Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: SEA FEVER

SEA FEVER doesn’t change any of the genre from whence it came, that of the genre of parasite/viral/disease psychological sci-fi horror thriller infection in a remote location type situation, but the film is so well made, subtle, and with fantastic performances that it comes out above the mediocre, shitty ones that you were used to seeing past the year 2000, other than Steven Soderberg’s near masterpiece Contagion. It doesn’t try to over do it, aka just have a bunch of gore or guts every frame to try and make you run to the bathroom with your hand covering your mouth. It has just the right amount to shock and awe you in those quick perfect moments that need it the most, when the story perfectly sets it up before hand and earns and deserves those moments. The film is about, using IMDB’s log line so I don’t end up spoiling the movie for you: “crew of a West of Ireland trawler, marooned at sea, struggle for their lives against a growing parasite in their water supply.” The movie is perfectly eerie and scary, only using a couple of earned jump scares and mostly relying on its wit and psychological terror to get into your head. Also, there is a speech by the main character 3/4th of a way into the movie that no film of disease really has (yet needs) that is blatantly relevant of what we are going through right now with COVID-19. Gave me chills.

The films stars a couple of people you might know. I don’t think you know who Hermoine Corfield is. She’s had very bit parts in big movies like The Last Jedi and Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation. Here she is the star, and hopefully with her talents after this she’ll get bigger roles. She plays some sort of scientist, I think oceanographer that joins this trawler, and she knows about sea life a lot, so she tries to help the crew navigate this possible infectious disease even though she’s only really learning about it as the film, and their plight, goes along. You definitely know two of the actors in this, Dougray Scott and Connie Nielsen. Connie Nielsen was the woman that loved Russell Crowe in Gladiator and Dougray Scott courted Drew Barrymore in Ever After. They are in fine form here, especially the later, this might be his best performance in years, and definitely not since the very underwhelming Mission Impossible 2. The movie is a slow burn, yet it doesn’t take very long to get to the heart of the matter and everything just keeps getting better and better through to the very last frame of the film. The movie will keep you guessing on who dies and the actual body count at the end. I made a few guesses but they all turned out to be not what I thought would happen.

Anyway, this is a really really good movie. I like how only show bits and parts of the creature, and not the entire thing to leave what it really looks like up to your imagination. I’m wondering if the script really called for that or if it was because of the budget (I’m guessing the latter). The director, Neasa Hardiman, this being her first feature, I looked up and turns out she directed the better episodes of Jessica Jones, and some other television stuff I haven’t seen. Well, needless to say, she was born for theatrical features and I hope to see more from her in the future. She’s talented behind the camera, perfect framing and staging to make the cabin fever in the small boat in the film seem dark and real. When I got the film on VUDU (blind buy but I read fantastic reviews), my only complaint is that it has this really weird cinematic like intro before it gets to the films real intro. I don’t know if its trying to recreate a unique theatrical experience before it starts the movie because the producers feel bad about COVID-19 and all the theaters shut down or what, but it’s a really weird intro, you’ll see what I’m talking about. But yeah, after We Summon The Darkness yesterday, I’m really beginning to start to enjoy these little independent features of 2020 that didn’t quite make it to theaters, especially after how underwhelmed I was and fearful after the likes of Vivarium and Swallow. It’s the disease/psychological/sci-fi horror film we didn’t know we needed right now and I highly recommend you check it out. Maybe word of mouth will make the viewing of this film…infectious, per say.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: WE SUMMON THE DARKNESS

