Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: THE WRONG MISSY (Netflix…also a Happy Madison production, so you can already see where I’m going with this)

Let’s do a Happy Madison Production check list shall we? If you don’t know what Happy Madison Productions are…you must’ve been quarantining yourself long before COVID-19. As a refresher, Happy Madison is Adam fucking Sandler’s production company that he started after his first several crude and crass comedies did huge business. He took the ‘Happy’ from what is probably his most beloved film, Happy Gilmore, and then took Madison from Billy Madison, his first foray into feature films that abundantly featured man childishness, and boom!, there you have it, his production company. Really, arguably, the only good Happy Madison movies are the early ones: 50 First Dates, Mr. Deeds and Funny People…and I’ll throw a couple of guilty pleasures in there like The Hot Chick, Little Nicky, Click and The Longest Yard remake (Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison, The Wedding Singer, The Waterboy, Tommy Boy, Black Sheep, A Night At The Roxbury, Wayne’s World 1 & 2, Dirty Work & Big Daddy are not included in these because the production company wasn’t formed until Deuce Bigelow: Male Gigolo in 1999, and those were mostly produced by Lorne Michaels and are kind of considered Saturday Night Live films). That’s it, that’s all that is good. Out of Happy Madison pictures you only get 7 to 10 half way decent films (you could put Grandma’s Boy in to get to the latter, but I didn’t really care for that film, I see the appeal though). Out of 50, yes I counted. OUT OF 50. That’s 20%, MAX. And out of those 50, only one is a genuine rom com masterpiece, ironically being 50 First Dates. That is not a good track record. If you go on Wikipedia, and start counting how many Happy Madison production films you like out of those 50, and you get to anywhere above 15…you are a dumb shit. Sorry, but you are. You don’t know good cinema, and you should stop watching shit now. Anyway, sorry for berating you, let’s get to that checklist that makes a Happy Madison film a Happy Madison film, and not in a good way:

the whole excuse to have this movie is Adam Sandler and co. can go on an all expenses paid vacation while shooting another unfunny disaster
if Sandler is no where to be seen, you can bet that his wife has a small role and that 5 to 6 of his dumb ass hack no talent friends, such as Nick Swardson, Rob Schnieder, Vanilla Ice, etc. show up in dumb cameos/small roles (the vacation is for them too you know)
poorly written crude and crass humor that stopped working in 1999.
unfunny over the top unbelievable situations that would never happen in real life
a psychotic character that somehow normalizes in the span of two minutes and has absolutely no character development whatsoever
if David Spade is in it, and if he isn’t playing Joe Dirt, he looks bored out of his mind
since Chris Farley is dead, one of his unfunny brothers show up
lazy direction
you can blame the entirety of the awful experience if you watch one of these on Adam Sandler and Adam Sandler alone.

THE WRONG MISSY checks off ALL OF THESE BOXES. This movie is an unmitigated disaster and easily one of the worst films of 2020 if not THE worst. I would rather watch The Main Event again than this absolutely unfunny garbage of a movie. I can only give this movie one little shred of credit, and that goes to who plays the woman named Missy herself: Lauren Lapkus. She plays the psychotic character in the checklist I just mentioned, she is basically co-lead along with David Spade, and she gives it her all. I completely believed she was a nightmare person that I would never, ever, ever, ever want to hang around with let along meet in real life. Like you don’t want to watch the movie, but you can’t take your eyes off her performance as you are wondering…did they give her actual drugs before each take to get her THAT crazy? The only way I would recommend watching this movie is to just fast forward to the parts with her in it and just see how bat shit crazy her performance gets. It’s a wonder to behold, I have never seen an actor/actress go to that level. It was an experience…I just wish it were in a better film. The Wrong Missy has a stupid premise and quickly gets all the characters to a exotic resort so that all the directors, producers, actors and their families can just go on vacation when Tyler Spindel yelled cut: A man accidentally invites a crazy blind date from his past who shares the same name as the woman of his dreams to his work retreat.

David Spade plays the straight man again, and I usually love when he does so (see guilty pleasure: Lost & Found, NOT a Happy Madison production!), but in this, he couldn’t look more like he wanted to kill himself if he tried. I bet it was all frowns on camera, and then once it was vacation time, his mood probably brightened up a bit. The second Adam Sandler’s friend, Nick Swardson, shows up in this, I rolled my eyes and knew it would be another awful Happy Madison film (and he shows up early in this film with a continual unfunny running joke of he basically knows all of Spade’s characters media passwords and spies on him because he has nothing better to do). There’s every kind of crude and crass joke that has been over done in this: loads of dumb dick & fart jokes, old tone deaf rape jokes, throw up jokes, threesome sex physical Three Stooges comedy jokes, constant disgusting lazy sex jokes, constant disgusting lazy sex jokes, and constant disgusting lazy sex jokes. And it goes on and on and on and on, not one character sympathetic and absolutely no one you can relate to, except if you’ve been on multiple awful dates with a person and just want to get to ghosting them so they leave you alone, and maybe hope to give them a hint to change their behavior, but they won’t, and they will never, ever learn.

