Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: THE LAST SHIFT

THE LAST SHIFT has one of those messages we’ve seen many times before in movies: what are you going to do with your life before it’s too late and you waste your potential? Depending on your age, is it ever too late to change? The only reason this “one time watch” movie worked for me is because of the performances, especially Richard Jenkins, who just left a bad taste in my mouth in the overrated and awful Kajillionaire before this. A big 3rd act incident happens near the end of the movie that doesn’t quite make sense in normal human logic, but that would be my only other complaint other than the familiarity of it all. This is one of those movies, that back in the 90s/early 2000s if you found on a movie channel at one in the morning, while sober, with a midnight homemade or fast food snack in hand, you’d probably watch until it was done at three am. “That was nice but I probably wouldn’t seek out to watch it again.” That kind of feeling. IMDB’s log line summary for the film is as follows: “Stanley’s last shift at his fast food job takes an unexpected turn.” Sigh, come on IMDB, what am I going to do with you? Stanley has been working at this chicken and fish place called Oscar’s for the past 38 years and he wants to move his mother out of the home his brother and him put her in and do something more with the last remaining years of his life. So he needs to train his replacement before he goes, a mild slacker named Javon, who may or may not end up teaching Stanley and/or himself that expectations are overrated and you are just going to walk the same path eventually that you try to divert from, depending on who you are and the color of your skin.

That’s the movie in a nutshell. The film mostly takes place inside the restaurant, with a couple of late shift shenanigans and weird and asshole customers. If you want a straight up comedy in this vein just stick to Waiting… which just hit Netflix this weekend. Their conversations inside the fast food joint are about life that feel realistic and don’t get too preachy. Married With Children and Modern Family’s Ed O’Neil is a supporting player in this, providing some comic relief and also there to get away with saying the R word that you barely have heard in movies this past decade. But it’s the Richard Jenkins and Shane Paul McGhie show here, as their performances make the movie. Jenkins plays an actual a character in this, unlike he empty shell in this week’s Kajillionaire. And McGhie plays a unique slacker with a hidden heart of gold. It takes a pro to pull off that kind of character and it seemed to just come naturally to this new big screened talent. Looking up writer/director Andrew Cohn, this seems to be his first big screen venture, as his career is filled mostly with nonfiction documentary and documentary shorts. I’d say this is an about average is not a little above, fictional big screen debut for him. He seems to possess the traits of a good actor’s director…but maybe he should direct someone else’s screenplay. A minor spoiler, but one of the two gets into a bit of trouble in their job near the end of the movie, and the rational and thought of the district manager I thought was a bit bullshit and unrealistic for the kind of situation that presented itself, especially if you factor in the color of both her and Javon’s skin and Stanley’s situation. Surely the catalyst to the climax could’ve been handled better. But hey, I laughed and was entertained throughout the nice, tight and short 90 minute run time. I am also quite happy that my last new movie viewing this weekend was in a theater and wasn’t a terrible piece of shit streaming film like Kajillionaire or the Secret Society of Second Born Royals, so there’s that.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: KAJILLIONAIRE

KAJILLIONAIRE gave me (an my wife) a kajillion headaches. Not because it was confusing but it was a slog and a half (considering the 1 hr and 47 minute run time) to get through. A quirky film just for the sake of being quirky, which made it overwhelmingly quirky and unbearable. And a really annoying and bizarre performance with an annoyingly bizarre low tone of voice by Even Rachel Wood. There are only really two scenes of actual levity and earnestness in the film, one that doesn’t happen until the last 10 minutes of the movie, and one in the middle that lasts only about 10 seconds before it goes back to being monotonous. This comes out in theaters today (only really Alamo Drafthouse and other independent theaters), and then streaming VOD in about a month, and I am here to tell you to save your fucking money and your fucking time no matter how it’s available to watch to you (even if free). I won a free digital 72 hour screening from Focus Features and decided just to get it out of the way last night. This is supposed to be a comedy (really a dramedy) yet neither my wife nor I laughed once. And when I put on a 2005 comedy that definitely couldn’t be made today (Waiting) and laughed more in the first minute than the atrocity to cinema I just watched…then something is truly wrong. You may go on Rotten Tomatoes and see the critic score to this is in the low 90s, which is a really good score, but I no longer ever trust Rotten Tomatoes, because I think most critics are high off of being able to stay home and avoid COVID-19, so they are giving anything a good review based on that bias.

And you may be saying, “Zach, maybe you just don’t like quirky movies?” Not true, I’m going to review another film later today that just came to Hulu but was released earlier in the year called Babyteeth, where its quirky-ness was in contribution to the story and wasn’t just there to be there. It’s all about context people. Me, movies, and context. If you haven’t gotten that by now with all of my reviews that I write then I don’t know what to tell you. I even warn you whenever I throw context and my brain out the window and just enjoyed what I was watching, so I can’t be any more blunt with you than I usually am. To put this all in another way you’ll understand, Kajillionaire sucked to me. Per IMDB, it describes the movie as: “A woman’s life is turned upside down when her criminal parents invite an outsider to join them on a major heist they’re planning.” This whole family is filled with terrible, terrible con people. Terrible not jut morally, but that they also execute all of these “cons” terribly. What was really offensive about this film to me isn’t just its fake, unearned quirky-ness, it’s also it feels like a cheap knock off of a very good international film that came out a couple of years ago called Shoplifters. That movie even got nominated for an Academy Award. I’ll scoff if this does and protest. Richard Jenkins and Debra Winger are completely wasted as Evan Rachel Wood’s (who is the main protagonist by the way) parents, and they are completely unlikable characters from the get go. Evan Rachel Wood is supposed to be likable but her bizarre bat shit performance made her extremely unlikable to me.

