OKJA, just like the previous directors efforts of Snowpiercer and The Host, is a weird little fantastic film. I actually loved this movie a little bit and it is definitely Netflix’s best original movie that it has released yet (which is nice after that God awful War Machine film with Brad Pitt). If you haven’t seen Snowpiercer or The Host, I suggest you watch those films from director Bong Joon-Ho first before digging deep into this film. His films have a grand-smallish scale that brings a lot of weirdness but treats it as if it is absolutely serious. I can’t believe Okja isn’t being released in theaters, because it deserves to be, although I guess Netflix is changing everything about the game as we know it.

If there is one, no two reasons to not miss Okja, it is the peformances from Tilda Swinton and Jake Gyllenhaul. Swinton has two roles as the Mirando sisters, CEO’s of a giant company looking to solve world hunger but also hiding its dirty little secrets to get to that point. She plays the sisters as psychotic and socialistic with one having the personality of a much older grown woman and one with the personality of a teen that gets upset when she doesn’t get what she wants. And the performance is fantastic. Gyllenhaul’s performance might be a little turn off for some. He plays a zoologist and TV personality that is in league with the Mirando sisters. He plays it as if Ace Ventura and Brian Fellows (Tracy Morgan’s character on SNL) has sex and had a baby. It is an off the wall bonkers performance that I can’t decide if it was brilliant, annoying or both. Hearing him screech is a thing that needs to be heard at least once.

If you don’t know what this film is about look into trying to watch a trailer for it. Basically, a girl, with her grandfather, have been raising Okja since birth. Okja is a giant, giant pig animal experimentation hybrid that was made by the Mirando Corporation in ways to solve world hunger, by eating them when they grow up. How it is going to solve world hunger? I’ll let the movie explain that to you if you see it. Anyway, Okja is being used as a patsy to get the world hunger project from getting off the ground and is being brought to a giant parade celebrating the movement in New York City. The girl, named Mija, just loves Okja too much and wants her as a lifetime companion and goes to find Okja when she is taken away from her.

Then you of course have Animal Right Activists looking to free Okja while also exploiting the evils of the Mirando Corporation. And that gang is played by Paul Dano, Steven Yeun (Glenn on the Walking Dead), and Lily Collins. Their performances are all good, but they mostly play it straight and don’t go too off the book in regards to what they have done/played before. The movie itself acts like a giant chase film, with a couple of big action sequences, heartfelt revelations, and a couple of twists and turns.

To warn you, this movie is Not Rated on Netflix, but it would certainly be rated R if it were in theaters. This movie is not for kids. There are F words a plenty and we do go inside a meat killing floor facility at one point. There is also a scene where Okja is forced to breed later on down the road. But what I loved about the film is that the ending is bittersweet. You get what you expected but then there is that added layer that brings up so much more conflict, but in reality, a little girl couldn’t do everything for everyone.

But the movie was fun. It’s sweet, horrifying, heartfelt, heartbreaking, and just plain enjoyable. It also is a film that makes you think. And while some of the weirdness is a little absurd, it does make sense in that particular universe, and while weird, it is also very serious (you’ll see). Out of Bong-Joo Ho’s films I still like Snowpiercer better, but this is a very close second.  I do like how he is making a hybrid of Japanese and American film atmospheres and techniques. Definitely better than the big budget epic action failure that The Great Wall tried to accomplish. If you have Netflix or know someone that has Netflix, it comes out tomorrow and I suggest checking it out. It is the best their original films have had to offer so far other than their TV shows.

If John Wick Chapter 2 was the coolest movie of the beginning of the year, BABY DRIVER is unarguably the coolest movie of the summer. It’s not only one of the year’s best films (right under John Wick 2 in fact), but the fact is that if you are reading my review, and don’t go see it in a theater with an incredible atmosphere and sound, then you should probably never go to the movies again (unless you have a great excuse like you’re old or you have kids). If you don’t see Baby Driver, you frankly cannot say that you are a movie lover. Because it is a crime to not see this film. Baby Driver is 100% great with absolutely no flaws whatsoever. Great story, great acting, great characters, great shots, great camera work, great dialogue, great soundtrack, great action, great unexpected surprises, great ending, great everything. It’s one of those movies that won’t just be commercially successful but will also be considered a classic many years down the line. It is also Edgar Wright’s best film hands down. Yes, better than Hot Fuzz and Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World.

