Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: SHIRLEY (Hulu)

SHIRLEY, now available on either Hulu or you can rent it, is my pick of the most boring “kill me please” film of 2020. Yet it won’t be on my worst of the year list because I can acknowledge that I understood and appreciated what the film was trying to do and Elizabeth Moss’s performance is extraordinary, yet it just didn’t work for me, wasn’t my cup of tea you could say. And I won’t ever ever watch it again…if I happen to be with you while having a movie marathon night and you suggest that we watch this I’ll shove popcorn forcefully down your throat until you cry uncle. I was that bored. I was that bored I was wishing it for it to be done so I could watch a depressing episode of 13 Reasons Why for Christ’s sakes. This will be a very short review because there isn’t much that happens in the film other than senility, adultery, jealously, rinse & repeat. Logan Lerman is completely wasted in a supporting role and I would’ve rather watched just an ordinary bio pic on the life of horror writer Shirley Jackson than a unique experimentation film about a very brief time in her life, which don’t be fooled by the title, the latter is exactly what this is. I don’t even know if this shit happened at all and I don’t have the stamina to actually do some research. To be rather jerk-ishly forward with you, I’ll probably forget the entire film in over the course of a month.

Becky, per Rotten Tomatoes, is about “Renowned horror writer Shirley Jackson is on the precipice of writing her masterpiece when the arrival of newlyweds upends her meticulous routine and heightens tensions in her already tempestuous relationship with her philandering husband. The middle-aged couple, prone to ruthless barbs and copious afternoon cocktails, begins to toy mercilessly with the naïve young couple at their door.” Shirley Jackson’s philandering husband is played by Michael Stulbarg, and he does a pretty good job as well. But the young couple played by Odessa Young and Logan Lerman are one dimensional joke of characters, you neither get to know them or care what they are going through. And the ‘toy mercilessly’ in the description makes it sound like this movie is a thriller, but it isn’t. The toying isn’t even that bad, just a rude word said here or there with a couple of weird lucid dreams. The film is very uneventful. The only times I perked up was when Elizabeth Moss was acting, but when the camera was away from her it was hard to pay attention to what was going on.

The movie acts like an experimental film, the camera all over the place with extreme close ups and some time extreme blurriness, and it just didn’t work for me. I get that it was trying to go outside the slow and easy steady cam, and bring some life into a small part in Shirley Jackson’s life, but to me it just ended up being boring store brand icing on a boring store brand cake. A lot of top profile critics are liking this film, and I can see why because of Elizabeth Moss. She is doing fantastic things this year of COVID-19, with this and the much, much better The Invisible Man already under her belt. She’s becoming the Kate Winslet of a new generation. But to me, just one performance not a great movie make. I’ve always said that, whether it be Anne Hathaway in Rachel Getting Married…or Joaquin Phoenix in Joker. I’m not going to just like a movie based off a performance alone. It’s gotta more value in different areas, and unfortunately the story and pacing just made me want to stab my eyes out in boredom. This is actually based on a short novel, and looking at the reviews, not a lot of regular readers took to it, thought that the written form of this project was boring as well. So I feel good about ending my review with this, if you didn’t like the novel and thought it was boring, surely this ain’t going to do anything for you either.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: BECKY

If you want to see an ultra violent film where Kevin James (yes, THAT Kevin James in his first dramatic role) plays a Neo Nazi and him and his rag tag group of felons are chased down and killed in the most gruesome ways possible by a young teenage girl (think of it as a R rated Home Alone meets Hanna), then BECKY is the film for you. And when I say violent and gruesome kills, I’m talking on the levels of any film in the Saw series and the gruesomest 80’s slasher films you can think of. Just think of this as a rule of thought: when I cringe at gore…then it must be pretty bad. The film is a fun one time watch, but nothing more than that, as this film brings nothing new to the home invasion, revenge, survival thriller, (insert cliche here) genre. The main reason to watch this though is that this is the first film where our favorite King of Queens leading man isn’t just a bumbling fat guy funny man stereotype. He is bald, he has a big bushy beard, and he has a swastika tattoo on the back of that bald head. He spouts curse words and hatred in a fantastic menacing tone, I’m glad that someone saw him as having the potential to go beyond his type cast. It’s a quick and fast 90 minute film that literally has a McGuffin that never truly explains its existence, and if you can just sit back, and can stomach some horrific stomach churning violence, which you easily should because most of it is being done to racists, yet can also stomach a bunch of cliches you’ve seen many times before, you are in for a good time.

I stomached all of it, and it probably helped that the film I saw just before it, my review I posted before this one, The Last Days Of American Crime, was a giant overlong turd. Per IMDB.com, Becky is about “a teenager’s weekend at a lake house with her father which takes a turn for the worse when a group of convicts wreaks havoc on their lives.” The movie moves at a breakneck pace, wasting no time getting to the heart of the matter. But a warning for those of you that decide to watch this, if you are wanting answers to why exactly Neo-Nazi Kevin James and accomplices are at this lake house, the movie doesn’t really provide any answers. Well, it kind of does. Kevin James is looking for this key that he apparently hid there before the family even owned the place and obviously before he was sent to prison. It might seem like the decision to not ultimately reveal what the key unlocks is some smart decision by the filmmakers to look ‘smart’ and be ‘different’ and just say they wanted the audience to try and put 2 and 2 together in their own head, but to me it just seemed like a lazy excuse to find a real reason for the key’s existence. But no matter, we aren’t here for the key, we are here to see a young teenager outsmart the bad guys and kill them, non-PG style. And non-PG it is. I’m not going to ruin any of the kills, because that in turn would ruin the fun of the movie. But if you are squeemish, you might want to find a different film to enjoy your time with.

