Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: UNFORGETTABLE

I could do the predictable and say that UNFORGETTABLE is ultimately forgettable. But that’s too easy. In fact, Unforgettable is unforgettable. In being at the end of the year I won’t be able to choose between this and The Bye Bye Man as the worst film of the year. Quite a conundrum. But not only is Unforgettable one of the biggest piece of shit films I have ever seen, it just cements my position that Katherine Heigl is one of the worst actresses in the history of motion picture cinema.

Do I really need to explain the plot of this horrid cancer cell? It’s another deviation of Basic Instinct, Fatal Attraction, Swimfan, etc. etc. etc. The thing that I can’t wrap my mind around is why Rosario Dawson actually acts in this film. In fact, she is the only reason why this isn’t one of the worst films of all time. She looks like she wants to be there and looks like she is actually trying. The performance was too good for a movie of this caliber. Rosario Dawson is a hugely underrated actress, and I feel the only reason why she did this is to get her name more out there. But don’t you think that playing Claire Temple in the Marvel Television Cinematic Universe is enough?

Rosario Dawson aside, nothing about this film is good. The plot is terrible, the film is slow, everything is predictable, it has a shitty stupid obligatory unnecessary sequel set up scene, the ending and fighting between the two girls is laughably bad, all the characters are stupid, the dialogue is horrid. Seriously, the only thing good about this is Dawson. You’ve seen this movie a thousand times since the 60s. There is nothing new about it. In fact, I don’t understand why it was called Unforgettable and not just Psycho Barbie. None of this film makes any sense.

Which brings me back to bashing Katherine Heigl. Because of her attitude in real life, her career has taken a very shitty turn since Knocked Up and leaving Grey’s Anatomy. No one wants to work with her, no network wants to pick up her shows anymore (her last show was cancelled after two episodes), and anything she does is completely toxic. And this movie seems to maybe show how she in real life. Terrible. In a movie like this you want the bad person to maybe be a little bit emotional, or have any sympathy to him or her. But no. Katherine Heigl is just a bitch in this, and her acting is like a live animatronic. It’s horrid.

The whole movie is horrid. If you have any interest to see this movie whatsoever something is wrong with you. There is a weird Heigl riding horse scene with creepy music that made no sense whatsoever I started laughing my ass off. I don’t even know why I’m talking about this anymore. If you watch this film, like me, you’re an idiot.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: THE LOST CITY OF Z

I know Charlie Hunnam mostly from Undeclared, when he first entered the Hollywood scene and I saw him in Pacific Rim. I have never watched one episode of Sons of Anarchy, and basically just know that he’s the guy that left 50 Shades of Grey and is going to be King Arthur. So when I say his performance was magnificent and his best, you probably can’t really take my word for it , so you need to see for yourself. But I promise you, in THE LOST CITY OF Z, Charlie Hunnam, is so great, that in the 90s or early millennium he probably would’ve gotten nominated for an Oscar for Best Actor and could’ve won.

He is utterly fantastic in this. And Robert Pattinson brings us his best performance to date, but considering he was Edward in Twilight, isn’t really saying much either, but trust me, he’s good too. And the movie is good as well. Maybe not utterly fantastic as some critics are saying (they are saying that it “hearkens back to classic exploration epics), but much, much better and more entertaining than some other adventure/exploration movies in the past such as Australia and Hidalgo. You probably haven’t heard of this film either, but it’s about a man, who family name was tarnished by his father, goes to map unknown regions in South America only to become obsessed with the Amazon and goes back and back again to try and find an unknown advanced civilization that may have inhabited the region.

When the film focuses on Hunnam, Pattinson, and the Amazon, the film is utterly brilliant. The main problem I had with the film is that when the film goes back to his life with his wife and kids, it loses some of it’s focus and basically becomes a “you are a brave man but you are abandoning your family” cautionary tale. Which is fine too of course, however, it spends WAY too much time with his wife and kids and I just wanted more Amazon. Director James Gray and the cinematorphy from Darius Khondji make the entire beauty of the jungle completely stand out with awe inspiring shots. And while it does have some harshness of what happens on an expedition and the mind set it could take on a human being, there isn’t enough of it, and this film is 2 hours and 20 minutes long.