Baby Driver is a movie that you won’t be able to stop talking about. You won’t be able to stop talking about how the entire movie is basically choreographed to the music that Baby listens too. You won’t be able to stop talking about the action sequences. You won’t be able to stop talking about the great villains this film has. You won’t be able to stop talking about certain deaths and surprises on who the true villains are. You won’t be able to stop talking about the dialogue and our hero and his lady. You won’t be able to stop talking about the excellent soundtrack (tied this year with Guardians Vol. 2). The only time you will stop talking is when you are actually watching the movie.

Anyone who ruins any of the surprises this film has to offer should be bitched slapped…hard…and twice. From the trailer it looks like you might know where the film may go, and you might hear yourself in the film going “ah ha, I know where that will lead.” But you don’t. Not even close. The trailer doesn’t even come close to selling the awesomeness that is this movie. At my screening, their were many gasps, laughs, “oh my God’s” and everyone applauded at the end. This is a star making performance for Ansel Egort and Lily James has never been better either. Kevin Spacey completely rocks the socks off Wright’s dialogue, Eiza Gonzalez steals the scenes in which she has something to say, and even though Jon Berenthal isn’t in the film much, his character makes an everlasting impression.

But let’s talk about Jamie Fox and Jon Hamm. Holy Hammer of Thor, do these two gives their best performances. Jamie Fox makes an incredible villain that you will love to hate and keep begging that the movie gives him some sort of comeuppance. Jon Hamm also goes against type here as well as one of the criminals that Baby has to drive around, and Hamm really really shines when he is angry and has some revenge on his mind. There is a saying that a movie is fantastic if it can bring memorable villains that are equal to the hero’s and neither outshines each other during the course of the runtime. This is that perfect movie that balances all of that to a tee.

And the pacing of this film is masterful. It’s almost two hours and everything just clicks, clicks, clicks together like a perfect puzzle piece. The romance is just as interesting to watch as the action sequences and that is hard for a lot of movies to pull off. Baby Driver is a straight up masterpiece. It’s a film I could watch over and over without ever getting bored. I couldn’t use it just as background noise because I would end up watching the whole thing and not getting any chores done at home. But you need to see this. Actually, you HAVE to. Preferably at a Alamo drafthouse but if not, a theater that has good sound and people won’t talk or text during it. Everything about this movie is cool. Cool Cool Cool.

BEATRIZ AT DINNER is the 2nd film in a couple of weeks to break what I call the cardinal sin in filmmaking. And it does it again during the climax, and brings us an ending that is not as strong or memorable. Ugh, but if you want to read me bitching about this “cardinal sin” over and over again read my review for 47 Meters Down, because I’m tired of talking about it. What is really frustrating is that this film was written by Mike White, who has done great things along with films such as School of Rock and Orange County. Instead of bringing great dialogue, original ideas, and a really engaging story, here he brings us very plain words, a not so original political debate and a ho-hum story, albeit with some great performances.

Basically to some up the plot is that this rich family has this really grand personal dinner with close and wealthy friends/business people, and their lower class medical practitioner (played by Selma Hayek), who is giving the wife a massage earlier in the afternoon, her car breaks down and the wife invites her to stay for dinner until a friend can arrive so that she doesn’t have to pay an insane amount of money for a tow. Needless to say the medical practitioner is a little weird and clashes with one of the guests (played by John Lithgow) because he is a shady business enterepeneur.

Selma Hayek is fantastic in this and it is probably one of her best acting roles of her career. And John Lithgow is fantastic as always. It’s just that this movie is so bland. If you are going to have one of those movies where the film takes place in an enclosed area and you are going to have the story played out in conversations, those conversations better be pretty damn interesting. Alas, the conversations in this movie are not. Very bland and uninteresting. Hayek complains about stuff, and she leaves the room, she comes back and complains again, and leaves the room. Nothing really truly escalates to the point where it needs to escalate.

And the ending could’ve salvaged some of the film, but instead of taking it where it needed to go, it took it in a completely bizarre, unwarranted, and unearned ending. Combine that with the cardinal sin of filmmaking and you just have a very forgettable mediocre piece of film that amounts to absolutely nothing. A character does something right before the movie cuts to end credits that was so bizarre and unearned and full of cowardice that I have a feeling that Mike White completely pulled it out of his ass because he had no better way to end the film. I’ll tell you the better way, the better way would’ve been to have that cardinal sin be real. You’ll know what I mean if you ever see this movie.