The actress that sort of saves this from being a complete clusterfuck (even though this film right now is in my top 20 worst of the year list) is Gina Rodriguez. She plays the stranger in IMDB’s description of the film above. Her quirky-ness in this film almost works, and she saves a little bit of the movie by being the focus of the two only earnest moments in the movie (These moments are technically spoilers, but you’ll know them when you see them). She is the only one unscathed in this production. I have never seen writer/director Miranda July’s other “quirky” movies or short films, and this movie definitely will not have me search any of them out, any time soon. I mean, this film is just weird to be weird without any context. They live in a cheap little place that overflows with bubbles (they clean this place constantly that’s why the rent is so cheap) from the ceiling because it’s an attachment to a bubble factory called Bubble, Inc. No explanation to what they do other than make bubbles apparently. I understand the films message about family and human attachment, it just went about it in a very awkward, non pleasing, and off putting way. It is very slow pace, with a major heist that in all honesty didn’t make a lick of sense to me. If you watch this movie and end up enjoying it like the critics did, I won’t hark on you. Clearly this movie just wasn’t meant for me. I didn’t connect with it on any emotional level, and the only emotion I shed during it were the kajillion tears of joy that I wept once the movie finally got to the end credits.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: THE PERSONAL HISTORY OF DAVID COPPERFIELD

Sweet Dickens, I did not like THE PERSONAL HISTORY OF DAVID COPPERFIELD. And I don’t know why. Oh wait…yes I do. I’m tired of Charles Dickens adaptations. I’ve seen them all and no matter how many times you do a twist on this or….God forbid…A Christmas Carol..which has been done twice as many times…it still comes out too similar to the other adaptations. Too many copies with only slight twists that doesn’t justify their existence. IMDB called this version “A modern take on Charles Dickens’s classic tale of a young orphan who is able to triumph over many obstacles.” The only thing that is modern about this one is that David isn’t white and some of the other characters aren’t white as well. It doesn’t take place in modern day. If they would’ve done both…that might’ve been interesting to see, something way different than what we’ve gotten before. Instead, it’s just Dev Patel as the title character and while is performance is extraordinary great (I’ve been a big fan of his ever since Slumdog Millionaire), the rest is still the same, albeit with more frantic energy to try and not put its audience to sleep. Well, I still almost fell asleep about 4 times (and I had a two hour nap earlier in the afternoon) and while writer/director Armando Iannucci does his best to put a little more pep in the movies’ step by adding some finely timed British humor (and some not finely timed), the film literally added nothing new to get me invested in a story which I’ve read before twice, and I’ve seen in countless other adaptations.

If you’ve never read Charles Dickens’ classic novel and have never seen an adaptation of David Copperfield, I suggest just reading the book and skip all other adaptations. The book is quite something. The movie adaptations, for me, fail to bring any emotional context from Dickens’ words from the page to the screen. While this was a more comedic version of the tale, I merely laughed only once at the very beginning of the film, and didn’t do so until the end credits, as it was more of a relief laugh that the 2 hours was over and I could go home. The reason I saw this in a theater is because I’ve seen everything else already because of this fucking stupid pandemic and it was the only thing left that I hadn’t. I love going to the theater, fuck all of you that are too scared too, unless you know someone that is immune compromised or you yourself are immune compromised. That’s the only two ways I’ll give you mercy if you ever reveal to me that you didn’t go to the theater until there was a vaccine. Otherwise, fuck you. Yeah I said it. I’m going off into a side rant because I really don’t want to talk about this movie anymore, it was THAT boring. And writer/director Armando Iannucci is known for creating and being the show runner on VEEP for most of its run. VEEP is a comedic masterpiece. He left before the last or last two seasons and made The Death of Stalin movie (which I haven’t seen but after this don’t want to), this, and the first season of Avenue 5…which was only okay.

I don’t think he can ever top Veep. Maybe he should’ve stuck with it until the end? It’s like lightening in a bottle for him, which I feel sad if it ends up being so. Everybody does a great job acting in this for sure, but there are some ill timed British humor moments that didn’t work for me (especially when Copperfield gets some bad news about his mother) and the film tries to speed through Copperfield’s life when it needed its time to breathe to be a completely faithful adaptation. This film could be nominated for three Oscar’s and I wouldn’t blink an eye and wouldn’t protest it. It could be nominated for Costumes (duh)…a Lead Acting nomination for Patel (only maybe though, depends what comes out the rest of the year)…but most deserved would be a nomination for Best Production Design. Some of the shots in this movie are absolutely gorgeous with its attention to detail with buildings around the characters and the many sets of the interior in places. Very intricate and well done, and that’s the only high praise you’ll hear out of me regarding this movie other than Patel’s solid acting. The rest was just the same slog I’ve seen before, only that this time the movie actually almost put me to sleep, which I haven’t been almost put to sleep in a theater in quite some time. This is definitely not one of the worst pictures of the year though, far from it. This movie was made with care and you can tell there was no slacking in production. It’s just that I didn’t care for it, plain and simple. David Copperfield’s personal history has been shown too many times, and doesn’t need to do so ever again. If one needs a reminder, don’t be lazy, and just pick up a fucking book.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: INFIDEL