I really really liked this film a lot, and it is a must watch, but I don’t think it is a full on masterpiece like it could’ve been. The movie is at it’s best with Charlie Hunnam, he’s so amazing here that it gives me hope for King Arthur which kind of looks like rubbish. I don’t know how this film would’ve fared without him and I don’t want to think about it. Thankfully the film nails the landing with the end and doesn’t have multiple ending like I have seen in the last couple of films that were supposed to be ‘epics’ as well. Sienna Miller and Tom Holland (who only shows up when there is 45 minutes left and not enough time to care for his character) are good here as well, especially Miller, who I think is still an underappreciated actress.

But do go see it if you like exploration films and such. Don’t expect a lot of action, because there is hardly any, but do expect a lot of awe with filmmaking and the Amazon in general. It’s a tale of bravery, boldness, hope, and confidence. And while it isn’t a masterpiece, it is a very good film that is at least memorable than the other stuff earlier in the year. And if you are a girl and are in love with Charlie Hunnam, yeah, you’re gonna want to see this.

Zach’s Zany Movie Reviews: THE FATE OF THE FURIOUS

In a quick quarter mile of a sentence: if you’ve loved Fast Five and forward, you are going to love THE FATE OF THE FURIOUS (should’ve been title THE F8 OF THE FURIOUS, but whatever). The movie has incredible non-realistic yet kind of realistic action, funny comic-relief, a decent story, a much more utilized Jason Statham, a great villain in Charlize Theron, and plenty of the word”family” to go around.

To be a little controversial, I even thought it was better than Furious 7. Yes, even with that Paul Walker tribute at the end. Out of all the fresh new ones (Fast Five forward), I always thought Furious 7 was good but a little incomplete and probably my least favorite of the revamped installment of the series. Not to diss on Paul Walker, because he is definitely missed in this installment, but with the last film, it bothered me when I could completely tell that he hardly filmed any scenes for the movie, and more than 50% of it was CGI or body doubles and edited in an awkward way to try and get people not to be able to tell it wasn’t him. Just felt like it was scrapped together really quickly when they probably should’ve taken a little bit more time to figure out how to write around his death.

The only weird edited thing this has is trying to keep Vin and Dwayne away from each other off set because of their ‘beef.’ Anyway, back to the movie. The only way you are going to love this film like I did is if you completely turn off your brain and just let whatever happen happen. Previous bad guy’s turning good even though they killed someone. Okay, I’ll bite (I completely still think that Han isn’t really dead). A sub missile skimming the ice and then Dwayne Johnson being able to steer it with his foot into a bad guy’s vehicle? Sure, why the hell not? A bunch of cars being hacked into all at once, falling out of buildings and also being able to drive side by side with computerized guidance systems? It wasn’t realistic but it sure was fucking awesome! This movie is completely Jeremy and outside vents in Divergent if he’s reading this. Jeremy, this movie would drive you nuts.

And why Dom is helping Cipher (Charlize Theron) and turns bad? I won’t ruin it here but it was not what I thought it would be. I just assumed she had Brian O’Connor held hostage off screen, but what they ended up doing surprised even me and wants to give screenwriter Chris Morgan a little more credit than I’ve given him.

I won’t ruin anymore of the actions scenes, but every single one of them is ingenious and very exciting. The film, even though they show a lot in the trailer, still has many twists, turns, cameos, and cool surprises. While new characters played by Scott Eastwood are okay but maybe will be fleshed out more later, returning characters like Kurt Russell make the movie cooler and more refreshing. The real two stars of the film are Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham. Their chemistry in this film is incredible, with Johnson getting the most screentime he has gotten in a Furious film, and Jason Statham getting to shine in this film when he should’ve shined in the last one as well but was very underused. A sequence with him on a plane is one of the highlights of the film.

There are some awkward unneeded parts, like Dwayne Johnson at his girls’ soccer game, they probably could’ve bene cut out, but all in all I really loved and enjoyed this film. Basically, if you can’t stand these films, this one won’t change your mind, but if you love them like I have, this one just keeps the franchise engine running full throttle without braking.

Ranking of Films:

Fast Five

Fast & Furious 6

The Fate of the Furious

Furious 7

The Fast and The Furious

Fast & Furious

The Fast & Furious: Tokyo Drift

2 Fast 2 Furious