But in the end, I don’t recommend that you ever see this movie. This is a talkie movie where the talk sucks and makes you want to go to sleep. Where great performances are left to die, desperately wanting to be in other and better films. And it’s a shame because Mike White is a really good screenwriter. He wanted to do a dark comedy, but the the comedy that there is is small, and the dark part of it is unearned. I was going to rate It Comes At Night the most mediocre film of the year, but perhaps I was too early to call that type of judgment. Because I would certainly watch that film again before I ever would this one. Blandest of the bland.

I think director’s love taking the actor/actress that hasn’t worked or done anything halfway decent in a long long time and using that one comeback movie to show audiences how excellent that person had been once upon a time. Tarantino did it for Travolta for Pulp Fiction. Darren Aranofsky did it for Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler. And just recently Alejandro did it for Keaton in Birdman. Not Brett Haley is doing it for Sam Elliot in THE HERO. Sam Elliot is basically one of the three names that you associate with Western other than Eastwood and Wayne. And what’s funny about this movie is that he is basically playing an actor, now just a memory that was a bonafide Western star back in his day. But Sam Elliott is incredible in this…but the movie is only really okay, serving up way too many cliches for the film to be considered fantastic.

Which is a shame because there are parts in this film that are really great. Nick Offerman as Elliot’s buddy from long ago drug dealer is good. Krysten Ritter as Elliot’s estranged daughter is good. Laura Pepron as Elliot’s love interest is good. The acting in this is 150% solid. But let us count the cliches: 1. Elliot’s character is looking for work and roles to get him out of his acting funk. 2. He wasn’t there for his family when he was younger and is still making mistakes with them now. 3. A deadly diagnosis. 4. A start at redemption. 5. A possible way to get back major into the business. And at 90 minutes, some of these cliches keep the film from having a balance of pace.

There are a couple of unexpected things that happen including the ending, but I just don’t feel like it was enough to save the film from being a pretty damn good one time watch…and then completely forgetting about it a year from now. I did buy Prepon’s character, so much younger than him, being attracted to him and caring about him, I just wish that their interactions went a little deeper than the cliched conversations about age and dying.

Not much to say about this film as it is really pretty short and saying anything else would tell you what happens during the entire movie, and I am not one to do that. If you are a huge fan of Sam Elliot and the stuff that he does I would totally recommend trying to see this film at least once because Elliot does go out of his comfort zone to deliver something extraordinary. Other than that, if are are bored and see this at a Redbox or maybe on Netflix, you wouldn’t be wasting your time, but afterwards you’d probably never watch it again.

There is so much to say about this film I don’t even know where to start. I think I’ll start by saying that people need to stop bitching about Zack Snyder. Although people think Zack Snyder is a sub par director who only knows how to shoot action and doesn’t care about storyline, plot, acting, etc., etc., etc., need to shift their focus to director Michael Bay.  Snyder is at least trying. Batman V Superman doesn’t even really have all that much action in it. He tried he best to tell a interesting tale about two clashing superhero’s and to many people he failed spectacularly. Bay doesn’t care about anything except shots and what looks cool? Good acting? Fuck it. Good story? Fuck it. Logistics? Fuck it. Realism? Fuck it. That should be Bay’s motto, “fuck it.” At least it should be for the Transformers films. Why he keeps doing them is beyond me, especially since after everyone he says he’s done but ends up coming back anyway. He has only done two original films since the first Transformers film back a decade ago, Pain & Gain and 13 Hours, which those are actually halfway decent. I just think Paramount is afraid to hire anyone else because they are afraid that no one can shoot action like him. Paramount, forget the fucking action and bring us a cool entertaining story. Because with each Transformers sequel, Bay just keeps remaking the first film over and over again. Cinematic, STD bukake that just doesn’t work anymore. TRANSFORMERS: THE LAST KNIGHT, while better than Age of Extinction and Revenge of the Fallen, is still a colossal sized piece of shit.