INFIDEL is…okay…I guess? With the production value, ho hum direction, some awkward moments and an out of place action climax, it seems like it should’ve been a mediocre HBO or Showtime Original movie. But I’m guessing it is getting released in theaters because there is absolutely no competition right now and it thinks it can maybe make more money that way? I don’t know. In better hands, this could’ve been an amazing film. It could’ve been an audacious, riveting and soulful religious thriller. Instead it focuses way too much on its ideological agenda where the tension is completely void in the scenes where it is supposed to be. The film has great acting and it has some great quiet moments that are much better than the loud ones to be sure, but it just feels like a weird mixture of tones that didn’t quite work for me, but would work for a lot of other people that are not necessarily that into motion pictures. If that makes any sense to you. Per IMDB, Infidel is described as such: “An American man, played by Jim Caviezel, is kidnapped after a friend invites him to Cairo to speak out about recent militant uprisings. His wife heads to the city after hearing the news, determined to get him back.” What is so frustrating is that near the beginning of the film, Infidel has a much more interesting story inside of it, that is resolved much later in the movie with a few lines of exchanged dialogue. You’ll know what I mean when you see it. Also, the film kind of irked me at the very, very beginning by showing a scene that takes place later in the narrative, but then rewinds and shows what happened leading up to it. If you are one of my constant readers, you know that is a cardinal sin in motion pictures for me.

The main problem for me is that the film really doesn’t have much tension. I never felt like Jim Caviezel was really in that much danger or torture. The movie is rated R yet feels like a tamed PG-13 direct to video forgettable piece of cinema. The film has a very, very out of place action sequence climax that is edited really awkwardly which makes the pacing a bit slow when it should be frantic and insane. It’s hard to explain, it just felt like the climax should’ve been more covert and subtle. The acting and the story itself is the only thing that really holds the film together from being a complete disaster. Jim Caviezel is excellent as always and the woman that plays his wife, Claudia Karvan, is quite good as well. And the story of a journalist being kidnapped and tortured for his beliefs will always make for an interesting string of events on the big screen. But it just needed a better writer and director. Cyrus Nowrasteh, whose work I’m not familiar with, who looks like he is trying, I just think he’s out of his element directly behind the camera. He should just stick to writing and even then maybe collaborate with someone that could spruce up some of the more awkward sequences. And an action director he is definitely not. Or a director that knows how to film and edit tension. That’s what a film like this needs as its main ingredient and unfortunately I don’t think there was even a teaspoons worth to write home about. The most interesting thing is that this movie was filmed before coronavirus yet mentions it in here, saying some prisoners that Caviezel is around has it…suspiciously though it sounds like ADR, as that line of dialogue you don’t see a single mouth move with it. This film feels so awkward, I wouldn’t be surprised if that is the case.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: ANTEBELLUM

I feel a little bad for ANTEBELLUM because when it comes to movies playing on the big screen, or mostly at home if the year is 2020, doesn’t really matter when, it is extremely hard for a film to keep its secrets. Especially if the marketing doesn’t do it any favors. But on the other hand, I don’t know how they could’ve marketed this film. The film literally has two faces. If they would’ve only shown footage from one side of the coin, it would been written off as a 12 Years A Slave rip off. If they would’ve only shown footage from the other side of the coin, when the movie started, audiences members would’ve been really, really confused that the theater was playing the wrong film. And because of the coin, it’s going to be really hard to review this movie without giving anything away, but I’m going to try. Let me just say this, if you’ve seen the trailer with Janelle Monae, you can probably guess from the very beginning where the film is going, because the trailer shows footage from both different aspects of the movie. You know what this would’ve been great as? A novel. Holy shit, if this would’ve been a 500-600 page novel by Stephen King, it could’ve been a fucking masterpiece piece of literature. As a movie though? Well, the more I think about the movie, the more I’m beginning to…how would I say this without recommending it? Okay, got it, the more I think about Antebellum, the more I appreciate what it was trying to do. Except the execution of the really neat idea, the hell of a great premise, is almost completely botched. When the movie hits the 40 minute mark it lags and then it seems like it just coasts through the climax, without any type of scares whatsoever. Yes, this is being marketed as a horror movie, and it really isn’t.

Well it is, in a way. It will always be horrible to see white slave owners in the civil war days brutalize, rape, and treat African Americans like absolute shit. But to call this a horror movie, is like calling 12 Years A Slave a horror movie, and THAT film definitely isn’t. There are no jump scares here, so I’m guessing the real horror aspect to put Antebellum in this film category is when the movie fully reveals its hand. Like the thought of what is really going on is the true horror. And that I can agree with, I guess. Anyway, let’s look at IMDB’s description of Antebellum…whoa…yikes…never mind it basically gives away the whole farm. Uh…let’s see, I guess I’ll do it myself! Eden, played by Janelle Monáe, is an enslaved woman on what is a southern plantation and is brought back on horseback after attempting to escape at the beginning of the film. There, that’s it, that’s all I’m going to tell you. Anymore and I’ll ruin it. If you go and search for some real critic reviews of this film, they aren’t very kind (and some are really spoiler heavy). Some critics are calling it the worst film of the year, saying that it “exploits black trauma, says nothing about the obliterating function of whiteness and anti-Black racism which makes its approach to horror and social commentary become deadened.” Yeah, I can definitely see why people would think that. But I don’t know if I necessarily agree. If this movie was made completely by a white guy, I would 100% agree. But the movie is written and directed by a white and black dude duo…so I don’t think their intentions were for people to feel that way about this movie.