Alexandra Daddario…if you haven’t watched the first season of True Detective, or fuck it, if you have, she’s the ‘big moment’ of episode two. That’s all I need to say. She’s been getting a bunch of roles since that big moment (she still considers it the smartest career move she’s ever made btw), some high profile movies such as the underwhelming Baywatch and the “better than it had any right to be” San Andreas. Recently she’s been getting into indie fare again, with a really small supporting role in Lost Transmissions with Simon Pegg, and now this devilish and twisty take on the Satanic Cult movie called WE SUMMON THE DARKNESS. I’m warning you now, there is no other way to describe this movie without comparing it to another movie, which would basically give everything away if you’ve seen this other movie. So with my next paragraph, I’m going to put a **possible spoilers** warning to those not wanting to read about the film that I compare this one to and then put two and two together to guess what happens. After saying that, I really, really enjoyed We Summon The Darkness, and I’m really hoping that films like these set the tone for indie streaming content in the next several months…because having to endure mediocre underwhelming films like Swallow and Vivarium because of COVID-19 Quarantine will not leave me in a happy mood once we are allowed to go back into theaters again.

************************POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR A COMPARISON TO ANOTHER MOVIE QUICK PARAGRAPH BEGINS NOW****************************** If I had to describe WE SUMMON THE DARKNESS I would say that it is basically the ‘Better Watch Out’ of Satanic Cult murder films. If you’ve seen Better Watch Out, you know that it is a twist on the home invasion thriller. If you know what the twist is, once I describe IMDB.com’s log line in my next non spoiler paragraph, you can probably guess the first big act twist very early on like I did (I guess the title of this film is a big dead giveaway as well if you think about it). I still very much prefer Better Watch Out, one of my favorite Christmas movies of all time now, but We Summon The Darkness is the closest any movie has had the balls to pull of something this bold and twisty, and I just wish other films would take note and try to pull these kind of fun spins on other genres, such as comedy or drama. I get that the horror/thriller is the easiest to do without everything feeling forced, but there’s gotta be a way to make this kind of twisty storytelling work in a completely different and opposite context. If you want a really good twisty thriller/horror trilogy mini marathon for your quarantine parties right now, I would put this film, Better Watch Out, and then The Cabin In The Woods on at home. Can’t get twistier than that during these twisty times.**************************END OF POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR A COMPARISON TO ANOTHER MOVIE QUICK PARAGRAPH***********************************

Again, and probably a lot now, probably going to be borrowing IMDB.com’s log line because they are usually good at describing a movie without giving away any spoilers. IMDB describes We Summon The Darkness as “On the way to a heavy metal concert, Alexis (Alexandra Daddario) and two girlfriends hear a news report of a local murder believed to be tied to a series of satanic killings. After the show, the girls invite three guys to join them at the Alexis’ estate. What starts as a party and should be a night of fun and youthful debauchery instead turns dark and deadly. The acting is pretty good for a small indie movie such as this, but if I had to switch roles, I probably would of Daddario and one of her friends played by Amy Forsyth. I can’t really say why I would because that could get into spoilers, but if you’ve seen some roles of Daddario’s past and have seen some projects with Amy Forsyth in them, you could probably see why. The film is set in the 80s and the 80s music accompanied by a cool and clear original score that sounds like it’s all techno keyboard acoustic stuff makes everything feel right at home for the decade. The clothes, atmosphere, and other do dads bring a fantastic 80’s vibe as well. The film is a nice and tight 95 minutes, with no fluff or filler and a good lead up to some horrifying happenings.

The direction is quite good too. I have never seen any of the director’s (Marc Meyers) other stuff, but I feel like I should check out his other film that just came out called Human Capital and then his other I’ve heard of, My Friend Dahmer, which came out several years ago. He has a good eye and doesn’t resort to cheap tricks such as doing a bunch shaky cam to try and hide poorly shot scuffles in post production. All of the framing is excellent and I could always tell where and what a certain character was doing at a certain time. It’s one of the better looking straight on demand movies I have seen in quite some time. The point is, the film captured my attention right from the get go and didn’t end until the credits came across my screen. The best way I know how to recommend this to you is if you like home invasion thrillers with a bit of blood and gore with some decent acting, dialogue, and a couple of groovy twists, then I’d say this is right up your alley. If not, look elsewhere. Do me a favor though and don’t watch a trailer. While it doesn’t give anything away per say, the context clues will probably make you figure things out fast. Oh, I forgot, a certain Jackass alum (the first one that probably comes to mind for you) is in the film as well and he does a decent job for probably only one day of work he had to do on the film. Just sit back and enjoy this one, don’t over think it, and maybe it could summon some entertainment and enjoyment out of you in these dark and depressing times.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: VIVARIUM (Video on Demand Rental)