I am going to explain the plot to you like I would to a five year old, without getting into any specifics, and I will have described each Transformers film: Some object/weapon/thing/what-have-you can either help Earth or destroy it, whether it is in the hands of the Autobots or Decepticons. Yep. That’s about it. Do I need to explain to you that the object this time is an alien staff that was supposedly used by fucking Merlin in Medieval times? Nope. And if you laughed thinking about that, you had the same reaction I had watching it unfold in the theater. Bay even has Merlin be a drunkard that talks like a 17 year old trying to score some smack in a side alley next to his local 7-11. Do I need to tell you that Mark Wahlberg is picked by an ancient Transformer to be the last Knight to help find this staff and save Earth? Nope. Did you laugh at that too? Or that his love interest in this film is a woman that happens to be a direct descendant of Merlin that is the only human that can touch and wield the staff? Now you have probably keeled over in your chair laughing. Combine all that with drones that are a complete rip off of Tie Fighters in the Star Wars films, a butler droid to Anthony Hopkins character that is a sociopathic rip off of C-3P0 from the Star Wars Films (at least they do admit this in the film), and some kind of Transformer submarine that finds a giant alien ship in the ocean that for some reason nobody has ever found, with a finale that wait, get this, takes place mostly in the air instead of the ground this time, and you have Transformers 5.

It truly is laughable. But what is also interesting is that Bay cannot excite me with his action shots anymore. With this film and the last, I have actually almost nodded off several times, looking at my watch, desperate for this movie to end. Sure, everything looks very pretty. I do not deny that Michael Bay knows how to shoot stuff and make everything very pretty. But that is all he can do. Bay is not a storyteller. He is a commercial hack director that only cares about style over substance, and that the style eventually leads to a hefty paycheck. There are rumors that he might direct Bad Boys 3, and while I love what he did with 1 and 2, this time, I hope that the studio finds someone else.

This is all over the place. Especially with false marketing too. The early previews made it seem like it was going to tell a new story about a young orphaned girl that had a cute little sidekick broken Transformer that went along the entire ride, a new heroine, and that Mark Wahlberg would just be along for the ride to add some familiarity to the Transformers universe. Wrong. It starts out that way, but then the girl is abandoned for the rest of the film, until the very end when her little sidekick robot is really needed, and the film becomes entirely Mark Wahlberg’s. And Mark Wahlberg does what he can with the script. I am sure he was just doing this movie as a favor because him and Bay are like really good buddies now. But even though Wahlberg does what he can, he still looks like he doesn’t want to be there. John Tutorro is also in the film for absolutely no reason whatsoever other than to add familiarity to the project, Wahlberg’s love interest played by Laura Haddock, is just ass and cleavage eye candy to Michael Bay’s camera, and Josh Duhamel is trying to save his career even though someone needs to tell him it’s already over.

You can’t distinguish any of the Transformers between one another because they all have the same fucking personality. Even Optimus Prime sucks now. And by the way, he’s hardly in the film either until the very end. Bumblebee is the only interesting Transformer anymore and they are probably going to ruin it with this projected spin off. Now I need to get to Anthony Hopkins, who just gave us an incredible performance in Westworld. What the fuck was in Hopkins brain when he decided to take on this role, I have no idea, but he looks like he was smoking crack throughout the whole thing, and the only one that looked like he was having nonsensical fun on the set. Yelling at people, cursing like a sailor, and just being weird, Anthony Hopkins was the only half way entertaining part about Transformers.

And what the fuck is with the marketing calling this the end of the Bay franchise? It did look like the wrapped everything up, and I signed with happiness, until a after credit sequence completely fucked everything up to make it seem like there will be another sequel and that Bay might just suck it up and do it again because, “it is his baby.” Does Bay not realize that every single ending of his film is the same? Where the object that both the Autobots and Decpticons want is in the little area and there is this battle to get to that area and steal that object. It’s the exact same ending as Dark of the Moon, except that it is in the sky and not in the ground.

Transformers: The Last Knight is a terrible fucking movie. Terrible. It rapes all of childhood’s over and over again, and Michael Bay is just laughing as he fucks us all to death.  He thinks he is fucking us pretty but instead we don’t even blow the rape whistle anymore because we are THAT bored with it. I can’t believe Hasbro keep endorsing his shit. But then again, they endorsed the God awful, Battleship movie, so I guess if the money keep coming in they’ll endorse whatever makes money. Fuck you Michael Bay. Fuck you.