The problem with this movie for me was on a film making level. There are films that have had these kind of 180 completely changing the narrative twists before, and they have been executed much better. I realize that they wanted the story to take its time, and its fine, but about 40 minutes into the movie, when we get into a different narrative for a bit, it takes its time a little too much, and then rushes the climax. The climax should’ve been more fleshed out and maybe the longest part of this concrete three act structure. The movie is and hour and 45 minutes long. The first 40 minutes is a slave plantation awful treatment of black people movie. The next 40 minutes is something else, and then the climax is only 20 minutes with 5 minutes of credits. The climax should’ve been 40 minutes as well and I think the film would’ve been tighter. The movie is filmed extremely well by both writers and directors Gerard Bush and Christopher Renz. The cinematography in this is sometimes too gorgeous for its own good. It has some horror shots and elements in this that clash with the tone. It’s the script that needed more work, and only in bulking up the narrative, story, and climax. And possibly one or two of the characters. The villains, especially the one played by Jena Malone, normally a fantastic actress, are too cartoon-y and too over the top. Here the script did her no favors. The standouts from this film are of course Janelle Monae, followed by Gabourney Sidibe, and Kiersey Clemons. Sidibe seems like she’s having fun and chewing up the scenery in her two extended scenes, and Clemons small performance will break your heart.

Monae is the powerhouse in this movie and just proves she needs more projects to lead in hopefully better films than this and Harriet. I’ll give you one small hint about the ending. If this shit was done in real life, there would be no turning back in our country. If it was found out, there would be endless rioting in the streets, endless violence, and a ton people would be killed, and not just the guilty party. That’s all I’m going to say. So am I recommending this film? Eh, hard to say. I guess how you take it in. This is going to be a really hard watch for anyone. It’s a hard watch that makes you think long after the credits roll. But it’s so botched in how it tries to pull everything off, its like eating a cheeseburger without the meat. A dry cheese sandwich. So no, I’m not recommending it. But it certainly is not one of the worst films of the year by any means. Have these critics not seen Bella Thorne in Infamous or Ludacris in John Henry? How they even put this movie in the ranks of those I don’t think I could ever understand. And I don’t think this movie will be that divisive either. I think everybody is going to agree that they had a hard time watching it and that they can see what the filmmakers were going for but it just didn’t work for them. I think Gerard Bush said he got the idea of this movie in a whacked out dream of his. Good God that must’ve been horrifying to experience. But maybe it should’ve stayed as a dream…or had struck a deal with a novel writer like King.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: THE BROKEN HEARTS GALLERY

The star of this movie, Geraldine Viswanathan, reminds me so much of my first love at the end of high school and most of college that it actually is pretty funny. And heartfelt. Even though I was the reason for the breakup (I was an entitled asshole) I have nothing but fond memories of that relationship because she is one of the sweetest people I’ve known on this planet. The character of Lucy, that Geraldine plays, is so eerily like her, looks and all, and her performance alone is why I highly, highly, highly, highly recommend THE BROKEN HEARTS GALLERY. I know it is playing in theaters and a lot of you are not comfortable going to the theater right now, because virus, blah, blah, blah, just make sure you give it a chance once it hits home media. It is absolutely delightful. And the story is decent too. The chemistry and the relationship between the two leads, the male protagonist is played by newer Red Power Ranger and Billy on Stranger Things’ Dacre Montgomery, is so good, realistic, and memorable, is because it TAKES. ITS. TIME. Usually romantic comedies like this find a way to get the two people together way too early and the climax doesn’t work because it doesn’t feel earned due to the fact that we’ve already seen them in a relationship for most of the movie. Shit, I forgot to give you IMDB’s log line for the film itself to describe it: “After a break up, a young woman decides to start a gallery where people can leave trinkets from past relationships.” The movie takes place in New York, and the gallery is taking place inside the male protagonists Hotel he is trying to get a loan for and set up as a business because him and Lucy keep bumping into each other, and he needs help to get the hotel ready in time.