Although the film is light on plot and it offers nothing you haven’t seen before (except for the kills), the acting is also what makes this film watchable. And it is Kevin James’ performance alone for why you should watch this film. I could’ve watched 30 more minutes of his performance, and only disappointed he wasn’t in the film more than he already was. Kevin James transcends his type casting and I hope he is involved in more serious dramatic acting and stays far far away from any script that says it is from Happy Madison productions. You’ve out grown that shit Kevin, tell Sandler to fuck off unless its something like Uncut Gems. All the other acting is great as LuLu Wilson, if you look her up, has a solid track record in the horror genre, specifically making Ouija Origin of Evil a prequel that actually doesn’t suck as hard as the first film. Joel McHale is in this too and he’s fine, I can just never shake him as Jeff Winger from Community, but that’s my own problem, not his. The guys that directed this directed basically only one other film that I also enjoyed, called Cooties. Check that out if you haven’t already but it’s about young grade school kids eating some bad chicken nuggets and turning into flesh eating zombies, it is quite fun, yet not too memorable. And that’s ultimately how I would describe this film, fun, entertaining while you are watching it, but in a year, you won’t remember too much other than that you can say it was ultra violent, and that you were impressed Kevin James did something different for once.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: THE LAST DAYS OF AMERICAN CRIME (Netflix)

THE LAST DAYS OF AMERICAN CRIME is probably the most ill timed movie of 2020 so far. Maybe even the past decade, I’d have to do some research. I’m surprised Netflix didn’t pull or postpone its release to be honest. We’ll get to why in a moment. It is also way too long, convoluted, the rules of the plot device don’t make any sense and contradicts itself constantly, it takes too long to get to the heist climax, the dialogue and narration is Screenplay 101 levels of awful, not enough action, etc. etc. etc. There are only two things about it that are redeemable. Michael Pitt’s Nicolas Cage-like wacko of a performance, and director Olivier Megaton’s camera work and editing has grown much more steady and less choppy, but that’s about it. This is another one of those films that had smarter minds had a crack at adapting the graphic noves this was based upon, we might’ve had truly something special and epic. This film is 2 and a half hours long, and it acts like it is supposed to be an epic crime film, but it tries so hard and ends up failing so fast to the point where it loses its ‘epic-ness’ before even a half hour has gone by. Something to compare it to? It’s a poor man’s Heat rip off with a minor sci-fi twist that ends up tangling itself in multiple knots.

Rotten Tomatoes describes this film the best: “As a final response to terrorism and crime, the U.S. government plans to broadcast a signal making it impossible for anyone to knowingly commit unlawful acts. Graham Bricke (Edgar Ramírez) teams up with famous gangster progeny Kevin Cash (Michael C. Pitt) and a black market hacker Shelby Dupree (Anna Brewster), to commit the heist of the century and the last crime in American history and escape to Canada (who isn’t participating) before the signal goes off.” The biggest problem of the whole film? The ‘rules’ of the signal. They are messy, convoluted, don’t make a whole lot of sense, and constantly contradicts its own rules. For example, there is this one scene where a woman is fighting with a cop and she can’t kill him because the signal is turned on, but then once that situation has been resolved, THE SIGNAL STILL ON MIND YOU, she is able to blow of a government computer system. Uhhhh…that is knowingly committing a crime right? How is she not able to kill the cop one minute but blow up government property the next? Doesn’t. Make. Any. Fucking. Sense. The reason for me saying that this movie is ill timed is in part because of one of the rules of the signal and the apocalyptic protests present within the film. It all gave me an uneasy feeling, and not in the way it was probably supposed to. Another one of the plot points of this signal is that law enforcement gets implants in their necks near their spinal cord so that when the frequency is activated, it has no affect. So basically the cops out there that don’t have the best intentions at heart, can conceivably get away with crimes/murder themselves. Who ends up watching over them? None of this premise or story was really fleshed out with a lot of thought to be sure. With what happened last and this week and all the protests going on, in the words of Chandler on Friends, “could it BE any more ill timed?”

How to have fixed this movie? First off, it should’ve been a trimmed down to a little under 2 hours. Secondly, probably shouldn’t have been released this week. The rest is an entire overhaul of the premise, the dialogue, the rules of the signal, and better character development. Especially a re do of when the story takes place. I understand that the movie had to take place while the signal was in the final stages of testing and only at the very end to have it activated, because the other elements wouldn’t have worked. But wouldn’t it have been more interesting to concoct a story where the signal has already been activated for some time? A story of outsiders far away from the United States, looking in for one huge score? Now that would’ve been interesting. It also would’ve been a great way to think things through and have air tight rules about how the signal can make or break you, and ways around it. If you held a gun to my head and told me right now to list all the rules of the signal with this particular movie that makes sense and that actually follows the precedents set before it, you might as well pull the trigger. Other than Michael Pitt’s bat shit crazy performance, the acting is okay, and the actors do a good enough job of not looking like they are cringing saying the flat dialogue. Edgar Ramirez barely speaks anyway, unfortunately he is always going to be cast as the silent brute force with not much to say. Anna Brewster is just there to look hot and get naked in yet another obligatory un-needed sex scene. The one person who is absolutely wasted here is Sharlto Copley, who was amazing in District 9 and other small supporting roles. Here, his role seems like it might be important, but then just ends up being an after thought. You’ll see.