Oh, and predictability. Don’t forget that. This movie is the most predictable movie since…I don’t know what. You know that the correct Missy, played by an underused gorgeous Molly Sims, is going to show up at one point, and Spade will realize that he wants to be with the lunatic he’s spent countless minutes trying to get rid of because of a forced 2 second character development where the wrong Missy shows that she can be normal for two seconds…so after those two seconds…I guess Spade decides to fall in love with her character? OH GOD, somebody fucking kill me please. This thing was one long, annoying, unfunny, obnoxious, stupid, lazy, uninspired, unmotivated 90 minute piece of shit. Awful. If you know your Happy Madison production movies, I can only say that it is maybe a step above disasterpieces such as Sandy Wexler or the boring The Week Of. And that is only because of Lauren Lapkus’ bat shit crazy performance as Missy. Watching a couple of those scenes should be your only foray into watching any of this. If you end up watching the whole thing, and think it is actually a decent fucking movie, something is wrong with you and you need to just stop and quarantine yourself even more than you already are. Anybody who likes this movie is stupid. STOO-PID. The Wrong Missy is the wrong movie to be on your Netflix cue. You should really rethink your life if Netflix recommends this title to you. Either that or you need to make sure to hit the thumbs down after you watch the movie to make sure bullshit like this never shows up on the Netflix main screen ever again. Fuck you Adam Sandler…FUCK. YOU. You better be glad that Uncut Gems was that good and not a part of your production company.

Zach’s Zany Movie Review: BAD EDUCATON (HBO)

I think this is my first time reviewing a original HBO film or a movie that premiered at the Toronto International Film Festival and then was bought and released by HBO. One of the two, but I know this is my first time reviewing something like this as I had to add an HBO tag to it. Anyway, that was off topic, BAD EDUCATION is a fantastic movie, and dare I say, the best original film to premiere on HBO…ever. Well, from what I’ve seen anyway, you may know of something better. The film is based on a true story and it follows the largest public school embezzlement in American history and the beloved superintendent of New York’s Roslyn school district and his staff become the prime suspects. Some are saying its a dark comedy while others are saying its a dramedy, where I saw a straight drama with just a unintended absurd joke here and there that may or may not have been intended to be funny. Whatever you want to categorize the film as, it is great and you should watch it. And you should watch it without watching any footage of it whatsoever, trailer or tv spot, and definitely do not read HBO’s log line of it right before you hit play as I think it ruins some of the fun. It is absolutely downright shocking how much some of these people got away with for so long in this movie and it all came crashing down because of one pep talk and one sibling being a real motherfucking idiot.

The film stars the fantastic Hugh Jackman and also features Alison Janney and Ray Romano. Jackman plays the superintendent who wants his school, Roslyn, to be number one in the country and/or state (I forget which because I don’t think it was exactly said and/or I missed it?) with ivy league college acceptances of highschoolers. So much so that when one of the people in his administration is outed as embezzling money from the school, he wants it taken care of quietly as to not out the school to the public. Part of his problem? A junior in the high school paper that decides to not do just a new puff piece of this school “skywalk” project and instead she digs a little into the school’s pending budget. If I say anymore I’ll ruin it, but just trust me, the movie is fantastic. I was enthralled from beginning to end, and I don’t think I looked or played on my phone once during the movie. That’s saying something. Now while realistically speaking, the film is directed well by Cory Finley, stylistically wise it is kind of a let down when comparing it to his first feature film debut Thoroughbreds, which had more of a artistic flare so to speak. This film seems like anyone could’ve just pointed and shot it with a gritty filter to make the film feel dated even though it takes place in 2002. But I will say that with that movie and this in tow, he is definitely a A+ solid actor’s director.