Instead of focusing on the romance between them, the movie correctly goes down the path of Geraldine’s refusal to let go of her sentimental trinkets from past relationships and her refusal to just move on. And the movie correctly has an underlying reason why she doesn’t want to get rid of those memories, and when that reason is revealed, there won’t be a dry eye in your watch party. It also focuses on the relationship right before Lucy meets Nick and it gives us a good glimpse into why she is the way she is. The unpredictability of everything besides you knowing that Lucy and Nick will eventually get together is why the movie is instantaneously watchable. It doesn’t dumb itself down into that ooey-gooey cliched bullshit that a lot of couples eat up when they watch a movie that is not of this caliber. I’ve said this before: it’s a movie that doesn’t treat its target audience as if they were idiots. The dialogue is snappy, it isn’t bogged down in situations where we’ve heard it before, and it makes characters out of everyone, even the supporting ones that don’t get a lot of screen time, like the silent boyfriend to Molly Gordon’s friend to Lucy character. Lucy has another friend that gets a lot of screentime in the movie, played by Hamilton’s Phillipa Soo, and together the three of them make really great friends that you could compare it to the friendships you have in your own life. Writer/Director Natalie Krinsky, has had plenty of writing experience, she’s written for Gossip Girl, Grey’s Anatomy, and Red Band Society. She doesn’t waste those talents either and seems to have learned some director skills being on set of those shows, as the film is shot and looks better than most romantic comedies of this caliber. It was not just point and shoot crap we get nowadays. It’s just a really sweet, funny, realistic romantic film that I’m certain will not break your heart.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: TENET (Spoiler Free!)

WARNING: If you like to leave your brain at the door before you watch a theatrical movie…I can guarantee you that you probably will not like TENET. You will have to use all of your brain and then some to decipher the many layers of puzzles and enigma’s that this movie has in store for you, so if you are not up to the task, I wouldn’t even bother seeing it if I were you. While I understood most (if not all) of the movie, it is definitely going to require several more viewings before I can put the last pieces of the puzzle in place and enjoy this for the masterpiece of a film that it is. I love deciphering intricate movies and love it when they don’t spoon feed any of it to its audience. It challenges you, which is what some films SHOULD do. Another WARNING: the sound mixing in my IMAX theater in Dallas was terrible, but I’ve heard this isn’t a one off problem. I’ve also been told to see a digital print of it at a NEWER theater to be able to hear ALL of the dialogue that isn’t drowned out by the bass and Ludwig Goransson’s masterful (and future Oscar winning) score. Nolan has had sound mixing issues before, with Interstellar, Dunkirk, and The Dark Knight Rises, so like those, it will probably be fixed once it comes to disc, and even if fixed, will probably watch it once with subtitles on. If you think you can handle those warnings, well then, boy are you in for a treat. I’ll just be blunt now if that’s okay with you: Tenet is my absolute favorite film of 2020, it’s the best film (IMO) of 2020, and I hope it wins most of the technical awards (not sound mixing though) at next year’s Oscars. Is it in my top ten favorite films of all time, did it dethrone Inception at #1? More viewings will have to be required to determine the first question (but probably not even though I still think it’s a masterpiece), and definitely no to the second, but really, are you surprised by any of this?

I’ve been hyping this film for months, even a year, since a cryptic teaser for it was played in front of Hobbs & Shaw, and writer/director Christopher Nolan had barely begun filming the damn movie. I’ve been wanting to see this movie so badly you are probably sick and tired of me talking about it. But to be honest, now that I’ve seen the film and this review will be one of my final written words on the matter, I don’t want to reveal any of the surprises that this has in store for you. I can now only hope that this review won’t be too long (I always say that but you never know), and you won’t get bored by it. I can for sure say that on a visual and technical level, there is no better film making. This film, confirmed by Nolan himself, has less than 300 visual effects shots. That’s lower than the average romantic comedy. That’s insane. And the more practical effects any film has, the better it is going to be, because it is going to look and feel realistic. The score by Ludwig Goransson, who is stepping in for Hans Zimmer because he couldn’t due to Dune obligations, is amazing and I want to own it and listen to it by itself right now. It’s right up there alongside Inception, Interstellar, and Dark Knight (all fucking directed by Nolan) for me as one of the best cinematic scores of all time. The acting is also incredible. John David Washington, son of Denzel, completely sets himself apart from his father in his roles, whether it be this or BlackKklansman. Here, he is charismatic, funny, and almost brought a tear to my eye in the second to last scene. Robert Pattinson, who I was fine with even during Twilight, is fantastic here too. He steals all of his scenes with his accent, dialogue and charisma. and with this and Good Time, I cannot wait to see his eventual portrayal of Bruce Wayne/Batman and his scene chewing role in this month’s Netflix original film, The Devil All The Time. Kenneth Branagh shows why his film Artemis Fowl sucked so much ass (his concentration must’ve been in this role) as he is a fantastic villain in this, one that combines several James Bond bad guys into something totally unique, hateful, and frightening. But the emotional core of the movie belongs to the great Elizabeth Debicki, who’s soulful performance completes the few details we actually get about her character’s background.