The direction isn’t to blame at all here. In fact, it’s probably Olivier Megaton best looking film to date. If you don’t know who he is, he is the one that directed Transporter 3 and Taken 2 & 3. The worst films of those franchises. In those films the action has too much shaky cam and is edited piss poorly just to hide how much non action there is. Here though, mostly everything is steady cam. With what little action there is, at least it is shot professionally, and the scenes have time to breathe, the audience being able to tell this time which bullet is flying where. The cinematography is decent as well. It’s a sleek looking film, only it isn’t sleek because the entire rest of it is very, very rough. That’s the screenplays fault, and it might even be the graphic novel it is based upon’s fault. I would need to do research on the latter and I don’t have the time or interest to. It shouldn’t take 2 hrs and 10 minutes to get to a not complicated yet convoluted heist, where there isn’t that many steps in getting away with billions of dollars apparently. Since I’ve only seen the movie, I’m going to have to blame screenwriter Karl Gujdusek, which is disappointing considering he wrote the half way decent Tom Cruise vehicle Oblivion, and an episode or two of Stranger Things. Yet then again he wrote The November Man… So if you decide to watch this 2 and a half hour epic non epic low-key mild science fiction heist action sort of apocalyptic thriller, and was bored and disappointed as much as me… that’s not my fault. I gave you all the signals.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: JUST MERCY

Because of what is going on out there in the world right now, JUST MERCY, which came out wide in early January of this year in theaters, Warner Brothers made available to rent for free for all of June. Technically, it is really considered a 2019 film since it came out in NY and LA in December, and was eligible for Academy Awards consideration, but didn’t get any nominations. Because the movie didn’t receive any nominations, I skipped it when it came to my local movie house to focus on checking off those I hadn’t seen that did. Since it is a very important time in our nations, no….world’s history, and since the release date is kind of blurred when it comes to reward season, I decided to go ahead and do a review, even though this one was likely not to make either my best of year list. That doesn’t mean anything bad, it is a very solid film, and one that should definitely be watched by every one that has a little time to watch it right now. Be forewarned, if you are a decent human being inside and out, it is a very hard movie to watch because of the awful extreme racism, brutality, and false convictions toward black people. I cringed at the horrible ways they are treated, and most likely you will to. Films like this make you wonder that if you gathered up all the racists in the world, and showed them movies about or real footage of racism for a year straight, would they change their ways? As you can see on my Facebook page, I try and keep it strictly to movies. As I white person, I feel like I want to say something meaningful, but I’m afraid that I might say the wrong thing or someone else could twist my words. So let this review be my ultimate thoughts on what is going on right now. So to end this introductory paragraph before I get into the movie, here is my whole stance on the matter: #BLACKLIVESMATTER .

Like I said above, the movie is solid and really the only reason why it wouldn’t end up in my top movies of the year for either 2019 and 2020 is because, in terms of how many movies I have seen during my life time, it really offers nothing new film wise in terms of black oppression, racial injustice & unforgivable police brutality. Everything that happens in this movie, which plays sort of like another one of those court room investigative drama movies, you’ve seen it all before in much more powerful films. But you SHOULD STILL watch this movie. It is filled with fantastic performances from Jamie Foxx & Michael B. Jordan and the message of #BlackLivesMatter is paced perfectly and is precise in what it is trying to say. Just Mercy tells the true story of Walter McMillian who is wrongly accused of a crime he didn’t commit because of racist bigots, but with the help of young defense attorney Bryan Stevenson, they try and appeal his murder conviction and get him out of jail before time runs out and they set a date for his execution on death row. Jamie Foxx and Michael B. Jordan have always been incredible actors, see anything they’ve done, they’ve always brought their A game. Here is no different, their facial expressions complementing their dialogue, to make you feel in your heart the hurt and pain that they feel.

The only one that gets a bit of a shaft with their performance is Brie Larson, who looks like she just put a wig on and walked on set to do her scenes while filming something for Captain Marvel. Not to say she isn’t good, but it seems like they could’ve left out her portrayal of her real character from the movie and its message would’ve remained the same. That or just cast an unknown actress and have her small time to shine. She’s the ‘and’ on the end credits, which makes a lot of sense, as she feels more like an extended cameo than a true supporting performance. She has only one long scene with some lengthy dialogue and some quick handful of 30 second investigative reporting, but the filmmakers could’ve just cast someone else not as well known and it would’ve gotten the same job done. I know they wanted to put Eva Ansley, a real life white woman that worked closely with Bryan Stevenson. in the film, but they just didn’t put that character into enough scenes for it to be warranted. It’s all forgivable anyway, because it is supposed to be the Foxx and Jordan show, and she doesn’t take away from their contributions at all. Tim Blake Nelson plays an inmate that initially testified against McMillian who might or might not have a chance of heart, and he gives a very solid supporting performance that should’ve been the true ‘and’ on the credits, and Brie Larson maybe sticking to an uncredited cameo. In the end, I don’t think there is anything writer director Destin Daniel Cretton could’ve done to make this racial injustice film stand out from the pack. He told the story as it happened, with incredible acting and symbolism to get the message across. It is a very solid, albeit familiar film. Might I recommend maybe watching Malcolm X and BlacKkKlansman as a perfect triple feature if you are wanting to learn more about the issues going on right now? Any films you would recommend watching with this one? Please do make an effort if you have time if you haven’t seen it. This film needs to be seen right now.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: THE WRETCHED

