to watch a smart and unique film that deals with consequences of having self-aware A.I. and has a relationship with a man that has the voice of Scarlett Johansson, go watch Her. If you laugh at the thought of Rose Byrne saying to not put your phone in your back pocket because she doesn’t want to deal with your farts, while also dealing with a really cliched yet semi-passable quick romantic comedy…then Jexi is for you. Basically, a movie for your current mood. Don’t watch either with the wrong one, otherwise you might end up hating both.