If you were looking for a plot summary in my review, look elsewhere, as I have said this review is spoiler free, but for something quite vague, just look at IMDB’s perfect log line: “Armed with only one word, Tenet, and fighting for the survival of the entire world, a Protagonist journeys through a twilight world of international espionage on a mission that will unfold in something beyond real time.” If you’ve seen the trailer, you’ll know that there is something up with inverted like time travel in this movie…but you should really just watch the movie instead of trying to solve things during my review. Speaking of espionage, this is basically Christopher Nolan’s James Bond film he’s always wanted to make, but on time and science fiction steroids. I loved every minute of it…except for the sound mixing of course. Let me change course really quickly here; I want to address some critic’s people’s problems they are having with this movie. Those that are saying its humorless? Get the fuck out of here. This movie has quite a bit of humor, as my friend and I laughed at all the stress reducing one-liners this film constantly had every five minutes. You must be out of your fucking mind if you didn’t think it had humor. “But Zach, the character’s didn’t have any back stories!” Yes, yes they absolutely did, you just weren’t paying attention and/or didn’t get why some of them didn’t seem to. One character is a CIA agent, he probably doesn’t have any family and being recruited into a top secret organization during the movie cements that, he don’t need much back story or family problems with him. Another character’s backstory, if explained to anyone that hasn’t seen this movie, would ruin the entire fucking thing. This character’s backstory is slowly revealed during the movie, which made things really interesting. The main girl protagonist had a tiny but powerful backstory motivation, and so did the fucking villain, so I don’t know what the fuck critics are talking about. They must’ve been too busy trying to follow the “convoluted” plot. Convoluted, by the way, is a word that 75% of film critics use when they can’t figure out the narrative on their own and wish they were spoon fed the plot. I’ve seen reviews for this film use that word way too often, which means that those critics probably need to watch the film several more times in order to understand that they are using the wrong adjective. Also, I think this movie had less expository dialogue and explained much less than Inception did, so why are those that loved Inception but didn’t like this even complaining? In fact, I am inclined to only agree with only one of their harsh critiques…which I don’t need to repeat what that is, as I’ve already mentioned it two to three times.

No matter if you see this film in theaters or eventually watch it when it comes out on home media, if you like intricate puzzles, fantastic visuals, a booming masterful score, pitch perfect direction, excellent performances, and you want to feel like you are on an adventure that you can just escape into (but still not turn your brain off) completely, look no further than Tenet. I loved every single solitary second and backwards second (you’ll see) of it and will definitely be making a couple of trips to the theater to put all of its pieces in place, and then several more times when it hits home media just to enjoy it by myself or with loved ones that are up to the challenge. My wife thought this movie was better than Inception…which was weird for me to hear, but whatever. My friend Josh, who I also saw this with, loved it as much as I did. I would definitely see this in the biggest yet NEWEST theater out there that there is, not necessarily in IMAX as Nolan intended it. If the sound mixing was perfect I would be recommending that format 100%. The visuals are something else, because they feel real and there is not one second of CGI that makes you cringe with how fake it looks, because there is hardly any it in general, and I honestly couldn’t tell where it was implemented. The movie is so much fun, it will take your breath away, and it will make you think about its implications long after the end title card comes up. But if you are one of those that thought Inception was hard to keep up with…uh, that’s like a walk in the park compared to this movie. Christopher Nolan has once again taken us to school, and has shown us there are still lessons to be learned in narrative storytelling, visuals, and almost all other technical film making aspects. Tenet may not be his grand opus (that still belongs to Inception in my mind), but he has made a perfect giant encore, one that you will be talking about more and more for years to come. Tenet is one of the reasons why I love going to the movies.

My ranking of Christopher Nolan films:

Inception
The Dark Knight
The Prestige
Tenet
Batman Begins
Interstellar
Dunkirk
Memento
The Dark Knight Rises
Insomnia
Following

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: BILL & TED FACE THE MUSIC

BILL & TED FACE THE MUSIC is eerily similar to a release of a third film in a franchise that came out earlier this year, Bad Boys For Life. Both of them are my least favorite of the series thus far, but saying that is definitely non-heinous. Both films have actors that haven’t been in their roles for a long time. Both films actually have more plot than their previous entries in the series. The movies have sweet messages that are very much needed in this nightmare world we are living in right now. However, both movies are a bit awkwardly directed and maybe someone else should’ve been picked for the job, but hey, you get what you pay for, and these sequels were made on relatively smaller budgets than their first entries. But I mean, even on a small budget, it shouldn’t be THAT hard to get the same actor in dual roles in one frame of a shot, instead of doing a shit ton of shot/reverse shots…right? It sounds like a minor complaint, but considering the Bill & Ted series has to do with time travel, confronting different versions of yourself & that the previous movies were able to get both Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter in one frame when they were interacting with those dual versions…doesn’t that seem a bit…unforgivable? There are so many quick cut shot/reverse shots in this it was starting to give me a bogus headache. But I digress, the rest of the movie is quite excellent, it’s well acted, it’s funny, it ends the series on a pitch perfect climax and has one of the best after credit scenes I’ve ever seen. Highly recommend that you face your wallet and that you try and take this journey or adventure whenever you’ve got the time, and if you haven’t seen any of the series yet, what are you waiting for?

This series is unique by the fact that both Bill & Ted are just lovable, dumb, clueless, yet sweet goofballs that always do their best to try and do the right thing. They don’t really get mad at anybody, they don’t hold grudges, they don’t curse anyone out or fight anyone. IMDB describes Face The Music as such: “Once told they’d save the universe during a time-traveling adventure, 2 would-be rockers from San Dimas, California find themselves as middle-aged dads still trying to crank out a hit song and fulfill their destiny.” In the third entry, they still are very much in love with their princess wives and interact and love their offspring who are just smarter girl versions of themselves (same mannerisms and all). They have spent three decades trying to save the world, and when we finally see them again, 29 years after the last movie, they haven’t given up. They are still that loyal to the cause. That’s what makes this film unique, is that any other franchise sequel would’ve had them estranged from their wives, turned them into jerks so that they could have a redemption story line, and/or be awful parents and then try to turn them into good parents by films end. Nope, none of that, their only real problem in this is that they only have seventy something minutes to write the song that saves the world, and each time they travel into the future to try and steal the song from themselves, they just get further and further from their goal it seems. It’s quite a simple story, but it is one that ties up everything from the first two films and ends the series pretty much perfectly. Speaking of writing and playing the song that is supposed to unite and save the world, everybody and their mom watching this movie knows that the screenplay writers (Ed Solomon & Chris Matheson wrote all three entries thankfully) could never ever write a good enough song to save the world, so how is this movie going to solve that realistic dilemma without cutting to black right before they play it, a cheap move that a lot of other movies would’ve done to get around that narrative problem? Don’t worry, I won’t reveal what the film does, but needless to say, I didn’t see their solution to that problem coming.