In the years to come, when I go back and un-fondly remember all of 2020 and the way COVID-19 basically butt fucked the film industry to no end, THE WRETCHED is going to be the one film that I will say actually benefited from the pandemic. Why? Do some research. Drive-In theaters are still in business right now, and while most of the are playing stuff that hit theaters right before this virus shut everything down, there are a couple of films that went straight to Video On Demand, that these theaters have decided to play on their outside big screen as well. The Wretched is one of them, and you might not know it until you read it, but it is making history. This past weekend would make it be the 5th consecutive week at #1 in the theaters, a feat that hasn’t been accomplished since Black Panther in 2018. It has made $660,000 to date, with only a rumored production budget of less than $100,000. That might not seem like a big number to a lot of people, but for a small film company like IFC, it’s a lot. According to one major box office analyst, Jeff Bock, “If it gets to $1 million, it’s like another studio getting to $100 million.” That’s huge. And with no major tent poles coming out till maybe (a hard maybe) end of July, there is no doubt that it will hit that mark. Part of the reason I think the movie will make it, it really is quite damn good and very entertaining for how low budget it is. When I rented it for a pretty damn fair $6.99 this weekend, I was expecting something low budget like a really crudely made college student film, something like ThanksKilling. But no, the picture is crisp, the acting is above-average, and while the story is basically just a mix and match of Blair Witch (not the doc portion), Fright Night, and Rear Window, it throws a couple of little twists and one HUGE one that I didn’t see coming at all. In the age of COVID, this is a near perfect film. Both in style and execution.

I don’t want to give too much away, and a lot of film sites have a paragraph description that says too much, so again, from IMDB.com, as they have a near perfect log line: “A defiant teenage boy, struggling with his parent’s imminent divorce, faces off with a thousand year-old witch, who is living beneath the skin of and posing as the woman next door.” Definitely do not watch a trailer if you happen to find one. Even if the movie didn’t have the big twist at the end, it still has impressive visuals and sounds for even the lowest of low budget films. The witch’s design and gore effects being under other innocent victims’ skin is grotesque and real looking. The slurp and slop sound bites will make your skin crawl with goosebumps through the entire 95 minute runtime. The works. This film has the works. And this movie is also one of the few horror films that has an obligatory sequel end scene that makes me crave and hope for a sequel. I also think we need a sequel to maybe flesh out the witch’s mythology and her exact powers and limits. While this movie gives you bits and pieces to maybe try and organize the clues together to form your own version of the witches origins, if the film had any weaknesses, it was that it was just short of giving us enough. It needed more horror film rules, as it were. Granted I don’t want a shit ton where it isn’t that much of a mystery anymore, but some of the things contradicted each other a bit if you pay attention closely, especially toward the end. Those kinds of details need a little bit more explanation. But everything else in this is quite entertaining and solid, and it even has earned jump scares. It’s a very well made low budget horror movie, and gives the finger to others with how good it is, such as The Blair Witch Project or the Paranormal Activity franchise.

The movie was written and directed by The Pierce Brothers, who I don’t know, and looking up their career haven’t done much. But give these guys a bigger budget, and they could definitely be going places. Their camera work here is superb for how little this film cost. I don’t know any of the actors, but the lead 17 year old boy, played by NOT ANSEL ELGORT, did a pretty fine job with his performance, in fact, you could say he acted circles around more known horror film stars today that are twice his age. There isn’t much more I can say about this film without giving away spoilers. The big twist at the end is worth the price of a rental alone. There was this one scene at the beginning that was a little awkward to me, the dialogue, the reaction, what that dialogue was referring to. I kind of cringed back and was hoping there weren’t many more of those moments. Come to find out, that 3 second awkward exchange happened to be the first set up to the major twist at the end, and I ended up applauding that scene now for its utter brilliance of establishing set ups for great pay offs. The movie is vastly more entertaining than the low budget sci-fi Amazon Prime Original I just reviewed, The Vast of Night. I was hooked the entire run time, and even though the plot relies heavily on beats from Fright Night and Rear Window, it does it in its own unique way where all of it ends up being 100% forgivable. Also, this film has some balls. No one is safe from death, not even little children & babies. It doesn’t pull its punches. If you are reading this, and if you have a drive in near you that’s playing this, please go out and support that theater. It really is the perfect drive in movie. And if you don’t, I definitely recommend renting it, but making sure you have a decent home theater set up before you do. You are not really meant to watch this one on a phone, no matter what any other jackass tells you. The world is wretched itself right now, but it was nice to have a temporary perfect potion for a little escape. Highly, highly recommend.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: THE VAST OF NIGHT (Amazon Prime)

THE VAST OF NIGHT mainly gets away with it’s mostly “telling but not showing” premise because of it’s small small small small ass budget. I think less than $50,000, don’t directly quote me on that. If this had anything over a million, the long sequences of talking and telling a story without showing the audience any flashbacks would’ve been completely unforgivable. That being said, the dialogue from those scenes are believable and decent, so much so that those of you that mainly listened to the radio growing up would probably get a nostalgia high from it, those of you that didn’t, think of those FDR “Fireside Chats” you learned about in history class, and you can get the picture of what I’m talking about. The main reason to watch this movie isn’t because of the story or characters or acting, it’s because of some of the amazing camera shots. Near the very beginning where it follows a charismatic radio DJ in, out and around his high school before a big basketball game, and then somewhere near the middle where the camera sweeps through the town a couple of times, all one shot takes. They are AMAZING camera shots. Most of you casual moviegoers though, you’ll watch this film, probably wonder why in the fucking hell I’m giving it a recommendation, because truth be told, a lot of you will be bored and probably shut it off halfway through. But I’m giving this a pass, because even though the characterization was underwhelming, and also the story and ending a bit so-so as well, this low-fi sci-fi movie is a nice little homage to all the ones that came before, and 1950s era itself.