Because the performances make this film fantastic. Everyone does a great job. Alison Janney is reliable as always, Ray Romano keeps proving that he was too good for his own sitcom all those years ago, and that Hugh Jackman has a hell of a career post Wolverine. While I wouldn’t say that this is his best performance (will always think it’s Logan, sorry) it is pretty damn close, making us feel for the character, yet questioning his every move and reasoning behind it throughout the film. The script is nice, tight, smart, witty, and concise and the film moves at a very legitimate pace. Not too fast where it feels like the whole thing was rushed and not too slow where it would just bore the viewer with too much information. Instead the movie does the very smart thing where it doesn’t just tell, it shows, and that makes all the difference in the world with some movies. I think HBO is offering a bunch of its content for free right now and I believe this is a part of that package. So if you can find HBO or HBONow or HBOGO I would highly recommend you check this out if you have the time. The whole movie has a very well placed message in the aftermath of such a huge scandal such as that one and it doesn’t bonk you over the head with it every few minutes. Bad Education contains good education on what definitely NOT to do in such a huge position of power. Karma is definitely hiding just around the corner.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: NEVER RARELY SOMETIMES ALWAYS

Here is another one of those films that I’m going to praise for the realism, the script, the acting, the story, the content, the realism, the realism, the realism aaaaaaand the realism, and I’m going to say it deserves all the praise it is getting from critics, but I will never have the urge to watch it again, because it was really hard to watch. NEVER RARELY SOMETIMES ALWAYS is a movie about the journey to a character’s abortion, but it’s realistic in the sense that nothing really outlandish, Hollywood spiffed up, or bombastic happens in the movie. It is basically the Boyhood of abortion movies. We only get hints and small tid bits about this 17 year old girls life (Autumn), with no definite answers other than that she finds out she’s pregnant, she definitely wants an abortion because her current sex partner is probably abusing her, so her and her cousin (Skylar) go to New York to get the abortion because in Pennsylvania if you are under 18 to have you have a parent or legal guardian sign off on the abortion and she doesn’t want anyone in her family to know. It’s a road trip/hang out kind of film, but one that is dark, dirty, grungy and depressing. There is no decent male character in the film, in fact, I would say that while you really feel bad for this girl, and you appreciate that her cousin goes the journey with her to get the procedure done, the characters aren’t really that likable, even though realistically they could be relatable to someone you know. It’s a movie that also doesn’t try to change your mind whether you are pro choice or not, it is just merely showing you a realistic situation for what happens when a decision like that is made.

Which is good because I don’t really care for films that try to push you hard politically or hot topic wise one way or another. And abortion is a really hot topic among people, so I was surprised to find that this film really walked the line very well and didn’t really cross to either side (don’t worry, will not be voicing my opinion on any real life issues on here). The film kept my attention even though it was really slow, but it kept my attention because it was all very believable. Especially the acting, which other than Autumn’s father (Ryan Eggold from The Blacklist and New Amsterdam) and the boy her and her cousin Skylar meet along the way (Theodore Pellerin, Boy Erased and a bunch of other small things), I think that it was every one else’s acting debut. The girl who plays Autumn, Sidney Flanigan, is incredible in her role, and it shocks me that this is her debut, especially in a powerful, powerful scene in the middle of the movie where the title of the actual movie comes up, if she gets an Oscar nomination if nothing else comes out the rest of this year, I really wouldn’t be surprised. Everyone is great here, role big or small, it all felt realistic, like our eyes were just constantly following two regular girls out in the regular world. And the script and direction by Eliza Hittman is good to. She has a knack for realism behind the camera, and I look forward to anything she makes in the future.

And just to be clear, I am recommending this film and think it deserves all the praise it is getting. I just couldn’t personally ever watch it again because it was hard to watch because everything felt so sad and depressing. I wanted Autumn to go to a psychiatrist after all was said and done to talk to someone just to get her mentally healthy again. I wanted her to go to the cops and tell them what all the abusive men in her life had done to her to get some sense of justice. But this isn’t a Hollywoodized film like that. I knew it wouldn’t show something to that degree. It’s just a little glimpse, a couple of days really, into the life of a 17 year old girl who finds out she is pregnant and wants an abortion because we find out she is physically and mentally abused by her current sex partner. We jump in and jump out in the flash of an eye, and I just don’t ever want to jump in again, and feel down like that. The film is PG-13 and not too long at only an hour and 37 minutes without credits, but I felt like with the subject matter, it might’ve been best if slapped with an R rating, but that’s probably just me. If the subject of abortion and possibly seeing a little of one will really upset or bother you I highly don’t recommend you watch this film that won a special prize at Sundance this year for “Neo-Realism”. Never will I reveal what I really think about abortion, rarely will I want to watch a film about it again, sometimes I will watch one if it gets a bunch of acclaim, and will always give it praise where praise is due. It’s a very good, well made and well acted film, but I can’t even put it in my top twenty films so far this year, because I know I would never watch it again.

P.S. Wanted to say this was one of those theater at home movies that appeared on streaming services to rent only for $19.99. It is the only film that went down in real price to $9.99 (for which I then decided to check it out), and that is probably because it wasn’t getting many hits at the price it was at. Studios take note, price the rentals where you’d think it would get the most money in the first place. I guarantee you those who rented this at the $19.99 price a week or two ago are pissed just based off principal.