At first I was worried that Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter would’ve seemed off when they first appeared on screen, having not played those roles in 29 years. But they haven’t missed a step. They ARE Bill & Ted, and from minute one you know they are going to be the same lovable duo you grew up watching when you were a kid. I won’t reveal much of their adventure here, but needless to say, it tries to combine the adventures from the first and second movies, mix it together, and make them unique for the third, and I say that everyone pulled it off pretty well. When Reeves and Winter aren’t on screen and stealing the show, it’s the actresses that play their daughters, Samara Weaving & Brigette Lundy-Paine that do. They got all of Bill & Ted’s mannerism and ways of speaking down pat. And when all four of them aren’t on screen, Anthony Carrigan, who plays NoHo Hank on HBO’s Barry, steals it out from under everyone else. I dare not reveal who his character is, but he is the most unrecognizable one of the bunch. And other than the too many shot/reverse shots, the special effects work well enough within the context of the film (definitely better than the first two for sure), and I thought the climax was a bit visually stunning. It’s just a solid good film that maybe could’ve been perfect if they had had a different director and bigger budget. Sorry Dean Parisot, but your one great film, Galaxy Quest, will always be #1 in my heart…but then again you had more money there. Bill & Ted Face The Music is just a nice, sweet movie with a good heart that we need right now, because in 2020, unfortunately no one is excellent to each other, and people keep partying on in a bad way, trying to ignore a virus for political and selfish reasons. I can bet we are all wishing for a phone booth time machine right about now to get out of this hellhole. For now, this film will do.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: THE NEW MUTANTS

Prepare yourselves for one of the only few slightly positive reviews for THE NEW MUTANTS you are likely to ever get. That’s because A. it wasn’t screened for critics, which in turn B. pissed them off, whining about not getting screeners so that they instead just wrote articles on how they won’t review it because they refuse to go to a theater during COVID-19, C. Hardly any reviews at all, and D. Those that did go to a theater to review it were probably biased to write a bad review because of the film’s history and are still pissed off that they didn’t get a screener. So who ya gonna trust? Regular people like me that aren’t quite professional critics that can and will brave a trip to the theaters. And ones that will judge a movie fairly and don’t have an agenda de-testing theaters and trying to essentially destroy their day jobs. So what do regular people think of the movie? Eh, we think it’s okay. In parts it is actually quite good. But it isn’t as bad as real critics are making it out to be, calling it “the worst X-Men film ever,” or “dumb dumb, so fucking dumb.” No, for us that easily goes to Origins: Wolverine or the abysmal, abysmal Dark Phoenix. This movie will unfortunately be known for its history more than the final product: being filmed back in 2017, 20th Century Fox at the time and producer Simon Kinberg at odds with the director, them almost scrapping the movie altogether and starting from scratch, setting up reshoots that never happened, endless delays in its release date, 20th Century Fox being bought by Disney, Kinberg’s awful Dark Phoenix receiving terrible reviews and hardly any money, and then Disney having the original director come back and edit and finish up the film, supposed to have come out in April, COVID-19 fucked things up again, and then just finally dumping the film out when theaters decided to re open even though the pandemic isn’t over.

At the end of the day, The New Mutants slightly works for me because of the characters, the acting, and the 2nd half with the action and special effects was actually quite thrilling. However the story, unfocused tone, and lack of scares really didn’t do it any favors.Per IMDB, it describes The New Mutants as: “Five young mutants, just discovering their abilities while held in a secret facility against their will, fight to escape their past sins and save themselves.” The real big problem with the movie is the story. There isn’t much of one except the relationship journey of the characters as they’re escaping the facility. There are demons haunting them in this “asylum” like place, but there weren’t any demons until this new young patient came along. So it’s pretty easy to figure out the film’s “secrets” and what happens during the rest of it only ten minutes in. After a really awful looking and blurry beginning, and once all the new, young mutants meet, it’s all their about their personalities eventually learning to accept each other and work as a team. The personality angle absolutely works and along with their acting, makes up for what doesn’t work, which is quite a bit. This movie was marketed from the get-go as being a “scary movie” X-Men Universe film. There are some horror aspects in this film, and one or two things work well, such as the tall and lanky Smiley Men (you’ll see), but other than that, there are absolutely no scares in this movie, not even cheap jump ones. It’s the Breakfast Club stuff that works. Since we all know that Disney will now transition the X-Men to the MCU since they own the characters now, this is going to be the last film in this universe.