IMDB.com describes The Vast Of Night as: “In the twilight of the 1950s, on one fateful night in New Mexico, young switchboard operator Fay and charismatic radio DJ Everett discover a strange audio frequency that could change their small town and the future forever.” What I liked immediately when the movie started was a little homage to The Twilight Zone, as a Rod Sterling type voice tweaks the words of the opening of that TV show and instead frames the story as an episode of the fictional ‘Paradox Theater.’ It’s a little unfortunate that the movie doesn’t really capture a stretched out episode of The Twilight Zone and instead relegates everything to what would’ve been a cool yet small little broadcast in the vein of H.G. Wells’ The War of The Worlds when Mr. Wells’ read his story over the radio, and freaked out a bunch of people at the time. Not that that was ultimately bad, just a little disappointing. The story could’ve been tweaked to make it out like a feature of The Twilight Zone, however, that would’ve required flashbacks and the budget would’ve absolutely skyrocketed. There are several long sequences of still camera dialogues that will either make you or break you with liking this film. Two of the longest, between 5 – 10 minutes each, consists of an Army vet recollecting when he heard that signal for the first time over his career, and an older lady recollecting how she heard the audio frequency that lead to her son eventually being taken by the ‘people in the sky.’ This is all spaced out with the two leads, Fay and Everett, freaking out about said signal and going different places to investigate. The two leads do do a fine job of acting, nothing wrong in that department, but yet nothing special either. And it isn’t special because we really don’t get to know the characters all that well, it’s one-note development at its most disappointing. And at a short 89 minutes, those long dialogue scenes seem to stretch on forever.

Like I said before, the main reason to watch it are for a couple of the amazing camera dolly shots this film has, especially when it goes through the entire small town, in and out of the school and to swear the two characters work, it’s amazing how they pulled that off. And then the beginning where Everett is going through the school before he does his nightly broadcast. Take that camera work, get a high budget and a solid story, and director Andrew Patterson could be going places. They got the 50’s costumes and feel correct, they just needed to add more meat to the sandwich. But the bread is fresh baked out of the oven, the shots really are quite unique. And the story is decent, it just isn’t fleshed out, and again, it’s because of the budget. All roads of reasoning lead to the budget on this one for me. That’s why I’m giving this a recommendation, because when I was in college wanting to make movies at one time (see where I am now though), I really appreciated the things that students could come up with filming, with absolutely no money at all. $50,000 might sound like a lot to you, but it really isn’t. And the fact that this was made on that tight a budget, with some above average camera shots, is honestly a little breathtaking. Tomorrow I am going to post a review of a movie called The Wretched, that is dominating drive-in theaters right now and VOD, with not as small of a budget at this, but small enough that the visuals of that film are striking as well. The different between that and The Vast Of Night is that The Wretched has a giant twist I didn’t see coming and I was invested in the story more. But if you are a person that likes all of film, that appreciates and goes beyond just story or characters or visuals, then you might want to give this one a try. Just don’t expect a vastness of content.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: EXTRA ORDINARY

EXTRA ORDINARY is a fun little horror comedy that came to US Theaters on March 6th, literally a week or two before the giant pandemic shut down. It has an extremely good score on Rotten Tomatoes and I’ve just been biding my time before it was a little cheaper to rent so that I could have something new to watch and review that came out in 2020 before I really start to run out of things to watch and review in the next couple of weeks (I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I really am!). When it finally went down in price this week, I knew I had to jump in. And I’m glad I did. While not quite enough horror in this film than I would’ve hoped for, it has a tone similar to Ghostbusters. In fact, you could say a lot of the beats in this match that exactly of that film, but instead of a team of four guys literal ghost busting with electronic proton packs, it’s a man and a woman doing it with their own charm and wits, exorcism style. I chuckled throughout this whole film and laughed out loud several parts as well, but never once did I jump in fright, like I did when I first watched Ghostbusters, which is really the only complaint I can give this film. One big credit to give it, without spoiling anything, is that it has a very funny sequence where it completely flips the standard car chase on its head. Brilliantly done, I was almost on the floor by the time that scene completed. The movie has a very tight and nicely knit story line, even though all of it is pretty damn predictable, even the minor twist at the end. But as far as satires go with horror films, you could have a marathon with this, Ghostbusters, and Shaun of the Dead and be none the wiser.

Per IMDB, Extra Ordinary is about a character named “Rose, a mostly sweet and lonely Irish driving instructor, must use her supernatural talents to save the daughter of Martin (also mostly sweet and lonely) from a washed-up rock star who is using her in a Satanic pact to reignite his fame.” Said rock star is played to perfection by Will Forte, the only person you will recognize from this movie. If you are tired of Will Forte’s schtick, fret not, this movie uses his comedic talents to the best of his abilities, and distinguishes himself as an actual unique character, not just Forte being well…quirky Will Forte. But while he’s front and center on the poster due to his recognizable name to fame, it is really the Rose and Martin show. But the movie actually fleshes out all of its characters, big and small. The film is an extremely tight 94 minutes with absolutely no filler. It has great sight gags, some funny one liners, witty dialogue, and pretty fun visuals even for how low budget it is. While a lot of it is British dry comedy humor, there is a couple of crude and crass bits in there to satisfy even the perverted of American minds. I’m not very familiar with the writers/directors, but needless to say, if they kept going with this horror comedy genre, maybe they could make enough of a name for themselves where I can just go back and reference this first fun film of theirs.