We all know that ALL EYEZ ON ME is trying to ride on the very recent success of 2015’s Straight Outta Compton. Let me get this out of the way first: I am not very familiar with Tupac Shakur’s music, or am very familiar with his life, nor have I seen Notorious (the actor who played Biggie reprises his role here), but I did love Straight Outta Compton. The real question is: was this a fast made product rushed into theaters so that way Straight Outta Compton wasn’t out of people’s minds yet or can magic really be recreated that quickly? A little bit of both. All Eyez On Me has the potential, there are several scenes that are as powerful as some scenes in Straight Outta Compton, however this film, even at 2 hours and 20 minutes, felt rushed. Really rushed. And all that leads to this conclusion: while Straight Outta Compton has tremendous focus, All Eyez On Me’s focus is all over the place, which makes it a little bit of a disappointment.

There is a great Tupac Shakur movie somewhere in there. In fact, if this movie was about extended another 40 minutes, maybe even clocking in at 3 hours and 30 minutes, this might’ve been a masterpiece. Instead, this movie seems like it might’ve been butchered in the editing room. For example, Lauren Cohen, from The Walking Dead, is third name billed in this movie, yet she has literally less than 90 seconds of screen time. She plays one of the people that first got Tupac his start with Digital Underground. And we are told this, yet she’s in the movie for less than 90 seconds. I feel maybe she was meant to be in there 15 to 20 minutes but her part was cut. You have also probably heard by now that Jada Pinkett doesn’t approve of the movie because of how they portrayed her and Tupac’s friendship. She might be right. The person that plays her is hardly in there as well, and their relationship is told to us rather than shown to us, and she is maybe in the film less than 5 minutes. Her character is gone for 100 minutes, and then she randomly shows up at the end to argue with Tupac backstage, which according to the real Jada Pinkett, didn’t really happen.

Sorry, my review isn’t really focused and is going all over the place. And that is the point I am trying to make. The movie goes from womb to grave, and the genius of Tupac probably shouldn’t have been reduced to just 2 hours and 20 minutes. It maybe should’ve been a limited series on HBO or Netflix. We are told and shown some of the stuff that made Tupac genius and inspirational…but not enough. And the stuff we are shown, is in and out within a snap of your fingers. The movie also spends wayyy too much time when Tupac is in prison for a rape charge that he supposedly had nothing to do with (no judgement here). While it proved a point or two, I don’t think it warranted 30 minutes, where I and the audience could’ve used 30 minutes added on somewhere else.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a terrible movie by any means. It is completely watchable and at times very engaging. It’s just all over the place and not focused. What Straight Outta Compton did right was focus on the very beginning of N.W.A. and then was smart to stop right after Easy-E’s death. It didn’t show any of them from birth or much of the aftermath afterward, and that made the film solid, tight, and perfect. Maybe this film should’ve focused on when he first started to his death and cut out some of the childhood fat. I don’t know. Like I said, I think a limited series would’ve been perfect for this.

The performances are all spectacular. The actor that plays Tupac, Demetrius Shipp Jr., not only looks like him, but portrays him perfectly with the actual Tupac footage that I have seen. Danai Gurira, another Walking Dead alum (she plays Michonne), as Tupac’s mother, is spectacular as well. There is no problem with the acting here. And no problem with the music either. It is all re enacted to absolute perfection. But Tupac’s true message about what he was trying to do gets lost somewhere in the film, and you can blame it on the film not being solid. The story would at times would contradict his message and then there wouldn’t be any message at all at times, and it was all very frustrating.

This movie is just too all over the place and rushed for me to recommend really. Maybe a one time watch, but it isn’t continually watchable like Straight Outta Compton is. This movie does want me to check out Notorious though and see Biggie’s side of the story. If you are going into this looking for maybe more info on Tupac’s death, you might be disappointed. The movie kind of gives you several suspects, and let’s you maybe try to guess what happened on your own. But if I want to watch a truly great biopic about rap and its legends, its strong message, and its solid focus, I will always put in Straight Outta Compton, and All Eyez On Me will probably never enter my mind for me to stick it in my blu ray player.

So other than Jurassic World (overrated to some) and Safety Not Guaranteed (good but too small to measure), this is the last films we get from director Colin Treverrov before he starts making the final installment of the new trilogy, Star Wars Episode IX. A lot of reviews on the internet are being very unkind to this film, in fact the hatred is so bad that there are now petitions to get Mr. Treverrov to be fired from co-writing and directing Star Wars, nervous that he’s going to fuck it up worse than Return or Revenge. While I am a little nervous that this filmmaker doesn’t have a lot to warrant this final film in the trilogy (I think they should’ve just kept Rian Johnson), I don’t think THE BOOK OF HENRY is that bad of a film to warrant him getting kicked off the project. In fact, I don’t think the film is bad at all, it is actually pretty decent. Not enough to warrant a buy from me, but saying that this film is “beyond ludicrous” is pretty ludicrous in itself.