And even though there are only a few small references to the past films, there aren’t any big cameos from anyone you know, but fortunately the movie’s story ends and doesn’t really set up any sequels. I’m thankful Disney won’t play with and fuck up the timeline anymore than its already been fucked up by pedophile Singer and co. Brand new slate. There is even a nice LGBTQ love story in this, between Game of Thrones’ Maisie Williams and Blu Hunt’s characters that was well fleshed out and felt realistic. And Anya-Taylor Joy is bad ass in this as Magik, with her dead on perfect Russian accent. I also enjoyed Stranger Things’ Charlie Heaton’s southern twang drawl. Their interactions with each other and their dialogue are the best parts of the film, and kept me interested the whole way through. Alice Braga, as this asylum’s doctor, is kind of ho-hum until near the end of the film. Wish it would’ve given her a little more to do other than just inject the kids with syringes. And again, the 2nd half is much better than the first. The first takes awhile to get going, but once it does it chugs along at a decent pace, and then once the 2nd half hits it was smooth sailing till end credits. The 2nd half had pretty damn good special effects too. Although I’ve heard of conflicting reports about writer/director Josh Boone’s personality, I think I can safely say that I’m happy he got to complete his vision without it ultimately being tarnished by the studio…other than it’s dumped release. It’s not top tier X-Men, it isn’t even middle tier X-Men (see my ranking of all 20th Century Fox X-Men Universe films below), but it was better than a handful of the lower tier…which really ain’t half bad when you think about it. But then again, how hard is it to be better than fucking Dark Phoenix?

My ranking of all the 20th Century Fox X-Men Films:

Logan
X2
Days of Future Past
First Class
Deadpool 2
The Wolverine
X-Men
Deadpool
The New Mutants
Apocalypse
The Last Stand
Origins: Wolverine
Dark Phoenix

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: ALL TOGETHER NOW (Netflix)

ALL TOGETHER NOW has a very generic first half but the move is saved with its emotional 2nd half and a strong performance by Disney’s Moana…err, I mean Auli’i Cravahlo. And when I say a generic first half, I mean generic. Per IMDB’s log line of the film: “An optimistic high schooler with musical aspirations must learn to accept help from her friends to overcome her personal hardships and fulfill her dreams.” I mean…in the words of Chandler Bing…could that description BE any more generic? Let’s try Wikpedia’s description…shit, it doesn’t have one…well what about Rotten Tomatoes?: “An optimistic, talented teen clings to a huge secret: She’s homeless and living on a bus. When tragedy strikes, can she learn to accept a helping hand?” There we go, a little better. IMDB’s log line and All Together Now’s generic poster of Moana and her friends together and laughing in the back of a van is very misleading. Those friends, other than the male love interest, are hardly even in the film. To go a bit further with the description of the film, she’s homeless with her mother and she’s lives in a bus because that is the mother’s job, a school bus driver, and they come back late at night when no one is at the lot and fall asleep in the seats. There are plenty of things that the movie gets wrong in the first half. It’s all very cliched dialogue of how Moana is a good person, doesn’t ever accept help and can hide her secret by distracting people from conversations; of course her mom wants them to move back in with her drunk and abusive boyfriend, and you know the scene where they are supposed to get caught sleeping on the bus to advance the plot further? Nope, not there. Apparently it just happens to the mom off screen and she just tells her daughter they can’t stay there anymore because she was caught and fired. There are also several narratives of a school talent show that Moana was organizing to get the school band a new tuba and then her cliched relationship with a stubborn old white lady (played at least to perfection by the great Carol Brunett) in a retirement home that seemed like it is going through the standard cliched motions. But then the movie sucker punches you, hard. Very hard. Something happens that you don’t see coming.

And I’m not going to reveal it here. You’ll will know what I mean if you decide to take a chance on it. After that low blow punch in the feels, the movie completely pivots, and even though is still a tad predictable where it ends up going, there were still some surprises in store I didn’t see coming, the narrative earns your emotions, and the dialogue and acting from others start to match Moana’s and bring everything together to a solid close. Part of the movie reveals that Moana is a really talented musician (no shit?), and even though she is poor, she gets invited to audition for a top tier music college and she has to fly to Philadelphia for it. And while I guessed correctly some of the threads that were going to end up happening with that trip, I made a grand prediction what would happen to the climax with it, and I was dead wrong. I’m glad the narrative proved to me that I was going a bit too fast with it. All in all, this is actually a half way decent one time watch from Netflix, and if the plot and narrative don’t end up winning you over, Auli’i Cravahlo’s performance definitely will. She is more than just a voice actress, and I’m glad she has proven herself. Looking forward to more (and hopefully better) live action projects in the future. Speaking of performances, Fred Armisen has a bit part in this as one of Moana’s teachers. It is the most straight laced I’ve ever seen in a performance from him, as he’s a weird human being in general. However…some of that weirdness still seeped through and I wish they had cast someone else in that small role. This movie happens to be based off a novel (and he co-wrote this screenplay) by Matthew Quick, who also wrote the novel which was turned into a masterful movie called Silver Linings Playbook. The novel also has a better title than this movie, “Sorta Like A Rock Star,” which makes more sense in the long run the further the movie chugs along. Silver Linings Playbook this is not, but I guess the silver lining to that is maybe it just didn’t need to be. It’s fine on its own.