The film is indeed rated R for some language and the film does have a few surprisingly disgusting gore moments. But if you want to already start barfing with those, just wait until ectoplasm comes out of Martin’s mouth. That’ll get you dry heaving quick. Other than not a lot of horror elements, if I had one other complaint about the film it would be the character of Claudia Winter, played by the woman that plays Birdie on Netflix’s Love. She seems as though as if she’s an obnoxious character that came out of a Happy Madison production. Just really obnoxious and dumb to be partnered alongside Forte as the villain. Fortunately, her ending arc in the movie justified the means to have this character be that annoying, so that complaint was quickly brushed aside. Anyway, I completely recommend this movie for those of you that don’t like straight up horror, but enjoy them mixed in as a comedy, a la Shaun of the Dead. It’s a perfect little movie to get you through this quarantine. I think it might even get better with age. While it isn’t extraordinary right now, it is a tiny bit more than ordinary, and it definitely is nowhere near being boring or a waste of your time, that I can guarantee…that it will exorcise the boredom right outta ya!

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: CAPONE

CAPONE is an odd duck of a movie. If you eventually ever watch it, you’ll understand that I meant that statement to be taken multiple ways. It isn’t a good movie, but it isn’t necessarily a bad one either. The most commendable attribute about it is that writer/director Josh Trank complete vision. He wrote the screenplay, he directed the entire thing, he even fucking edited it himself. No studio meddling, complete control. And if you know the history of filmmaker Josh Trank, you’ll think that this movie must’ve been relaxing and cathartic for him. This is Josh Trank’s third film. He directed the incredible Chronicle back in 2012…and he directed the 2015 re do of Fantastic Four and if you’ve ever happen to watch that…yeah. Look it up the latter, is is less than 10% on Rotten Tomatoes. The whole Fantastic Four story is a bit of an extraordinary tale if you ever want to do any research. For a crash course on it from yours truly, know that there was so much studio meddling with that film that only really the first half of the movie is his, while the entire 2nd and 3rd act was 20th Century Fox executives and Simon Kinberg fault. They didn’t trust Trank with what they were seeing and they thought they knew better. They were wrong, as the first half of that movie works beautifully and it was the studio meddling that made the whole thing a studio disaster. That ending, directed by Kinberg, is one of the worst finales to ever grace the silver screen. The meddling caused Trank to get depressed and display erratic & dangerous behavior on set, which led to him quitting (some say he was fired) directing the solo Boba Fett movie from Lucasfilm that we never got. Anyway, Capone is his first film since, and while it is TONS better than that Marvel Frankenstein monster we got 5 years ago, the film itself is…odd? That’s really the best way I can describe it. Odd place in time in Al Capone’s life for a movie for audiences. Odd (yet a little mesmerizing) lead performance from Tom Hardy. And odd visuals from Mr. Trank. The only way I think I can recommend this film is if you are obsessed with gangster films, obsessed with Al Capone’s life, and wanted a sort of, but not really, semi unneeded sequel to The Untouchables. I however, will probably never watch it again.

To be fair, the films visuals are probably the best thing about it. Josh Trank certainly has an eye for the camera. The movie is about a 47-year old Al Capone, who, after about a decade in prison, starts suffering from dementia and comes to be haunted by his violent past. The whole hour and 40 is him losing his mind and having very vivid dementia. He just goes back to several points in his past, like a party for him or him killing a close friend for betrayal, and living those moments with huge regret. During this giant dementia trip, the FBI are listening in to see if he happens to re remember the location of where he buried 10 million dollars on his property. If you’ve done your research on the man, you’ll know how that turns out. Some of the problem with the movie is that some scenes are supposed to be very dramatic, but the finished elements of the scene makes it all unintentionally laughable. For example, Al Capone, near the end of the film, has a golden tommy gun, shooting at things while running around in an adult diaper. It is supposed to be sad because the guy was suffering from paresis and had the mind of a 12 year old near the end of his life, yet watching Tom Hardy ham it up while running around an adult diaper made me laugh. And with the dramatic music and heavy violence coming out of the screen, it made the whole affair surreal, and not in a good kind of way. Like I said, an odd duck indeed. There are several good sequences in it though, such as Capone in his dementia, remembering and old party and then going out on the street where his men were being shot, had great visuals, music, and acting by Tom Hardy. But the rest of it, came off kind of…well…boring.