It is just a simple family tale that does change tones several times throughout the film, however, I do feel those tone changes are warranted. If you watch the trailer to the film very, very carefully there is a twist that happens mid movie that you’ll be able to see happen from far away. But then again, a person that loves movies such as me, it is hard to get things past me anymore. But the tone is light, charming, and funny at the beginning, tragic in the middle, and a little thrilling in the end, but goes full circle and back to light and charming at the end. But like I said, the film earned it. I mean, with all the superhero shit, sequels, rip offs, remakes, reboots, you would think that something a little original that people would embrace, and if not think it’s fantastic, at least appreciate it for what it tries to do.

And the reason that the films works more than it should is the acting. Naomi Watts, Lee Pace, Jaeden Lieberher, Sarah Silverman, Dean Norris and Jacob Tremebley are all solid and at moments, incredibly moving. Nothing over the top or outlandish. I think the plot point of Naomi Watts, with an “elaborate” plan from one of her sons, setting out to kill her neighbor who is sexually molesting his step daughter. The way that plot point ended I thought was the most logical, and if it would’ve ended any other way, it probably would’ve brought the film to the true outlandishness these critics are thinking that the film actually brings currently.

It’s just a story. A lot of stories you have to leave your brain at the door, suspend your belief, etc., and if you don’t and take everything seriously, you’re not going to enjoy yourself. At some points, yes, you have to suspend your belief with this film. But for me that was okay, but I thought the film was entertaining for what it was. And with people worried that Colin is also writing Episode IX, he didn’t even write this movie, just directed it. Now yes, it worries me that he did co-write the overrated Jurassic World, but I don’t think Lucasfilm would bring him aboard if they didn’t have some confidence in him. Now they could always fire him, they did that to Josh Trank, but I think that was more to his behavior on the Fantastic Four set than it was on the actual product. Every actor that has worked with Colin seems to have enjoyed it, and he does bring out good performances, so I mean, let’s give the guy a chance. If he does fuck up Episode IX, then we can bring the pitchforks.

But in conclusion, The Book of Henry isn’t something to rush for the theater for. But it isn’t the abomination that the critics are making it out to be. In fact, it is a enjoyable afternoon Netflix watch. And something you pay attention to, not just put on in the background while you are cleaning your house. The quick 105 minute runtime flies by, and the ending ending of the film might bring a lump in your throat or two. But as we have all realized with Heath Ledger, some other casting and directing choices, we could be surprised. So let’s give Colin a chance, because really, he hasn’t made a terrible film yet.

Everyone knows that Pixar’s Cars series is basically a prostitute of the highest order. It is an unashamed sell out whore in all of the Disney company. These films are made specifically to cash in on the toy market. Little kids love the damn Cars toys more than they do the actual movies. And this wouldn’t really matter, if the Cars films were actually any good (the first one kind of is, the second one is abysmal trash). And so we are given a Cars 3, before we even get an Incredibles 2, which is bullshit. And while Cars 3 is a lot better than the STD infested Cars 2, it is so utterly predictable and filled with recycled plot points, twists, and storytelling devices, that if you take your kids to see it, you might want to use protection.

I don’t think Disney will appreciate that I’m comparing their Cars series to disease infested prostitutes but I don’t think anyone at Disney will ever read this review. Let me give you a brief insight one why the first and second Cars movie don’t really work. The first Cars movie is a personality redemption story that had been done too many times before it. Ego-driven person/place/thing ends up as a fish out of water at a place they’ve never been too and redeems his/her/itself by the end of the film and everyone/everything involved comes out the better. The voice talent, effects, and some of the emotion saved that film from being complete drivel, into something halfway decently watchable. The 2nd film made the mistake of taking it’s focus from character Lightnin’ McQueen and instead shifted it to the more annoying Tow Mater, the Jar Jar Binks of Pixar. And the fact that it tried to move that character into a stupid predictable recycled spy storytelling plot was even more ludicrous and lame.