You know what I hate most about movies? Is when they are weird just for the sake of being weird. When they have no (or at least it doesn’t hint at or show) allegory or even a little bit of an ambiguous message. They are just weird because the screenwriter and director decided to smoke a joint together and try to come up with something “original.” That is VIVARIUM in a nut shell. A helluva premise that is completely ruined because it is just weird for the sake of being weird, and there is nothing metaphorically sound around the entire thing to merit any of the weirdness that takes place. So it looks like this week I’m probably going to have three new reviews for you. This, Never Rarely Sometimes Always, and possibly Ozark Season 3 (if I can finish it before the week is up). I’m really hoping this is my last negative review, as I’ve been a total negative Nancy as of recently and want you all to be able to watch something that I think is worthwhile to you and not just a complete waste of fucking time. Now while this isn’t a complete waste of fucking time, I think the film really not having a point, and the fact that it is a pretty dark tale of forced isolation, in a time that we are having to isolate ourselves and not really caring for it to much, I do think that this is a film that most of you probably won’t want to, and probably don’t need to watch right now. And it’s definitely not worth a $6.99 rental (mine was free because I used Disney points to secure a free Fandango now rental).

Vivarium, without trying to go into any spoilers (are they spoilers though if the film doesn’t make any sense and is just weird as shit?) is about a couple (Jesse Eisenberg and Imogen Poots) that goes house hunting in this really weird neighborhood, where all the houses are green and look exactly alike. Their strange realtor leaves them there, and when they try and leave this neighborhood, it just makes the circle back to the house they were looking at. Basically, they are trapped and there is no way out. They get a baby in a box that says “raise him and you will be released” and this child is no ordinary child, somehow the couple still ends up making love even though they are in a bad place, yada yada yada, the movie ends on a depressing and weird note that didn’t make any sense nor did I care for it to make sense. The problem isn’t just the weirdness that made no sense. I didn’t like either of the two characters, even though Poots’ character does have redeeming qualities about her. And I fucking hated the kid. Needless to say the baby ages faster than most, but the kid has a dubbed over adult voice that is trying to imitate a child. And it makes weird screams. And I wanted to stab my eardrums out with a screwdriver just to make sure I didn’t heard it anymore. The film is very annoying to say the least.

And the most annoying thing about it is that it goes absolutely nowhere. It has all these threads, all these different puzzle pieces to make it seem like it is going to have an intriguing and thought provoking, unpredictable ending. A completed puzzle where you had no idea what the image was going to be until you settled that very last piece into place. Nope. While it has an ending, there is nothing behind it other than a dumb twist you can see coming from a mile away. I guess I have to go into semi spoilers but it never reveals really a reason why the couple are isolated in this square block of a neighborhood. Who the baby/child is doesn’t end up revealing any sort of purpose for being. It’s all just weird…for the sake…of being weird. And I hate that shit. Probably why I don’t care for cult classics such as The Rocky Horror Picture Show. BECAUSE NONE OF IT MAKES ANY FUCKING SENSE. At least the TV series Lost had some kind of metaphorical ending behind it, even though they didn’t answer every little single weird thing behind the island. Vivarium makes no sense, and I don’t think it wanted to. They probably didn’t even think about the answers. The guy that came up with the story, and the director (not familiar with any of Lorcan Finnegan’s work) probably asked each other, “but why this?” and they both came up with the same answer, “who cares?” They probably had some answers but then that just led to more questions so they just said fuck it and kept on making the movie. Well, I don’t like this movie that much, and will definitely take a temporary spot on my worst films of 2020 list so far. The acting is good, and the premise is good, but all that potential is lost in a vast sea of dumb weirdness that only the filmmakers will ever truly understand. And that’s a paradoxical shame.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: SWALLOW (VOD) (NOT PORN!!!)