The main problem with doing an Al Capone film at the end of his life where he’s losing his mind is that…no one wants to see a movie using the real life character in that way. Or if we are treated to that part of his life, it needs to be in a grand 2 and a half hour to 3 hour epic bio pic in the vein of The Irishman that really digs into his massive crimes back in the day during prohibition. Seeing a real life figure losing his mind is probably supposed to be more of a trip than it was. And definitely shouldn’t be unintentionally funny in parts. Which brings us to Tom Hardy, who I usually consider a phenomenal actor. He is in a different movie here. He feels like he should be in something else entirely on the other end of the spectrum, like a bad henchman in a new Dick Tracy movie or a main villain in a Bond film. More so than a serious non fiction bio pic where you are supposed to feel sorry for the guy even though he killed a bunch of people. He hams it up the entire time, he’s way too over the top, and sometimes he is unintelligible, even more so than when he had a mask over his face in The Dark Knight Rises. He should’ve taken his performance and put it in a new DCEU film and he would’ve fit right along with the tone and atmosphere. Here, and in my opinion, he was very, very miscast. Sorry Mr. Trank, I know it must be an honor to work with someone like Tom Hardy but he just picked the wrong performance to do for your film. His performance might not have been so jarring if everyone wasn’t playing it straight around him, and it was supposed to be some kind of a satire. But Linda Cardellini and Matt Dillon act circles around him, and they are barely in the movie. Like I said, Capone isn’t a good or a bad film. It’s just unnecessarily there. I would never watch it again. However, if Mr. Trank would like to make another film where he has complete control again, I would not hesitate to check it out. Hell he should maybe do a redo of this and do a whole bio pic on Mr. Capone, I would definitely love to see that. I just didn’t really care about his dementia years. Though I would suggest that maybe, whatever film he does next, that he not only hire a lead actor whose performance matches the tone of his film, that he still sticks to editing and directing, and even having a hand in the story, but maybe give screenplay duties to someone else, make everything a little tighter. The tone is this needed much more balancing. A noble effort, but an odd one. I am glad that he is happy with his film no matter what anyone says. That’s what really counts.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: NEVER RARELY SOMETIMES ALWAYS

Here is another one of those films that I’m going to praise for the realism, the script, the acting, the story, the content, the realism, the realism, the realism aaaaaaand the realism, and I’m going to say it deserves all the praise it is getting from critics, but I will never have the urge to watch it again, because it was really hard to watch. NEVER RARELY SOMETIMES ALWAYS is a movie about the journey to a character’s abortion, but it’s realistic in the sense that nothing really outlandish, Hollywood spiffed up, or bombastic happens in the movie. It is basically the Boyhood of abortion movies. We only get hints and small tid bits about this 17 year old girls life (Autumn), with no definite answers other than that she finds out she’s pregnant, she definitely wants an abortion because her current sex partner is probably abusing her, so her and her cousin (Skylar) go to New York to get the abortion because in Pennsylvania if you are under 18 to have you have a parent or legal guardian sign off on the abortion and she doesn’t want anyone in her family to know. It’s a road trip/hang out kind of film, but one that is dark, dirty, grungy and depressing. There is no decent male character in the film, in fact, I would say that while you really feel bad for this girl, and you appreciate that her cousin goes the journey with her to get the procedure done, the characters aren’t really that likable, even though realistically they could be relatable to someone you know. It’s a movie that also doesn’t try to change your mind whether you are pro choice or not, it is just merely showing you a realistic situation for what happens when a decision like that is made.

Which is good because I don’t really care for films that try to push you hard politically or hot topic wise one way or another. And abortion is a really hot topic among people, so I was surprised to find that this film really walked the line very well and didn’t really cross to either side (don’t worry, will not be voicing my opinion on any real life issues on here). The film kept my attention even though it was really slow, but it kept my attention because it was all very believable. Especially the acting, which other than Autumn’s father (Ryan Eggold from The Blacklist and New Amsterdam) and the boy her and her cousin Skylar meet along the way (Theodore Pellerin, Boy Erased and a bunch of other small things), I think that it was every one else’s acting debut. The girl who plays Autumn, Sidney Flanigan, is incredible in her role, and it shocks me that this is her debut, especially in a powerful, powerful scene in the middle of the movie where the title of the actual movie comes up, if she gets an Oscar nomination if nothing else comes out the rest of this year, I really wouldn’t be surprised. Everyone is great here, role big or small, it all felt realistic, like our eyes were just constantly following two regular girls out in the regular world. And the script and direction by Eliza Hittman is good to. She has a knack for realism behind the camera, and I look forward to anything she makes in the future.

And just to be clear, I am recommending this film and think it deserves all the praise it is getting. I just couldn’t personally ever watch it again because it was hard to watch because everything felt so sad and depressing. I wanted Autumn to go to a psychiatrist after all was said and done to talk to someone just to get her mentally healthy again. I wanted her to go to the cops and tell them what all the abusive men in her life had done to her to get some sense of justice. But this isn’t a Hollywoodized film like that. I knew it wouldn’t show something to that degree. It’s just a little glimpse, a couple of days really, into the life of a 17 year old girl who finds out she is pregnant and wants an abortion because we find out she is physically and mentally abused by her current sex partner. We jump in and jump out in the flash of an eye, and I just don’t ever want to jump in again, and feel down like that. The film is PG-13 and not too long at only an hour and 37 minutes without credits, but I felt like with the subject matter, it might’ve been best if slapped with an R rating, but that’s probably just me. If the subject of abortion and possibly seeing a little of one will really upset or bother you I highly don’t recommend you watch this film that won a special prize at Sundance this year for “Neo-Realism”. Never will I reveal what I really think about abortion, rarely will I want to watch a film about it again, sometimes I will watch one if it gets a bunch of acclaim, and will always give it praise where praise is due. It’s a very good, well made and well acted film, but I can’t even put it in my top twenty films so far this year, because I know I would never watch it again.

P.S. Wanted to say this was one of those theater at home movies that appeared on streaming services to rent only for $19.99. It is the only film that went down in real price to $9.99 (for which I then decided to check it out), and that is probably because it wasn’t getting many hits at the price it was at. Studios take note, price the rentals where you’d think it would get the most money in the first place. I guarantee you those who rented this at the $19.99 price a week or two ago are pissed just based off principal.