So now we come to the third Cars movie, and while it does right by the switching the focus back to Lightin’ McQueen, it films acts like it is really Cars 4 or 5, recycling the “I’m so old story but I can still make a comeback/be kickass” plots we have gotten from Indy 4, Rocky Balboa and Creed, Live Free or Die Hard, basically any movie franchise well past the third movie where the actor/actress has gotten old and have to prove themselves. And by doing that, everything about Cars 3 is predictable. EVERYTHING. The movie starts out by this new race car name Jackson Storm winning the races over McQueen, and McQueen gets so frustrated by this he tries too hard one race and ends up crashing pretty badly. He then wants to use the non-racing season to get back to what he once was and even better, just to beat Jackson Storm. See where this is going? Even Jackson Storm and other racers start to use the “new technology” storytelling angle to be better racers, while McQueen prefers the old school, analog way. The only really exciting scene in the movie is where Lightin’ McQueen and his new trainer Cruz go to this Demolition Derby (shhhh, they don’t know it’s that, they think it’s a regular race) and compete not to get smashed.

If you don’t see the ending coming, then you don’t go to enough movies. Going down this road and being this predictable doesn’t make the film not watchable, because it is, but it makes it kind of lame and not really all that exciting. Which for a Pixar film, is a crime. The only other Pixar films that are in league with the Cars films for being okay and not that great are probably Monsters University and The Good Dinosaur. Both of those combined with the Cars films are definitely on the very bottom of the Pixar greatness totem pole.

The effects are good and the voice acting is solid, and I like the way they basically made Tow Mater’s role in this akin to Jar Jar Binks in Attack of the Clones, but none of that is enough to sustain this film. We need more original Pixar films (thankfully one called COCO comes out this fall). We don’t need Toy Story 4, or a third Finding Dory, and depending on the quality of Incredibles 2, we might not need that either. What happened to great story ideas like Inside Out? That film is a masterpiece and isn’t a sequel? Can’t we just keep doing original content and go back to doing what Disney did in the 90s and if there is a sequel make it inside different animation studio owned by Disney and make it direct-to-video (thank God they did that with Planes)?

Disney/PIXAR, if anyone is reading this, please for the love of God don’t make a Cars 4. I’m tired of these non-original entries from your company. John Lassiter needs to go away and you need to hire new writers and directors with fresh ideas. We need great films from you again like Inside Out, Wall-E, Ratatouille, Up, and so on. Stop making these films just because you are killing it in the toy market. Parents, stop buying your kids Cars toys so we stop getting this mediocre schlock from Pixar! Buy them Hot Wheels (which are better toys) instead. If we keep going down the same road, we are going to get the same results. Time to take a detour.

47 METERS DOWN was an okay one time watch….until it broke THE NUMBER 1 CARDINAL SIN OF MOVIE MAKING!!!! And it is a cardinal sin of the highest order. Movies stopped doing this in the 90s it was so bad, and the only other movie that has done it (that I can remember) in the 2000s was Repo Men starring Jude Law and Forest Whitaker. Aron Seeley, if you are reading this you know exactly what I am talking about. And it bugs me that I can’t tell you this sin, as it is a major spoiler for the film and really the only twist that the movie had to offer. I will give it credit for not just ending on that said twist and for going on a little bit longer to wrap some things up, but the twist was still a cardinal sin. And because of it I cannot recommend this film, at all.

And that’s a shame, because there are a lot of things to like about the movie. Claire Holt and Mandy Moore are actually really good in this (even though when Mandy Moore is freaking out and breathing hard it sounds like sex noises). The shark effects are the best I have ever seen. The movie does bring about real tension even though that tension is cliched and has been dumb before. And at 85 minutes, the movie doesn’t overstay its welcome.

That being said, along with the cardinal sin that it makes in the movie, there is a lot to not like about the film. Even though the acting is good, the characters are extremely fucking dumb. They make so many dumb God damn choices in this movie I didn’t want them to make it out of their situation alive. The beginning was slow and the movie set up a relationship divide between the two sisters that really didn’t pay off in the end (the cardinal sin is partly to blame). There is a little fling with the two guys that get the girls on the boat to go shark sight seeing that really didn’t pay off either. Didn’t establish any relationships with them and after the girls go into the water they aren’t really seen all the much again. And when they are it’s again part of the cardinal sin.