No, I haven’t degraded to reviewing porn yet. There are still some things coming out streaming service wise or rental if the movie is (still in theaters) that I will review. SWALLOW is one of these new movies that you can rent (only $6.99, not this $19.99 bullshit, and I had a $3 promotion code to make it $3.99), and one I’ve been hearing a lot about on Twitter. It stars NOT JENNIFER LAWRENCE, Haley Bennett, and it is a psychological horror thriller about a newly pregnant wife that, after getting greatly stressed recently because of the strains of social placement her husband and in laws have put on her recently, develops a strange and dangerous compulsion to consume inedible objects in. What kind of objects might you ask? Well the poster shows her about to eat a fucking thumb tack (it gets worse). So if you can stomach that, which I barely could in the first place, you might find this movie a little interesting. Would I recommend it? I could get past the ick factor even though I dry heaved a couple of times, what I could get past was that the movie was too convoluted for its own good. It need to keep things simple, which it does for about the first 45 minutes, and then it throws on unneeded layers and reasoning to the story when it didn’t need anything else, thus producing a bold yet unearned ending that felt very, very forced.

Haley Bennett’s character is suffering from Pica, a compulsive eating disorder in which people eat nonfood items. And the film establishes very early on that the reason why she is doing this is because she feels the pressure of being in control when her husband and her in-laws hold her in high standard to do the things that they want her to do both mentally and physically. Basically she is being slowly mentally abused in a non threatening kind of way. But it is threatening to her, and when she eats these…sometimes dangerous, inanimate objects, she feels like she has that little moment of steering her life in the direction that she wants to go. It wouldn’t be spoilers really to say that the family discovers what she is doing really early on, so the mental abuse gets worse, and the whole film becomes a very interesting character study. But then, something is thrown into the film, a twist, if you will, that tries to take her whole reasoning of having Pica in another direction. Well, not an entirely whole other direction, it layers it on top of what we’ve already seen and nudges it about 10 degrees to the left. And it didn’t work for me. It’s kind of hard to talk about without revealing spoilers, but I did think the ending was bold, but I knew in my heart and in my mind that it didn’t earn that ending. I can say that the thing that was added to her madness felt tacked on, and it comes out during one of her therapy sessions with her therapist. When that whole angle was just suddenly brought up, I literally said out loud…”wait…what…why?” And then my interest in the film started to lag, where I was quite bored until the couple of minutes right before the end credits start to roll.

The only thing that keeps this film from sinking is the beautiful performance by NOT JENNIFER LAWRENCE, Haley Bennett. You might’ve seen her in supporting stuff like Music & Lyrics, Hardcore Henry, and the film adaptation of The Girl On The Train, but she’s the star here, and her acting makes us feel all the emotions her character goes thru and make us, the audience, want to help her. I am also glad the film didn’t do one other thing. While there is certainly an ick factor of swallowing inanimate objects, the film didn’t go all Saw on everyone. There are a couple of moments where you see some blood but it doesn’t go all gratuitous with it. You’ll probably still dry heave choke with some of what she swallows but you won’t be going and puking in the bathroom from any torture porn film like proportions. The direction is nice and neat. The shots are beautiful and clean, and then you get some of the blood from her character eating those objects which puts a satisfying stain on the picture and the brightness of the environment, metaphorically of course. It’s the ultimate story telling that didn’t work for me. It has a very solid first 45 minutes, and then things sort of go wheels off until the final couple of minutes. Who knows, it may work for you. It’s not like I completely ditched the film, but this would be the only time I would ever swallow the film whole.