Zach’s Zany 2 Guests Movie Reviews: TROLLS WORLD TOUR (or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Wait For A Cheap Rental)

Hey Zach here to start off this bitch before I post two GUEST reviews of TROLLS: WORLD TOUR, for which I was cheap enough not to pay for a 48 hr. $20 rental and wait till later this year when it’s like $3 to watch only once. See, I’m a fan of Disney, Sony, Warner Bros, etc for allowing those who missed their most recent movies in theaters to just buy them for $19.99 soon after this COVID-19 decided to fuck everyone in the asshole. But Universal, little pricks that they are, with their movies such as The Hunt, Emma, The Invisible Man, and now this Trolls sequel, said “fuck that fuck ’em, charge them $20 a pop and we will regular release them to buy for the exact same price just a little later.” I’m not going to play into their little game, so instead of a review from me, because well…I wasn’t really looking forward to this anyway, here’s two good guys that I know that paid the $20 and their two cents. My little dude, now 2 and a half, could not give two shits when my wive puts the first movie on, and my wife and I really don’t like the first one beyond the Justin Timberlake song, and based on the previews, looks like it would be the exact same scenario in the end. So without further ado, here are two GUEST reviews (one sort of favorable, one definitely not) of the new Trolls movie, something that should’ve been thought about and released back when they were still relevant in the 1990s:

TROLLS: WORLD TOUR – Guest Review #1 by Don Hernandez

The first major theatrical release to release via On Demand on the same day but likely not the last in this topsy turvy world of COVID-19.
Let me first start off by saying if you enjoyed the first Trolls movie, you should enjoy this one. If you didn’t and you are over the age of 14 then well it really wasn’t made for you. It was made for the children. Most of the cast is back lending their voices (led by the always charming Anna Kendrick and Justin Timberlake).

This time around, Queen Poppy (Kendrick) and Branch (Timberlake) finds out there are other kinds of trolls out there that dance to a different beat. Which is great except one group of Trolls wants to stop the music forever unless it’s Hard Rock. Queen Barb (Rachel Bloom) is collecting the magic musical strings of each group of trolls to make all trolls part of her Rock N Roll army. Now Queen Poppy & Branch must seek out the other groups of trolls to stop Queen Barb. On their quest they’ll see that even though the music is different they all have a common bond.

This was a pretty decent sequel. I don’t think it is better than the original but it is serviceable and worth the watch if you enjoy kids movies. Kenan Thompson stole the show for me as a new character, Tiny Diamond.
Armed with a message of celebrating diversity and inclusion it stays light and doesn’t overpower you with that agenda to the point of eye rolling. The new songs “Other Side” and “Just Sing” are catchy and fit very well with the story. Probably my main issue with the movie is it seemed to move too quick on the “takeover” front. I’d have liked it a bit more drawn out than the brisk 90 mins allowed. Kids though won’t care, they’ll be dancing and singing most of the movie.

P.S. There is a small scene after the credits featuring The Bergens from first movie.

Trolls World Tour is available for rent for 48 hours on all major streaming sites for $19.99

Featuring the voice talents of
Anna Kendrick, Justin Timberlake,
Jame Corden, Rachel Bloom, Kunal Nayyar, Ron Funches, Kenan Thompson, Sam Rockwell, Kelly Clarkson, Mary J Blige, and Ozzy Osbourne.

TROLLS: WORLD TOUR Guest Review #2 by Dustin Bade

“Trolls, they wanna have fun……oh trolls, they wanna have fun….” Catchy? Yeah, I thought so too. *Newsflash* so do parents and kids. And while I thought it would be fun to pay $19.99 plus taxes and whatever fees, to watch the second installment of Trolls, boy was I ever wrong. To be fair, the kids watched all 90 minutes of it in their chairs. Michelle drew photos on her phone and I sat on the couch trying to watch but something kept happening to me. So my review of the movie goes like this:
An opening scene of Poppy, happy and singing a catchy song, morphs into an awkward scene in which Branch tries to tell her he likes her. Poppy learns that her tribe of pop trolls are not the only trolls in existence, but trolls of all musical genres exist in their own habitat, with the evil rock and roll trolls, wanting to conquer all at a concert. I hear her tell Branch “road trip” and then “zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz” I wake up to hear some hick sounding trolls and what sounded like Kelly Clarkson singing a good albeit sad country song. Unless I was half dreaming, I swore she was on the heavier side and had 4 legs and big hair. I fall back asleep and wake up hearing J.Timberlake and Anna Kendrick singing a slow love song break up type song………..hear some other music in the background…….”zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz” and then I wake up to the last scene and ending credits when my daughter says “that song is pretty.”

Not all sequels are bad, and not all movies need to be sequels. The Dark Knight was a sequel and easily the best (ever) sequel and certainly of that Batman franchise. Wall-E is good, but we don’t need another. I enjoyed Oceans 11 back in the day, but none of the others. Same with Fast and the Furious movies….the list goes on. Trolls didn’t need a sequel. The first one was cute in my opinion and had some cute laughs, catchy music and of course, more scenes with the “cloud.” It should have ended there….but it didn’t…..I mean after all, trolls just wanna have fun!

I wrote this at the request of a movie reviewer friend of mine who said he will not watch the movie and rightfully so. If all goes well, maybe I will be a ghost writer for him. I always had a passion for writing and story telling…..this could be my opportunity….or not!