The cardinal sin also ruins some of the great tension that the film brought along with it. Not all of it mind you, but about 10 minutes of it. If you’ve seen Repo Men or have followed the context clues I have given you, you can probably figure out what the cardinal sin is. If you have no clue, and see the movie, you will know when it happens, and then shake your head in shame.

If they can take those shark effects they used in this film and put them in a better film, it could be one of the best shark films ever made. In my mind, there are only two shark films worth seeing, JAWS and DEEP BLUE SEA. Never has a shark film even come close to beating those two classics in the ocean thriller genre. The Shallows, which I did not care for, is better than this film. And you know what all three of those sharks movies have in comparison to this one? They didn’t break the cardinal rule of film making/storytelling. There were many ways that this film could have went without having to go that route, and I can’t believe they didn’t take them. I can’t recommend this film because of it. And unfortunately I will never forget this film because of it either.

I was really looking forward to Rough Night. Even though it looks like a lighter version of a baby making session between The Hangover and Very Bad Things, I love the cast of lovely funny ladies, and am always up for some weird hilarious hijinks. It pains me to say that the movie just ended up being a somewhat chuckle worthy but entertaining one time watch. It seems as though the script was just borrowed from better films and tried to recycle some dick, drug, and fart jokes and have it be more shocking just because it is coming out of Scarlett Johansson’s mouth. I just didn’t laugh out loud all that much because the jokes and the hijinks were just not original. I’m fairly certain they even completely ripped off Weekend At Bernie in some scenes. However, the movie was still salvageable because of all the very funny and lovely ladies involved and one other thing the trailer is not showing you, that ended up being funnier than the girls adventure.

That’s right, what the trailer doesn’t show you is bits and pieces from the male side of the bachelor parts, which I thought was funnier than what the script had in store for the women. This one the one smart thing the script did, was turn a lot of sexist and stereotyping on its head. When the movie went to Johansson’s fiance, Bo Burnam and the best use of diapers as comedy since Raising Arizona, the movie kicked into high gear with the laughs. I won’t get into that situation other than that. The problem I had with the girls’ story is that the script didn’t really take any risks. Without being too spoiler-y, before the incident with the dead stripper arrives, and I mean RIGHT BEFORE, you can tell where the film is going to go by the way one of the characters acts. I don’t think a lot of the general audience is going to notice, but when a twist at the end is revealed, it really wasn’t a twist, as I knew that twist was going to be a possible way for the girls to get out of their situation.

I wanted the script to take more risks. There could’ve been better and smarter ways for the girls to get out of their situation. And better and smarter ways = better hijinks and genuinely funny (and not forced) moments. There is a situation with Demi Moore and Modern Family’s Ty Burrell that could’ve gone a bunch of different places, but instead went to a very cliched and obvious resolution. It was a little disappointing. But as for the girls themselves, I loved all of them and they honestly tried to make the material in the script work. They looked like they had a fun time making the movie, and it shows here.

Scarlett proves that she can do comic and not just be a superhero all the time, although she proved in better in Don Jon. Jillian Bell is….well Jillian Bell here and nothing new acting wise out of her but I’ve always found her hilarious and she brings high energy to this. I love Broad City (which is funnier than this) and Ilana Glazer brought her comedic skills in tact here. And Zoe Kravitz, who I have never seen in a comedy before I think, did fine here as well. And Kate McKinnon, I love her in anything she does, and in this she is one of the better parts of the movie, playing it as an Australian friend of Johansson’s that isn’t too into American culture.

It’s just that the movie could’ve been so much more with a little more focused writing and better, non recycled jokes. It is completely watchable and entertaining, and the guy’s side of the bachelor party is well worth a early bird/matinee ticket price or a one time watch somewhere else. Especially the diaper scenes. I’ll recommend the diaper scenes alone. My expectations were high, and they usually always will be for R rated comedies, because you have the R rating, so you need to take it places that shows off that beautiful restriced goodness and even push boundaries to get to that NC-17 rating. This movie didn’t really push anything, and the entire problem was with the script. But hey, if you ladies out there need a date night with your girlfriends, this movie is perfect for you and I recommend seeing it on that fact as well. You might enjoy it more than I did. Oh, and stay just a little bit after the credits for a funny song by Kate McKinnon. So again, in summary, one time watch for me, might be funnier for you. Depends on your mood and if you’ve had a rough night yourself.